The Muppet Movie (1979)
Frank Oz: Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Sam the Eagle, Doc Hopper's Men, Marvin Suggs, Swedish Chef (assistant), Motorcycle Guy
Photos
Quotes
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Fozzie : [walking into the church and seeing the Electric Mayhem] They don't look like Presbyterians to me.
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Fozzie : Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.
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Fozzie : Hey, why don't you join us?
Gonzo : Where are you going?
Fozzie : We're following our dream!
Gonzo : Really? I have a dream, too!
Fozzie : Oh?
Gonzo : But you'll think it's stupid.
Fozzie : No we won't, tell us, tell us!
Gonzo : Well, I want to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star.
Fozzie : You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star! You go where we're going: Hollywood.
Gonzo : Sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way.
Fozzie : [to Kermit] We've picked up a weirdo...
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Sam the Eagle : Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?
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Miss Piggy : Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
Kermit : Uh... motorcycle cop.
Miss Piggy : "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?
Kermit : A motorcycle cop is chasing us.
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Miss Piggy : [gushing] Ooh, you mad, impetuous thing, it's champagne!
Insolent Waiter : Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.
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Kermit : [asks the waiter to taste the wine for him and Miss Piggy] Will you taste it for us, please?
Insolent Waiter : [tastes the wine, makes a face and spits it out] Ooh! Ah... Excellent - choice.
Kermit : [to Miss Piggy] Should be, for ninety-five cents.
Miss Piggy : [impressed] Ooooh!
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Kermit : Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead there.
Fozzie : What is that?
Kermit : Maybe we should give him a ride.
Fozzie : I don't know, he's pretty big.
Fozzie : [to Big Bird] Hey there, wanna lift?
Big Bird : Oh, no thanks. I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television.
Fozzie : Oh. Hm, good luck.
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[Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electronic beanie]
Miss Piggy : [desperate] Please! Please! Not my frog, please!
Max Krassman : Say goodbye to your frog, pig!
Miss Piggy : Why should I?
Max Krassman : Because in 10 seconds, he won't know *you* from kosher bacon.
Miss Piggy : [furious] That does it!
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Fozzie : Oh, I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Well, then you'll have to get another apartment, won't you?
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Fozzie : [after singing "America the Beautiful"] Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear.
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[Animal roars and scares Kermit and Fozzie]
Floyd Pepper : Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal.
Animal : I want to - eat drums!
[chews on a cymbal]
Dr. Teeth : No, no. Beat drums, beat drums!
Animal : [stops chewing] Beat drums! Beat drums!
[Starts beating his head against that same cymbal]
Floyd Pepper : Down, Animal!
Animal : DOWN!
Floyd Pepper : Back!
Animal : BACK!
Floyd Pepper : Sit!
Animal : SIT!
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Miss Piggy : [as Beaker combs her hair, he comes across a tangle] Ow!
[turns around]
Miss Piggy : Watch it!
[Beaker beeps back hurriedly]
Kermit : [through his megaphone] Miss Piggy, you look beautiful!
Miss Piggy : Thank you!
Kermit : [aside] Hollywood talk.
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Fozzie : Hello, I'd like an ice cream.
Ice Cream Vendor : What do you want? Chocolate, vanilla, coffee, peach fudge, rum, banana?
Fozzie : Honey.
Ice Cream Vendor : Honey? I beg your pardon, I hardly know you.
Fozzie : Ahhhhhhhh! But seriously, I'd like a honey ice cream cone for me, and a dragonfly ripple for my friend the frog.
Ice Cream Vendor : OK.
[handing him the two ice cream cones]
Ice Cream Vendor : One honey cone for the bear.
Fozzie : Yeah.
Ice Cream Vendor : And one dragonfly ripple for the frog.
Fozzie : Yucha.
Ice Cream Vendor : Don't get 'em mixed up.
Fozzie : Gotcha.
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Fozzie : [after he's thrown behind the bar, he pops up wearing a beard and dressed like the bartender]
[Yelling]
Fozzie : Okay everybody, drinks on the house!
Male El Sleezo Patron : Hey, drinks on the house! C'mon let's go!
Fozzie : [as everyone but him and Kermit vacate the place] Yeah. Yeah. Go, go. They're on the house!
Male El Sleezo Patron : [Cut to the roof of the El Sleezo, where everyone else is now]
[Among the confusion and chatter of everyone else]
Male El Sleezo Patron : Wait a minute! There're no drinks up here! What's he talking about? The bartender told us there were drinks on the house!
Fozzie : [Cut back to the interior of the El Sleezo. After Fozzie removes the beard and moustache] Works every time.
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Miss Piggy : Oh Kermie, you were so courageous, so magnificent!
Kermit : Gee, I don't know what to say.
Fozzie : Say the bear was magnificent. After all, I did the driving.
Gonzo : And I took a hundred-foot belly flop onto a moving car!
Miss Piggy : Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command!
Kermit : Gee.
Fozzie : Oh, brother.
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Dr. Teeth : It's the man with the badge, the PO-lice, the cops, the fuzz, the P-I-...
Miss Piggy : Don't you dare!
Dr. Teeth : I wouldn't think of it.
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Animal : IR-RI-TA-TED! IR-RI-TA-TED!
Kermit : Don't worry, Animal, your big scene is coming up.
Floyd Pepper : Yeah, just be cool and eat another seat cushion.
Animal : SEAT CUSHION!
[rips off some upholstery and stuffing at the corner of his chair and eats it]
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Kermit : That's Piggy!
Fozzie : Yes, I know!
Rowlf the Dog : Hey, you do think we should help her with her bags?
Fozzie : Aah, no.
[Everyone]
Fozzie : No, nah, un-uh.
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Animal : [last lines - into camera] Go home! Go home! Bye-bye.
[faints]
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Fozzie : [while driving down the road in the car] Ah, a bear in his natural habitat. A Studebaker!
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Fozzie : I'm a professional. I've had three performances.
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[repeated line]
Fozzie : No problem.
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Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Sound is ready. Gimme a level.
Animal : [yelling through microphone] *TES-TIIIING!*
[we see Bunsen's headphones rattle repeatedly]
Animal : Ah-ha-ha-ha.
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Fozzie : Kermit, where are we?
Kermit : [Looking at a map] Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little black line here, and uh, just crossed that little red line over here.
Fozzie : [after taking his eyes off the road to focus on the map] How about, let's take the blue line, huh?
Kermit : No, we can't take that, that's a river.
Fozzie : Oh. I knew that.
Kermit : Yeah sure.
Fozzie : Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...
Kermit : [Cutting him off] Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?
Fozzie : Yeah?
Kermit : Who's driving?
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Kermit : [after Fozzie parks the car in front of a church and turns it off] Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days.
Fozzie : [Still upbeat] Funny, yet I'm still wide awake!
Kermit : Yup. Me, too.
[Two seconds later Fozzie's head falls back, and he immediately starts snoring. Kermit jumps at that, then shrugs]
Kermit : [quietly] Me, too.
[Drops his head back and settles in himself]
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Floyd Pepper : Yeah, the road manager. We couldn't go anywhere without him.
Fozzie : He's the man with the contacts?
Dr. Teeth : No, he's the man with the van.
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Kermit : [as he and the gang enter his office] Um, Mr. Lord, forgive the interruption, but I'm here to audition.
All Muppets : Yes! Yes!
Kermit : We've come over 2000 miles, and...
[Stops when Lew Lord turns around in his chair to face him, making him nervous now]
Kermit : Um... oh boy.
Miss Piggy : Kermie, we are all with you.
Kermit : Um, please sir, my name is Kermit the Frog, and we've read your ad, and, well, we've come to be rich and famous.
Lew Lord : [Has a brief staredown with Kermit, then into his intercom] Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'Rich and Famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and Company.
[They all look stunned for a moment, then all the rest of the Muppets start cheering and celebrating behind Kermit, who just looks on shocked and starry-eyed]
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[Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood]
Miss Piggy : Oh, Kermie, look, it's wonderful. Like a dream come true.
Kermit : Well, don't count your tadpoles until they've hatched, I still have to audition, you know.
Floyd Pepper : Hey, there ain't nothin' to it but to do it!
Lord's Secretary : [closes the door] And where do you think you're going?
Kermit : Oh, hi there. We're here to audition for Lew Lord.
Lord's Secretary : You just can't walk in here off the street you know, especially with all these animals.
Kermit : Animals? Wh-What's wrong with animals?
[Muppets mutter indignantly but indistinctly]
Lord's Secretary : This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides...
[sneezes]
Lord's Secretary : ...I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you.
Kermit : Now wait a second, miss. I may not be one of your fancy Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance, and we're going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we, gang?
[the Muppets shout "Yes" indistinctly]
Lord's Secretary : [on the phone] Security, Miss Tracey. I want to report a...
[the Muppets shake their fur, causing the secretary to sneeze convulsively until she finally opens the office door]
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[repeated line]
Fozzie : Wacka, wacka.
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Fozzie : [after Kermit has turned down Doc Hopper's offer] Five hundred dollars? Would you consider a *bear* in a frog suit?
Kermit : Fozzie!
Fozzie : I'm sorry, sir, I just lost my head.
Doc Hopper : [as Kermit and Fozzie drive off] Just a minute, Mr. Frog; everything's negotiable!
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Insolent Waiter : Miss Piggy? Miss Piggy! Are you Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy : Yes.
Insolent Waiter : Telephone.
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Kermit : Did we do something wrong, Officer?
All Muppets : [Shocked when it reveals that the police officer is Max]
Kermit : Okay, guys, let him explain.
Max : This whole disguise is only so that I can warn you.
Fozzie : Okay, sure, sure.
Max : I never thought Doc was going to hurt Kermit; I thought he was going to lean on him a little. But now he's got this frog killer in from the coast, And the man is DEADLY!
All Muppets : [Everybody gets shocked about the frog killer]
Kermit : Hold it, Dr. Teeth, What's up ahead?
Dr. Teeth : It's only an old ghost town.
Kermit : Right.
[to Max]
Kermit : Listen, you go back and tell Doc Hopper I'll be waiting for him there.
Max : What?
Fozzie : [as everybody get scared and concerned] Kermit! You'll get killed!
Kermit : Listen. Listen, guys, I can't spend my whole life running away from a bully. It's time for a showdown.
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Miss Piggy : [after Miss Piggy and Kermit defeat and escape Max Krassman and his thugs] Well, shall we go now, Kermie?
Kermit the Frog : [the pay phone rings near them, he goes and answers] Just a second. Hello? Hmm.
[hands the receiver to her]
Kermit the Frog : Piggy, it's--it's your agent.
Miss Piggy : [Taking the receiver, in her pleasant voice] Awww, thank you.
[She then clears her throat, then into phone with a serious tone]
Miss Piggy : Yeah, Morty, what do ya got?
[pause]
Miss Piggy : Commercial?
[Turns to look at Kermit then back to the phone]
Miss Piggy : How much?
[pause]
Miss Piggy : Mm-hmm. When?
[pause]
Miss Piggy : Take it.
[She hangs up and faces Kermit]
Miss Piggy : Ummmmmm... ..goodbye.
[She quickly takes off leaving him]
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Dr. Teeth : Hey, hey hey! It's the man with the badge! Police, The Fuzz, The P.I... .
Miss Piggy : DON'T YOU DARE!
Dr. Teeth : I wasn't gonna think about it.
Kermit : Uh, Did we do something wrong, Officer?
[Everybody gets shocked when they found out that the police officer reveals to be Max]
Kermit : Okay, Guys. Let him explain.
Max : This whole disguise is only so that I can warn you.
Fozzie : Oh, Okay. Sure.
Max : I never though Doc is gonna hurt Kermit. I thought he's gonna lean on him a little. But now he has hired a frog killer in from the coast. And the man is DEADLY!
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Janice : Oh, wow.
Floyd Pepper : [as he and Janice hug] Oh, my main squeeze knows how to squeeze.
Janice : Really. Oh, Animal.
Animal : WOMAN! WOMAN!
Janice : For sure.
Floyd Pepper : Come on, baby.
Janice : For sure.
Animal : For sure, really. For sure, really.
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Nigel : [laughs] Waddaya think?
Marvin Suggs : Wonderful! It was a wonderful feature! I loved it!
Rowlf the Dog : Great! Great, great show. Huh, Beaker?
Beaker : Oh yeah! Me me me me.
Rowlf the Dog : Yeah, whatever.
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Scooter : Hey, Sam, what'd you think?
Sam the Eagle : It was sick and weird.
Scooter : Glad you liked it.
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Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Sound is ready. Give me a level.
Animal : [loudly] TESTING!
[this sound test surprises Bunsen as Animal laughs]
