Caligula (1979)

Malcolm McDowell: Caligula

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Caligula : I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although I have taken the form of Gaius Caligula, I am all men as I am no man and therefore I am a God.

• [after Macro is decapitated] 

  Caligula : If only all of Rome had just one neck.

• Caligula : Let them hate me, so long as they fear me.

• Proculus : Divine Ceasar, PLEASE! What have I done? Why am I here?

  Caligula : Treason!

  Proculus : Treason? I have always been loyal to you!

  Caligula : [laughs insanely]  That IS your treason! You're an honest man, Proculus, which means a bad Roman! Therefore, you are a traitor! Logical, hmm? Ha, ha, ha!

• Caligula : I hear you have a taste for little boys. Is that not so?

  Chaerea : No Caesar, big boys.

• Tiberius : Do you prefer nymphs to satyrs?

  Caligula : I like both, Lord.

  Tiberius : One needs both, yes, to keep healthy.

• [Caligula is sick with the fever] 

  Attendent : I offer my life if Jupiter will only spare our beloved Emperor!

  Caligula : Jupiter accepts your offer.

  [Caligula turns to his guards] 

  Caligula : Execute him.

• Caligula : [at an orgy]  Longinus, you're not having any fun! Enjoy yourself! What is your preference?

  Longinus : Everything and nothing, Caesar.

  Caligula : You can't have both for the same price.

• [Caligula stands in front of a large pile of documents he's about to put his stamp on] 

  Caligula : I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.

  [stamps document, servant removes it from the pile] 

  Caligula : I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the... senate... and...

  [browses through the large pile of documents] 

  Caligula : the people of Rome.

  [Stamps document, servant removes it from pile] 

  Caligula : . I, Caligula Caesar,

  [starts speaking faster] 

  Caligula : command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.

  [stamps] 

  Caligula : I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.

  [stamps] 

  Caligula : [speaking much faster]  I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.

  [speaking almost unintelligible, stamps between each repeat] 

  Caligula : I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome. Rome! Rome! Rome! Caesar! Caesar! Rome! Rome! Rubbish! Rubbish!

  [calms down] 

  Caligula : I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the senate and the people of Rome.

  [stamps, looks at servant] 

  Caligula : No wonder life's so dull!

• [Caligula's child - who he has just announced as his son - has been born] 

  Drusilla : It's a girl.

  Caligula : It is not a girl! Did you not hear Caesar say?

  Drusilla : I heard the voice of Caesar. But your daughter did not.

• Tiberius : Serve the state, Caligula, though the people in it are wicked beasts.

  Caligula : But they love you, lord.

  Tiberius : Oh, no... they FEAR me... and that is much better.

• Tiberius : It is fate that rules us, Little Boots, not any god.

  Caligula : You are a god.

  Tiberius : No, I'm NOT! Not even when I'm dead.

  Caligula : Julius Caesar and Augustus Caesar, they are gods.

  Tiberius : So says the senate, and so the people prefer to believe. Such myths are useless.

• Drusilla : You are a fool.

  Caligula : Caesar cannot be a fool!

  Drusilla : But he's trying very hard...

  Caligula : Caesar cannot be a fool!

• Nerva : Tiberius, you were wise once.

  Tiberius : Don't taunt me! I am old.

  Nerva : I've watched you grow into a monster! One by one, I've seen you murder your whole family, your friends, the noblest men in Rome.

  Caligula : That is treason!

  Nerva : No, it's the truth.

  Tiberius : I am and always have been surrounded by enemies. In my own family, in the senate... You are cruel!

  Nerva : Honest old men can sometimes see the future. So, from the evils past, and the evils yet to come, I now choose to escape.

• Chaerea : [Caligula is blocked from entering the palace]  Password!

  Caligula : Scrotum.

  Chaerea : So be it!

  [Chaerea strikes Caligula down with his sword] 

• Tiberius : Do you think this boy has been drinking?

  Caligula : I think he has, Caesar.

  Tiberius : So do I. Macro? Bring him more wine!

• Macro : Forgive me, Prince. The emperor commands you to wait upon him.

  Caligula : What does he want?

  Macro : A last look at you, perhaps. He is 77.

  Caligula : May he live forever!

• Tiberius : If someone else had become emperor, I would've been killed... As you will be!

  [Tiberius quickly walks away as Caligula realizes] 

  Caligula : Will be?

  [Caligula runs after Tiberius] 

  Caligula : Will be, Grandfather?

  Tiberius : Would be, if you were not my heir.

• [Caligula is raping Livia] 

  Caligula : Open your EYES, Livia! Lucky girl... to lose one's virginity to a direct descendent of the goddess... I, Caligula Caesar, command in the name of the... Open your eyes, Proculus! Command in the name of the senate-OPEN THEM!-the senate, and the people of... Rome!

• Chaerea : [at an empty battlefield]  There is no enemy.

  Caligula : There is papyrus cane!

  Chaerea : Papyrus cane, divine Caesar?

  Caligula : Yes, papyrus! Don't be so stupid, Chaerea! Order my army to attack and destroy that papyrus!

  Chaerea : Yes, lord.

  Caligula : After all, we must have some proof that I conquered Britain!

  [breaks out laughing] 

• [last lines] 

  [the bloodied Caligula is dying after Chaerea strikes him on his head with a sword] 

  Caligula : [insanely whimpering]  I... live!

• Caligula : Caesar begged you.

• [Nerva is dying] 

  Caligula : Nerva, what's it like?

  Nerva : Warm, no pain... just drifting away.

  Caligula : Can you see her?

  Nerva : Who?

  Caligula : The goddess, Isis?

  Nerva : So you're one of those who believe...

  Caligula : Do you see her?

  Nerva : No.

  Caligula : Are you sure? You're almost dead! What's it like, what's happening to you now?

  Nerva : Slowly... drifting... like sleep...

  Caligula : Liar... you can see her, I know you can! What is she like?

  Nerva : No... Slowly...

  Caligula : LIAR!

• Tiberius : Do you think this boy has drunk enough wine?

  Caligula : I think he's drunk enough, Lord.

  Tiberius : So do I!

  [stabs the drunk man with a sword] 

  Tiberius : Now he is happy.

• Caligula : Speaking statues.

• Caligula : That will be my wife.

  Drusilla : Oh no, not Caesonia.

  Caligula : You're impossible.

  Drusilla : She's the most promiscuous woman in Rome.

  Caligula : Perfect!

• Caligula : Jupiter loves ME!

• Chaerea : Where is Britain?

  Caligula : Where? There!

  Chaerea : Ah, yes, Lord, there.

• Caesonia : They are senators and consuls. They are important men.

  Caligula : So important that they prove all I do?

  Caesonia : They must be mad.

  Caligula : I don't know what else to do to revolt them.

• Drusilla : You will be Emperor. Soon.

  Caligula : And you will be my queen.

  Drusilla : You can't marry your sister.

  Caligula : You can in Egypt.

  Drusilla : But we're in Rome.

• Caligula : I've told Caesonia that I will marry her but only after she has borne me a son.

  Drusilla : How will you ever know it's yours?

  Caligula : Don't worry, I've got her very well guarded.

  Drusilla : Then you can be sure one of the guards will be the father.

  Caligula : No, they're all homosexuals who have been castrated.

• Caligula : Tell me, how is the Emperor?

  Nerva : Old, like me.

  Caligula : I mean, how is his mood?

  Nerva : Like the weather.

  Caligula : But the weather's good today.

  Nerva : Changeable.

• Drusilla : You've got to have an heir.

  Caligula : Who will kill me when he grows up.

• Drusilla : Little Boots. I thought you didn't like virgins.

  Caligula : I've never known any.

• Caligula : I am a god. Or at least I will be when I'm dead.

• Caligula : You took an antidote before coming to my table. Which is tantamount to accusing me of poisoning you.

• Caligula : Ah, Longinus. My financial wizard. We have a question for you. Who're the richest men in Rome? Who? Answer: The pimps. Question number two. Who are the most lascivious sluts in all of Rome? Who? Answer: The senators' wives. So, an imperial brothel. A most logical... way to balance the state budget.

• Caligula : The most lascivious ladies of the Roman Empire have come today... to perform their patriotic duties for all.

• Caligula : Just five gold pieces for each and every twenty minutes. And that's a bargain, because most of the... women here are respectable, married ladies. Senators' wives. Whores of blameless reputation.

• Caligula : Don't waste time. Our senators' wives are not merely beautiful... like their husbands, they are insatiable. And for only five gold pieces, to any one of you. Choice of wives from those who troubled you. Take their wives, use them, abuse them. Do as you will with them.

• Caligula : Almighty Caesar says... to balance the state budget... we shall confiscate the entire estates... of all those who have failed Rome.

• Caligula : Is it true that there is a conspiracy against me, Longinus?

  Longinus : Eh... well, lord... that is... I mean... It seems there is a secret plot.

  Caligula : A plot is always a secret, if it's not a secret, not a plot or a plan. That is logical, is it not, Claudius? Even a half-wit can know that and you are a half-wit.

• Caligula : I think I should have to resign myself to living forever.

• Caligula : That is Logical!