- Radio Interviewer: [discussing an amateur talent competition] So, what is it that you do, if I may ask?
- Caller on Radio: I play meat.
- Radio Interviewer: You play meat?
- Caller on Radio: Yes, uh... meat. You know, beef, pork...
- David Mann: [laughing] That's sick, man. That's sick.
- David Mann: [David Mann mistakenly thinks that the man eating a sandwich in the cafe is the truck driver harassing him] Look, uh... I want you to cut it out.
- Man in Cafe: [bites into sandwich, chewing] Wha?
- David Mann: Just... just cut it out, okay?
- Man in Cafe: [bites into sandwich again, chewing] Cut what out?
- David Mann: Now come on, let's uh... let's not play games.
- Man in Cafe: What the hell you talkin' about?
- David Mann: I can call the police.
- Man in Cafe: [stops eating, looks suprised] Police?
- David Mann: You think that I won't? You're wrong, mister. I mean if you think you can just... just take that... that truck of yours and use it as a murder weapon and uh... killin' people on the highway... you're wrong! You got another thing comin'!
- Man in Cafe: [shakes head, fed up] Man, you need help.
- David Mann: [Mann slaps the sandwich out of his hand] Don't you tell me I need *help*!
- Man in Cafe: [punches Mann in the stomach]
- Cafe Owner: [piercing, nasal voice] Heeeeeey!
- Gas Station Attendant: Yes sir, whatever you want, I got it. What do you want?
- David Mann: Fill it with Ethyl.
- Gas Station Attendant: If Ethyl don't mind.
- David Mann: That truck driver's crazy, he's been trying to kill me, I mean it!
- Bus Driver: Well, mister, if I was to vote on who's crazy around here, it'd be you.
- David Mann: Don't... don't... don't sit on the hood. That hood will dent. I told the kids not to get on the hood! Just see if you can bounce it loose, and I'll... ah... just bounce it loose.
- David Mann: [after the truck smashes the phone booth] Lady, you have got to call the police!
- Lady at Snakerama: With what? That's the only phone I got!
- David Mann: Oh, my God. Come on, faster. Oh, my God. Come on! Come on. Please. Come on. Come on, car!.Come on, let's go! Come on!
- Cafe Owner: [as David Mann exits cafe restroom and enters dining area] Are you all right?
- David Mann: Yeah, I'm fine.
- Cafe Owner: What happened out there?
- David Mann: Oh, just a slight complication.
- Cafe Owner: Oh? Looked like a big complication to me!
- [Cafe patrons laugh. Mann gives an irritated look]
- Old Man: [after David Mann's car crashes into a fence] You all right, Mister?
- David Mann: [meekly] Yeah. Yeah, except - Oh, my neck.
- Lady at Snakerama: [after the truck begins destroying Sally's Snakearama] Why'd he do that? Why'd he break my cages?
- David Mann: Do you have a men's room?
- Cafe Owner: Yeah. Through the door, ON THE RIGHT! Down the hall. Take a left. Second door.
- David Mann: You never know. You just never know. You just go along figuring some things don't change - like being able to drive on a public highway without somebody trying to murder you. And then one stupid thing happens - 20-25 minutes out of your whole life - and all the ropes that kept you hanging in there get cut loose. And it's like there you are - right back in the jungle again. All right, boy, it was a nightmare but it's over now. It's all over.
- Mrs. Mann: I think you could have at least said something to the man last night. I mean, after all, he - was practically trying to rape me in front of the whole party.
- Caller on Radio: I would like some information. I'm filling out my Census form right now and I have an awful problem and I was wondering can somebody help me.
- Census Bureau: Go ahead.
- Caller on Radio: Thank - oh - you're going to answer my question?
- Census Bureau: Yes.
- Caller on Radio: Oh, good. Well, first of all, I want to say, uh, I don't mind being counted as an American, I'm one of the silent majority, but I wish you had made some of those questions multiple choice. Now, the question was, um, are you the head of a family? Well, quite frankly, eh, the day I married that woman that, unfortunately, I've been married to for the last 25 years...
- Census Bureau: Oh.
- Caller on Radio: Well, it's true. I lost the position as head of the family. You see, what I do, I stay home - I hate working, I hate going out and seeing people and being involved in the rat race and things like that. So, she works and I do the housework and take care of the babies and things like that. And so, I was wondering if you wanted honest answers. Now, what I did, I penciled in all of the marks that you wanted - eh, you wanted marks in these circles here that I see in front of me. Now, I penciled it in first and I said, no, that's being dishonest, I'm really *not* the head of the family and yet I'm the man of the family.
- [first lines]
- [radio playing, driving down the road, approaches the truck]
- [David coughs, coughs again]
- David Mann: Talk about pollution.
- David Mann: [Valiant hidden from passing trucker - camera slowly travels up hood to worn, weary David Mann] The highway's all yours Jack... I'm not budging for at least an hour. Maybe the police will pull you in by then... maybe they won't... but at least you'll be far away from me...
- David Mann: [Mann sarcastically imitating wife's voice] Well dear, did you have a nice trip?
- [Mann responding]
- David Mann: Uh, no, no... Just the... just the same old thing... o-boy, o-boy, o-boy...
- Gas Station Attendant: Looks like you could use a new radiator hose.
- David Mann: [muttering to himself] Yeah, where have I heard that before?
- [to the attendant]
- David Mann: I'll get one later, thanks.
- Gas Station Attendant: You're the boss.
- David Mann: Not in *my* house, I'm not.
- David Mann: [on the phone] Honey, I said there probably won't be a problem.
- Mrs. Mann: Well, just be on time, okay?
- David Mann: Alright! Okay, I'll be there.
- Mrs. Mann: [on the phone] You said there would be no problem about getting home on time.
- David Mann: There probably won't be!