Confessions of a Window Cleaner (1974) Poster

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6/10
Silly snapshot of its time
Leofwine_draca26 February 2016
CONFESSIONS OF A WINDOW CLEANER has a lot to answer for. On release in 1974, it helped usher in a new wave of low budget British sex comedies, not least the three sequels that followed this. That's because it was inordinately successful, helping to destroy the CARRY ON films at the box office (only two more were made, each trying to copy this film's formula). Seen today, it's a rather twee, somewhat amusing, and completely dated little movie more embarrassing than it is funny. It's a simple, laboured exploration of British values of the '70s, bearing comparison to the likes of MAN ABOUT THE HOUSE and the TV series it most resembles, ON THE BUSES. The jokes are silly and full of the innuendo that made ARE YOU BEING SERVED? equally successful and the shooting style is low rent and down to earth. This was a film that working class folk could readily identify with.

Speaking of identification, Robin Askwith makes for a perfect 'hero'. He's young, somewhat stupid, quick to laugh at himself and not especially good looking; watching him score with numerous beautiful women must have been like a fantasy come true for all the British lads watching and wishing they were in a similar situation. I wonder how many became window cleaners after seeing the fantasies played out here? And what a supporting cast! There's Anthony Booth, future father-in-law of British prime minister Tony Blair; there's Bill Maynard, later a lovable fixture on TV and radio. Linda Hayden (BLOOD ON SATAN'S CLAW) is ravishing as usual, and even the likes of Sam Kydd and John Le Mesurier pop up to lend the movie some much-needed gravitas.

What I liked most is that this is far from a plot less string of sexual encounters. It has story, plain and simple, and the last third of the film goes off in a completely different direction as Askwith readies himself to be married. Okay, so there is a lot of sex and nudity in the film, and there are lots of attractive women attractively undressed, but this is sex of the saucy slap 'n' tickle variety, the quintessential British seaside postcard come to life. It's one step further than the CARRY ONs ever went, but it's never sleazy or sordid. It makes you laugh. CONFESSIONS OF A WINDOW CLEANER is far from classic, but it does paint a nice picture of the whys and wherefores of Britain in the mid-'70s and it has its own small place in the film industry's history.
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4/10
Seeing Things
crossbow010622 May 2011
This is the first of the Confessions films based on Timothy Lea's novels and starring Robin Askwith as Timmy. He becomes a window cleaner for his brother in law Sid (Anthony Booth). It seems every job involves some kind of sexual encounter. So, there is a lot of nudity in this film. That being said, it would have been better if it wasn't so infantile. The only character that is worth watching is Timmy's love interest, played by the very pretty Linda Hayden. Considering what came after it (there were even copycat films, as this one was very successful), this film is fairly tame. To me, its the weakest of the Confessions films.
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4/10
Get down and dirty with our new British clutz
videorama-759-85939128 January 2014
Yes, this is the least funniest of the 'Confessions' movies, that kicked off the series, though still a tasty naughty romp of nubile female bodies, (love the start) Timmy Lea, (Askwith) getting his hands full. The bumbling, clumsy clut, Askwith and his brother start an enterprising window cleaning business, where cause of his handsome Mick Jaggerish looks, our Timmy gets up to more play, and into all sorts of mischief. Near it's end, he really gets dirty, where only soaking up the suds in a hot soapy bath, can cleanse him. The bumbling sex appealing character of Lea, is another one for the books? I must say. It joins Oz's Alvin Purple, and Askwith fits the bill of the character perfectly, not an easy character to master. He develops a relationship with a copper (Hayden) who was to become Askwith's real life second wife, where brother and law, Sidney Nogget, the refined Booth, an old flame of the coppers, has seconds, a tasty revenge scene in the following. What I love about the film is Maynard, the grovelling crotchety Dad, who loves collecting antiqueish crapola, moose head and all. Still, for it's worth, in watching all those nubile hotties, this naughty comedy is still a great watch, a shot repeated later with Askwith on his bike, balancing a ladder, sold the film cheap fro a moment. Give Confessions a view. You could become an avid fan, highly addicted, or just turn off. This just happens to be the worst of the series. It may turn you off window cleaning, but I doubt it.
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Confessions of a non-British "Confessions of" fan
lazarillo17 August 2008
Most Brits will tell you that the "Confessions of" series of the 1970's sex comedies was not nearly as good as the more famous "Carry on" series, but if you're non-British and are more interested in sex and nudity than British humor (which might be an oxymoron) and seeing a lot of middle-aged Ealing Street comedians who you probably won't recognize anyway, the "Confessions of" series is the way to go. The main star here is Robin Askwith who was a dead ringer for Mick Jagger, and who probably logged more on-screen nudity than any male actor in the history of cinema. Here Askwith plays a young man, "Timmy Lea" (his character unfortunately has his own theme song), who lives with his larcenous father, his oblivious mother, his very pregnant older sister, and his philandering brother-in-law. He goes to work for the brother-in-law as a window cleaner, and. . .well, that's basically the plot.

I once worked briefly as a window cleaner, and although I don't really look too much like Mick Jagger, the experience was NOTHING like this. Apparently, a lot of beautiful women in England just wait around all day for the window cleaner to show up, so they can exhibit themselves to him and/or take him to bed. (Of course, it's also possible this movie isn't entirely realistic--hmmmm). Whatever the case, this makes for plenty of opportunity to see a number of naked "dolly birds" including, most notably, Linda Hayden and Katya Wyeth, both of whom appeared in Hammer films and other British movies much better than this one. But be warned also--all of these women put together don't spend as much screen time naked as Askwith himself does.

What I liked about this movie especially though was the end. American sex comedies always have the male protagonist acting irresponsibly promiscuous throughout most of the movie, but then falling in love with the girl of his dreams at the end (this might be called "eating your cake and having it to"). This movie does have a "dream girl" in the form of Linda Hayden (OK, she's more of a "wet dream girl"), but it takes a different turn at the end, which some would call cynical, but I personally found pretty realistic, and sweet as opposed to saccharine. The movie is also genuinely funny in places, not so much in the silly sex scenes, but in the scenes at home with the protagonist's oddball family.

You're probably unlikely to find this movie outside of the UK or Ireland, but it does have some appeal even for non-Brits like myself.
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3/10
Nothing like as bad as you'd think!
Committed_to_nitrate7 December 2023
Despite preconceptions, it's not vulgar, coarse or offensive. If you can accept the fact that it's actually meant to be cheap tacky rubbish you might find this mildly entertaining.

Robin Askwith gave hope to every clueless, ugly spotty teenager that had no idea whatsoever about girls. He showed that even the most hopeless case could have countless sexual adventures.....just by becoming a window cleaner. George Formby never extolled the perks of this career like this!

You know that as soon as each sexy girl first makes her appearance, within three to four minutes she'll have lost her clothes and a minute later will be getting physical with young Mr Askwith. Yes, it is super-tacky but since it's all done for laughs it's not what you could call dirty or smutty. You wouldn't call it tasteful but it's a lot more innocent than you think.

Another thing this isn't is funny. Even if you were a 17 lad in 1974 you probably wouldn't have laughed either but it is watchable and once you've started watching it, you'll want to stick with it until the end....and not just because of the promise of more naked ladies!
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1/10
Tony Booth appears in a Z-rate 'sex comedy' Then his son-in-law gets into Downing Street and things go downhill....
tomfarrellmedia10 August 2006
ahhh...dear old nineteen seventy four. The world's economy was crumbling under the impact of the oil shock, Richard Nixon's head was on the block and wars were raging in Vietnam, Ulster, Cyprus and Cambodia. If you were a randy adolescent, what better way to escape the madness than by slipping into a grotty pre-Multiplex era cinema, Barrat's sherbert fountain in hand, Pearl and Dean ads in your ears and explore the wonderful new world of the permissive society? The Joy of Sex had just been published, Aids was still many years away...what carnal delights could be had in those bell-bottomed, glammed up times? And if Confessions of a Window Cleaner's protagonist, young Timmy Lea, was at all typical, then being a demin-clad, rubber lipped minger was no barrier to scoring more hole-in-ones than Tiger Woods. Robin Askwith, previously a bit-part actor in Carry On Girls is introduced to us a what passes for an English stud in the days of Slade and three day weeks. He's no loser, the theme song assures us, he just 'doesn't ever win.' Scrubbing windows up and down Merrie England, he looks into a bedroom and sees a badly edited film of some nude girl oiling herself. His work puts him in contact with innumerable clapped out housewives whose 'botties' and 'beezers' are invariably popped out for the benefit of our (possibly clapped up) Cassanova. One wonders if the ever present threat of nuclear war with the Soviet Union spurred these women into getting as much 'crumpet' as possible before the real big bang. Anyway, Timmy's brother-in-law, Sid (Tony Booth) is soon to be a father but that doesn't stop him from chasing the skirt. Timmy himself spouts sexist attempts at humour 'What a knocker factory!' with such aplomb, there is a certain weird genius to Askwith's performance. It takes skill to portray a leading character who is such an unbelievably charmless neanderthal. Timmy puts it about but he finds himself falling for the blond Liz (no English Bardot but still light years out of his league) who inevitably takes a dim view of her boyfriend eying up nude school girls and so forth. Elsewhere, casual homophobia and racism make you wonder if the script writers just decided to sit in on a National Front pub quiz. As for the sex...well in the unlikely event of a 40th anniversary DVD in 2014 may I suggest a tag-line? (putting the 'rot' into erotica). But if one thing does make Confessions interesting is that, away from the smut and the crass humour (the likes of which make the Carry Ons look like The Simpsons) Confessions offers a view of 1970s urban England to complete with the angriest Ken Loach movie in terms of its dystopian bleakness. Peeling flock wallpaper and horrid furniture surround Sid and Timmy Lea in their council house while the apartments of some of the 'birds' whose windows they scrub are resplendently ghastly. Maybe there was a surfeit of wild sex to be had in those far off times. Watch this movie and conclude that it was small consolidation.
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2/10
1970s "culture"
plan9923 March 2024
I'm ashamed to admit that I have watched this film from start to finish and it's amazing how popular it was when in came out in 1974. Dennis Waterman must have been greatly relieved that he turn down the lead part as it would have destroyed his career and he probably would have missed out on Minder and The Sweeney.

It's not all that funny and if it had been this might have saved it a bit, the script was weak and everyone involved in it must have later regretted being in it.

Not worth watching for any reason other than by lovers of badly made soft porn films. All copies should be burned ASAP.
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1/10
Confessions of a Window Cleaner
jboothmillard4 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I'd always heard of the Confessions movies, I knew they were full of sex and meant to be funny in the 1970s, probably a smuttier version of the Carry On films, I was imagining they would be very dated, but I was willing to give them a try, directed by Val Guest (The Quatermass Xperiment, The Day the Earth Caught Fire). Basically, Timothy "Timmy" Lea (Robin Askwith) is an optimistic but clumsy young man who has works alongside his brother-in-law Sidney "Sid" Noggett (Antony Booth, Cherie Blair's father) in their window cleaning business. Timmy narrates his day-to-day activities, and he sees many things through the various windows he cleans of houses and big buildings, including many naked women. Sid and his wife Rosie (Sheila White) are expecting their first child, so Sid has employed Timmy to "satisfy" his customers, little realising his bumbling ways and that he is irresistible to women. One day, he meets policewoman Elizabeth "Liz" Radlett (Linda Hayden), he is instantly attracted to her. He and Sid go to a social club to watch a burlesque performer, who takes Timmy backstage to have sex with him. During a home window cleaning, Jacqui Brown (Sue Longhurst) is overly flirty with Timmy and is bored as her husband is away. Timmy spills liquid detergent and leaves the tap water running, causing an overload of bubbles to fill the kitchen while the pair are having sex. Later, he meets with Liz again and asks her to the cinema. On another window cleaner job, he winds up having sex with housewife Carole (Katya Wyeth). Timmy often visits his parents, Mr. Lea (Bill Maynard) and Mrs. Lea (Dandy Nichols); Mr. Lea often brings home trinkets and junk he finds at the lost property office. Timmy hangs a moose head that his father has found, but it rips through the wall. During their trip to the movies, Timmy tries to feel up Liz, but she is uninterested in his sexual advances. Liz's father is Inspector Radlett (John Le Mesurier) and is somewhat wary of her daughter's choice of men. On another house visit, Brenda (Olivia Munday) with big boobs is having it off with him, when they are interrupted by a man (Lionel Murton) he assumes is her husband. He hides under the tiger rug, but it turns out that it was her landlord. On another job, Timmy almost has sex with foreign maid Ingrid (Anita Graham) who enjoys yoga before they are interrupted by her employer Mrs. Villiers (Melissa Stribling). She then tries to seduce him and gets all dirty in the coal cellar. Next, Timmy ends up having sex with customer Elvie (Judy Matheson) who pulls out the wall bed, but they are interrupted by her lesbian partner Ronnie (Elaine Baillie). They have a squabble on the bed before it springs back into the wall with them all on it. Timmy visits Sid and Rosie who has given birth to their son, Jason. Later, spending the evening together watching television, Timmy tries again to feel up Liz, but she still rebuffs him. She tells him that she will only make love with the man she marries, and he inadvertently proposes marriage to her. Following this proposal, she finally gives into temptation, they almost have sex, although he is distracted by photos of her parents. The wedding is arranged, and everyone is dressed up for the big day. But Timmy is knocked unconscious by some removal men and is taken by them on a sofa covered with a sheet in their van. The guests await Timmy's arrival, but the bride turns up before him, and they wait so long that the next wedding is ready to go ahead. When Timmy wakes up and leaves the removal van, he finds himself 60 miles outside London. While he is still missing, the wedding guests are at the reception, not wanting to waste the food. Timmy gets a lift in the back of a boat being towed by a car, but when he arrives at the reception, the guests have already left. Timmy is shocked when he goes home to find Liz being caressed by Sid in the garden outhouse, so he decides to soak them with the hosepipe. Sid ends up in hospital with a broken leg, but Timmy forgives him. Timmy gets an Apprentice (Robert Longden) to start window cleaning the following day, he and Lix have broken up and he goes back to sleeping with other women. Also starring Richard Wattis as Carole's Father, Joan Hickson as Mrs Radlett, Sam Kydd as 1st Removal Man, and Brian Hall as 2nd Removal Man. Askwith as the accident-prone window cleaner is okay, Booth as his brother-in-law and Maynard as his father are mildly amusing, but British talent Le Mesurier is wasted in a supporting role. The script relies on obvious and ineffective innuendos, the visual jokes involving mishaps are just embarrassing, the high amount of nudity is too crude to find arousing or enjoyable, most of the time you are just left open-mouthed and almost nauseous, it is a highly dreadful, deplorable, unfunny sex comedy. Poor!
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7/10
"No wonder the birds go crazy for me!"
The_Movie_Cat3 February 2001
Contrary to popular belief, the scale of film quality isn't a straight line; it's circular. Rather than a range from "Classic" to "Turkey", it's possible for a film to become so truly terrible that it spins all round the scale and ends up a work of undeniable genius.

Confessions of a Window Cleaner is one such film. Robin Askwith plays virginal Timothy Lea in a movie so charmless it's superbly charming. Askwith looks like a genetic cross between Mick Jagger and Keith Chegwin, yet somehow he can't help but be seduced by hoards of girls wherever he goes. In fact, this film is so outrageously sexist that it features full frontal female nudity within the first three minutes. Also look out for the credits, which feature an actress as the role "Dolly Bird".

Cheesy one-liners abound. "I don't know what came over me," says Tim, losing his ... er, concentration ... during a sexual encounter. "Well it wasn't me" replies his unsatisfied partner. Lines like that are awful, but they become so terrible they're hilarious. And you haven't seen an orgasm metaphor until you see the lightning strike and bursting bubble. Tim's loss of virginity is accompanied by a full burst of the Hallelujah Chorus.

Askwith does a voice-over for most of the duration, where he gives insight to his innermost thoughts. Views like "What a knocker factory!" and "She was the type of girl you say 'Please may I?' before you give her one" are matched only in shock value by the size of Askwith's flares. It's all so superbly crass. Askwith's sister ("All I wanna do is make you happy" says her husband. "Then p*** off" she replies) thinks she's going into labour... only to let out an enormous belch. Other characters fare less well, with Bill Maynard wasted in a minor role. Though Askwith really needs no support, perfect as the gormless, clumsy hero.

This is all sub-soft porn, though it's never long enough or serious enough in it's approach to be erotic. Other notable moments include Askwith paying back a particularly mischievous customer by tossing a whole plateful of marshmallows up her crotch, and the funniest scene where a partner complains that Askwith isn't skilled enough in the area of foreplay. "No, no, you've got to say hello to her first", she urges, hinting for a sexual favour. Cue Askwith looking up her skirt and shouting "HELLO!!!"

Often compared to the Carry On series of films, of which they had only tenuous links, the Confessions series would eventually finish off that institution. Askwith had actually made an appearance in Carry On Girls and before making 1976's England, Peter Rogers and Gerald Thomas had viewed Driving Instructor at the cinema. As a result, the Producer/Director team decided to spice up the sex content in the Carry Ons - England was a flop, while 78's Emmannuelle killed off the entire series. A single attempt to resuscitate was made fourteen years later - Columbus - but by then the Carry Ons were dead and buried.

The laws of decreasing returns applied to the three Confessions sequels. Pop Performer (where Askwith does indeed get mistaken for Mick Jagger) had more obvious jokes and forced humour, and suffered from a defined narrative. Window Cleaner's series of loosely connected vignettes appealed to the series' sensibilities much better. Askwith's humorous accident-prone nature is here exaggerated to a ridiculous degree, and, like all the sequels, it lacks the original's spontaneity.

The series' ethical morality - that all women are nymphomaniacs, eyeing up nude schoolgirls is just a bit of fun, unprotected sex is fine, and infidelity is acceptable, even when married with a child - are, at the very least, dubious territory. But one of the nice things about the series is that, apart from its unremitting sexism, it was initially so harmless and malice-free. Driving Instructor was the first one to veer slightly from this route, with a homosexual gag (George Layton as the effeminate Tony Bender) and, as well as a commentary on class divides, some racial remarks. Though the sole mention of race presented here is more satirical, dealt with well in the capable hands of Maynard, a bigot who bemoans of a menu "There's only one English thing on here and that's Spaghetti." With Askwith's narration now completely removed, and the visual gags even more forced (Would a car really fall to pieces just because he was having sex in the back of it?) it falls to Maynard to grab the film's biggest laugh. At an Italian restaurant a violin player is getting uncomfortably close, causing him to ask: "Can you play in a monastery garden?" "Ci Senor!" "Well p*** off and play there!" It's an old gag, but Bill's assured, pitch-perfect delivery makes it killingly funny.

The final movie had its set-up initiated in the final scene of Driving Instructor. The abysmal From A Holiday Camp was definitely a film too far, though in fairness the lack of a fifth movie is purported to be from Columbia's disinterest and not any lack of financial success. Taken out of the their traditional environment, the cast struggle in a grotty resort which looks like a paddling pool in someone's back garden. Maynard again makes it worth watching, and Lance Percival is fun as the gay stereotype, but Askwith's innate likeability in the role is tried to the limits by his now-desperate mugging. The narration reinstated, he gets a dozen overdubs, with his opening "Hello it's Timmy Lea... yet again" indicative of how tired the whole thing had become. For a bawdy sex comedy the sex quotient is remarkably low this time, while adding children to the equation is a misjudged attempt to give it broader appeal. The appalling script, full of feeble puns and entendres (Well, more feeble than usual...) tries it's best, though Askwith even has to break the fourth wall in a pitiful attempt to raise a laugh. It's a sad end to what started out as a great series, and when the theme tune's a xenophobic song ("Give Me England") sung by The Wurzels, you know you're in trouble. It's alleged that the final movie also features some racist remarks, though if this is indeed the case then they're removed from television screenings. Perhaps the weirdest thing about all these films is that Askwith's long-suffering brother-in-law, Sid, went on to be the father-in-law of the British Prime Minister.

Yes, the sequels range from so-so to pretty awful. But this, the original, is generally still tremendous entertainment. If, of course, watched with a

very ironic frame of mind.
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1/10
Trite, obvious "comedy" aimed at a morally depraved society
TCCounsell31 January 2008
I have to disagree with Emma Burridge, except for her statement that it is on a par with On the Buses as an example of 1970's comedy. The 1970's are almost certainly the worst years of British comedy - we had such "greats" as Love thy Neighbour, George and Mildred and Robin's Nest - the story lines and (supposed) humour of which were not only obvious and transparent but very shallow and unsophisticated. That is to say that they cannot cause even a ripple of mirth now, and it surprises me that they would have done when they were filmed. I do think that there were some good comedies in the 1970's, though, and these include Dad's Army (although after James Beck's death these were considerably weaker, relying on slapstick from Clive Dunn and to a lesser extent Arthur Lowe) but of course, this was really a 2060's comedy; altogether a different era of quality. As for the "Confessions" films, not one of them should raise a laugh at any stage, and it really does seem barely credible that standards of decency and morality have dropped so far that most people nowadays would find it hard to credit that these were X rated films when they were made.
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10/10
"Extraordinary Way To Clean Windows!"
ShadeGrenade11 June 2006
Warning: Spoilers
In the early '70's, a number of Sphere-published books, all credited to one 'Timothy Lea' and whose titles were prefixed by the words 'Confessions Of A...', went on sale in Britain. I never bought one ( I was more into Agaton Sax ), but a Form Five boy brought several to school, which he passed round behind the bike shed, the naughty bits underlined in red. They were the work of Christopher Wood, and their riotous blend of sex and slapstick made them bestsellers.

In 1974, producer Greg Smith turned the first into 'Confessions Of A Window Cleaner' starring Robin Askwith as 'Timmy', a cheeky young Cockney whom the ladies adore. The director, Val Guest, had recently made another sex comedy - 'Au Pair Girls' with Gabrielle Drake.

Timmy's family is made up of half of the cast of the B. B. C.'s 'Till Death Us Do Part' - Dandy Nichols and Anthony Booth. Sheila White ( for me the sexiest bit of crumpet in the franchise ) played Timmy's blowsy sister 'Rosie', with Bill Maynard as his flat-capped Dad, who had a penchant for bringing home stuff from the Lost Property office where he worked. It amused cinema-going audiences in the '70's to see sitcom stars competing for attention with bare boobs and bums.

At the start of 'Cleaner', Timmy is still a virgin, even after an encounter with a sexy stripper named 'Lil' ( he makes love to her suspender belt by mistake! ) but finally a customer called Jackie does the dirty deed. In the film's most notorious scene, she and Timmy make out in a kitchen awash with soap bubbles.

Like 'Alfie', the story cheerfully bounds from one sexy encounter to another. Anita Graham pops up as an energetic Au Pair ( though her clothes disappointingly stay on throughout her scene ), Melissa Stribling tries to seduce Timmy in a coal cellar, and Linda Hayden raises temperatures as a policewoman called 'Liz' ( or 'Fanny The Fuzz' as Sid disparagingly refers to her ).

The 'Confessions' series has often been likened to the 'Carry On' series, but I think a more realistic comparison is to be made with the 'On The Buses' movies. Like 'Stan Butler', Timmy lives at home with his mother, sister, and brother-in-law. Interestingly, when Dandy Nichols backed out of the series, who did Smith replace her with? Doris Hare, of course.

Smith had the decency to acknowledge his debt to Peter Rogers at the time, while Tony Booth blasted the critics who panned 'Cleaner'. 'The mere thought that this is the first in a series is enough to set the jaw solid' sniffed one, while another stated simply: "Come back 'Carry On's', all is forgiven!'. The 'Confessions' films were noticeably tamer than the books, which were full of bad language.

But the public wholeheartedly embraced 'Cleaner' and made it the most commercially successful film on release in 1974, paving the way not only for three sequels but numerous imitators, such as the 'Adventures' series. I'm on their side because 'Cleaner' not only is good fun, but boasts a great soundtrack, and a first-rate cast clearly enjoying themselves.

It would not be until the '90's that the 'Confessions' finally made it to terrestrial television. Channel Five ( as it was then called ) garnered excellent ratings from the quartet. One in the eye for Mary Whitehouse! Historian Dominic Sandbrook has gone on record as saying tis film represents a 'low point in the history of British cinema'. He obviously never saw 'Sex Lives Of The Potato Men'!
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6/10
Well it does have some positive scenes....
tonypeacock-112 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I get the impression that some of the more politically correct reviewers that have watched this film, may disagree with my observations of the film that go beyond the obvious scenes of soft porn.

It is more a picture of a social commentary of 1970s U. K. The bleak financial outlook are directly correlated to the demise of its film industry with countless sex comedies and film versions of television situation comedy series.

The film has scenes such as a wedding that show some scenes related to other franchises such as the Carry On films and On The Buses.

Main star is Robin Askwith who is a younger (then!) version of Carry On stalwart Sidney James. Ironic that the quadrilogy of 'Confessions' films contributed to the demise of the Carry On franchise in the 1970s.

These films (perhaps just this entry) deserve viewing at least once. If anything to show how we used to watch!
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2/10
Embarrasingly Rubbish
Rhythmbandit6 October 2001
Now this really takes the biscuit. Its a terrible movie with little comedy and the plot is terrible. There is little sex to speak of and when there is its not sexy, its actually funny. 2/10 If you like this movie try: The other rubbish confessions of...series
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Touching despite itself
Pobedonostsev12 October 2001
The case against this movie hardly needs to be restated. Clunking, crass, monotonously unfunny, it's the sort of film that gives sexism a bad name.

And yet, for those who grew up in England in the early 70s, Confessions of A Window Cleaner is horribly evocative. The endless shots of tacky, dismal streets; the unwelcoming, tawdry interiors; the overwhelming sense of an exhausted gene pool; yep, that's what it was like. The film has some of the impact (though none of the accomplishment) of the photographs of Tony Ray-Jones, and promotes a similar melancholy.

Then there's Robin Askwith, who despite the various old troupers is the best thing in the movie. Granted, he wasn't everyone's idea of a sex god, and here he's at the mercy of a dire screenplay, but he gives it everything he's got. Looking and acting younger than his years, and with a cocky animality that no amount of boxy denim can mask, he sums up one particular breed of 70s boy, spunky, clueless, candid, vital, uncrushable. He looks great in his nude scenes, taut and doggy - there are moments of real beauty which belong in a better film. His sheer physical presence makes this awful picture almost worth watching.
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4/10
One part juvenile and boorish, one part dull, just not very much fun at all
I_Ailurophile17 December 2023
On the one hand, I'm a fan of Linda Hayden and other films that she made early in her career. On the other hand, one of my encounters with Hayden, and my first with Robin Askwith, was in the ill-advised 'Queen Kong' that seemed promising in its first minutes then fell terribly flat. On the other other hand, comedies are very hit-or-miss in the first place, and sex comedies, with their abject puerility and boorishness, are among the least appealing varieties. Yet as I'll watch almost anything and everything, it only seemed fair to try my hand at 'Confessions of a window cleaner.' I'll say this, one doesn't need to know anything about British TV sitcoms in the 70s to quickly gain a sense that this is built with a mind for strong, almost overwhelming kinship with its small screen brethren. I'll also say this, the emphasis on nudity and sex from the very first minutes is immediately, aggravatingly tiresome, pretty much exactly as juvenile and dull as I assumed. I'm no prude, and it's not that this completely fails to earn any laughs - but it fails to far too severe an extent. Too much more than not, I find it difficult to imagine how this could be meaningfully entertaining for anyone aside from twelve-year olds who excitably giggle at the transgression of finding their first adult magazine.

This does manage to be enjoyable in its strains of humor that don't rely strictly on anatomy and/or intercourse. While the situational comedy is exhausting and overbearing at times, some of it elicits the desired reaction; we also get some slight cleverness in various gags or slapstick, in some dialogue, and in the dynamics between characters. The key word remains "some," however; wherever the writing credit truly belongs, there's not so much wit or vitality in these ninety minutes as to draw out more than a collective handful of laughs or smiles. Not to belabor the point, but that kinship with TV sitcoms doesn't really do the picture any favors. Situational comedy is the backbone of many titles, but the sensibilities thereof in television tend to be of a lighter, blander, staler sort that are even more patchy and inconsistent than in cinema, and whatever the region that defines one's frame of reference, I don't think there's any arguing that this flick takes its cues from the telly as much as the fantasies of school boys who don't actually know what sex entails. All this is to say, 'Confessions of a window cleaner' just isn't all that fun.

The writing generally, and the humor specifically, are genuinely at their best and smartest where they shift away from sheer bawdiness; the greater the shift, the greater the result. In other ways, at least, this is reasonably well made, if not admirably. Even under these circumstances Hayden is charming and gives a fine performance; even under these circumstances, Askwith makes a considerably better impression here than he did in 'Queen Kong.' One can't fault the cast at all for fully embracing the spirit of the production. While director Val Guest is no help in providing the movie with an appropriate or necessary level of energy, he does well enough in putting scenes together. From fundamentals like camerawork and editing, to minutiae like costume design, hair, and makeup, this is ably made. It's also surely longer than it should have been; by the time it was only half over I felt like I should've been almost done altogether. And that unseemly length can be wholly attributed to how unfunny this tends to be even from the moment it begins. By no means is this all bad, yet the fact of the matter is that it leaves me all too nonplussed. Factor in some odds and ends that straight up haven't aged well decades later, and any recommendation is a very soft one.

I don't absolutely dislike this. I just don't think it's nearly good enough to bother with, save perhaps unless one is a major fan of someone involved. I'm glad for those who get more out of 'Confessions of a window cleaner' than I do, yet there are far better ways to spend one's time, so there's just not much cause to give this a look. Oh well.
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6/10
Confessions of a Window Cleaner is a fun, coming-of-age, sex-themed comedy that pleasantly surprised me
kevin_robbins14 November 2023
I recently watched Confessions of a Window Cleaner (1974) on Tubi. I recently watched Confessions of a Window Cleaner (1974) on Tubi. The storyline follows a young man who gets into the family window washer business. He's asked to push the sales of the business and finds his success can be lucrative in more than one way. He might even find true love in the process. 👀

Directed by Val Guest (The Boys in Blue), the film features Robin Askwith (Bless This House), Anthony Booth (Corruption), Sheila White (Oliver), Judy Matheson (Twins of Evil), and Linda Hayden (Taste the Blood of Dracula).

This classic British comedy adopts a "tongue-and-cheek" approach, surpassing my expectations with its unique storyline, random circumstances and clever dialogue. This also has an attractive cast and humorous sex scenes, particularly a well-executed soap suds sequence. While the ending is a bit over the top, the overall experience remains worthwhile.

In conclusion, Confessions of a Window Cleaner is a fun, coming-of-age, sex-themed comedy that pleasantly surprised me. I'd give this a 6/10 and recommend watching it once.
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8/10
The first 'Confessions' film is loads of fun.
BA_Harrison17 February 2009
From first fumblings to almost wedded bliss, Confessions of a Window Cleaner follows the sexual exploits of lovable, accident prone youth Timmy Lea (Robin Askwith), who finds there's much more to window cleaning than just being a dab hand with a squeegee.

During the movie's opening credits, a frustrated, virginal Timmy is seen spying on a naked woman in her flat, and on schoolgirls taking a shower (behaviour that would probably secure him a place on the sex offenders register these days). However, it's not long before the cheeky chappie gets some actual hands on experience with the opposite sex (courtesy of a stripper and a randy housewife), and then there's no stopping the bloke: anything in a skirt seems to find him sexually irresistible and, being a considerate fellow, he's only too keen to oblige.

Although frequent casual sex with busty nymphomaniacs is undoubtedly fun, Timmy actually yearns for the one woman who doesn't drop her knickers the instant she claps eyes on him: pretty policewoman Elizabeth Radlett (the lovely Linda Hayden). After doing almost everything to loosen Liz's knicker elastic, our denim-clad hero tries the only trick left in the book: he proposes marriage!

With most of its humour derived from moments of dubious morality—a large percentage of the film's comedy revolves around infidelity and promiscuity—Confessions of a Window Cleaner is not one for the 'politically correct brigade'; on the other hand, those who enjoy bawdy comedy littered with softcore sex and innuendo should love this film to bits. There are loads of good looking dolly birds all too willing to flash the goods, some genuinely witty lines of dialogue ("I won't say 'au revoir', 'cos i'll see you again later", says Shiela White as Rosie Nogget), and plenty of faces that should be familiar to fans of British TV: it's all so very silly and so very 70s that it's hard not to enjoy.
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8/10
Low budget typical British comedy of the 70's
mark monroe3 November 2000
Despite it's low ratings, this film sums up the humour and sex comedy films that appeared during the 70's. I enjoy the quick fire one liners from Tony Booth who plays the brother in law to Robin Askwiths main character, Timmy. This was the start of a run of the confession films, all had good plots if only somewhat "cheesey". I enjoy these films as it is an indication of the 70's era. Not to be taken seriously, it's just a good laughable movie, with harmless soft (very soft) nudity. Give it a go!
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10/10
This is a great movie
EmmaBurridge21 January 2006
Right heres the plot... Young Timmy Lea starts as a window cleaner in the little company of his brother in law Sid. Soon, he learns that some female customers expect additional service. Young and curious as he is, he reluctantly accepts the juicy duty. However his heart belongs to Liz, who demands the highest commitment until she lets him go all the way. I absolutely love this movie. It is a great example of 70s comedy at it's best. Its up there with on the Buses and Carry on. It was the first Confessions film I saw and as soon as I did I had to see the others. I must admit I like them all even though this is my favourite. Yeah, it is x rated, but it really is harmless fun and is great to watch if you feel like a giggle. Robin Askwith is great and really fits into his role as a real jack the lad. I give this film a 10 out of 10 and would recommend it to anyone who is a fan of 70' nostalgia.
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Harmless Fun!!!
boffins6 July 2002
I think this genre of Saucy 70's British film is forever being slated by critics, Yes they are dumb, but they are harmless, the makers of these films did not intend to make groundbreaking cinema, but a funny and saucy alternative to the rest of the films tha country was producing from that era. I say these films are a cult, along with the On the Buses films, and the far more mainstreem Carry On's. I like to watch these films last thing at night, I call them 'bedtime films' you can just switch on after a hard day's graft, and perhaps even switch your brain off to watch them, there is just a fun, cheap thrill element to them, the films have an 18 certificate, due to nudity, but take that away they'd probably be a 'U' due to almost childish humore and very slapstick stuff! When they came out they were probably intended to be sexy, now the hairstyles, the fashions and the women are very funny, although not initially intended to be, these films have got better with age, and hey, I should probably not admit this but I really enjoyed the start of this film with Robin Askwith riding on his bike to a cheesy theme song!
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8/10
Suburban love
tonyinblack14 February 2021
A tender love story, a bawdy comedy and the start of a phenomenon, Confessions of a Window Cleaner is all these things, but it also happens to be a very good film too. History would rather forget it, but the reality is that most of the bad press it receives is from people watching the countless copycats that followed its success and assuming they represent the original. They don't. By focusing on the most obvious aspects of the Confessions series, these films totally miss the fact that Timothy Lea is an innocent who genuinely means well. And the gentle romance between him and Elizabeth is so moving that, every time I watch the film, I hope they will end up walking down the aisle and Timmy wouldn't be hurtling up the motorway in the back of a removal van.
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9/10
Packed cinema.
malcat-042513 April 2020
I remember so vividly going to the cinema to see the film with my wife. The place was absolutely packed, including people standing at the back. For that time it felt quite raunchy, not like today where hard-core is easily available. It was a very funny film as well. I also bought all the books about Timothy Lea, very funny reads.
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10/10
Timmy
bevo-136787 April 2020
Great documentary featuring a day in the life of a window cleaner. I like the bit where he bangs all those chicks.
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10/10
Simply delightful!
mumbles-27 October 1999
With wonderful characterisation and fantastic acting this movie has it all- action, drama, suspense, humour. what more could you want from a film? The writer and director should be congratulated for the groundbreaking approach they have taken. The social comment cannot be ignored. I feel this film perfectly captures a moment in time - when birds were "gagging for it" and cheeky chappies like Robin Askwith were only too happy to "give it to 'em".
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