Paul Ford: C.P. Ballinger
Quotes
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[upon being offered a poker hand as collateral]
C.P. Ballinger, Banker : Forty-six years ago, I started lending money in Larry Bingham's back room. My first customer was a drover named Penny. He wanted two dollars on a Brindle cow at six percent interest. He said she gave six quarts of milk a day. You know what I made him do? I made him move that cow into my back yard for a whole week. And I watched him milk her every day. Sure enough, she gave an average of six and a half quarts a day, so I gave him the money at six and half percent interest. Not only that, I kept the 60 pounds of manure she left behind. When you show me collateral, madam, you better make sure it's good collateral. For forty-six years, I've been lending money on good, old-fashioned principles. I stand here now to tell you one and all that I've never been offered a better piece of collateral that I hold in my hand now!
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C.P. Ballinger, Banker : So it was a joke, wasn't it? I came over to see for myself.
Otto Habershaw : It was no joke.
C.P. Ballinger, Banker : Then what's so funny?
Benson Tropp : It ain't funny, C.P.
C.P. Ballinger, Banker : Don't tell me.
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C.P. Ballinger, Banker : C P Ballinger is the kind of man who can't tolerate liqour, cards or woman reading from right to left.
