Play for Today (TV Series)

'Nuts in May' (1976)

Stephen Bill: Finger

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Finger and Honky are making a lot noise in their tent. Keith gets up in the middle of the night to tell them to shut up] 

  Keith : This is a tent! *I* am in a tent! The walls of a tent are thin. I can hear everything you're saying. Now BE QUIET!

  Finger : Get back to bed!

  Keith : And you get back to your tenements!

• [the confrontation over Finger trying to make a fire against campsite rules has escalated. Keith has grabbed a large stick off of Finger] 

  Finger : Go on, hit me! Go on!

  Keith : No, no, I'm not going to...

  [Finger kicks at Keith] 

  Keith : GET AWAY FROM ME, I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEAD OFF!

• Finger : How are we supposed to cook our dinner, then?

  Keith : You can have a cold dinner!

  Finger : We've got sausages!

  Keith : Well, you shouldn't be eating sausages!

  Honky : Why not?

  Keith : Well, quite apart from the toxic substances in the meat, there are quite a few harmful additives and preservatives in the sausage!

• [Keith is telling Finger that he should not be making a fire in the campsite] 

  Finger : Look, will you mind your own bleeding business?

  Keith : It is my business! My business is to protect the life of the countryside and our heritage!

• [Finger is trying to make a fire, against campsite rules] 

  Keith : Now, stop what you're doing.

  Finger : No! Who the bleeding hell do you think you are?

  Keith : I am a good citizen who's aware of his responsibilities.

  Finger : You're a bloody comedian, mate!

• Finger : Look, I've paid my money, you got no right to come telling me what to do!

  Keith : Oh, I've got every right. I have the power to arrest you if I wanted to, now stop making that fire.

  Finger : Are you a copper?

  Keith : No, but every citizen has the right to arrest another citizen who's breaking the law. Now, be told.

  Finger : What law am I breaking?

  Keith : You're breaking the laws of the campsite and the laws of the country code.

• Ray : [after Finger tells a joke]  Do you know the Irish intelligence test?

  Finger : What's that?

  Ray : [holds his hand out]  Well, pick a finger. Go on, any finger, pick a finger, right?

  Finger : [picks one of Ray's fingers]  Like that?

  Ray : [starts shaking his hand]  Right. Now, I'm going to jumble them all up and I want you to tell me which finger you picked!

  [Ray and Honky laugh] 

  Finger : I don't get that.