A mummy narrates vignettes about men, women, and the sex between them. Huh? At the beginning, the mummy randomly asks the viewer, "Imagine having sex with this girl. Imagine having sex with this boy" about 37 times, while flashing pictures of half naked mod youths. Later, said mods boys pelt mod girls with...vegetables? If you ignore (or fast forward) through the mummy's rambling, the shorts aren't bad in their own right. I found a few of them rather funny. My personal favorite is one where the sexually-confused man tries to convince a girl to have sex with him while his pet lizard sits on the bed. This is one, well, bizarre movie.
16 Reviews
Strange and mildly compelling
rdoyle292 September 2017
A strange little film that's a bit like a softcore sex version of "The Twilight Zone". A mummy hosts a series of odd horrorish stories involving sex ... a woman photographing a series of pictures of medieval torture devices really tortures her male model; a female burglar has sex with the man of the house and robs him anyway; and so on. It's somewhere between a brainy sex film and a fairly lame horror anthology. Director Anthony Balch had previously worked with William S. Burroughs, which isn't all that far off from the tone of this one.
REVENGE OF THE MUMMY
nogodnomasters13 April 2019
Warning: Spoilers
"Secrets of Sex" and "Bizarre" are the same film. There are a number of scenes known as "skirmish battles of the sexes." It is heavily narrated by a mummy (Valentine Dyall) who sounds a bit like Christopher Lee. It appears he is in some sort of purgatory where he watches the skirmishes from time to time. These short tales lack entertainment value and dialogue of any value.
Some versions include 2 black and white extras by William S. Burroughs. They are difficult to watch, one includes the F-bomb and the a white guy saying the N-word. Horrors! Oh where is Melissa Harris-Perry!
This was the age before silicon and tuck. Women sag, show scars, and have cheesy butts. Fair transfer to DVD
Sex and nudity (male and female FF; Cathy Howard, Maria Frost, Nicole Austin, Sue Bond)
Some versions include 2 black and white extras by William S. Burroughs. They are difficult to watch, one includes the F-bomb and the a white guy saying the N-word. Horrors! Oh where is Melissa Harris-Perry!
This was the age before silicon and tuck. Women sag, show scars, and have cheesy butts. Fair transfer to DVD
Sex and nudity (male and female FF; Cathy Howard, Maria Frost, Nicole Austin, Sue Bond)
Occasionally amusing and arousing, frequently horrifying, but mostly just perplexing
lazarillo13 July 2006
This DVD is worth having for the two short films included on it that director Anthony Balch did with William Burroughs. As for the feature, well. . ."Bizarre" is yet another British anthology, but definitely one of the strangest ones you're ever likely to see. It's narrated by a mummy (the Egyptian kind, not the English). The common theme in vignettes the mummy introduces is supposedly the battle between the sexes. (Why the mummy is supposed to be an authority on this subject frankly eluded me). The vignettes do manage to combine horror, sex, and comedy pretty well. The first two include some straight-on female-on-male sexual cruelty and some female-on-male medical/science fiction-related cruelty. Despite a healthy dose of black humor, they are both pretty disturbing. Then there is strange, very British skit (set during the WWII air raids for some reason) where a man catches a sexy female burglar in his house, so he showers with her, rolls around on his bed with her while shoving the phone down the back of her panties(kind of anticipating the strange fetishes of Jesus Franco films), before finally doing to her what any red-blooded Englishman would do to a sexy female burglar in a silly British sex comedy. Of course, she eventually gets the upper hand.
In the last two vignettes it is the males who prevail. One of them called "Lindy Leigh" is a comical spy parody apparently based on a comic strip in Mayfair magazine (the British version of Playboy). The title character, Lindy Leigh, is a female spy who is so stupid that she makes Playboy's "Little Annie Fannie" look like James Bond. She crawls around in her panties a lot and ends up locked in a safe with a bunch of other topless bimbos. The last vignette completely beggars description, so I'm not even going to try. Then the movie ends back where it started with dancing, some tame sexual groping, and a lot of naked people handling automatic weapons and, very literally, rolling around in the hay (by the way, I don't know Balch's personal sexual orientation, but I think this movie would probably appeal to bisexuals a lot as the men are just as naked and often almost as attractive as the women). During the scant running time of this movie I was occasionally aroused, even more occasionally amused, pretty frequently horrified, but mostly just perplexed. Really though this thing has to be experienced first-hand to be believed.
In the last two vignettes it is the males who prevail. One of them called "Lindy Leigh" is a comical spy parody apparently based on a comic strip in Mayfair magazine (the British version of Playboy). The title character, Lindy Leigh, is a female spy who is so stupid that she makes Playboy's "Little Annie Fannie" look like James Bond. She crawls around in her panties a lot and ends up locked in a safe with a bunch of other topless bimbos. The last vignette completely beggars description, so I'm not even going to try. Then the movie ends back where it started with dancing, some tame sexual groping, and a lot of naked people handling automatic weapons and, very literally, rolling around in the hay (by the way, I don't know Balch's personal sexual orientation, but I think this movie would probably appeal to bisexuals a lot as the men are just as naked and often almost as attractive as the women). During the scant running time of this movie I was occasionally aroused, even more occasionally amused, pretty frequently horrified, but mostly just perplexed. Really though this thing has to be experienced first-hand to be believed.
Tounge In Cheek
malcolmgsw11 June 2022
Warning: Spoilers
John Trevelyan ,secretary to the BBFC in the seventies,always thought he was ahead of public opinion. However he had a thing about genitals and was always cutting them out. So at this remove in time he comes across as rather a bluenose.
Many of the sketches are silly rather than sexy,although the male model castration clearly was to appeal to the sado masochist fans in the audience.
It probably played mainly in Soho and the independant sex cinemas such as the Tatler group.
More of a curio now rather than erotic.
Many of the sketches are silly rather than sexy,although the male model castration clearly was to appeal to the sado masochist fans in the audience.
It probably played mainly in Soho and the independant sex cinemas such as the Tatler group.
More of a curio now rather than erotic.
S10 Reviews: Bizarre (1970)
suspiria1011 July 2005
The eternal sexual struggle of men and women told in several vignettes, anthology style. That doesn't sound too "Bizarre" as the name suggests but keep in mind it's narrated by a mummy. The mummy helps tell the oldest tale of the sex struggle through the ages and spins tales with interesting twists and angles. Tres Bizarre, no? This anthology is a bit light on horror but the film is still quite interesting. The film is a lot smarter than one would think at first glance possibly due to a smartly written or acting that is actually well above average. "Bizarre" will titillate and tickle your funny bone and maybe even make you think a bit too.
silly, offbeat horror anthology movie from an experimental filmmaker and big movie fan
FieCrier1 July 2005
You would expect Antony Balch, who collaborated on some experimental short films with William Burroughs, to make a weird horror film. And it is indeed pretty kooky, though doesn't often strike one as experimental.
Some of the more experimental, or at least odd touches include: a voice-over saying "Imagine yourself having sex with this girl. Imagine yourself having sex with this boy. Imagine yourself having sex with this girl." etc. for some time, with images of mod young people in various states of undress. It then repeats with slight variation, "Imagine this girl having sex with you" etc. In another segment, there are shots of planes taking off and landing intercut throughout. It's unclear if they're meant to represent sex, or the threat of the man's wife coming home, or that the man's house is under a flight path, or if they're simply filmic non-sequiturs.
The movie has a mummy narrating, telling about the battle of the sexes. The segments all have to do with men and women at odds with each other in various ways, sometimes fatal. The opening segment has an Arabian judge who believes his wife may have a lover hidden in a trunk. He has the trunk buried without opening it. This is perhaps the origin of the mummy (though how he comes to be mummified would be a mystery, but the producer on the commentary track indicates we should not give it that much thought).
There are women photographing a male model in various states of torture. There's a sexy spy who's supposed to find secrets in a foreign embassy. There's a young man with a strange fetish rooted in a childhood incident.
Offbeat, and definitely for those that like that. It was quite well-received at the time! Now, it does seem awfully 1960s, but that lends it a new sort of charm.
Some of the more experimental, or at least odd touches include: a voice-over saying "Imagine yourself having sex with this girl. Imagine yourself having sex with this boy. Imagine yourself having sex with this girl." etc. for some time, with images of mod young people in various states of undress. It then repeats with slight variation, "Imagine this girl having sex with you" etc. In another segment, there are shots of planes taking off and landing intercut throughout. It's unclear if they're meant to represent sex, or the threat of the man's wife coming home, or that the man's house is under a flight path, or if they're simply filmic non-sequiturs.
The movie has a mummy narrating, telling about the battle of the sexes. The segments all have to do with men and women at odds with each other in various ways, sometimes fatal. The opening segment has an Arabian judge who believes his wife may have a lover hidden in a trunk. He has the trunk buried without opening it. This is perhaps the origin of the mummy (though how he comes to be mummified would be a mystery, but the producer on the commentary track indicates we should not give it that much thought).
There are women photographing a male model in various states of torture. There's a sexy spy who's supposed to find secrets in a foreign embassy. There's a young man with a strange fetish rooted in a childhood incident.
Offbeat, and definitely for those that like that. It was quite well-received at the time! Now, it does seem awfully 1960s, but that lends it a new sort of charm.
Gloriously weird soft-core exploitation anthology curio
Woodyanders5 April 2011
Warning: Spoilers
A talking mummy (voiced with plummy and commanding aplomb by Valentine Dyall) guides the viewers on a very colorful and unusual grand tour of the epic ongoing battle between the sexes. Director/co-writer Anthony Balch accurately captures the brash and cheeky irreverence and bold "try it, do it" off the wall experimentalism of the swingin' 60's with this genuinely offbeat cinematic potpourri of humor (the broad spy spoof segment rates as the definite campy highlight), horror (a hunky male model gets the unnice slice, a lady gives birth to a hideously malformed mutant baby), and eroticism (naturally, there's a plethora of nudity from both gals and guys alike). Moreover, Balch further spruces things up with plenty of funky psychedelic visual flourishes and such kinky stuff as bondage, torture, and hot chicks in dressed in shiny black leather. Better still, there's a pronounced peculiarity to the whole eccentric enterprise that's really something to behold (a gaggle of go-go dancing honeys are pelted with vegetables by a gang of disapproving dudes who also advance on them while brandishing machine guns!). David McDonald's splashy cinematography makes fine use of ripe bright colors. De Wolfe's stirring dramatic score likewise hits the overwrought spot. A truly unique and enjoyable one of a kind oddity.
So very, very weird, and hugely entertaining
crystallogic21 April 2019
Since I'm on a roll with the anthology movies right now, i'm going to post about what is probably the weirdest British anthology film out there and definitely
one of the oddest things I have ever seen in my life.
This movie has a lurid title that you might feel slightly embarrassed about renting from the video store (or maybe not eh?). It's called Secrets of Sex, but it also goes under the less provocative and more mysterious title "Bizarre", which describes the movie's style and character really well without saying a thing about it.
So, this is basically an anthology depicting stories revolving around the theme of "The battle of the Sexes". This was a really popular theme in the 60s and 70s, given that feminism was on the rise and a lot of men especially were left scratching their heads and wondering what the hell was going on. The results were a lot of movies and TV shows and books based on this concept, most of which seem pretty outdated today. But I can say without a shadow of the doubt that I've never seen anything quite like this. Nothing I can really say is going to prepare you for it and I'm not going to sit here trying to describe the stories, because jeez...
Essentially, Valentine Dyall (The haunted, City of the Dead, the famous Man in Black on radio, and the Black Guardian in Doctor Who!) plays an ancient mummy, an egyptian king who once trapped his lady and her lover and sent them to the bottom of the ocean, or something. He has been resurrected because he has spent thousands of years observing the interaction of human beings, and is delighted to find that in all this time, not much has really changed. Lovers are still trapping each other in all the devious and twisted ways that they can. So, this is the framing device. Before the stories begin there are parades of all kinds of weird stuff of the type you might see in an italian mondo movie, but a lot funnier. There is some repetitive stuff in here but it's not bad and actually lulls you into a nice little trance. I should say that taking drugs with this movie is almost mandatory.
once the stories proper begin, we are treated to a crazy, unbelievable mix of horror and comedy vignettes. There's everything here from body horror to spy spoof to unbelievable fake rubber dinosaurs. it's both arty and trashy at the same time, and yes, I can probably say without my usual hesitation that this is, in some respects, a really bad movie, but it's also incredibly entertaining on almost every level. My jaw was on the floor almost throughout and I could not stop laughing. I feel, too, that most of the laughs are absolutely intentional. Rather surprisingly, some of this comes out seeming a lot cleverer than you might think at first glance. it's also even-handed, with some of the stories featuring the women coming out "on top", while others depict a solid victory for the men-folk. I thought the last story showed the film running out of steam a bit as it ends pretty abruptly, almost like the film crew were on the clock. I don't recognise any of these performers other than valentine Dyall, by the way, and I don't think any of the cast really stand out. Some of the stories do, however. The horror tale about a woman giving birth to a genetically stunted son just to get revenge on the husband she hates is genuinely disconcerting.
This is something for the real freaks, for people who revel in the tasteless and have a weird love of things they can't quite explain. It's simultaneously uproariously funny and awkward as hell and I think the guy who created it was actually really smart to do it in this way. Watch late at night, preferrably with some amenable company and the addition of your psychotropic substances of choice.
This movie has a lurid title that you might feel slightly embarrassed about renting from the video store (or maybe not eh?). It's called Secrets of Sex, but it also goes under the less provocative and more mysterious title "Bizarre", which describes the movie's style and character really well without saying a thing about it.
So, this is basically an anthology depicting stories revolving around the theme of "The battle of the Sexes". This was a really popular theme in the 60s and 70s, given that feminism was on the rise and a lot of men especially were left scratching their heads and wondering what the hell was going on. The results were a lot of movies and TV shows and books based on this concept, most of which seem pretty outdated today. But I can say without a shadow of the doubt that I've never seen anything quite like this. Nothing I can really say is going to prepare you for it and I'm not going to sit here trying to describe the stories, because jeez...
Essentially, Valentine Dyall (The haunted, City of the Dead, the famous Man in Black on radio, and the Black Guardian in Doctor Who!) plays an ancient mummy, an egyptian king who once trapped his lady and her lover and sent them to the bottom of the ocean, or something. He has been resurrected because he has spent thousands of years observing the interaction of human beings, and is delighted to find that in all this time, not much has really changed. Lovers are still trapping each other in all the devious and twisted ways that they can. So, this is the framing device. Before the stories begin there are parades of all kinds of weird stuff of the type you might see in an italian mondo movie, but a lot funnier. There is some repetitive stuff in here but it's not bad and actually lulls you into a nice little trance. I should say that taking drugs with this movie is almost mandatory.
once the stories proper begin, we are treated to a crazy, unbelievable mix of horror and comedy vignettes. There's everything here from body horror to spy spoof to unbelievable fake rubber dinosaurs. it's both arty and trashy at the same time, and yes, I can probably say without my usual hesitation that this is, in some respects, a really bad movie, but it's also incredibly entertaining on almost every level. My jaw was on the floor almost throughout and I could not stop laughing. I feel, too, that most of the laughs are absolutely intentional. Rather surprisingly, some of this comes out seeming a lot cleverer than you might think at first glance. it's also even-handed, with some of the stories featuring the women coming out "on top", while others depict a solid victory for the men-folk. I thought the last story showed the film running out of steam a bit as it ends pretty abruptly, almost like the film crew were on the clock. I don't recognise any of these performers other than valentine Dyall, by the way, and I don't think any of the cast really stand out. Some of the stories do, however. The horror tale about a woman giving birth to a genetically stunted son just to get revenge on the husband she hates is genuinely disconcerting.
This is something for the real freaks, for people who revel in the tasteless and have a weird love of things they can't quite explain. It's simultaneously uproariously funny and awkward as hell and I think the guy who created it was actually really smart to do it in this way. Watch late at night, preferrably with some amenable company and the addition of your psychotropic substances of choice.
Sugar Me
gavcrimson4 April 2001
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS INCLUDED Antony Balch was the famed abominable showman of the swinging London era- as a distributor and cinema programmer his niche lay in retitling Euro-sexploitation fare with 'bums on seats' titles like Do You like Women, Don't Deliver Us From Evil, When Girls Undress and The Weird Weirdo. In the early months of 1970 Balch released his own first feature length film, a contentious film about the battle of the sexes, executed in portmanteau style. Supremely offbeat by nature- Secrets of Sex has survived all these years essentially in anecdote form- not that its hard to see why- for no one forgets the only British sex film narrated by an Egyptian Mummy easily. Locked in a chest to hide from the husband of his lover, the narrator ended up buried alive- emerging thousands of years later as a Mummy who has observed the war of the sexes and become drawn to the more 'bizarre aspects of human behaviour'. Voiced by Valentine Dyall the Mummy watches a girl strip, theres further cut- aways to lovely ladies and shirtless men with machine guns- over which the Mummy repeats 'imagine you were making love to this girl, imagine you were making love to this boy' as a form of mantra atypical of the films ambiguous sexual view. 'When the Saints go Marching in' is heard as go-go dancing girls get cabbages and tomatoes thrown in their direction- the machine gun men advance, a girl draws a cut-throat razor- the battle of the sexes begins. Our man in bandages laments how people 'will go to any lengths to get what they want' with that we're spirited off to a photoshoot with a torture chamber theme. A male model feigns pain for an older photographer who seems a little too much into her work- the creepy situation is added to by her assistant, a not unattractive girl who nevertheless comes across as a Caligari somnambulist. 'Norma go get me the Spanish horse' she says prompting the arrival of this torture device- a sort of hobby horse with a blade down the middle which the suspended victim has to straddle- gradually the horse will dissect its victim between the legs (ouch). The ghastly inevitable happens with the model left to die this horrible death in the contraption while the women chat away during dinner, returning to find a dead bloody mess that makes the perfect book cover- some people really do have to suffer for their art. With horror movie shots of lightening we're onto the second tale- Mary-Clare a female scientist despises her older husband Sacha for his greed and privilege. Sacha longs for a son but when Mary-Clare discovers she carries a defective gene she knowingly gives birth to a freak monster son instead- raise that thing daddy-O. Next up a young man catches a female thief looting his house 'Christ, a bird'. The allure of the bad girl proves too much for our Genet reading hero who joins her in an amorous shower and some risque bedroom antics. After sex, the girl continues robbing, he threatens to call the police but both know things have gone a little too far for that- they won't buy his story but the girl drawing his attention to a picture of his wife imagines someone will. Following that is a detour into the misadventures of spy Lindy Leigh-Agent 28 complete with comic book like intertitles charting her missions - whether its donning white knickers to creep around a foreign embassy or checking out 'Bedroom Beauties of 1929' a nudie silent farce- in a sex cinema. Lindy seduces a military attache, slipping him a mickey finn 'sleep well sweet jerk' and tries her hand at topless safecracking, only to end up locked in the safe where she finds agents 1 to 27 'that military attache wasn't so stupid after all'. Then we have 'the strange young man' who rings up for a call girl- enter little dolly Sue Bond- whose bemused by this nerds attempts at 'hip' speak which includes referring to her as 'pigeon'- but all goes wrong when he gets out his pet lizard 'Pangy' telling her how permissive it would be if the reptile watched or better still joined in their lovemaking. 'Not for all the coffee in China' is Sue up for the geeks plan and makes for the door while he considers writing to the Financial Times- outside Sue runs into an old women saying sweet nothings to her own lizard 'beddy byes'. Finally a dotty dear relates how she imprisoned the souls of former lovers in potted plants to her valet- the one way conversation turns to the one man who escaped her. He is, of course the valet who strangles her 'die you filthy, alien garbage heap'. Arriving full circle back to the machine gun men and the go-go girls 'armies are disarmed' and the battle turns into a free for all orgy intercut with shots of fireworks- 'so it goes on, and on, and on'. Secrets of Sex encapsulates every aspect of Balch's gloriously outrageous career- from his early experimental shorts made with William Burroughs, to his life long love of horror movies and the censor-baiting exploitation film distributor. Mostly-improvised the film comes across as a freaky yet very personal chain of thought, spanning everything from the sweet Lindy Leigh episode to horrific imagery that rivals any 1970 horror movie- a dynamic penchant for tongue in cheek humour cuts through the film like its mascot spanish horse. An incredible headtrip to lay on audiences- Secrets of Sex lives up to everything you'll ever read about the film and Balch himself who by all accounts, was as colourful as his films. Secrets of Sex is a terrific film for people who like their movies with a healthy disregard for normality.
more 'interesting' than enjoyable
christopher-underwood20 July 2005
This oddity is more 'interesting' and of social significance than it is enjoyable to watch. I had great difficulty maintaining interest despite plentiful nudity and the fact the segments are not over long. I suppose the fireworks inter-cut with an orgy at the end is the easiest part to watch. Now I think about it I am not sure why I didn't enjoy it more but I think it's basically because nothing really worked. Even though the sections were less than quarter of an hour long they moved rather slowly and uncertainly. I seemed to be for ever trying to work out what was going on only for the part to end with some seeming significant statement regarding the 'battle of the sexes'. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood. I understand the commentary on the DVD is worth listening to, so I shall be able to give it another go AND there are those William Burroughs shorts. Still, they will probably be more 'interesting' than enjoyable too! DVD originates in US and has extras
Milestone of the Times
jmbwithcats2 June 2006
Around the time this film was being made, there was a shift being made in consciousness which sparked many attempts to explain scientifically the new beliefs of the age and usher in not only of the new decade, but a new mindset.
This mindset was a marrying of Science, and Spirituality. The sexual revolution had begun, and out of that came a deeper understanding of sexual acceptance, but the power of sex and social norms. Always at the height of these schools of thought was the journey of the soul.
Now being a relatively new school of thought in the west, they never seemed to go too far beyond the superficial, but were more a means of making tangible the experience of the soul, desire, and bring it all into a context of the natural world.
That is what this movie then is.
A mummy narrates sexual vignettes concerning the endless struggle of the sexes, and the bizarre displays of human behavior in the pursuit of satisfaction.
A very fascinating movie, thoroughly enjoyable, and a remarkable milestone for the western mind sprouting in the soil of new knowledge.
This mindset was a marrying of Science, and Spirituality. The sexual revolution had begun, and out of that came a deeper understanding of sexual acceptance, but the power of sex and social norms. Always at the height of these schools of thought was the journey of the soul.
Now being a relatively new school of thought in the west, they never seemed to go too far beyond the superficial, but were more a means of making tangible the experience of the soul, desire, and bring it all into a context of the natural world.
That is what this movie then is.
A mummy narrates sexual vignettes concerning the endless struggle of the sexes, and the bizarre displays of human behavior in the pursuit of satisfaction.
A very fascinating movie, thoroughly enjoyable, and a remarkable milestone for the western mind sprouting in the soil of new knowledge.
Genius Psychedelia
LostHighway10113 March 2009
A challenging collage of psychedelic scenarios which push the viewer closer and closer (even though it most often feels further and further) from its ultimate revelation of the secret of sex.
Highly thematic, "Bizarre" transcends its exploitation by fusing ideas of life, death, and afterlife with a pulpy and extremely weird stories and scenarios. As far as 70s Britsploitation goes, you can't get a more distinct trip than this (obviously it has to be viewed with an appreciation for the genre).
It is also a likely inspiration for "Tales From the Crypt" as its narrator (Valentine Dyall) is a talking British mummy; a hilariously-campy but extremely well-executed idea.
Highly thematic, "Bizarre" transcends its exploitation by fusing ideas of life, death, and afterlife with a pulpy and extremely weird stories and scenarios. As far as 70s Britsploitation goes, you can't get a more distinct trip than this (obviously it has to be viewed with an appreciation for the genre).
It is also a likely inspiration for "Tales From the Crypt" as its narrator (Valentine Dyall) is a talking British mummy; a hilariously-campy but extremely well-executed idea.
A sex-mad comic anthology that lives up to its title
Leofwine_draca8 November 2015
Warning: Spoilers
As the title might just suggest, this is without a doubt one of the weirdest movies I have yet to sit through for review purposes. An obscure, utterly offbeat and indescribable comedy sex film unlike anything else filmed before or after, this cheeky affair comes courtesy of Anthony Balch, the man who later gave us the sublime HORROR HOSPITAL. BIZARRE is an Amicus-style anthology of sex-related stories, interlinked by the unforgettable image of a talking mummy (gravelly-voiced Valentine Dyall provides the vocals) who discusses mankind's war between the sexes and its various fetishes. Into the stories are woven with such images as naked women (and men) rollicking in slow-motion in the hay, erotic strip-teases, and a literal battle between machine gun-wielding youths and erotic go-go dancers armed with straight razors. Things culminate in a quite appropriate orgy, intercut with fireworks to provide a spectacular conclusion to the evening's entertainment.
The first story is fairly graphic, a horror-themed tale of torture and depravity which will have any male viewer crossing his legs in sympathy. It concerns a creepy female photographer who employs a handsome young man to pose with a number of torture contraptions for her forthcoming art book. So far, so good, but when the unfortunate fellow is strung up over a "Spanish Horse", a hobby horse with a huge razor blade between the legs, and left to dangle during a lunch break, things take a turn for the worse as he is slowly castrated. The second story is more serious in its approach, but with an unintentionally hilarious conclusion. A young woman marries an older man, whose previous wife and son have died. Desperate for another boy, the woman gets pregnant but neglected to tell her husband that due to a inherited disease the baby will be born a mutant. The brief-but-hilarious special effects of the mutated child and the fun performance from Kenneth Benda make this a solid and fairly understandable vignette.
The third story literally displays the ultimate use of the "feminine wiles" when a yuppie catches a female cat burglar ransacking his house. The pair are soon rolling about in the sack for an extended session, but the tables are turned for the finale when the woman goes on burgling the house and the man realises he has been duped, and is unable to telephone the police due to what has happened between them. Next up is a silly but pretty amusing spy spoof featuring Maria Frost as Lindy Leigh, Agent 28, hired to track down some top secret documents. Lots of bedroom antics and predictable jokes follow, including the highlight of a wannabe 1929 silent bedroom farce which is absolutely hilarious and spot-on in its depiction of such silent film behaviour.
The next vignette is about a strange young man who hires a call girl and attempts to introduce his pet lizard into the lovemaking antics. She is understandably concerned and beats a hasty retreat, leaving the would-be lover forlorn and contemplating writing to a newspaper about his rejection! There's a laugh-out-loud flashback involving some roaring model dinosaurs and a heavy dosage of weirdness to make this one completely and enjoyably odd. The final story is probably the least interesting of the lot, but has a neat idea behind it: an old biddy has imprisoned the souls of her previous lovers into her pot plants, which are now kept in her greenhouse! Only there's a twist when the man that got away returns seeking vengeance...As a film, BIZARRE is bolstered and made enjoyable by a tongue-in-cheek approach and actors who play their parts with a campy and irreverent tone. This is worth tracking down for those who like their movies strange, strange, strange, as it's unlikely you'll ever see anything quite like this oddity again.
The first story is fairly graphic, a horror-themed tale of torture and depravity which will have any male viewer crossing his legs in sympathy. It concerns a creepy female photographer who employs a handsome young man to pose with a number of torture contraptions for her forthcoming art book. So far, so good, but when the unfortunate fellow is strung up over a "Spanish Horse", a hobby horse with a huge razor blade between the legs, and left to dangle during a lunch break, things take a turn for the worse as he is slowly castrated. The second story is more serious in its approach, but with an unintentionally hilarious conclusion. A young woman marries an older man, whose previous wife and son have died. Desperate for another boy, the woman gets pregnant but neglected to tell her husband that due to a inherited disease the baby will be born a mutant. The brief-but-hilarious special effects of the mutated child and the fun performance from Kenneth Benda make this a solid and fairly understandable vignette.
The third story literally displays the ultimate use of the "feminine wiles" when a yuppie catches a female cat burglar ransacking his house. The pair are soon rolling about in the sack for an extended session, but the tables are turned for the finale when the woman goes on burgling the house and the man realises he has been duped, and is unable to telephone the police due to what has happened between them. Next up is a silly but pretty amusing spy spoof featuring Maria Frost as Lindy Leigh, Agent 28, hired to track down some top secret documents. Lots of bedroom antics and predictable jokes follow, including the highlight of a wannabe 1929 silent bedroom farce which is absolutely hilarious and spot-on in its depiction of such silent film behaviour.
The next vignette is about a strange young man who hires a call girl and attempts to introduce his pet lizard into the lovemaking antics. She is understandably concerned and beats a hasty retreat, leaving the would-be lover forlorn and contemplating writing to a newspaper about his rejection! There's a laugh-out-loud flashback involving some roaring model dinosaurs and a heavy dosage of weirdness to make this one completely and enjoyably odd. The final story is probably the least interesting of the lot, but has a neat idea behind it: an old biddy has imprisoned the souls of her previous lovers into her pot plants, which are now kept in her greenhouse! Only there's a twist when the man that got away returns seeking vengeance...As a film, BIZARRE is bolstered and made enjoyable by a tongue-in-cheek approach and actors who play their parts with a campy and irreverent tone. This is worth tracking down for those who like their movies strange, strange, strange, as it's unlikely you'll ever see anything quite like this oddity again.
Outrageous, sexy absurdism.
EyeAskance6 September 2003
An ancient mummy voiced by Valentine Dyall hosts a succession of wacky vignettes which explore the theoretical battle of the sexes. Uncommonly eccentric and retro-hip sexploitation features an attractive cast, and devotes every second of its duration to kinky, campy, unchained absurdity. The expounded stories run a gamut of erotic situational weirdness, ranging in tone from gruesome and unsettling to giddily whimsical.
This is a distinctly British cult item, and a unique concoction from Antony Balch(one of the more unduly ignored outsider personalities of sixties underground cinema). He is, perhaps, better known for his short film collaborations with iconic writer/poet William S. Burroughs.
Though it clearly has limited appeal, it's worth investigating...I personally found it highly enjoyable and refreshingly original nonsense.
5.5/10
This is a distinctly British cult item, and a unique concoction from Antony Balch(one of the more unduly ignored outsider personalities of sixties underground cinema). He is, perhaps, better known for his short film collaborations with iconic writer/poet William S. Burroughs.
Though it clearly has limited appeal, it's worth investigating...I personally found it highly enjoyable and refreshingly original nonsense.
5.5/10
It lives up to the title.
BandSAboutMovies28 September 2017
What happens when you combine British portmanteau films, William S. Burroughs cut-up techniques, 1970's philosophy, British men's magazines like Mayfair and throw in a mummy? You get a sheer burst of pure insanity like Bizarre.
Also known as Secrets of Sex, the film starts with the story of a king who found his wife's lover and trapped him in a chest. This theme of trapping lovers carries on throughout the film.
But never mind all that. Let's meet our narrator — a mummy voiced by Valentine Dyall (The Haunting, Bedazzled and the voice of Count Karnstein in Lust for a Vampire). He's here to tell us all about the battle of the sexes. Just listen to his words, as half-naked women and men fill the screen, one at a time: "Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine the consequences."
We're then on the front row of this battle, with women in underwear facing off with me grasping machine guns. The women have vegetables thrown at them as the men advance. One of the women, a blonde, stares down the men, who fall to her beauty before she removes a straight razor from between her legs.
Alright — let me be perfectly honest. Your ability to enjoy this film totally depends on the amount of drugs in your system, how late you're watching it and your tolerance for 1970's experimental filmmaking. If you're been reading this site for any length of time, you know that this movie was pretty much made for me and sent forward 47 years into the future.
Also known as Secrets of Sex, the film starts with the story of a king who found his wife's lover and trapped him in a chest. This theme of trapping lovers carries on throughout the film.
But never mind all that. Let's meet our narrator — a mummy voiced by Valentine Dyall (The Haunting, Bedazzled and the voice of Count Karnstein in Lust for a Vampire). He's here to tell us all about the battle of the sexes. Just listen to his words, as half-naked women and men fill the screen, one at a time: "Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine you were making love to this girl. Imagine you were making love to this boy. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine this boy was making love to you. Imagine this girl was making love to you. Imagine the consequences."
We're then on the front row of this battle, with women in underwear facing off with me grasping machine guns. The women have vegetables thrown at them as the men advance. One of the women, a blonde, stares down the men, who fall to her beauty before she removes a straight razor from between her legs.
Alright — let me be perfectly honest. Your ability to enjoy this film totally depends on the amount of drugs in your system, how late you're watching it and your tolerance for 1970's experimental filmmaking. If you're been reading this site for any length of time, you know that this movie was pretty much made for me and sent forward 47 years into the future.
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