- [Lurkalot is making up some potion in his Laboratory as he speaks to the naive, mentally deficient Knot Weed De Custard]
- Knotweed: [pointing] What's that?
- Lurkalot: That is my latest batch of home made Aphrodisiac.
- Knotweed: Well. What's that?
- Lurkalot: Aphrodisiac? Well it you know. Gets you going.
- Knotweed: Going where?
- Lurkalot: Look. This is for people you see who want to, but they can't. And they take some of this you see, and they can. Like Rattlesnakes.
- Knotweed: Do What?
- Lurkalot: [exasperated] Rattle.
- [Lurkalot is warning Lady Ashfordel of the severity of Sir Braggart's intentions towards Lady Lobelia]
- Lurkalot: Besides Sir Braggart will be gross mispleased when he finds out your daughter Lobelia is not Chaste. Well she is. But she falls down a lot. Even now she lies with the woodman.
- Lady Asfordel: That's not true. He merely went up to stoke her fire.
- Lurkalot: Well. That's one way of putting it.
- Scheherazade: [performing the film's title song] Give me a modern man who knows how it has to be / Not some old miser who's guarding my chastity / Treating his woman as though she were some kind of chattel / It's unnatural / Give me a born true fighter who'll willingly tilt for me / Not some poor flower who'll suddenly wilt when he's hard / Pressed, right in the thick of the battle / Oh for a knight for my nights! / Oh for a knight for my nights! /
- Nick the Pick: [Indicating the 'Gonepowder' bomb to Sir Coward] Reminds me of the wife. She said to me 'When I go, I want to be cremated'. I said get your wimple off, we'll go round now!
- [Lurkalot is reciting the final part of the movies opening prologue]
- Lurkalot: And so they made me a serf, a servant. And they named me Lurklalot. Because I do.
- Sir Coward: [Spotting Knotweed among the Merry Men] You're not one of them are you?
- Lurkalot: If he's not, he soon will be!