Pete 'n' Tillie (1972)

Carol Burnett: Tillie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tillie Shlain : Honeymoon's over. Time to get married.

• Pete Seltzer : What were you saying about the gardener?

  Tillie Seltzer : We're going to have to let him go.

  Pete Seltzer : [incredulously]  Let him go? What are you talking about? He's got six kids.

  Tillie Seltzer : Apparently, those are the only seeds he can plant.

• [first lines] 

  Tillie Shlain : I wasn't looking forward to this party - or meeting Pete Seltzer. But when you've reached my age and your friends are beginning to worry about you, blind dates are a way of life.

• Pete Seltzer : [Trying to make small talk, upon first meeting Tillie]  Where were you born?

  Tillie Shlain : I hail from San Jose.

  Pete Seltzer : I have to be honest with you. That isn't much of a "hail". Next time you're asked, say, oooh, I don't know... Indianapolis.

• Pete Seltzer : [while on their first date, at a Greek restaurant]  You see that tiny man in the aisle there? That's Mr. Grougaris. He owns the joint. You notice anything strange about him?

  Tillie Shlain : [Turning around and looking at him]  Just that he's obviously wearing elevator shoes. Is that it?

  Pete Seltzer : Exactly. And it gives me an opportunity to say to my dates, "Beware of Greeks wearing lifts".

  Tillie Shlain : I *hope* you won't say that to me.

  Pete Seltzer : [sheepishly]  I won't.

• Tillie Seltzer : Oh, I was just shopping. I bought bottles and bottles of vitamins. I don't happen to believe in vitamins, but there's a sale and I happen to believe in sales.

• Tillie : [about her husband]  He's a pistol!