Some Ed Wood fans are convinced that he directed "THE LOVE FEAST", even though the film's credits blame Joe Robertson for this atrocity. Given Ed Wood's sickly and inebriated appearance in this travesty, I feel it's much more likely that Robertson directed it, and Ed just embarrassed himself by acting in it. As the film progresses, Ed acts more and more sexually exhausted, even though no one in the orgy scene actually appears to be getting LAID! Everyone's just rolling around on top of each other, giggling and smiling mindlessly, and the whole sordid tableau just goes on WAY too long! Ed leaves the orgy room several times during the course of the film to wolf down some alcoholic beverages on screen, giving the Ed Wood aficionado what may be the only surviving cinematic reenactment of what was reportedly a common occurrence at the Wood homestead during his latter years. The thought even occurred to me that the booze he's putting away on screen may have been his entire compensation for appearing in this horror-show. I wish I could erase the memory of his sagging man-boobs and flabby buttocks from my brain, but I'm sure the awful sight will pop up in a future nightmare. I almost wish I could've burst onto the set while this film was being made, grabbed the poor sot by the hair and screamed "Ed, what the HELL are you doing? Put your clothes on and let's get out of here. I'll buy you a bottle on the way home!"
7 Reviews
Not a Pretty Sight
gavcrimson14 August 2002
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS INCLUDED
In the twilight of his career Glen or Glenda director Ed Wood was wheeled out for this less than appealing, one joke sex comedy. Such is the demand for anything Wood related that Rhino/Acme have unearthed the film for DVD and even gone as far as adding computer generated titles to (falsely) claim Wood as the producer/director. In fact the man calling the shots was Joseph F Robertson, an old WW2 buddy of Wood who had a parallel career to Wood's as a one-time horror man (he produced The Slime People in 1962), before ending up directing soft and hardcore porn. Robertson used Wood for several features including the unreleased Misty', Mrs. Stone's Thing' and the hardcore Love Making U.S.A'. That said, Wood did write the script for The Love Feast (or Pretty Models all in a Row') and plays the lead role. Despite stiff competition from his drag role in Mrs. Stone's Thing and Pops' in Fugitive Girls, The Love Feast can lay claim to boasting Wood's most alarming on-screen performance.
After an opening featuring the titles painted on a nubile young thing (and gynaecological snapshots of some far from young things) we're introduced to Wood's Mr Murphy (just call me Murf'), a nudie-photographer complete with showbizzy white suit and pinned on flower. Talking directly to the viewer Murphy shares his technique' of how to get girls, though given the scrapes it gets him in you might not want to use it. Murphy simply phones up any model agency in the Yellow Pages and has them send round young models for him to bed and occasionally photograph nude.
His first victim/model balks at the idea of posing nude-but being somewhat naïve agrees to model see-through clothing'. Stripping down to her birthday suit on Murphy's couch, she awaits the arrival of the see-through' clothes only to be told by Murphy she's already wearing them. Pretty soon Murphy whisks her away to his bedroom for sex, but is called away when another model arrives. After salivating over the second model (from the top of your head to the bottom of your toe, you make me want to go,go,go') Murphy ends up in the sack with both girls and gets as far as pulling his trousers down before .in case you haven't guessed this already .he's called away when yet another model starts ringing his doorbell. This continues over and over again with Murf' bringing multiple models to bed for sex but always being called away at the vital moment by the arrival of yet another model, causing him to have tantrums on the end of the extremely crowded bed (another impatient lass arrives .will it never end'). It would appear Murphy rang up every model in Hollywood. Murphy has just enough energy to wildly proclaim I feel like King Kong' and upon eyeing a pair of big breasts quip ye Gods what a milk factory' but by the time around ten women are sprawled on his bed he's too tired to do much. Pulling gargoyle faces and walking like a crab Murphy reluctantly hands over stud duties to a passing cabbie and a pair of plumbers who burst into his bedroom carrying a wrench and a plunger.
Sneaking away from the orgy to do some heavy drinking Murphy ends up so intoxicated that when a car full of girls turn up he has to crawl around the house to answer the doorbell. In the film's twist' it transpires Murphy has accidentally rung a dominatrix service and despite his protests the girls are intent on putting him through his paces. Marching him into his living room, they force him to wear a dog collar and then dress up in a pink frilly nightie and yellow knickers (I'm getting to like them'). Finally Murphy has to lick a girl's boots, which causes the entire kinky troupe to go weak at the knees. Getting carried away, one girl even whips off Murphy's old Y-fronts and begins lewdly rubbing herself with them.
With its suburbia setting, 16mm photography and crude direction which serves only to get the cast from Murphy's door to his bed, The Love Feast has the feel of the most primitive of early hardcore. However-despite a snippet of Wood's leering later making its way into a hardcore sex education' film-The Love Feast is strictly within the softcore sensibilities of uncomplicated nudity'. Which leaves cast members in the centrepiece orgy to let it all hang out, crawl on-top of each other, giggle allot and little else. The late cameraman Hal Guthu (a regular softcore cinematographer and one-time agent of Rene Bond) pans around the literal wall-to-wall nudity in search of anything resembling foreplay but only has a knack for uncovering every bruise,scar,birthmark and tattoo the cast have to offer. It's not a pretty sight.
Appropriately Look Back in Angora', the Wood documentary that accompanies the film on DVD realises heavily on Pretty Models all in a Row' to comment on Wood's declining years. While Wood is quite a character and brings a cartoonish quality to his dirty old man role, autobiographical elements seem strongly evident and the line that separates the fictional street level pornographer Mr Murphy from the real-life street level pornographer Ed Wood appears blurred several times. How else can you interpret the second act's turn towards a transvestite theme, and dialogue like sometimes I even hit a lucky day, then again' and here I am reduced to crawling like a wet dog I don't know if I'm gonna make it' have a horribly confessional tone. Sickly and feeble looking with greasy hair and less than flatteringly photographed when semi-nude, every moment Wood is on-screen only reinforces the depressing thought that little lay between his role in The Love Feast and a slow death from poverty and alcoholism in the slums of Hollywood. The Love Feast also seems authentic' in at least one other respect; most of the actresses really do look like they came from the Yellow Pages. More sad than titillating.
In the twilight of his career Glen or Glenda director Ed Wood was wheeled out for this less than appealing, one joke sex comedy. Such is the demand for anything Wood related that Rhino/Acme have unearthed the film for DVD and even gone as far as adding computer generated titles to (falsely) claim Wood as the producer/director. In fact the man calling the shots was Joseph F Robertson, an old WW2 buddy of Wood who had a parallel career to Wood's as a one-time horror man (he produced The Slime People in 1962), before ending up directing soft and hardcore porn. Robertson used Wood for several features including the unreleased Misty', Mrs. Stone's Thing' and the hardcore Love Making U.S.A'. That said, Wood did write the script for The Love Feast (or Pretty Models all in a Row') and plays the lead role. Despite stiff competition from his drag role in Mrs. Stone's Thing and Pops' in Fugitive Girls, The Love Feast can lay claim to boasting Wood's most alarming on-screen performance.
After an opening featuring the titles painted on a nubile young thing (and gynaecological snapshots of some far from young things) we're introduced to Wood's Mr Murphy (just call me Murf'), a nudie-photographer complete with showbizzy white suit and pinned on flower. Talking directly to the viewer Murphy shares his technique' of how to get girls, though given the scrapes it gets him in you might not want to use it. Murphy simply phones up any model agency in the Yellow Pages and has them send round young models for him to bed and occasionally photograph nude.
His first victim/model balks at the idea of posing nude-but being somewhat naïve agrees to model see-through clothing'. Stripping down to her birthday suit on Murphy's couch, she awaits the arrival of the see-through' clothes only to be told by Murphy she's already wearing them. Pretty soon Murphy whisks her away to his bedroom for sex, but is called away when another model arrives. After salivating over the second model (from the top of your head to the bottom of your toe, you make me want to go,go,go') Murphy ends up in the sack with both girls and gets as far as pulling his trousers down before .in case you haven't guessed this already .he's called away when yet another model starts ringing his doorbell. This continues over and over again with Murf' bringing multiple models to bed for sex but always being called away at the vital moment by the arrival of yet another model, causing him to have tantrums on the end of the extremely crowded bed (another impatient lass arrives .will it never end'). It would appear Murphy rang up every model in Hollywood. Murphy has just enough energy to wildly proclaim I feel like King Kong' and upon eyeing a pair of big breasts quip ye Gods what a milk factory' but by the time around ten women are sprawled on his bed he's too tired to do much. Pulling gargoyle faces and walking like a crab Murphy reluctantly hands over stud duties to a passing cabbie and a pair of plumbers who burst into his bedroom carrying a wrench and a plunger.
Sneaking away from the orgy to do some heavy drinking Murphy ends up so intoxicated that when a car full of girls turn up he has to crawl around the house to answer the doorbell. In the film's twist' it transpires Murphy has accidentally rung a dominatrix service and despite his protests the girls are intent on putting him through his paces. Marching him into his living room, they force him to wear a dog collar and then dress up in a pink frilly nightie and yellow knickers (I'm getting to like them'). Finally Murphy has to lick a girl's boots, which causes the entire kinky troupe to go weak at the knees. Getting carried away, one girl even whips off Murphy's old Y-fronts and begins lewdly rubbing herself with them.
With its suburbia setting, 16mm photography and crude direction which serves only to get the cast from Murphy's door to his bed, The Love Feast has the feel of the most primitive of early hardcore. However-despite a snippet of Wood's leering later making its way into a hardcore sex education' film-The Love Feast is strictly within the softcore sensibilities of uncomplicated nudity'. Which leaves cast members in the centrepiece orgy to let it all hang out, crawl on-top of each other, giggle allot and little else. The late cameraman Hal Guthu (a regular softcore cinematographer and one-time agent of Rene Bond) pans around the literal wall-to-wall nudity in search of anything resembling foreplay but only has a knack for uncovering every bruise,scar,birthmark and tattoo the cast have to offer. It's not a pretty sight.
Appropriately Look Back in Angora', the Wood documentary that accompanies the film on DVD realises heavily on Pretty Models all in a Row' to comment on Wood's declining years. While Wood is quite a character and brings a cartoonish quality to his dirty old man role, autobiographical elements seem strongly evident and the line that separates the fictional street level pornographer Mr Murphy from the real-life street level pornographer Ed Wood appears blurred several times. How else can you interpret the second act's turn towards a transvestite theme, and dialogue like sometimes I even hit a lucky day, then again' and here I am reduced to crawling like a wet dog I don't know if I'm gonna make it' have a horribly confessional tone. Sickly and feeble looking with greasy hair and less than flatteringly photographed when semi-nude, every moment Wood is on-screen only reinforces the depressing thought that little lay between his role in The Love Feast and a slow death from poverty and alcoholism in the slums of Hollywood. The Love Feast also seems authentic' in at least one other respect; most of the actresses really do look like they came from the Yellow Pages. More sad than titillating.
Gruesome with a captial "G"
Nestor-422 April 2005
Ed Wood was in a pretty sorry state by the time The Love Feast came around. He was an alcoholic and his Errol Flynn-like looks had been eradicated by years of over-indulgence.
Love Feast sees Ed as Mr Murphy, a priapistic photographer who shares with the viewer his technique of getting women in the sack. It simply involves phoning a modelling agency and getting eager young models over to his place and getting them to disrobe before seducing them into his boudoir.
Soon Ed realises that he has been sent over more crumpet than even HE can handle and eventually reinforcements arrive in the shape of a cab driver and a couple of plumbers (which is appropriate for this movie, really) and they join in the fun on Ed's bed, which is now a seething mass of arms & legs.
Despite the fact that there are numerous open-crotch shots during the movie, there is a remarkably childish attitude towards sex and the treatment of women in general.
Ed finally cracks and is seen in women's underwear (must have taken some persuading to get him to do that...) and needless to say that by the end of the movie, he doesn't get his end away.
Ed Wood was clearly in poor health and the watching him in the movie makes you feel very sorry for him - it looks like he was being exploited by giving him plenty of booze on camera.
The cinematography is simply atrocious - the worst kind of "point-and-prey" film-making - the copious amount of nudity is not erotic in the slightest, with no make-up to disguise the numerous bruises on the women involved.
Love Feast is the kind of movie that Ed Wood was probably grateful that he didn't direct - it is simply ghastly and tragic to see Ed sing for his supper during his twilight years. It was a pity that all copies weren't destroyed. OK, Ed Wood wasn't a great director, but we can think of other people more deserving of the "Worst Director Of All Time" accolade.
Director (and war buddy of Ed Wood) Joseph F Robertson said that Ed Wood "made slop pictures" - there are worse words to describe Love Feast, but they can't be printed on here...
Absolute garbage. Avoid like Black Death.
Love Feast sees Ed as Mr Murphy, a priapistic photographer who shares with the viewer his technique of getting women in the sack. It simply involves phoning a modelling agency and getting eager young models over to his place and getting them to disrobe before seducing them into his boudoir.
Soon Ed realises that he has been sent over more crumpet than even HE can handle and eventually reinforcements arrive in the shape of a cab driver and a couple of plumbers (which is appropriate for this movie, really) and they join in the fun on Ed's bed, which is now a seething mass of arms & legs.
Despite the fact that there are numerous open-crotch shots during the movie, there is a remarkably childish attitude towards sex and the treatment of women in general.
Ed finally cracks and is seen in women's underwear (must have taken some persuading to get him to do that...) and needless to say that by the end of the movie, he doesn't get his end away.
Ed Wood was clearly in poor health and the watching him in the movie makes you feel very sorry for him - it looks like he was being exploited by giving him plenty of booze on camera.
The cinematography is simply atrocious - the worst kind of "point-and-prey" film-making - the copious amount of nudity is not erotic in the slightest, with no make-up to disguise the numerous bruises on the women involved.
Love Feast is the kind of movie that Ed Wood was probably grateful that he didn't direct - it is simply ghastly and tragic to see Ed sing for his supper during his twilight years. It was a pity that all copies weren't destroyed. OK, Ed Wood wasn't a great director, but we can think of other people more deserving of the "Worst Director Of All Time" accolade.
Director (and war buddy of Ed Wood) Joseph F Robertson said that Ed Wood "made slop pictures" - there are worse words to describe Love Feast, but they can't be printed on here...
Absolute garbage. Avoid like Black Death.
possibly the least erotic pornographic film
Octavian10 October 1998
"The Love Feast" serves as proof that the presence of Ed Wood in any film project was a guarantee of failure. Even in the relatively undemanding genre of soft-core pornography, where such Wood trademarks as bizarre dialogue, improbable plotting, and awful acting are par for the course, this is a certifiable stinker. Despite the film's theme, and the near-constant full-frontal nudity, there is nothing erotic, or even remotely arousing, in this film. And that's not just my opinion- I watched this film with a group of five people, representing both of the major genders and various sexual orientations, and we all agreed that it was a strong contender for the least arousing pornographic film in existence. There's not much more to say about this film, except that after it was over I felt sorry for Ed Wood. Even someone as talentless as he was shouldn't have to work on such a miserable project.
Ed, whatever they paid you it wasn't enough
Sycotron22 May 2002
Man, after seeing this I feel like I fell down a flight of stairs. I'm not sure I'm going to recover from the sight of Ed Wood on his hands and knees in a pink nightgown licking a girl's boots. Plus one girl pulls off Ed's underwear, hands them to another girl who proceeds to rub them over her chest. Yikes. Celibacy here I come.
The orgy in the bedroom seems as if it was imagined by a small child who knows what all the parts are but is not sure how they fit together. There is a lot of touching and rolling around but no real sexual contact.
Exactly who did the film-makers think this would appeal to???
The orgy in the bedroom seems as if it was imagined by a small child who knows what all the parts are but is not sure how they fit together. There is a lot of touching and rolling around but no real sexual contact.
Exactly who did the film-makers think this would appeal to???
Wood Getting Wood
Michael_Elliott25 November 2006
LOVE FEAST, THE (1969) aka PRETTY MODELS ALL IN A ROW
** 1/2 (out of four)
An old pervert (Ed Wood) pretends to be a photographer so that modeling agencies will send beautiful women to his house. One day, ten women show up so they all jump on a bed and start messing around. This here is a silly softcore film, which has Wood giving a funny performance and his screenplay has the usual funny dialogue, which makes this a slice above the normal type of flick. To say the film isn't well made would be a given but fans of Wood will get a kick out of seeing him act along side so many beautiful women.
Rhino released this to DVD but it's now out of print.
** 1/2 (out of four)
An old pervert (Ed Wood) pretends to be a photographer so that modeling agencies will send beautiful women to his house. One day, ten women show up so they all jump on a bed and start messing around. This here is a silly softcore film, which has Wood giving a funny performance and his screenplay has the usual funny dialogue, which makes this a slice above the normal type of flick. To say the film isn't well made would be a given but fans of Wood will get a kick out of seeing him act along side so many beautiful women.
Rhino released this to DVD but it's now out of print.
Poor, poor Ed Wood
joeblev14 July 2000
I've never seen an Ed Wood movie I didn't enjoy on some level... until I saw this vile thing. The previous comment was right on the money. This film is so anti-erotic it's horrifying. Imagine the nightmare of seeing a bloated, groggy Ed Wood cavorting in his underwear with pimply, pale-skinned floozies who look like they were rounded up from the local VD clinic. I couldn't sit through more than ten minutes of this movie at a time. To survive one viewing, I had to take frequent breaks during which I'd watch something else to clear my mind of the awful images from the film. The movie is so aggressively ugly and difficult to watch that it could convince people to give up sex entirely... or at least give up watching sex films entirely. Unless you have a strong stomach, this film is unwatchable. Just getting through the hideous opening credits is a chore. One thing is certain: when it comes to sexploitation, Ed Wood was no Russ Meyer.
Rhino should be ashamed of itself for releasing this film to DVD under the title "Pretty Models All in a Row" and brazenly marketing it to Ed Wood fans. If the company really wanted to honor the memory of Ed Wood, they'd round up every print of this abomination and bury them where no one would ever find them again. The DVD also contains the entertaining Wood documentary, "Look Back in Angora," which is available separately on video.
If you simply must watch one of Wood's nudie flicks, please go for "Orgy of the Dead" instead. Even though Wood didn't direct that one himself, it has all of his signature touches... and it's a hell of a lot more entertaining than "The Love Feast."
Rhino should be ashamed of itself for releasing this film to DVD under the title "Pretty Models All in a Row" and brazenly marketing it to Ed Wood fans. If the company really wanted to honor the memory of Ed Wood, they'd round up every print of this abomination and bury them where no one would ever find them again. The DVD also contains the entertaining Wood documentary, "Look Back in Angora," which is available separately on video.
If you simply must watch one of Wood's nudie flicks, please go for "Orgy of the Dead" instead. Even though Wood didn't direct that one himself, it has all of his signature touches... and it's a hell of a lot more entertaining than "The Love Feast."
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