Modern Problems (1981)

Chevy Chase: Max Fielder

Photos 

Quotes 

• Brian Stills : Well, I'll be a striped-ass ape! Max Fiedler!

  Max Fielder : Brian? Wow!

  Brian Stills : How are you, you old egg-sucker? Damn, you look good. How long's it been? Not since high school, huh? Say, where are my manners? This is Dorita. She's from Port-au-Prince.

  Max Fielder : Hi.

  Lorraine : Hi.

  Dorita : How do you do?

  Max Fielder : Oh, Lorraine, this is Brian Stills, an old friend of mine from, uh, high school. Brian, this is my ex-wife, Lorraine.

  Brian Stills : Pleased to meet you, Lorraine.

  Lorraine : Nice to meet you, Brian.

  Brian Stills : [Points to wheelchair]  Admiring the old skateboard? I got my ass blown off in Nam. Crazy damn thing. I was loving this little girl. She was hiding ammo, for the Cong under the bed. I lit a cigarette, woke up in the hospital with medals all over the place.

  Lorraine : God, talk about sex with fireworks.

  Max Fielder : Jesus, Lorraine.

  Brian Stills : No, it's funny, really.

• Darcy : [the camera pans over from a shot of a bottle of champagne and some empty glasses, to Max and Darcy, who are in bed, naked and kissing passionately as they make love under the bedsheets. She is moaning lightly, but eventually she gently pushes him off her]  Alright, Max, wait. I'm feeling a little tense or something. I don't know.

  Max Fielder : I'm not finished yet, honey.

  Darcy : I know...

  Max Fielder : [Whispering]  I'm not finished.

  Darcy : [Whispering, barely audible]  I know...

  [Max begins focusing his powers on Darcy, and she begins moaning heavily. Max backs away slightly as, with his telekinetic powers, he sends her into orgasm. She moans loudly, and writhes in pleasure under the duvet as she orgasms] 

  Darcy : [Moaning]  Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

  [More moaning, before her orgasm ends, and her moans turn into giggles] 

  Darcy : Oh God, Max... Max... God.

  Max Fielder : Like that, did you?

  [He sits up in bed] 

  Darcy : [Still flustered]  Uh-huh.

  [Max chuckles, and starts to put her bathrobe on. He then looks back at Darcy, and begins to work his magic as, off-screen the entire time, she feels another spontaneous orgasm course through her] 

  Darcy : Oh no... oh no. OH YES! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! YES! YES! AH! OH! Oh God...

  [as she orgasms, Max walks into the kitchen to make coffee. Her orgasm ends, and we get a shot of her, half-off the bed, under the duvet, trying to support herself] 

  Darcy : Oh, that was the most incredible thing I've ever felt.

  Darcy : [Before she can recover, Max uses his powers to make her orgasm again, and we see her wriggle on the bed as it suddenly happens]  Oh no, not again! OH! OH YES! OHHH! OH! OH! OOOO! OH! OHOHOH!

  [She lets out a giggle of sexual glee. Max begins making facial movements in time with her moans, such as a series of kisses, and finally, a silent scream, which causes Darcy's orgasm to reach its peak. She screams in ecstasy, and we see her fall back onto the bed, as Max finally allows her to stop orgasming] 

  Darcy : [Panting, trying to settle herself after her orgasms]  Wait... wait... Oh Max...

  [She giggles gleefully] 

  Darcy : Mommy...

  [She keeps panting] 

• [after snorting up a bunch of powder that was supposed to banish the 'demons' from his system] 

  Max Fielder : YES!

  [laughs] 

  Max Fielder : I LIKE IT!

• Dorita : Now, we can do this easy, or we can do it rough. These is knuckles you is looking at.

  Max Fielder : [in demonic voice]  Your mama.

• Max Fielder : I'm starting to see things move in thin air. Like this morning, I think I caused Darcy's coffee cup to slide across the table and crash. And then everything around was shaking and quaking...

  Brian Stills : You trashed the place 'cause you're mad at this Daisy chick, right?

  Max Fielder : No, no, Brian, I did it but I didn't touch anything.

  Brian Stills : Look, we all think we got some monster inside us that's ready to explode any minute. You break things. I masturbate, so what? Same difference.

• Brian Stills : Are you still seeing things move?

  Max Fielder : I'm making things move.

  Brian Stills : Max, could you sit down? I have a crick in my neck.

• Darcy : Max, please, what is the matter with you lately? I was kidding.

  Max Fielder : Look at my face. I can't go to dinner like this. Look.

  Darcy : Your face looks fine.

  Max Fielder : I'm not going. I'm staying up here.

  Darcy : Max. Max, you promised me that you would try to relax and be close to me this weekend.

  Max Fielder : You were only kidding?

• Lorraine : Are you gonna be okay?

  Max Fielder : Oh, yeah, I think things will be okay.

  Lorraine : Good.

  Mark Winslow : Well, not necessarily.

• Max Fielder : [looking at the still-smoldering bullet]  You missed.