Cactus Flower (1969)
Goldie Hawn: Toni Simmons
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Julian Winston : What did she say?
Toni Simmons : It's not what she said, it's what she didn't say
Dr. Julian Winston : Tell me what she didn't say, word for word
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Toni Simmons : [Describing the first time she met Julian] He was charming, good looking, sophisticated, no sweatshirts.
Igor Sullivan : [Looks down] Sorry, I didn't know this suicide was black tie.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Toni, I'm going to marry you.
Toni Simmons : How do you mean, Marry?
Dr. Julian Winston : You know, marry, with the judge, the blood test, the license, that kind of marry, right away.
Toni Simmons : But what about your wife?
Dr. Julian Winston : My wife? I'll divorce her.
Toni Simmons : What about the children?
Dr. Julian Winston : I'll divorce them, too.
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Toni Simmons : Well, what can be bigger than black leather slacks? OK, I give up.
[opens the box]
Toni Simmons : A mink stole! A mink stole! And a card, too! "Your next appointment is on..."
[Julian turns the card over for her]
Toni Simmons : "As ever, Julian."
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Dr. Julian Winston : Hey, did you see that? He just kissed her on the neck!
Toni Simmons : Hmph! She sure likes a lot of action.
Dr. Julian Winston : Yes, she does, doesn't she!
Toni Simmons : Right now, she's surrounded by her husband, her ex-boyfriend, her current boyfriend and maybe her future boyfriend.
Dr. Julian Winston : If somebody doesn't stop that guy, he's gonna make love to her right in the middle of the floor.
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Igor Sullivan : He must have done something. What? Did he cheat on you? Beat you? Is he a drunk? Crook?
Toni Simmons : Worse.
Igor Sullivan : Oh, he's married.
Toni Simmons : For life.
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Toni Simmons : A man who lies cannot love.
Stephanie : [about to close the door] That sounds like something out of a fortune cookie.
Toni Simmons : [after Stephanie leaves] Dirty married bachelor!
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Igor Sullivan : You're lucky I broke in.
Toni Simmons : Why did you?
Igor Sullivan : I thought you were dying.
Toni Simmons : Well, that was the whole idea.
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Igor Sullivan : You were going about it all wrong. I believe you're supposed to put your head in the stove.
Toni Simmons : It's a second hand stove. There were no directions.
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Toni Simmons : [after Julian bursts into the apartment] I didn't know dentists made house calls.
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Toni Simmons : I wasn't kissing you, you were kissing me! And, by the way, is that all you did?
Igor Sullivan : There wasn't much time.
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Toni Simmons : Igor, why don't you have dinner with me tonight.
Igor Sullivan : Okay, I'll put some clothes on.
Toni Simmons : Oh, you don't have to go to all that trouble just for me.
[giggles]
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[Toni realises that she's being kissed by someone other than Julian]
Toni Simmons : Who are you? What are you doing?
Igor Sullivan : Mouth to Mouth resuscitation.
Toni Simmons : You were kissing me!
Igor Sullivan : I lost my head!
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[Igor reveals he's a writer]
Toni Simmons : You're a writer? You're the writer! The one who keeps pounding on his typewriter all night - you drive me crazy!
Igor Sullivan : Why didn't you complain so I could have met you earlier?
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[Toni reveals she tried to commit suicide]
Dr. Julian Winston : You really tried to kill yourself over me?
Toni Simmons : Stupid, wasn't it?
Dr. Julian Winston : I'm a bastard, the biggest bastard in the whole world.
Toni Simmons : Julian, please, you're starting to make it sound like bragging.
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Toni Simmons : And did you get a load of that girl?
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, I wasn't paying much attention...
Toni Simmons : When she bent over, it looked like she had her knees up inside her dress.
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Toni Simmons : Now why don't you go back and mind your own business like everyone else in New York City?
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Toni Simmons : I blew it. I blew it! Oh, boy, I really blew it!
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Toni Simmons : I wrote Julian, telling what I was going to do.
Igor Sullivan : Why?
Toni Simmons : Well, what would be the sense of killing myself, if he didn't know about it?
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Toni Simmons : I happen to know this particular lady swings with anybody.
Igor Sullivan : Well, I guess I'm not anybody.
Toni Simmons : You mean, nothing? She didn't want to, huh?
Igor Sullivan : Maybe I didn't want to.
Toni Simmons : I doubt that! I saw the way you kissed her neck like Dracula.
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Toni Simmons : Are you implying you can't talk to me?
Igor Sullivan : Come to think of it, I can't lie. You're always doing the talking and its always about your troubles with that tooth jockey!
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Toni Simmons : You ought to know what I know!
Igor Sullivan : Well, I know what I know! She's a helluva dame. She's good looking, smart, warm, very appealing.
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Toni Simmons : What were you doing, talking to that awful man?
Dr. Julian Winston : I was getting lonesome for the sound of a human voice.
Igor Sullivan : Can I have another glass of beer?
Dr. Julian Winston : Not yours!
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Toni Simmons : [after they've observed Stephanie's prowess on the dance floor] Everything you told me about your wife was true. She's not a lady, she's a barracuda!
Dr. Julian Winston : I don't care to discuss it anymore.
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Igor Sullivan : Is that that dirty rat, Julian?
Toni Simmons : Oh, he's not a dirty rat. He's a dentist.
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Toni Simmons : At first I thought it was going to be a gay, carefree fling. Whoopee!
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Toni Simmons : Julian and I met one year ago at Stereo Heaven. That's the record shop were I work.
Igor Sullivan : Stereo Heaven - I've been there. I never noticed you.
Toni Simmons : Well, Julian did - and I noticed him.
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Toni Simmons : You know, sitting here alone at night, it suddenly came over me - I have wasted away my whole life. Do you realize I'm 21?
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Igor Sullivan : I just wanted to make sure you weren't playing any more tricks with gas.
Dr. Julian Winston : Gas?
Igor Sullivan : Gas.
Toni Simmons : Gas.
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Dr. Julian Winston : Toni, everything's going to be alright. I am going to make it up to you.
Toni Simmons : [sarcastically] Oh, sure, you'll take me away for another fun filled weekend at some motel!
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Dr. Julian Winston : This is different, darling. My - I love you! My wife and I - I never even *knew* her.
Toni Simmons : How did the three children come? United Parcel!
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, at the beginning, I was polite.
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Toni Simmons : She mentioned those chicken and egg salad sandwiches.
Dr. Julian Winston : You mean to say that she bragged about her damn sandwiches?
Toni Simmons : She didn't brag! She just told me she made them. It sounded as if they were made with love.
Dr. Julian Winston : Well, they were made with mayonnaise and too much mayonnaise and the next time she gives me one, I'm going to smack her right across the mouth with it.
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Toni Simmons : Here's a woman who gave herself to you before you were married. That proves it was true love!
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Stephanie : Would you excuse me, please. I'm going to powder my nose.
Toni Simmons : Do you want me to go with you?
Stephanie : No, dear, I'm alright.
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Igor Sullivan : Hi, have you got Aida with Callas?
Toni Simmons : Sure! You know I haven't heard your typewriter in the last few days.
Igor Sullivan : I'm too depressed to work. Sometimes I wish my mother had taken the pill.
Toni Simmons : What's your problem? A girl?
Igor Sullivan : Nah, I've outgrown that stuff. Sex is for teenagers. I seem to need something else and I don't know what.
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Toni Simmons : Well, let me try to help you. You have a problem with Stephanie, right?
Dr. Julian Winston : Never mind.
Toni Simmons : Let's see, she drinks?
Dr. Julian Winston : No.
Toni Simmons : She's a kleptomaniac?
Dr. Julian Winston : No.
Toni Simmons : She takes acid?
[Julian laughs]
Toni Simmons : Well, there's only one other thing I know a man would really be ashamed to talk about. Stephanie is no nymphomaniac. - - I guessed it? That's what you came here to tell me? Wow! Well, go, gotta give me all the details.
Dr. Julian Winston : What can I tell you, except, my wife, Stephanie's a slave to her desires.
Toni Simmons : That's a very sweet way of describing a nympho!
Dr. Julian Winston : You can imagine what my life has been like.
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Igor Sullivan : What have you got there?
Toni Simmons : Oh, It's mink! From Julian.
Igor Sullivan : My Aunt Bertha has one, just like it.
Toni Simmons : Yeah, I know. I wanted black leather slacks.
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Toni Simmons : He lied to me.
Stephanie : I'm sorry, Toni. I know this is a shock for anyone and even great for someone with your youth and idealism that...
Toni Simmons : That dirty son of a bitch.
Stephanie : That's one way of looking at it.
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Mr. Shirley - Record Store Manager : Miss Simmons, would you slip in here for a moment please?
Toni Simmons : Yes, Mr. Shirley.
Mr. Shirley - Record Store Manager : May I ask what's going on here?
Toni Simmons : Uh, this gentleman is looking for a stereo to match the color of his wife's mink.
Mr. Shirley - Record Store Manager : When I think how many nuts are running around loose in this town. Carry on.
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Igor Sullivan : That tooth jockey.
Toni Simmons : Dirty married bachelor.
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Toni Simmons : Oh well, it's not such a bad arrangement and it's fair. You'll still have your wife and me, and I'll still have you and Igor.
Dr. Julian Winston : Igor?