- [At Alex's wake]
- Michael: Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come.
- Sam Weber: [Sam enters a room where Nick is up late watching TV] What's this?
- Nick: I'm not sure.
- Sam Weber: What's it about?
- Nick: I don't know.
- Sam Weber: [Sam shakes his head, pats Nick on the shoulder, then sits in a nearby chair] Who's that?
- Nick: I think the guy in the hat did something terrible.
- [shot of TV shows a man being thrown through the glass window of a door; all the people on the TV screen are wearing hats]
- Sam Weber: Like what?
- Nick: You're so analytical! Sometimes you just have to let art... flow... over you.
- [Sam rolls his eyes]
- [about men]
- Meg: They're either married or gay. And if they're not gay, they've just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they've just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They're in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they're tired of space, but they just can't commit. Or they want to commit, but they're afraid to get close. They want to get close, you don't want to get near them.
- Michael: [Michael enters the kitchen, sees Sarah standing in front of the open refrigerator] You know, that's the problem with these things. You have to watch them every minute.
- [Takes a small carton of milk from the refrigerator]
- Michael: Oh, hey, did I miss Karen and Richard?
- Sarah: No, just Richard; Karen's staying for the weekend.
- Michael: But not Richard?
- Sarah: Went back to be with the kids.
- Michael: Oohhhh, interesting. What did Richard have to say about that?
- Sarah: Michael, if you're going to sleep this late, you're going to miss a few minidramas.
- Michael: I just hope you'll wake me for anything really ugly.
- Richard: [Richard is having a late-night snack while talking to Sam and Nick] There's some asshole at work you have to kowtow to, and you find yourself doing things you thought you'd never do. But you try and minimize that stuff; be the best person you can be. But you set your priorities. And that's the way life is. I wonder if your friend Alex knew that. One thing's for sure, he couldn't live with it. I know I shouldn't talk; you guys knew him. But the thing is, nobody said it was going to be fun. At least, nobody said it to me.
- Karen: I know this is hard but it's all beautiful.
- Sarah: Yeah we put on a great funeral here.
- Michael: [sarcastically] Yeah, maybe I'll have mine here.
- Sarah: We give first priority to people who kill themselves in one of our bathrooms.
- [the three stop smiling]
- Sarah: That was a terrible thing to say... I don't know why I said that.
- Sam Weber: In Hollywood, I don't know who to trust. I don't know who likes me or why they even do like me.
- Harold Cooper: Well you don't have that problem here.
- [Sam smiles]
- Harold Cooper: You know I don't like you.
- Michael: Me neither.
- Meg: Ditto.
- [Gets up and leaves the room]
- Harold Cooper: So relax.
- Sam Weber: [Rolls over on the floor, on his back, and pulls off one of his boots] Assholes.
- Sam Weber: Hey, Nick? You know, we go back a long way, and I'm not gonna piss that away 'cause you're higher than a kite.
- Nick: Wrong, a long time ago we knew each other for a short period of time; you don't know anything about me. It was easy back then. No one had a cushier berth than we did. It's not surprising our friendship could survive that. It's only out there in the real world that it gets tough.
- Nick: Since when did you get so friendly with cops? Harold?
- Harold: You know you're fuckin' stupid? Stupid, yeah. First off, that cop has twice kept this house from being ripped off. Happens to be a hell of a guy. And you...
- [turns away]
- Nick: Come on, Harold. What is it?
- Harold: What is it with you? Is jail another "experience" you want to "try?" See what that's "like?" You know, I live here. This place means something to me. I'm dug in. I don't need this shit.
- [last lines]
- Michael: You see, Sarah, Harold, we took a secret vote. We're not leaving. We're never leaving.
- Autograph Seeker: Are you J. T. Lancer?
- Sam Weber: No, that's just a character I play. I'm Sam Weber.
- Autograph Seeker: Well, can I have your autograph, whoever you are?
- Sam Weber: Don't you think we ought to be thinking about Alex?
- Autograph Seeker: I'll give you a buck.
- Sam Weber: Okay, you're on.
- [Karen laughs]
- Sarah: I know he wasn't happy. That doesn't tell you much. I'd no idea how bad it was. I think he purposely wanted to cut off from all of us because he was so unhappy with where he was at.
- Nick: Hm.
- Karen: Is that true, Chloe? Did you feel that?
- Chloe: I don't know. We had some good times. I haven't met that many happy people in my life, how do they act?
- Nick: Mm hm.
- Minister: And now, Karen Bowers, an old college friend of Alex', will play one of Alex' favourite songs.
- [Karen starts playing "You can't always get what you want", and the others slowly start to smile]
- Michael: [Dialogue in video being watched by several characters] Nobody thinks they're a bad person. I'm not even claiming that people always think they're doing the right thing; they may know that they're doing something dishonest or insensitive or manipulative but they almost always think that there's a good reason for doing it. They almost always think it will turn out for the best in the end, even if it just turns out best for them, because by definition what's best for them is what's best. In addition, you instantly come up against the question of style. My style may be too direct, perhaps given my style I seem more nakedly opportunistic or jerky or... what was the other thing?
- Sam Weber: Manipulative?
- Michael: Whatever, really all that's happening is I'm trying to get what I want. Which is what everybody does, it's just that some of their styles are so warm or charming or sincere or otherwise phony that you don't realize they're just trying to get what they want. So you see, my transparent efforts are in a way much more honest and admirable.
- Sam Weber: Why is it what you just said strikes me as a massive rationalization?
- Michael: Don't knock rationalization; where would we be without it? I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex.
- Sam Weber: Oh come on, nothing's more important than sex.
- Michael: Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?
- Minister: Are not the satisfactions of being a good man among our common men great enough to sustain us anymore?
- Michael: [entering kitchen on the group's final morning together] Sooo how'd everyone sleep last night? DID anyone sleep last night?
- Richard: I mean, nothing like you described. Not at all. Not one of those people - looks like I thought they would. I can't believe these are the same people you've been talking about all these years. Really. I'd love to hear the way you describe me to *them*.
- Nick: That's a crock of shit! We're afraid just the opposite is true. Alex died for most of us a long time ago.
- Sam Weber: I think you're a crock of shit. Don't speak for me or anybody else here. You hate your life. That's your problem. Don't tell us how we feel, okay?
- Nick: That's it. That's all I'm saying.If I hate my life, it's my problem. Too bad you weren't around to comfort Alex as compassionately.
- Karen: How about you Michael? Tell us about the world of big time journalism.
- Sam Weber: Yeah.
- Michael: Well, where I work we only have one editorial rule. You can't write anything longer than it takes your average person to take an average crap.
- [everyone laughs]
- Michael: I'm getting tired of everything I write being read in the can.
- Harold: People read Dostoyevsky in the can.
- Michael: Yes, but they can't finish it.
- Sam Weber: I'm hungry. I had this really dirty dream.
- Nick: Was it about Karen?
- Sam Weber: Why do you say that?
- Nick: Why should anything have changed?
- Sam Weber: You're the one she always wanted.
- Nick: In the old days, I wasn't emotionally equipped to satisfy her. Now, as we all know, the equipment doesn't work at all.
- Sam Weber: [wincing] Why do we have to talk about that?
- Sam Weber: You alright?
- Chloe: Yeah. I'm a little disappointed though, I wanted to ride up there. I always wanted to ride in a limo.
- [Michael and Sam exchange a look]
- Michael: I do half my work in limos.
- Chloe: Are you a chauffeur?
- Michael: No I'm a journalist.
- [Sam starts to laugh]
- Michael: I write for People Magazine.
- [Looks at Sam]
- Michael: I can't believe you're still mad about that thing.
- Sam Weber: Michael this isn't the time. Let's just drop it.
- Michael: I will if you will. You know at this day most of all we should remember we're friends.
- Sam Weber: Alright, alright.
- Chloe: And you're an actor?
- Sam Weber: Mm-hm.
- [Michael starts to laugh]
- Harold: Getting away from you people was the best thing to ever happen to me. I mean, how much sex, fun, friendship can one man take?
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