Ransom for a Dead Man (1971 TV Movie)

Lee Grant: Leslie Williams

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Quotes 

• Leslie Williams : You know, Columbo, you're almost likable in a shabby sort of way. Maybe it's the way you come slouching in here with your shopworn bag of tricks.

  Lt. Columbo : Me? Tricks?

  Leslie Williams : The humility, the seeming absent-mindedness, the uh, homey anecdotes about the family: the wife, you know?

  [laughs] 

  Lt. Columbo : Really?

  Leslie Williams : Yeah, Lieutenant Columbo, fumbling and stumbling along. But it's always the jugular that he's after. And I imagine that, more often than not, he's successful.

  Lt. Columbo : I appreciate that compliment, Mrs. Williams, and I particularly appreciate it coming from you.

• Lt. Columbo : Eh, say, eh, you know I have this cousin Ralph, eh, his name is Ralph. Eh, anyway eh, Ralph was the greatest at everything. You know I mean he thought better, he talked better, he made out better. Ralph was the greatest. I mean Ralph, boy, that Ralph was something, I'll tell you that. I'll never forget him.

  Leslie Williams : Eh, is there a point to this story, Lieutenant?

  Lt. Columbo : A point?

  Leslie Williams : A point.

  Lt. Columbo : No, I don't think there's a point, except... well maybe, you know maybe what it was, is that when you were talking about your husband in the plane, I guess that reminded me of Ralph. You see, because Ralph, he was a bore. I mean he was so perfect, there were times I felt like killing him.

• Margaret Williams : I Know you did it. I know it.

  Leslie Williams : I think you ought to see a doctor, Margaret.

  Margaret Williams : Do you?

  Leslie Williams : Yes I do, I think you're a very sick girl.

  [Margaret turns her back. After a beat] 

  Leslie Williams : Are you listening?

  Margaret Williams : Yes, but it's very difficult because I'm so sick.

• Leslie Williams : Lieutenant Columbo, thank you for straightening Margaret out. I appreciate it.

  Lt. Columbo : Oh, it was the only thing I could do. I mean I just can't have you accused of murder on the wrong evidence.

• Lt. Columbo : You see the thing is with me, eh... I'm a strange guy.

  Leslie Williams : Really?

  Lt. Columbo : Yeah, I worry. I mean little thing bother me. I'm a worrier. I mean, little insignificant details, I lose my appetite, I can't eat. My wife she says to me: "You know, you can really be a pain", you know what I mean?

  Leslie Williams : I get the general picture.

• Lt. Columbo : You know the soap you have in the bathroom, the ones shaped like little lemons? Well I was almost afraid to use 'em.

  Leslie Williams : But that's what they're there for, lieutenant - to be used.

  Lt. Columbo : Well if you don't mind my asking: when you use one, and you put it back in the plate, how do you keep it from sticking to the others?

  Leslie Williams : It's a problem.

  Lt. Columbo : That's what I figured.

• Leslie Williams : [to Columbo as he attempts to fly]  Keep the planes nose up. You have to treat the plane like a woman. You have to treat it gently. You have to treat her very gently.

• Leslie Williams : Where will all your friends be, Margaret? You haven't the money to buy them anymore.

• Lt. Columbo , Leslie Williams : Ah, Mrs. Williams! Don't you have any live-in servants?

  Leslie Williams : Yes.

  Lt. Columbo : Oh, well it must be the same problem everywhere. You want something done, you gotta do it yourself.

  Leslie Williams : How's that?

  Lt. Columbo : Oh, I was just saying, you pay a lot of money for help, and you end up doin the cooking.

  Leslie Williams : Well, you see, my housekeeper's been on vacation the last few weeks.

  Lt. Columbo : Oh, I see then, so you've been here alone. Well, listen, if there's, I mean, anything I can do to help, peel potatoes, whatever, you just feel free.

• Leslie Williams : You know, Columbo, you're almost likeable in a shabby sort of way.

• Leslie Williams : An idiosyncracy.

  Lt. Columbo : Right, idiosyncracy. Gee that's a good word.

  Leslie Williams : Oh, one of the best.

• Leslie Williams : Lieutenant Columbo, fumbling and stumbling along, but it's always the jugular that he is after.

• Leslie Williams : In point of fact, Mr. Crowell, according to the bartender there, you had at least three drinks and no dinner before you left the cafe and returned to your apartment. And not being able to see the stairwell steps properly, you fell.

  Attorney : Objection, your honour, counsel is testifying and assuming facts not in evidence. The plaintiff alleges the stairs were improperly lit.

  Leslie Williams : Although the plaintiff may well have been.

• Margaret Williams : I think you ought to see a doctor, Margaret.

  Margaret Williams : Do you?

  Leslie Williams : Yes, I do. I think you're a very sick girl.

  [silence] 

  Leslie Williams : Are you listening?

  Margaret Williams : Yes, but it's very difficult because I'm so sick.