- Monsieur Tessier: [in French] Talking to the morons and misfits?
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Speak English, Albert. You need the practice.
- Monsieur Tessier: Oh certainly my dear.
- [mockingly]
- Monsieur Tessier: Yeah, right on, groovy, far out, I go with the flow.
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Do you like the house? We decorated these rooms in what we call the Eisenhower 50's style. It's very hard to find good American furniture from that period in Paris.
- Joel: Come back with me to the States. Your English is good. You're studying to be a teacher. I've taught you all the best dirty words. You can tutor French and live with me.
- Monsieur Tessier: You are freaking-out now, aren't you?
- Joel: No.
- Monsieur Tessier: We had a student freak-out three years ago.
- Monsieur Tessier: Now I know that in some of your universities the students say, oh no - we don't want literature, not philosophy for us this year. This year we think we will study... mushrooms. Mushrooms? I have news for you. This year, at my school, you will not study mushrooms!
- Alex: [recalling his trip] Oh yeah, the bullfight was great. I watched a horse get gored. El Cid captured Valencia, I picked up dysentery there. I spent a week in Grenada mostly watching the famous rain in Spain. All in all the trip was incredibly - it was - lonely. But don't tell Joel that, ok. I just told him the trip was great.
- Laura: Yeah, I was going to say that about my trip. But it's hard when they bring you back in an ambulance.
- Alex: I've had enough experience - plenty. Right now I'm just going to travel a little this summer and then I'm going back to Ohio. It's quiet there. I can recuperate from all my experience.
- [first lines]
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Bon Jour, Messieurs. Bon Jour... Bon Jour, Messieurs. Bon Jour, Mademoiselles. I just want to take a moment to tell you that you are embarking here on a wonderful adventure.
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Why did you sing me this song?
- Alex: Well, uh, you know that 19th Century literature essay we were supposed to do? The - comparison between romanticism and classism?
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Sure. It's very important.
- Alex: My song's kind of a romantic look at a classic situation.
- Madame Catherine Tessier: You wrote a song instead of the essay?
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Oh, a - Alex, you - you must not rush things. Moving slowly can be very erotic too.
- Alex: I suppose you've had a lot of - I mean, uh, you know a lot about erotic things.
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Oh! It's almost instinctive with the French, you know.
- Laura: Of all the cemeteries I've visited, I must say Père Lachaise is my favorite. Strolling down row after marvelous row of so many gifted and famous dead people. Today I left flowers on the graves of Colette, Isadora Duncan, and Edith Piaf.
- Alex: This car must be very expensive in France.
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Oh, yes. It cost 10 million francs. Old francs.
- Alex: Do you think he'll get violent? I've seen him get very violent. Shit.
- Madame Catherine Tessier: Don't worry. Maybe this is good. I have nothing to hide.
- Alex: Nothing to hide? What about me?
- Madame Catherine Tessier: There are not many hot tubs in France. This is to relax you before we do it.
- Alex: Do what? Oh, yeah, that.
- Madame Catherine Tessier: My husband is there now buying a building. The bastard. I don't understand him, he says. So, he goes elsewhere for his - understanding. So, I guess we can look at the bedroom now.
- Joel: [at McDonalds] This is just a momentary lapse. I actually prefer Steak Tartare and Coquilles Saint-Jacques.
- Laura: I feel like an idiot! You don't know how much I was looking forward to coming to Paris - and nothing this year turned out the way I thought it would. I don't know. Maybe my expectations were too great. I guess if you don't expect anything, then you aren't disappointed.
- Alex: [on stage, in the school play] The leads were skimpy. The case was very sleazy. But, I've been down these mean streets before. You see, I'm a private dick.
- Alex: [on stage, in the school play] Last Fall, 65 American students suddenly disappeared, like money into a whore's stocking.