The House in Nightmare Park (1973)

Frankie Howerd: Foster

Photos 

Quotes 

• Foster Twelvetrees : Do I play the piano? Does Paganini play the trumpet?

  Verity Henderson : Do you play by ear?

  Foster Twelvetrees : No, I'm going to use my fingers.

• [Foster arrives at a remote country house] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : Yoo-hoo! I'm here... the entertainment's arrived! I've played empty houses before, but blimey...

• [referring to the lady of the manor's pet rabbits] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : Look at their little noses twitching, wonderful sense of smell, you know. I could smell them before I came round the corner... Look at them, what a lovely pair. May I stroke them? I meant the rabbits!

• Reggie Henderson : Damn moron!

  Foster Twelvetrees : Now watch it, mate!

  Reggie Henderson : The man's a cretin!

  Foster Twelvetrees : That's better.

• [commenting on the table wine] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : It's a bit dry for my taste. I prefer it a bit... wetter.

• [Verity faints while Foster is giving a recitation from Dickens' "The Old Curiosity Shop"] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : I was just giving her my "Little Nell."

  Reggie Henderson : You filthy swine!

• [talking in his sleep] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : Oh... no. Melanie, don't... you mustn't... I'm saving myself for Miss Right.

  [loud knocking] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : Oh, no... oh Melanie...

  [more knocking, he wakes] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : Eh? Oh! They won't let you enjoy anything in this house.

• [unpacking in his room, Frankie sets up a load of photographs of himself] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : Not bad for 32.

• [upon being rescued from a meat cleaver-wielding maniac] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : If you hadn't come in, it would have been Sixtrees!

• [to the coachman who abandons him a half mile from the menacing country house] 

  Foster Twelvetrees : I hope your whip shrivels!