The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)

Burt Reynolds: Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ed Earl : They want me to close her down, run her out of town. How can I ask her to leave when all I want her to do is stay?

• Ed Earl : Boys, I got myself a pretty good bullshit detector, and I can tell when somebody's peeing on my boots and telling me it's a rainstorm.

• Miss Mona : You know what burns my ass?

  Ed Earl : What?

  Miss Mona : A flame about three feet high!

• [On wearing a Speedo] 

  Ed Earl : Be like putting two bowling balls in a marble bag!

• [On space aliens] 

  Ed Earl : I saw a picture once, of them fellers from, you know, that's supposed to be from up there? Fly around? Tiny little fellers. Bald-headed, little feet, little hands - got no peckers.

  Miss Mona : Got no peckers?

  [Ed shakes his head no] 

  Miss Mona : Well, I ain't interested. I don't think my girls would be either!

• Ed Earl : I'm gonna knock you so flat, you'll have to roll down your socks to shit!

• Miss Mona : Well fine! Then I'm getting dressed and going home!

  Ed Earl : Well fine! I'm going into the bathroom and... put this on.

• Miss Mona : You ain't never gonna be no more than you are right now: a chicken-shit sheriff in a chicken-shit town!

  Ed Earl : You may be right, but it's a hell of a lot better than being a whore.

• Melvin P. Thorpe : The public has a right to know what is goin' on out there, and what kind of payoff you're acceptin' to protect that notorious house of ill repute.

  Ed Earl : First thing. First thing is: you're standin' in Lanvil County, which by my figurin' is about 100 miles west of that stinkhole you call Houston. So I can't see it's any of your business what goes on out here. Number two: you ain't the law around here, and I am! So don't be tellin' me what my GOD DAMN job is, or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll look like the stripes on a barbel poll! Number three: no sawed off little pecker is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live to tell about it! Cuz I wear the badge in this god damn county, SO YOU LISTEN AND LISTEN GOOD you overpadded televisin' turd! If I ever see you or any of those little bastards that work for you in my town again, I'm gonna knock you so flat, you're gonna have to roll down your socks to shit! So get outta here you GOD DAMN WIG-WEARIN' CITIFIED SON OF A BITCH!

  [Draws his gun and begins firing it into the air]