Duck, You Sucker! (1971)

Rod Steiger: Juan Miranda

Photos 

Quotes 

• Juan Miranda : What's that?

  John H. Mallory : It's a map.

  [Juan lies down on top of it] 

  John H. Mallory : It's your country you're lyin' all over, there!

  Juan Miranda : [drowsily]  Hm-hm. Not my country. My country's... me and my family.

  John H. Mallory : Well, your country's also Huerta, the governor, the landlords... Günther Ruiz and his locusts... this little revolution we're having here.

  Juan Miranda : [alert]  A revolution? "Little revolution"? Please, don't try to tell me about revolution! I know all about the revolutions and how they start! The people that read the books, they go to the people that don't read the books, and say "Ho-ho! The time has come to have a change, eh?"

  John H. Mallory : Shhhh...

  Juan Miranda : [mimicking John]  Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, SHIT, SHUSH! I know what I am talking about when I am talking about revolutions! The people who read the books go to the people who can't read the books, the poor people, and say, "We have to have a change." So, the poor people make the change, ah? And then, the people who read the books, they all sit around the big polished tables, and they talk and talk and talk and eat and eat and eat, eh? But what has happened to the poor people? THEY ARE DEAD! That's your revolution! Sh... so, please... don't tell me about revolutions. And what happens afterwards? The same fucking thing starts all over again!

  John H. Mallory : [exhales]  Whew. Hmmm.

  [throws a book he was reading into the mud: Mikhael A. Bakunin, The Patriotism] 

• Juan Miranda : [a bird in a cage defecates on Juan's head, Juan looks up]  For the rich you sing.

• [last lines in uncut version] 

  Juan Miranda : [quietly]  What about me?

• [one of Juan's sons has just fired a pistol into the air] 

  Juan Miranda : How many times have I told you, Chulo? No shooting unless papa pulls the trigger!

• John H. Mallory : Say, which way is it to Lucanina?

  Juan Miranda : Fuck you! Go find it yourself!

  John H. Mallory : Ah hahahaha!

  Juan Miranda : Mexico is big, but for you it is going to be very big!

• [Juan runs to escape a horde of revolutionaries, but is grabbed by John] 

  John H. Mallory : Where are you goin', for Christ's sake?

  Juan Miranda : I don't know. I don't know, but something's wrong! I went into the bank. But when I go in the bank, there's nothing there, no money, nothing.

  John H. Mallory : Oh, well, the bank and the money were transferred to Mexico City over a month ago. Well, they've been using this place for a political prison ever since.

  [Juan suddenly cocks his gun at John, who chuckles] 

  Juan Miranda : What do you mean, a political prison?

  John H. Mallory : Well, I never said a thing about money. All I asked you was if you wanted to get inside.

  Juan Miranda : But you know that this bank is my life! This is my dream!

  John H. Mallory : Well, the reality of that is... you just liberated a hundred and fifty patriots through sheer courage in the face of danger.

  [giggles] 

  John H. Mallory : Ah, yes... you're a grand hero of the revolution now. Viva Miranda.

  [the cheering crowd lifts Juan onto its shoulders] 

  Juan Miranda : I don't wanna be a hero! All I want is the money, the money!

  John H. Mallory : VIVA MIRANDA!

  Juan Miranda : You taught me one thing!

  John H. Mallory : [laughing]  What?

  Juan Miranda : How to get FUCKED!

  [gives John the finger] 

• [repeated line] 

  Juan Miranda : O-kay!

• Juan Miranda : You've come here to join the Revolution?

  John H. Mallory : No. No, one was enough for me.

• Juan Miranda : [looking through John's binoculars the wrong way]  He says there's no danger; all you have to do is just watch the bridge from a long way. No matter how I look with them, I'm still too close to the bridge.

  [looks through them the right way] 

  Juan Miranda : Why am I mixed up in this fucking revolution in the first place? Go ahead, you tell me God; what am I doing here? Why didn't you strike me dead instead of letting me say "I stay too"?

  [notices John walking away from the birdge] 

  Juan Miranda : Oh-ho, look at him. Look at him! All because of him! He acts like a tourist that's going somewhere, only he's staying, eh, heh-heh! Look at him. What the hell does he care, ho-ho, he's having fun. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! I'm glad he's having fun, God, because I am not having fun. Oh-ho. No! Hey, what's this?

  [notices John napping] 

  Juan Miranda : Ho-ho, now he goes to sleep, eh? Go ahead, you sleep. Sleep. I tell you something God: when he's asleep, I go. Shhh. May the good Lord watch over you.

  [prepares to leave, but notices Günther Ruiz and his soldiers arriving at the bridge] 

• Juan Miranda : What kinda work you do for the German? Listen, I asked you a question. What do you do for the German?

  John H. Mallory : I've been looking for silver.

  Juan Miranda : Silver? You know something? I don't understand you. I don't understand how you waste your time and your holy water looking for silver. To me, that's a sin.

  John H. Mallory : Do you have any better ideas?

  Juan Miranda : Si, I think gold is better than silver.

  John H. Mallory : Ah, there isn't any gold in these hills.

  Juan Miranda : Oh ho, yes there is! In Mesa Verde.

  John H. Mallory : Mesa Verde? It's a city.

  Juan Miranda : Of course it's a city! Who ever heard of having a bank in the country, huh?

  John H. Mallory : Uh huh. A bank?

  Juan Miranda : Not "a bank." *The bank!* The most beautiful, wonderful, fantastic, gorgeous, magnificent bank in the whole world! When you stand before the bank and you see it has the gates of gold, like it was the gates of heaven. And when you go inside, everything, *everything* is gold! Gold spittoons, gold handles, and money, money, money is everywhere. And you know, I know 'cause I saw this when I was eight years old. I went there with my father. He tried to rob the bank, but they caught him. But they will never catch me, eh, Papa?

  Papa Miranda : Right.

  Juan Miranda : Listen, Firecracker. Now you listen to me... listen, why don't you come with me, eh? And we will work together... and we will become rich.

  [chuckles] 

  Juan Miranda : What the hell is your name?

  John H. Mallory : [wearily]  Seán...

  Juan Miranda : What?

  John H. Mallory : John.

  Juan Miranda : What is your name?

  John H. Mallory : John.

  Juan Miranda : [laughs]  That's fantastic, that is incredible, eh! My name is Juan and yours is John! It's Juan and John, eh? Heh, heh!

  John H. Mallory : So what?

  Juan Miranda : What do you mean, "So what?" Can't you understand that is... that is... the... oh... ah... destiny.

  [John remembers his girlfriend and friend] 

• Juan Miranda : Hey, what kind of trouble you in?

  John H. Mallory : Oh, we had a wee fart of a revolution in Ireland.

  Juan Miranda : A revolution? Seems to me the revolutions are all over the world. You know, they're like the *crabs*! We had a revolution here. When it started, all the brave people went in it, and what it did to them was terrible. Pancho Villa, the best bandit chief in the world, you know that? This man had two balls like the bull. He went in the revolution as a great bandit. When he came out, he came out as what? Nothing. A general, huh? That, to me, is the bullshit!

• Juan Miranda : Listen, Günther Ruiz is after us, and now Villa wants to talk to me, I think we should get outta here.

  Sean Mallory : [puffing on cigar]  Well, Jesus, Juan-o, you can't leave now, you're a great, grand, glorious hero of the revolution.

  Juan Miranda : Uh, can I tell you something?

  Sean Mallory : What?

  Juan Miranda : [whispering]  Fuck you.

• [repeated line] 

  Juan Miranda : John... and Juan...

• Dr. Villega : When the enemy is busy on four fronts, we'll move against our real objective. Do we still agree?

  [John nods] 

  Dr. Villega : You'll need men.

  John H. Mallory : I only need one man.

  Dr. Villega : One?

  John H. Mallory : Sí.

  Dr. Villega : [gestures to Juan]  Him.

  [John nods] 

  Juan Miranda : [exasperated]  "Him"? "Him"? What is with this "him"? Him, whom? Who him, huh? TO DO WHAT? That's what I wanna know!

  John H. Mallory : To attack the bank.

  Juan Miranda : [thinking they want him to commit a robbery]  The bank? Oh, w-w-w-w-w-w-we will take care of the bank. That's why we're here, so don't worry about that!

  Dr. Villega : Well, then... what can I say? Except... I hope you make it.

  [shakes Juan's hand] 

  Juan Miranda : Me too. And him!

• Second Policeman on Train : [holding Juan at gunpoint after he kills another officer]  Drop the knife, you bastard.

  [Juan drops the knife, while the policeman raises his hands] 

  Second Policeman on Train : I have family.

  [Juan realises that Dr. Villega is holding a gun to his back. He takes the officer's gun] 

  Juan Miranda : [chuckles]  I have family too, eh!

  [slaps the officer and throws him screaming off the train] 

• [the other revolutionaries have left while Juan and John defend the bridge] 

  Juan Miranda : Listen, when they are out of sight, we will make a run for it. ¿Sí?

  [John doesn't respond] 

  Juan Miranda : No? You can't mean to stay here? All those explosions must have gone to your head!

  [whispering] 

  Juan Miranda : Remember: John and Juan? America. The millions. No?

  John H. Mallory : No.

  Juan Miranda : I don't understand you! I thought you made some kind of a trick so we can get out of here - what can the two of us do against those locusts?

  John H. Mallory : Oh, you'd be doing me a great favor if you'd leave! If it's a choice I'd have to make between a chicken thief, and riddin' the world of a few uniforms... I'll not be choosin' the chicken thief.

  Juan Miranda : O-kay. O-kay!

  [begins to walk away] 

  Juan Miranda : NO!

  [laughs] 

  Juan Miranda : Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You will like that, uh? Well, you listen to me, you Irish piece of shit! You think you're the only man in the world who has the balls to stay? Well, you are wrong! 'Cause I - have - the - balls - and - I - stay!

• Juan Miranda : [to his sons]  If something happens, and your father doesn't come back, then I pray that the great God in Heaven takes care of you.

• [first lines] 

  Stagecoach driver : [shouts various commands to the horses in Spanish, eventually making theme stop near a water trough] 

  Juan Miranda : [runs to the stagecoach]  Señor! Señor! Señor...

  Yankee, Stagecoach Driver : [to the Mexican driver]  Tighten up that girth.

  Juan Miranda : Señor, I... I must go to San Felipe... my mother is dead!

  Yankee, Stagecoach Driver : Straight down the road, about fifty miles.

  Juan Miranda : [pats his shoulder, and hands him some money]  Please?

  Yankee, Stagecoach Driver : [pushes him]  Eh, get outta here.

  [Juan begins to walk away, crying] 

  Yankee, Stagecoach Driver : Hey. Hey, amigo. Come here.

  [looks him over] 

  Yankee, Stagecoach Driver : Ohhh... perfect. You're perfect! I swear to God, boys, he's just right. I'm gonna put you on that stage, and watch those faces when they see you come in!

• Miguel : [referring to Juan]  What about that one? Him?

  Dr. Villega : He's alright... except that when operating, he cuts deeper than I do.

  Juan Miranda : What the doctor means is that one time we did a... little work together.

• [Juan is confronting a landowner who mocked him about not knowing about his family] 

  Juan Miranda : You wanted to know my family?

  [slaps him] 

  Juan Miranda : That's my sons. Each one of them from a different mother, eh? And now, you kneel. Kneel. KNEEL!

  [forces him to his knees] 

  Juan Miranda : Papa!

  [his father comes out of the stagecoach] 

  Juan Miranda : This is my father, I think.

  Papa Miranda : [extends his hand to the landowner]  Pleased to meet...

  Juan Miranda : [slaps it away]  Go inside before Chulo kills everyone, eh? My mother had the blood of the Aztecs, which was before your people! And now I ask you a question: can you make a baby?

  [no response] 

  Juan Miranda : Can you make a baby?

  [landowner shakes his head] 

  Juan Miranda : That's sad. But we will fix that.

• John H. Mallory : [interrupting Miranda's babbling]  Oh, jesus christ, will you shut up and go and fix my motorcycle!

  Juan Miranda : Okay... okay... . anything you say ... firecracker!

• John H. Mallory : Who are those people inside?

  Juan Miranda : [stepping on the explosive plunger]  You mean, who WERE those people inside?