Carnal Knowledge (1971)

Art Garfunkel: Sandy

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Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Jonathan : If you had a choice...

  Sandy : Yeah?

  Jonathan : Would you rather love a girl, or have her love you?

  Sandy : I want it mutual.

  Jonathan : I mean if you couldn't have it mutual.

  Sandy : You mean would I rather be the one who loves, or is loved?

  Jonathan : Yeah.

  Sandy : It's not that easy a question. But, I think I'd rather be in love.

  Jonathan : Me too. I wouldn't want to get hurt, though.

• Susan : I think people only like to think they're putting on an act, but it's not an act, it's really them. If they think it's an act, they feel better, because they think they can always change it.

  Sandy : You mean, they're kidding themselves, because it's not really an act.

  Susan : Yes, it is an act, but they're the act. The act is them.

  Sandy : But if it's them, then how can it be an act?

  Susan : Because they're an act.

  Sandy : But they're also real.

  Susan : No.

  Sandy : I'm not real?

  Susan : No.

  Sandy : I'm an act?

  Susan : It's all right, I'm an act too.

• Jonathan : She's a real ball-buster, that one. I've been through the mill with her kind.

  Sandy : Yeah?

  Jonathan : You think a girl goes for you, and you find out she's after your money or your balls - or your money *and* your balls. Women today are better-hung than the men.

• Jonathan : The first time I do it, I want it beautiful. I don't want to waste it on some beast.

  Sandy : I feel the same way about getting laid as I feel about going to college. I'm being pressured into it.

• Susan : This is the first time I've ever been to a college mixer.

  Sandy : Me too. I hate them.

  Susan : I hate them too.

  Sandy : It's such a phony way of meeting people.

  Susan : Everybody puts on an act.

  Sandy : So, even if you meet somebody, you don't know who you're meeting.

  Susan : 'Cause you're meeting the act.

  Sandy : That's right, not the person.

• Sandy : Susan and I do all the right things. We undress in front of each other. We spend 15 minutes on foreplay. We experiment, do it in different rooms. It's a seven-room house. We don't believe in making a ritual of it. We do it when we feel like it. We don't feel we have to be passionate all the time. Sometimes it's even more fun necking. We're considerate of each other's feelings. I had a tendency - men, I guess, have - to be selfish. But I stopped. I don't do that now. We try to be patient, and we are patient, gentle with each other. Maybe it's just not meant to be enjoyable with women you love.

• Jonathan : What would you do?

  Sandy : If she looks anything like she looks on television...

  Jonathan : Size 38 with a D cup.

  Sandy : But, looks aren't everything.

  Jonathan : Believe me, looks are everything.

• Jonathan : Sandy, do you wanna get laid?

  Sandy : Please.

• Sandy : You were in love with Gloria.

  Jonathan : I was starting to be in love with her, then she let me feel her up on the first date. Turned me right off.

  Sandy : You kept going with her, though.

  Jonathan : Well, she let me feel her up.

• Susan : Don't you behave differently with different people?

  Sandy : No.

  Susan : With your family?

  Sandy : I thought you meant different people. Well, sure, with my family...

  Susan : And with friends, you're another way.

  Sandy : Well, sure, with my friends.

  Susan : And with your teachers, you're still another way. So which one is you?

• Sandy : She was the best-looking girl at the whole mixer. I'll say that for her. Wasn't she?

  Jonathan : Her tits were too small.

  Sandy : Yeah, I was thinking that. The hell with her.

  Jonathan : But her legs were great.

  Sandy : You think so? Standing so close, I really couldn't tell about her legs.

  Jonathan : I wouldn't kick her out of bed.

  Sandy : She's got some funny ideas.

  Jonathan : I wouldn't kick her out of bed.

• Sandy : I like you very much, Susan. It's our third date.

  Susan : I like you too.

  Sandy : You let me kiss you last week.

  Susan : And this week.

  Sandy : If I could kiss you once last week, I should be able to kiss you at least twice tonight.

• Sandy : She kissed me five times.

  Jonathan : Now, that's when you should've put your hand on her tit.

  Sandy : Come on, when this girl's nice enough to kiss me, I should do that to her?

  Jonathan : You act as if she's doing you a favor.

  Sandy : Well, it is sort of a favor, isn't it? I mean, when a girl lets you kiss her and, you know, go on from there. Feel her up and, you know, the rest of it. Go all the way and the rest of it. I mean, isn't it a favor? What's in it for her? I mean, if she's not getting paid or anything.

• Susan : Sandy, please take your hand off my breast.

  Sandy : Why?

  Susan : 'Cause I want you to. How can it be any fun for you if you know I don't want it?

  Sandy : I didn't say it was fun.

  Susan : Then why is your hand where it is?

  Sandy : Because, the way we're going, by this time, I should be feeling you up.

• Sandy : Susan, are you a virgin? What do I do with my other hand? What are you gonna do with your hands?

• Jonathan : What did you say exactly?

  Sandy : I don't remember exactly. That she was the first girl I ever tried to feel up.

  Jonathan : You told her that?

  Sandy : Was it a mistake?

  Jonathan : I wouldn't.

  Sandy : Then she got nicer to me.

  Jonathan : What do you mean nicer?

  Sandy : She put my hand on her breast.

  Jonathan : You mean you put it on; she left it there.

  Sandy : No, she picked it up and put it on.

  Jonathan : She took your hand like this? And put it on like this?

  Sandy : That's right. So, I didn't know what to think.

  Jonathan : You didn't, huh?

  Sandy : For just wanting to be friends, she's suddenly getting pretty aggressive.

  Jonathan : Yeah, then what?

  Sandy : I asked her if she was a virgin.

  Jonathan : You're kidding.

  Sandy : Was that a mistake? Anyhow, she is.

  Jonathan : *She* says. So now you got, what, one hand or two hands on her tits?

  Sandy : By this time, she's put the other hand on the other one.

  Jonathan : She put both hands on? Two hands?

  Sandy : So I said, "What are you gonna do with your hands?"

  Jonathan : You didn't say that.

  Sandy : It just came out.

  Jonathan : Yeah, then what?

  Sandy : Let me see if I got this. She unzipped my fly.

  Jonathan : Bullshit artist! Then what? Then what?

  Sandy : Then she did it!

  Jonathan : Did what? Bullshit artist! She really did that to you?

  Sandy : Yeah.

  Jonathan : She did *that*?

  Sandy : Yeah.

• Sandy : I'm reading "The Fountainhead."

  Jonathan : "The Fountainhead." What's that?

  Sandy : It's her favorite book. You ever hear of "Jean-Christophe"?

  Jonathan : What's that?

  Sandy : It's a classic, you moron. Gonna read it after "The Fountainhead."

  Jonathan : Yeah, you ever read "Guadalcanal Diary" by Richard Tregaskis?

  Sandy : No.

  Jonathan : That was a best seller and I read it. Ever read "Gentleman's Agreement" by Laura Z. Hobson? You ever read "A Bell For Adano" by John Hersey?

  Sandy : I'm gonna read everything from now on.

• Jonathan : Boy, is she competitive.

  Sandy : She is very competitive, but I find that attractive.

  Jonathan : You know her problem? She wants balls.

• Sandy : I wish she were more feminine.

  Jonathan : She is a little masculine.

  Sandy : I just wish she wouldn't always demand her own way.

  Jonathan : She's got a great body on her.

  Sandy : I have to treat her like a child, give her everything she wants.

  Jonathan : I wouldn't mind giving her something.

• Sandy : What about Gwen?

  Jonathan : Her I could talk to.

  Sandy : I've never been able to talk to any girl.

  Jonathan : I was really getting crazy about her. She's stuck up. Wouldn't let me lay a hand on her. So I went back to Gloria.

• Sandy : You want perfection.

  Jonathan : What do you want, wise guy?

  Sandy : She just has to be nice, that's all.

  Jonathan : You wouldn't want her beautiful?

  Sandy : She doesn't have to be beautiful. I would like her built, though.

• Jonathan : I want mine sexy-looking.

  Sandy : I wouldn't want her to look like a tramp.

  Jonathan : Sexy doesn't mean she has to look like a tramp.

• Jonathan : She should be very understanding. Start the same sentences together.

  Sandy : Yeah, I'd like that.

  Jonathan : *Big* tits.

  Sandy : Yeah, but still a virgin.

  Jonathan : I don't care about that.

  Sandy : Come on.

  Jonathan : I wouldn't mind if she was a little ahead of me, with those big tits, and knew hundreds of different ways.

• Jonathan : There's a way to talk to girls, you know? Tell her a joke.

  Sandy : What joke?

  Jonathan : Tell her about your unhappy childhood.

  Sandy : That's not bad.

  Jonathan : But don't make it like an act.

  Sandy : No.

  Jonathan : Go ahead. Go ahead, schmuck. If you don't, I will.

• Susan : I'm not sure I agree.

  Sandy : With what?

  Susan : With what you said.

  Sandy : No, I don't either.

  Susan : You don't agree with what you said?

• Sandy : You ought to be a lawyer.

  Susan : I'm gonna be a lawyer.

  Sandy : A lady lawyer.

• Jonathan : Did you feel her up yet?

  Sandy : Come on, I like this girl. I don't want to ruin things.

• Sandy : She thinks I'm sensitive.

  Jonathan : Sensitive? Sensitive? Oh, boy! Whoa-ho! What do you talk to her about, flowers?

  Sandy : Books.

  Jonathan : Books? You phony, I read more books than you do.

  Sandy : Yeah, well, I'm gonna start.

• Sandy : Please, Susan.

  Susan : Sometimes I want to do it, and a second later, I don't want to do it.

  Sandy : Let's do it.

  Susan : I don't know why you put up with me. I don't think I can do it.

• Jonathan : It's as if you're the first guy in history who ever got laid.

  Sandy : I'm the first guy in my history who ever got laid.

  Jonathan : I like it too, but you don't hear me crowing about it. There's such a thing as good taste, you know?

  Sandy : What's the matter with you?

  Jonathan : Jeez!

  Sandy : After you started scoring, what did I get out of you? "We did it standing, sitting, in the car, under the car."

• Sandy : [to Jonathan]  Sometimes I think I'm a better friend to you than you are to me.

• Jonathan : You want her?

  Sandy : I wouldn't kick her out of bed.

  Jonathan : Will you look at the pair on her?

  Sandy : Get a look at that schmuck trying to keep up with her.

  Jonathan : They're always with guys like that.

• Jonathan : I'd get married in a minute if I could find the right girl.

  Sandy : Bullshit artist. You and your actress friends.

  Jonathan : Are you kidding, Doctor? You're the one that's got the deal. I mean, what can I say? "Take your clothes off, baby, I wanna check your capital gains."

  Sandy : I just look.

  Jonathan : Sure, you do.

• Sandy : You got Bobbie. I should only have it that good.

  Jonathan : Ohh - Bobbie.

  Sandy : Bobbie, are you kidding? I've never seen a body like that.

  Jonathan : She could do with a little more of what Cindy's got. She's so goddamn passive.

  Sandy : Yeah, I wouldn't mind Cindy just lying still once. She's so busy handing out instructions in bed. It's like close-order drill.

  Jonathan : Yeah? I wouldn't mind a little of that, as long as she doesn't forget who's boss.

• Jonathan : I thought she was your daughter when you first came in.

  Sandy : In a lot of ways, she's older than I am.

  Jonathan : Yeah.

  Sandy : She knows worlds I can't even begin to touch yet.

  Jonathan : Sandy, please.

  Sandy : I found out who I am.

  Jonathan : You're in big trouble.

  Sandy : Same old Jonathan.

  Jonathan : Indubitably.

• Sandy : You don't need those games, Jonathan. I know. I've played more games than anyone. The obedient son game. The bright student game. The cocksman's game.

  Jonathan : Some cocksman.

  Sandy : The respectable husband game. The good father game.

  Jonathan : Good father?

  Sandy : The specialist game. Games don't impress Jennifer. Just life, just love.

• Sandy : Jennifer knows more at 18 than Susan knows to this day.

  Jonathan : You found yourself a real jewel, okay?

  Sandy : She's my love teacher.

  Jonathan : Finally got it up, huh?

• Sandy : You give off such bad vibrations.

  Jonathan : Bad vibrations? Sandy, I love you, but you're a schmuck. You were always young, Sandy, open. You were schmucky a lot of the time, but maybe schmuckiness is what you need to stay young and open.

• Jonathan : Hey, you wouldn't want to swap sometime, would you?

  Sandy : Are you serious?

  Jonathan : What do you say? Might liven things up a bit. She can miss one party. Leave her to me.

  Sandy : What about Bobbie?

  Jonathan : She's so mad at me, she'll jump all over you just for revenge. Hey, you like that, huh?

  Sandy : Seriously?

  Jonathan : She's in the bedroom. If you're quiet, you can do it and she won't even know.