- Oringer: Is there much damage?
- Joe Patroni: No, not much, theres just a hole where the pilots usually sit.
- [Nancy tries to communicate with the nearest airport after the mid-air collision]
- Nancy Pryor: Salt Lake... Salt Lake! This is Columbia 409! It's Nancy Pryor... stewardess. Something hit us! All the flight crew is dead or badly injured! There's no one left to fly the plane! Help us! Oh my God, help us!
- Bill: This thing will never get off the ground. Never fly. Take my word for it.
- Gloria Swanson: Young man, you think this thing will not fly? In 1917 I was flying in something wilder than this. Do you know who the pilot was?
- Bill: Wiley Post?
- Gloria Swanson: [Chuckles] No. Cecil B. De Mille and we flew from Hollywood nonstop to Pasadena. Yes, and on the way home we did loop the loops so I could see the moon upside down.
- Mrs. Patroni: Well, the first stewardess is at the controls, but she... she's in constant touch with the tower.
- Barney: You mean THE STEWARDESS IS FLYING THE PLANE?
- Mrs. Patroni: [whispering] Would you please keep your voice down.
- Barney: S-s-sure...
- [Barney becomes hysterical]
- Barney: The stewardess is flying the plane. The stewardess...
- [Mrs Devanvey hands Barney a large Whiskey]
- Mrs Devaney: here...
- Barney: Thank you Mrs Devaney, but I don't drink.
- Mrs Devaney: [Looking confused] Well what difference does it make now?
- Barney: You're right.
- [Barney takes drink from Mrs Devaney and takes gulp of Whiskey]
- Barney: No difference.
- [in reference to Gloria Swanson at the Airport]
- Sister Ruth: Who is she Sister Beatrice, do you recognise her?
- [In a very disapproving tone]
- Sister Beatrice: I believe its one of those Hollywood persons.
- Sister Ruth: Oh, you mean an actress?
- Sister Beatrice: Or worse!
- Captain Stacy: I hear we expect a bumpy ride tonight.
- Urias: I used to know a stewardess who thought that was sexy.
- Captain Stacy: You're weird, you know that?
- Gloria Swanson: I guess everyone had given up hope including the Doctors. Nobody expected me to live, but then I've never done anything I was expected to do.
- Gloria Swanson: Do you know that my first trip to California took five days? So if we have to spend a weekend in Salt Lake, we're still ahead!
- Bette: How do you get rid of this jet lag?
- Nancy Pryor: You just do. Why you still tired in the mornings?
- Bette: Uh-huh.
- Nancy Pryor: Give it a couple of months.
- Bette: Hey, do we have a sexy crew tonight?
- Nancy Pryor: I don't check anymore.
- Bette: in any case, it'll be a change from Ogallala, Kansas.
- Nancy Pryor: Isn't everything?
- Julio: There. You see why I love my job so much?
- Gary: Well they sure have all the right equipment.
- Julio: But it would be wrong that's for sure!
- Nancy Pryor: How are your kids and your wife, Julio?
- Julio: Watch out for that one Gary. She's got seniority.
- Gary: What about the teenager?
- Bette: It's Ms. Teenager please. I'm emancipated and highly skilled in Kung Fu.
- Joe Patroni: There she is. She's flying it! She's flying it herself!
- Alan Murdock: Climb baby, climb.
- Joe Patroni: [taking a phone call in Salt Lake City] Yeah? Your information is correct, Mr. Purcell, but we're clearing everything out of our Los Angeles office. You can understand that our concern here is for the safety of those people. Excuse me.
- Alan Murdock: Who's that?
- Joe Patroni: A guy named Purcell. Owns a local TV station. He's sending a remote unit out.
- Alan Murdock: What the hell does he want to photograph? We don't have any bodies yet!
- [commenting on Janice's medical condition]
- Airport Attendant: The poor kid! She's in Washington and her kidney is in Los Angeles.
- Bill: That's enough of that for you. The convention's over. I want you to taper off.
- Bill: No more!
- Sam: You should've stuck to the Blue Nun.
- Arnie: We've got a plane to catch, Sammy boy!
- Bill: [Drunk] We've got a plane!
- Arnie: Bartender, another one all around.
- Bill: No more!
- Sam: [sings] California here I come right back where!
- [Glass shatters - Mrs Devaney has her drinking glass knocked out of her hand at the airport by Sam]
- Sam: I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Oh excuse me...
- Bill: Oh Sammy! I'm sorry he's a little sloshed. You know what I mean?... Listen, we'd like to buy you a drink.
- Mrs. Devaney: Well, maybe a little bourbon on the rocks.
- Bill: You got it. Nurse, bourbon on the rocks for the lady, please.
- Mrs. Devaney: With a small beer chaser.
- Arnie: Jesus Christ, a boilermaker.
- Barney: Mrs Devaney? Mrs Devaney?
- Mrs. Devaney: Er, yes?
- Barney: Salt Lake City could be very good for you. It's dry there you know?
- Mrs. Devaney: DRY?
- [Janice Abbott settles onto her bed in first class]
- Mrs. Abbott: Please, Janice. Remember what the doctor said - you must lie still, very still.
- Janice Abbott: I know, Mother, but it's so exciting! The people are so interesting!
- Winnie: Oh, it's so beautiful!
- Gloria Swanson: Every morning is beautiful, you're just too young to know!
- Amy: Nancy?
- Nancy Pryor: [In reference to the plane being at a lower altitude in relation to the top of the mountains] OH MY GOD! Bette we're too low.
- Amy: What are you supposed to do?
- Nancy Pryor: I don't know... I know they are worried about airspeed. Now... if we climb, the airspeed drops. I could stall us out.
- Amy: The Captain! He said he could help us.
- Captain Stacy: Thrust levers.
- Amy: Thrust levers, what about them?
- Captain Stacy: Forward... an inch.
- Amy: All right, anything else?
- Captain Stacy: One-ninety hold.
- Captain Stacy: One nine zero airspeed.
- [securing items in her bomb-proof case]
- Gloria Swanson: To hell with the jewelry, let's put my book in here!
- Gloria Swanson: Oh. My jewel case. It's bomb proofed, the insurance people insisted upon it. Oh. My idea of heaven is never to have to pack or unpack. Why didn't I think of that before. Here. Here. You know what? The hell with the jewelry let's put my book in here. Thank you. Here you are my darlings, it's all yours - I never wanted to have the damn thing published when I was alive anyway.
- [in reference to Janice Abbott arriving on the stretcher]
- Gloria Swanson: Oh how bless I am, three children, seven grandchildren and all healthy thank God!
- Bill: I went out with a girl once who was half French and half Chinese. I came home late one night, she ate my laundry!
- Joseph Patroni, Jr.: Look Mom there's another airplane out there!
- Mrs. Patroni: Where?
- Joseph Patroni, Jr.: Right out there!
- Mrs. Patroni: Oh my god there is...
- Joseph Patroni, Jr.: It's an airforce jet.
- Joseph Patroni, Jr.: He's probably checking the damage. He's going to help us.
- Mrs. Patroni: He is.
- Alan Murdock: Look baby I've only got half an hour. Can't we talk it out when you get to LA?
- Nancy Pryor: Don't miss your flight, Murdock. You wouldn't want to keep that boss of yours waiting.
- Gloria Swanson: ...my life's a surprise, one surprise after another.
- Mr. Kelly: You look lovely Miss Swanson.
- Gloria Swanson: Thank you Mr Kelly. Imagine getting gussied up like this to watch a lot of Supreme Court judges chew.
- [Mrs Devaney talks to a very worried passenger seated next to her]
- Mrs. Devaney: You're a tiny bit nervous aren't you?
- [man nods his head]
- Mrs. Devaney: I know. I've flown thousands of miles under very difficult circumstances, I assure you, you have nothing to worried about.
- [Man frantically tries to undo his seat belt, Mrs Devaney assists]
- Mrs. Devaney: May I?
- [Man rushes to lavatory]
- Scott Freeman: What's the weather like there?
- Mrs. Scott Freeman: Well the moon's out right now, but there are a few clouds around.
- [Recalling her days being a rebel with other actresses against studio pressure in Hollywood, while on the plane]
- Gloria Swanson: That's easy, Carole Lombard and Grace Moore, I was a rebel too.
- Gary: Would you hold this please, I'll take care of Miss Swanson. Good Evening, right this way please.
- Gloria Swanson: Thank you.
- Nancy Pryor: Good Evening Miss Swanson.
- Gloria Swanson: Good Evening. I mean, good morning!
- Gary: Right here, Miss Swanson.
- Gloria Swanson: [In reference to her bomb proof case] Oh yes, put it under my feet. Thank you very much.
- Gary: It's a pleasure to have with us, Miss Swanson. If there;s anything I can do for you, just let me know.
- Gloria Swanson: I shall.
- Sister Beatrice: Never mind her Sister, put your ticket away.
- Sister Ruth: Yes sister.
- Nancy Pryor: Miss Swanson, would you like something from the bar?
- Gloria Swanson: No I have my own, tea.
- Nancy Pryor: Miss Griffith?
- Winnie: Yes a Martini please.
- Mrs Devaney: Miss?
- Nancy Pryor: You need something?
- Mrs Devaney: I feel a little queasy. The altitude I guess. I'll have a bourbon... with a beer chaser.
- Barney: Uh. Miss Devaney. Do you know what you just ordered? They call those boiler makers.
- Mrs Devaney: I know.
- Nancy Pryor: A bourbon with a beer chaser.
- [the lady chats to her dog]
- Passenger with dog: When we get to Los Angeles your going to go see little Fifi. You going to give me a little kiss?
- [dog submissively growls with an approving tone]
- Passenger with dog: Oh well that's good.
- [Alan Murdock decides to take the challenge and be winched into the Boeing 747 from the jet helicopter]
- Air Force Sergeant: It's just plain suicide sir!
- Alan Murdock: Get me out of here before I change my mind.
- Lt. Thatcher: [after hearing the plan to lower a pilot into the 747 cockpit from a helicopter] If you'll excuse me for saying so, that is one hell of a stupid idea!
- Joe Patroni: Well it's all we've got!
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