The Love Bug (1969)

Joe E. Ross: Detective

Quotes 

• Detective : [to Jim, about the not-yet-named "Herbie" white VW bug]  Forgive me for pointing, but have you ever seen that car before?

  Jim Douglas : No. No, I haven't.

  Tennessee Steinmetz : Hey, he's a cute little fellow.

  Jim Douglas : [takes another look]  Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think I saw that car at an agency yesterday.

  Detective : Now, permit me to inform you of the following: first, say nothing that would jeopardize your constitutional rights. And second, the minute that you get downtown, I would advise that you find a good lawyer. Shall we go?

  Jim Douglas : Go? What for?

  Detective : On suspicion of grand theft.

  Jim Douglas : Now wait a minute, there's something cockeyed about this. How did that little car get here?

  Detective : I share your curiosity. Shall we go?

  [Jim laughs] 

• Jim Douglas : I'll do it! Okay, I'll do it! But I just want to go on record, I have, I have seen some crummy stunts in my time used to sell cars, but this beats everything! To plant this bug in the possession of an innocent man, and then to accuse me of stealing it!

  Peter Thorndyke : How dare you, sir. Are you suggesting that I would stoop to such tactics?

  Jim Douglas : That's exactly what I'm suggesting!

  Peter Thorndyke : In the first place, it might interest you to that under normal circumstances, I would never sell a car to someone with whom I'm not; well shall we say, socially compatible.

  Jim Douglas : Socially compatible? You would sell a car!

  Carole Bennett : Please! Please, let's not go through that again. I think we've worked it out very well. Mr. Douglas needs a car, and for a very low amount down, and the usual monthly payments... the car will become his.

  Peter Thorndyke : Very well. Even though my personal inclination is to have Mr. Douglas tapped into jail and this four wheel contrivance dropped into the bay!

  Detective : I think Mr. Thorndyke is being very fair.

  Jim Douglas : Fair! It's not fair, I'm being muscled! I just want you know that I know, I know it and I don't like it!

  Carole Bennett : I'll draw the papers. Would you come with me please?

  Peter Thorndyke : Then get Mr. Douglas and his acquisition out of here before I lose my temper!