You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown (1972 TV Short)

Robin Kohn: Lucy van Pelt

Quotes 

• Lucy van Pelt : If you knew that Linus Van Pelt was running for president, would you vote for him?

  Russell : No.

  Lucy van Pelt : If you knew that he was going to straighten out the whole educational system, would you vote for him?

  Russell : No.

  Lucy van Pelt : If you knew that he was going to solve all of the problems of the whole world, would you vote for him?

  Russell : No.

  Lucy van Pelt : Well, why not?

  Russell : 'Cause I'm the one who'd be running against him.

• Lucy van Pelt : Do you have a question?

  Caller : Yes, I am a first time caller, but a long time listener. I want to know what the candidate plans to do about the rivers.

  Lucy van Pelt : Rivers? Our school doesn't have any rivers!

• Lucy van Pelt : I've just compiled the results of my poll. You'll never get elected, Charlie Brown. You have no way of winning. No way.

• Linus van Pelt : Boy, this auditorium is packed with teachers and kids.

  Lucy van Pelt : Shh! Schroeder is starting his nomination speech for you.

  Schroeder : I am here this morning to nominate for the office of school president a great young man. But first, I'd like to say a few words about Beethoven.

  Lucy van Pelt : Oh, good grief!

• Linus van Pelt : I decided to say a few words about the Great Pumpkin!

  Lucy van Pelt , Charlie Brown : AAAUGHH!

  Linus van Pelt : Halloween will soon be with us! And on Halloween night the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch and brings toys to all the good little children...

  [the entire auditorium laughs] 

  Linus van Pelt : I've blown the election.

• Linus van Pelt : All right, say it! Say it! Go ahead and say it! I know you want to say it! I talked too much, and I blew the election; so go ahead and say it!

  Lucy van Pelt : OH, YOU BLOCKHEAD!

  Linus van Pelt : She said it.

• Lucy van Pelt : Hello?

  Caller : Hello? I have a question. I want to ask this question and I want to talk to the candidate. Can I ask the candidate a question?

  Lucy van Pelt : Yes, the candidate is here.

  Linus van Pelt : Hello?

  Caller : Yes. Well, I have this question that I thought maybe if I called, I could ask you the question. Because I know that if you're going to vote for a candidate,

  [Snoopy yawns] 

  Caller : I'm kind of glad that it's good that you're having a talk show like this. Because it's kind of nice that we can call in and ask our questions, because you really can't ask questions of candidates. I don't know how you can vote for somebody, and I'm glad that I have

  [Lucy grumbles] 

  Caller : a chance to ask this question. And I hope you don't mind because I thought about this question, and I think it's good to be able to ask questions of a candidate.

  Lucy van Pelt : I have a question for *you.*

  Caller : Yes. What?

  Lucy van Pelt : What is your question?

  Caller : What? What did you say?

  Lucy van Pelt : What is your question?

  Caller : Question? Oh, my gosh! I forgot what the question is!

  [Lucy slams the receiver again in anger] 

• Lucy van Pelt : Hello?

  Caller : Hello? Who is this?

  Lucy van Pelt : What do you mean "who is this"? Do you want to talk to the candidate?

  Caller : What? No. I'm calling Harold in St. Paul. Is Harold home? I wanna talk to Harold.

  Lucy van Pelt : You have the wrong number.

• Caller : Hello, hello? Am I on the air?

  Lucy van Pelt : Yes, you're on the air. What is your question?

  Caller : Well, y'know, I just called to, y'know... I have questions, y'know, and y'know how it is when you're voting, y'know, and y'know, I just wanted to ask. I just wanted to talk to the candidate, y'know, 'cause y'know how it is when you're going to vote for somebody, y'know. You sure like to talk them and feel how...

  [Lucy growls and slams the receiver] 

• Lucy van Pelt : It's hard being a campaign worker. We're completely at the mercy of our candidate. We do all the work and the candidate gets all the credit. We ring doorbells, and make the posters, and build up the candidate's image, and then he says something stupid and ruins everything we've done. The next time I do any campaigning, it's gonna be for myself!