The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (1983 TV Movie)

David Alexander: Charlie Bradley

Quotes 

• Hobie : I don't know what shepherds wear.

  Charlie Bradley : You have to wear your father's robe. That's what I have to do.

  Hobie : He doesn't have a robe.

  Charlie Bradley : What does he hang around the house in?

  Hobie : His underwear.

• Charlie Bradley : Hey Leroy, you want my dessert tomorrow? You want it the next day? You can have it! At church, we get refreshments all the time. Chocolate cake and cookies, ice cream...

  Leroy Herdman : Oh, yeah? Who gives 'em to ya?

  Charlie Bradley : The minister.

  Leroy Herdman : Why? Is he crazy?

  Charlie Bradley : No. I think he's rich.

• Charlie Bradley : I am not going to be a shepherd.

  Grace Bradley : Oh, yes you are!

• Charlie Bradley : Mom said Mrs. Slocum was in traction. How can she talk on the phone if she's in traction?

  Beth Bradley : What do you think traction is?

  Charlie Bradley : Like when they put you to sleep.

  Bob Bradley : No such luck.

• Imogene Herdman : Somedy better be Herod!

  Grace Bradley : Imogene, we're going to do this play the way it has always been done.

  Imogene Herdman : [grabs Charlie by the collar]  I know! Let Charlie be Herod. He tells the wise men to kill Jesus, and they say "okay" 'cause he's a king and all.

  Ollie Herdman : But then they don't do it. They go back and get Herod...

  [gesturing stabbing motions] 

  Ollie Herdman : "Take that, Herod! Take that!"

  Charlie Bradley : I'm not going to be Herod!