Columbo (TV Series)

Mind Over Mayhem (1974)

Peter Falk: Columbo

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Quotes 

• Steve Spelberg : [referring to Columbo's pet beagle]  He doesn't look like a police dog.

  Lt. Columbo : Well, he isn't. He's a policeman's dog. Believe me, there's a big difference.

• Steve Spelberg : It's the second time in two days I've been treated like a kid.

  Lt. Columbo : When was the other time?

  Steve Spelberg : Uh, when Dr. Cahill asked me to go to the movies, yesterday. He's never done that before.

  Lt. Columbo : [intrigued]  Is that a fact?

  Steve Spelberg : Does that mean somethin', Lieutenant?

  Lt. Columbo : Oh, I don't know, Steve, but when people do something for the first time, detectives always get curious.

• Farnsworth : Lieutenant, I have been dean of this academy for over twenty years, and we have never had a situation like this.

  Lt. Columbo : Believe me, sir, I know you've done your best.

  Farnsworth : If a student fails, we consider it OUR failure, not his.

  Lt. Columbo : To be honest with ya, I was afraid of something like this. We've had a lot of problems with him at home.

  Farnsworth : Then you do understand we consider it best that you withdraw him.

  Lt. Columbo : Yes, sir.

• Dr. Marshall Cahill : Right now you are in an institution where any staff member, including your little friend Steve, will tell you that a theory isn't worth a damn unless it can be proved.

  Lt. Columbo : It's the same way at the institute that I work at, Doctor.

• Margaret Nicholson : You're pretty observant.

  Lt. Columbo : Some people say I'm snoopy.

• Lt. Columbo : Hold it!

  Steve Spelberg : What's wrong?

  Lt. Columbo : Something just computed.

• Lt. Columbo : Oh, think tank! Oh, I read about that in the paper. Yeah, that's, uh, that's a place full of geniuses, right?

  Dr. Marshall Cahill : Well...

  Lt. Columbo : Right. Uh, may I ask, sir, uh, just what is it that YOU do here?

  Dr. Marshall Cahill : I'm the director.

• Dr. Marshall Cahill : You don't seem too pleased.

  Lt. Columbo : Well, you know, Doctor, I've been running into people by the dozens who couldn't have murdered Professor Nicholson. I wish I could run into one who COULD have.

• Lt. Columbo : So you had an hour to kill before you had to get back to the airport.

  Neil Cahill : I take it you mean to use that phrase, "to kill." You mean that literally.

  Lt. Columbo : No, I was just using a figure of speech. I'm not making an accusation.

• Dr. Marshall Cahill : Alright Lieutenant, you win. I did it.

  Lt. Columbo : Did ya Doctor?

  Dr. Marshall Cahill : I don't know whether or not you'd really hang this on Neil. You're a strange man. It was a bluff I couldn't afford to call.

• Dr. Marshall Cahill : Lieutenant, you've obviously been conducting an experiment calculated to demonstrate that double-M-7 could have operated the computer the night of the murder.

  Lt. Columbo : Boy, you just saved a lot of time there, Doctor.

  Lt. Columbo : Yes, sir, you sure did.

  Lt. Columbo : That's exactly what we were doing.