Doctor in Trouble (1970)

Robert Morley: Captain George Spratt

Quotes 

• Dr. Tony Burke : A most unfortunate accident, sir. May I suggest a double dose of ipecacuanha to counteract the chill?

  Captain George Spratt : I didn't send for you to doctor me, Burke, your quackeries are required elsewhere. I've just received an SOS from the Russian vessel Drobny, reporting an acute case of appendicitis. She'll be alongside in twenty minutes.

  Dr. Tony Burke : The patient is a lady, sir?

  Captain George Spratt : Not the patient, the ship you clot. I'm sending you to perform the operation.

  Dr. Tony Burke : Oh. Thank you, sir.

  Captain George Spratt : You'll collect your tools and report, with the Master-at-Arms, on the poop in fifteen minutes. I shall inform my brother that your devotion to duty led you to volunteer for this most dangerous mission.

  Dr. Tony Burke : There's nothing dangerous about performing an appendectomy, sir.

  Captain George Spratt : No, but transferring from ship to ship by breeches bouy, with the Russians in charge of the operations, can hardly prove to be uneventful.

  [laughs] 

• Llewellyn Wendover : It's a lucky thing I've got any clothes at all - the washing machine in my state room has broken down.

  Captain George Spratt : There are no washing machines in the cabins on the ship.

  Llewellyn Wendover : What's the round door in the wall then?

  Captain George Spratt : I should've thought even the meanest intelligence would recognise that as a porthole.