When leading-man Rod Taylor passed away last year, I remembered his excellent performances in 'The Birds' and 'The Time Machine', and how his charm, good looks and manner could lift very good films such as those to greatness. I was also pleased that for his final role, he got to be in a very fine picture such as 'Inglourious Basterds', playing Winston Churchill--that he was able to end his career on a high-note, which sadly, is the exception rather than the rule. 'Colossus and the Amazon Queen' is an example of where he made an otherwise fun but terrible movie watchable--and that's another fine quality of a gifted thespian. Especially if you are a fan of Taylor's work, the intriguing way that Italian actors made swords-and-sandals' epics ad nauseum from the late-50's to early-60's, when they would become infatuated with the 'spaghetti western', these 94 minutes will be time modestly well-spent.
28 Reviews
Campy fun with Rod and Ed
jjnxn-16 July 2013
Taken within the confines of the genre this is a humorous silly adventure. What sets it apart slightly from the usual run of the mill toga films is an odd jazz flavored score and the presence of Rod Taylor at the beginning of his career. Within a few years he's be working for Hitchcock starring in The Birds as well as appearing in other big budget films like The V.I.P.S. and The Time Machine something that no one else in the cast or any other of these sex and sandal flicks ever got remotely close too. Taylor was always a big beefy guy but he is positively dwarfed by Ed Fury, who physique is as usual in awe inspiring shape. Loaded with homo-erotic subtext and dreadful dialog watch this for its camp value and a star on the rise.
Light in the Sandals with Ed Fury and Rod Taylor
wes-connors7 April 2010
"Ed Fury stars as Glauco, the strongest man in Greece who finds himself the unwilling member of an expedition across the seas. His pal Pirro (Rod Taylor) accepts money from a band of pirates in return for Glauco's undeniable muscle. When they land, they are drugged and captured by a race of Amazons. Only Glauco escapes and falls in love with the fair Antiope. After considerable action and intrigue, the Amazons and Greeks learn to get along," according to the DVD sleeve's synopsis.
Re-titled "Colossus and the Amazon Queen" for English language listeners, this "sword and sandal" epic benefits by not taking itself too seriously. Bulging in all the right places, Mr. Fury is a blond Adonis-like hero. While Fury strikes the correct light-hearted tone, the more accomplished co-starring Mr. Taylor seems uncertain about the sexual preference assigned his character. He acts gay, but goes for breast-popping Daniela Rocca (as Melitta) over Fury, who digs delectable Dorian Gray.
***** La regina delle Amazzoni (9/8/60) Vittorio Sala ~ Ed Fury, Rod Taylor, Daniela Rocca, Dorian Gray
Re-titled "Colossus and the Amazon Queen" for English language listeners, this "sword and sandal" epic benefits by not taking itself too seriously. Bulging in all the right places, Mr. Fury is a blond Adonis-like hero. While Fury strikes the correct light-hearted tone, the more accomplished co-starring Mr. Taylor seems uncertain about the sexual preference assigned his character. He acts gay, but goes for breast-popping Daniela Rocca (as Melitta) over Fury, who digs delectable Dorian Gray.
***** La regina delle Amazzoni (9/8/60) Vittorio Sala ~ Ed Fury, Rod Taylor, Daniela Rocca, Dorian Gray
Hilarious!
grghull24 August 2007
The music score, which ranges from boogie-woogie to a sort of sleazy Vegas romance music, cues you in right away that this is not a movie to be taken seriously. Rod Taylor (as a sort of low-life grifter) and Ed Fury (his muscle-man pal) find themselves prisoners of a tribe of man hungry amazons. Gender bending comedy abounds (male prisoners who've grown accustomed to their fate exchange recipes and complain about not getting their laundry "sparkling", all with swishy mannerisms and camp voices --- very un-PC and funny as hell) along with low-brow slapstick. Viewers tuning in to a movie entitled COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN expecting thoughtful, serious drama will of course be disappointed. Those with more realistic expectations may find this a delight.
One of the Worst Films Ever (Even by Sword and Sandal Standards)
dbborroughs21 June 2004
This is horrible.
I've seen pretty much every muscle man movie made in the 1950's and 1960's and this is at the bottom of the list.
First off the dubbing is terrible. The cliche of Japanese monster movies are nothing compared to this.
Secondly its suppose to be a comedy. It appears to have been written and acted as one, unfortunately there is nothing funny about it. The problem is that these films run so close to parody as is that its pointless to make fun of them. The only one that ever worked was the original version of My Son The Hero, which was a good movie even without the humor.
Lastly the sets, costumes, ect are overly bad. Again these films run the fine line between reality and parody. Its all of a style that took hold and effectively killed off the genre about five years after this was produced where spandex, beehive hairdos and Max Factor make-up made everything look silly.
The plot, concerning two muscle men and their encounters with the Amazons is stupid and comes from the low sex comedies that rarely traveled outside of Italy because they were more juvenile than funny.
Its over acted and under done.
One out of ten. Its just bad.
I've seen pretty much every muscle man movie made in the 1950's and 1960's and this is at the bottom of the list.
First off the dubbing is terrible. The cliche of Japanese monster movies are nothing compared to this.
Secondly its suppose to be a comedy. It appears to have been written and acted as one, unfortunately there is nothing funny about it. The problem is that these films run so close to parody as is that its pointless to make fun of them. The only one that ever worked was the original version of My Son The Hero, which was a good movie even without the humor.
Lastly the sets, costumes, ect are overly bad. Again these films run the fine line between reality and parody. Its all of a style that took hold and effectively killed off the genre about five years after this was produced where spandex, beehive hairdos and Max Factor make-up made everything look silly.
The plot, concerning two muscle men and their encounters with the Amazons is stupid and comes from the low sex comedies that rarely traveled outside of Italy because they were more juvenile than funny.
Its over acted and under done.
One out of ten. Its just bad.
"Stranger, you're in the Queendom of the Amazons."
classicsoncall16 June 2006
Warning: Spoilers
It would be hard to imagine this film as anything more than a parody of the Hercules/gladiator genre, but it fails miserably even at that. I can't believe that the film makers had anything remotely sensible in mind when they patched this thing together, or if they even had an overall working outline of what they were trying to do. The result is a poorly executed picture that meanders between action and comedy, but the outcome is simply embarrassing.
At least if you have to watch this to complete the fifty movie DVD set from Mill Creek/Tree Line Films, the lead characters are pleasing on the eyes. Ed Fury is the main muscle man named Glauco, who has an eye for Antiope, the would be queen who wants to replace La Regina (Gianna Maria Canale). Glauco's sidekick Pirro (Rod Taylor) is busy chasing down Melitta (Daniella Rocca), as the two women engage in a contest for the 'sacred girdle'. A band of pirates and a wrestling bear also make appearances for reasons that seem entirely irrelevant.
The other point has to do with the musical score, it really had no connection to the events happening on screen; most of the time it had a 'Gilligan's Island' feel to it. The thought just occurred to me that watching the picture in reverse probably would make just as much sense as watching it normally. However I use the term figuratively, there's no way to watch this film normally.
At least if you have to watch this to complete the fifty movie DVD set from Mill Creek/Tree Line Films, the lead characters are pleasing on the eyes. Ed Fury is the main muscle man named Glauco, who has an eye for Antiope, the would be queen who wants to replace La Regina (Gianna Maria Canale). Glauco's sidekick Pirro (Rod Taylor) is busy chasing down Melitta (Daniella Rocca), as the two women engage in a contest for the 'sacred girdle'. A band of pirates and a wrestling bear also make appearances for reasons that seem entirely irrelevant.
The other point has to do with the musical score, it really had no connection to the events happening on screen; most of the time it had a 'Gilligan's Island' feel to it. The thought just occurred to me that watching the picture in reverse probably would make just as much sense as watching it normally. However I use the term figuratively, there's no way to watch this film normally.
Colossus And The Amazon Queen (Vittorio Sala, 1960) BOMB
Bunuel197623 April 2006
This film is strikingly similar to (and, incredibly, even worse than) Terence Young's THE AMAZONS (1974), which I watched only last month. Rod Taylor, who had just become a star thanks to George Pal's screen version of H.G. Wells' THE TIME MACHINE (1960), unwisely chose to follow it up with this turkey; his performance is embarrassing especially the lamentable attempts at comedy and, in fact, comes off like a cut-rate Tony Curtis! Likewise, Ed Fury makes very little impression as the proverbial muscleman (and, presumably, the Colossus of the title though his character is actually named Glauco, even in the English-dubbed version!).
As for the women, here we have: a rather unattractively made-up Dorian Gray (a regular fixture of Toto' comedies, though she also appeared in one film apiece by Fellini and Antonioni!); Daniela Rocca (best known as the mousy wife Marcello Mastroianni wants to get rid of in Pietro Germi's DIVORCE Italian STYLE [1961]), whose character is constantly falling flat on her face for no apparent reason!; and Gianna Maria Canale (who appeared in countless sword-and-sandal titles but also starred in the first Italian horror film, I VAMPIRI [1956], co-directed by Riccardo Freda and Mario Bava), who's been saddled with the rather thankless role of the Amazon Queen who must fulfill her destiny by remaining a spinster!
Truly, this has to be one of the worst films ever - which prompted director Bertrand Tavernier, then a film critic, to call it "one of the funniest of Italian comedies"! - which, from the very first shot (in which a trumpeter loses his grip on his instrument!), gives you an idea of the clumsiness you are about to witness with the inappropriate 'modern' score (including the dance routines that are a cross between Busby Berkeley and WEST SIDE STORY [1961]!) and the hilarious dubbing (particularly during the one scene where Tiberio Murgia, so memorable as Claudia Cardinale's jealous elder brother in BIG DEAL ON MADONNA STREET [1958], appears) featuring prominently among its highlights er lowpoints!
As for the women, here we have: a rather unattractively made-up Dorian Gray (a regular fixture of Toto' comedies, though she also appeared in one film apiece by Fellini and Antonioni!); Daniela Rocca (best known as the mousy wife Marcello Mastroianni wants to get rid of in Pietro Germi's DIVORCE Italian STYLE [1961]), whose character is constantly falling flat on her face for no apparent reason!; and Gianna Maria Canale (who appeared in countless sword-and-sandal titles but also starred in the first Italian horror film, I VAMPIRI [1956], co-directed by Riccardo Freda and Mario Bava), who's been saddled with the rather thankless role of the Amazon Queen who must fulfill her destiny by remaining a spinster!
Truly, this has to be one of the worst films ever - which prompted director Bertrand Tavernier, then a film critic, to call it "one of the funniest of Italian comedies"! - which, from the very first shot (in which a trumpeter loses his grip on his instrument!), gives you an idea of the clumsiness you are about to witness with the inappropriate 'modern' score (including the dance routines that are a cross between Busby Berkeley and WEST SIDE STORY [1961]!) and the hilarious dubbing (particularly during the one scene where Tiberio Murgia, so memorable as Claudia Cardinale's jealous elder brother in BIG DEAL ON MADONNA STREET [1958], appears) featuring prominently among its highlights er lowpoints!
I thought it would never end
Hitchcoc12 May 2006
Warning: Spoilers
What do you want from this. We have an hour and a half of mugging for the camera. The characters are tiresome and inconsistent. They struggle to get a laugh. Seeing Rod Taylor prancing around made me sad. After all, he was in "The Birds" and "The Time Machine," among other films. How did he end up in Italy doing this? The whole plot is convoluted, anything-for-a-laugh material. At one point all the men are using clichéd "woman" talk about their cleaning, cooking, and ironing. They talk in an affected (homosexual stereotype) way. Of course, this is badly dubbed so how can we know. The women are one way, then another, and back again. Are they warriors or are they only interested in one thing. There's even a jousting scene. How's that for your Greek standard battle? Eventually, the rules at this time have the men winning out like we knew they would. But they are a bunch of baboons who have no reason to gain anything. And these marvelous warrior women lose all their culture and their strength for these guys. It's about as bad as it gets.
A Low Italian Sword and Sandal Sex Comedy
Chance2000esl26 December 2008
Warning: Spoilers
This is not a 'Colossus,' 'Ursus', or 'Hercules' sword and sandal movie. Though using a lot of the settings of these Italian epics, we get instead a typical Italian low sex comedy of a (literal) Battle Between the Sexes: Amazon women and Greek men.
It does have a few brief inspired scenes of gender reversal with the enslaved men complaining about their housework to their returning battle weary warrior Amazon female captors, but this wonderful kind of satire does not dominate the film, which unfortunately consists mostly of the male actors mugging for the camera, particularly the lead Rod Taylor himself (with his dialog dubbed by some one else).
The script, in fact, is primarily the product of Ennio De Concini, who went on to win an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for 'Divorce Italian Style' the following year (a film which also features Daniella Rocca, who plays Rod Taylor's Amazon 'wife' here). A prodigious screen writer of over 160 films, De Concini was responsible for some of our other favorite remainder bin cheapies such as 'Assignment Outer Space' (1960), 'Battle of the Worlds' (1961) (both credited to his SF pseudonym 'Vassily Petrov'), 'The Colossus of Rhodes' (1961) with Rory Calhoun, and the Mario Bava classic 'Black Sunday' (1960) among his many, many credits.
The other American actor, Ed Fury, who plays the supposed 'Colossus' hero Glauco, starred in three 'Ursus' movies as well among his six Italian 'epics'. Rod Taylor's efforts at comedy seem mostly too silly and effete, probably the result of the direction. Rather than being enjoyably camp, this is more of a "Finally it's over!" movie.
The eclectic score of various musical styles (a lot of which sounds like 'McHale's Navy', or 'F Troop', type comic xylophone march music) tells you from the opening credits that this film is a total comedy, and not a muscleman flick with comic relief. The humor, and the film itself, come off as tedious rather than funny.
I'll generously give it a 2 for the gender reversal elements.
It does have a few brief inspired scenes of gender reversal with the enslaved men complaining about their housework to their returning battle weary warrior Amazon female captors, but this wonderful kind of satire does not dominate the film, which unfortunately consists mostly of the male actors mugging for the camera, particularly the lead Rod Taylor himself (with his dialog dubbed by some one else).
The script, in fact, is primarily the product of Ennio De Concini, who went on to win an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for 'Divorce Italian Style' the following year (a film which also features Daniella Rocca, who plays Rod Taylor's Amazon 'wife' here). A prodigious screen writer of over 160 films, De Concini was responsible for some of our other favorite remainder bin cheapies such as 'Assignment Outer Space' (1960), 'Battle of the Worlds' (1961) (both credited to his SF pseudonym 'Vassily Petrov'), 'The Colossus of Rhodes' (1961) with Rory Calhoun, and the Mario Bava classic 'Black Sunday' (1960) among his many, many credits.
The other American actor, Ed Fury, who plays the supposed 'Colossus' hero Glauco, starred in three 'Ursus' movies as well among his six Italian 'epics'. Rod Taylor's efforts at comedy seem mostly too silly and effete, probably the result of the direction. Rather than being enjoyably camp, this is more of a "Finally it's over!" movie.
The eclectic score of various musical styles (a lot of which sounds like 'McHale's Navy', or 'F Troop', type comic xylophone march music) tells you from the opening credits that this film is a total comedy, and not a muscleman flick with comic relief. The humor, and the film itself, come off as tedious rather than funny.
I'll generously give it a 2 for the gender reversal elements.
The Road To Amazonia
bkoganbing3 December 2010
Seeing this film credit for Rod Taylor sandwiched in between The Time Machine and The Birds made me wonder just who was this guy's agent at the time and how come Rod Taylor got roped into this one? He had the look of a man who was happy with his trip to Italy for Colossus And The Amazon Queen and the satisfied look of a man whose paycheck for the film just cleared the bank.
Rod Taylor and Italian muscle dude star Ed Fury are a buddy team in this film, Rod does the thinking and Ed the heavy lifting when needed. Rod unfortunately cons Fury the way Crosby used to con Hope and thanks to Rod's machinations, the two of them and a whole lot of other guys who were galley slaves on a ship wind up slaves to a tribe of Amazons.
Now this race of woman does occasionally have need of men and their services and for that the hunkier they are, the better purchase price they get. In fact Rod can't close the deal unless Fury is part of the package.
Unfortunately after a night of bliss the men get themselves taken to slave in the salt mines. The ones who don't quite measure in the hunk department end up as house servants. This was one really lame attempt at gay stereotyping.
Colossus And The Amazon Queen plays like an overlong episode of the old Hercules series with Kevin Sorbo. As we all know Rod Taylor still salvaged a career after appearing in this. That in itself was the biggest miracle associated with this film.
Rod Taylor and Italian muscle dude star Ed Fury are a buddy team in this film, Rod does the thinking and Ed the heavy lifting when needed. Rod unfortunately cons Fury the way Crosby used to con Hope and thanks to Rod's machinations, the two of them and a whole lot of other guys who were galley slaves on a ship wind up slaves to a tribe of Amazons.
Now this race of woman does occasionally have need of men and their services and for that the hunkier they are, the better purchase price they get. In fact Rod can't close the deal unless Fury is part of the package.
Unfortunately after a night of bliss the men get themselves taken to slave in the salt mines. The ones who don't quite measure in the hunk department end up as house servants. This was one really lame attempt at gay stereotyping.
Colossus And The Amazon Queen plays like an overlong episode of the old Hercules series with Kevin Sorbo. As we all know Rod Taylor still salvaged a career after appearing in this. That in itself was the biggest miracle associated with this film.
The Worst of The Worst
papccs10 May 2009
Warning: Spoilers
This is absolutely the worst movie ever made, and not just in this genre. The actors look like props and act like robots. The dubbing is laughable and makes the Japanese movie dubbing appear to be most excellent.
It is difficult to tell if this movie was intended as a comedy, or supposed to be an adventure movie, since the whole thing is laughable and it is hard to tell when the plot and acting is supposed to be funny, since all of it is ludicrous. The acting is so atrocious, that at times it becomes funny. This movie is/was most appropriate for fans of Mystery 3000 Theater, in which Crowe, and his companions sat watching as they ridiculed the film.
This movie begs the question, 'Why was it made," and I can only surmise the producer and director were on hallucinogenic drugs. Nothing in this movie suggests that anyone had any idea why they made it. The whole thing is either like a bad nightmare, or, an LSD trip gone bad. If you like to sit and make fun of the movie with your friends, add your own comments.
If you can get over the fact that this movie actually had a screen writer, a script, and nothing but idiots running around on the screen without the slightest clue on why they are being filmed, forget the bad colour, you may be able to stomach it.
It is difficult to tell if this movie was intended as a comedy, or supposed to be an adventure movie, since the whole thing is laughable and it is hard to tell when the plot and acting is supposed to be funny, since all of it is ludicrous. The acting is so atrocious, that at times it becomes funny. This movie is/was most appropriate for fans of Mystery 3000 Theater, in which Crowe, and his companions sat watching as they ridiculed the film.
This movie begs the question, 'Why was it made," and I can only surmise the producer and director were on hallucinogenic drugs. Nothing in this movie suggests that anyone had any idea why they made it. The whole thing is either like a bad nightmare, or, an LSD trip gone bad. If you like to sit and make fun of the movie with your friends, add your own comments.
If you can get over the fact that this movie actually had a screen writer, a script, and nothing but idiots running around on the screen without the slightest clue on why they are being filmed, forget the bad colour, you may be able to stomach it.
Amazon warrior women gone wild
Chase_Witherspoon2 May 2012
Comedic sword and sandal attempt has Aussie Rod Taylor playing a cheeky swindler, conned into travelling to an island on the promise of treasure, discovering that he and his companions are actually man-cargo being delivered to a race of lusty Amazon women for domestic and sexual servitude. Doesn't sound all that bad really. Trouble emerges when the warrior-who-would-be-Queen (Gray) falls for the burly Glauco (Fury), deepening a rift between her and nemesis Melitta (Rocca) that spirals into an internecine contest, further compounded when pirates discover the secluded hamlet.
It's frolicking fun with a high camp quality that you'll either find amusing or dull. Taylor and Fury rarely have a moment without some form of slapstick or situation comedy, while beauties Gray and Rocca have an hilarious rivalry of which Rocca always seems to be on the wrong end. I thought her frequent stumbles were pretty funny in a corny sort of way, and Gianna Canale's horny Queen Regina constantly bemoaning her chastity vow ("does a kiss have a flavour?") also hit the right note. The three female leads also happen to be exceptionally attractive women to boot, which both Taylor and Fury seem to fully appreciate.
Overall, it's a comedy without pretense, featuring a glamorous cast, some witty dialogue, epic sets and the usual colourful costumes. A funny take on domestic role reversal that's politically incorrect but unlikely to offend (e.g. the smug looks on the faces of Taylor and Fury after cheap attempts at groping their masters are rebuffed). Incidentally, there's also a great scene in which a portly, balding and bearded slave plays a kissing Casanova to an endless queue of frisky Amazons that shouldn't be missed for pure ham value.
It's frolicking fun with a high camp quality that you'll either find amusing or dull. Taylor and Fury rarely have a moment without some form of slapstick or situation comedy, while beauties Gray and Rocca have an hilarious rivalry of which Rocca always seems to be on the wrong end. I thought her frequent stumbles were pretty funny in a corny sort of way, and Gianna Canale's horny Queen Regina constantly bemoaning her chastity vow ("does a kiss have a flavour?") also hit the right note. The three female leads also happen to be exceptionally attractive women to boot, which both Taylor and Fury seem to fully appreciate.
Overall, it's a comedy without pretense, featuring a glamorous cast, some witty dialogue, epic sets and the usual colourful costumes. A funny take on domestic role reversal that's politically incorrect but unlikely to offend (e.g. the smug looks on the faces of Taylor and Fury after cheap attempts at groping their masters are rebuffed). Incidentally, there's also a great scene in which a portly, balding and bearded slave plays a kissing Casanova to an endless queue of frisky Amazons that shouldn't be missed for pure ham value.
Zeus Is Unamused
Rainey-Dawn20 January 2017
I hate to say it but I believe Glauco has really done it this time. Zeus took away his wits already and now Glauco had the nerve to show up in this terrible "comedy". I don't think Zeus is amused with this film and neither am I.
It is so bad that I had to hurry up and skim through it just to find out if it was going to get at least a little bit better but it did not. This might have been funny in 1960, but I found zero humor at all.
This is an unfunny "comedy". I doubt if I ever try watching this mess again. At least there are 3 other movies on the same disc.
1/10
It is so bad that I had to hurry up and skim through it just to find out if it was going to get at least a little bit better but it did not. This might have been funny in 1960, but I found zero humor at all.
This is an unfunny "comedy". I doubt if I ever try watching this mess again. At least there are 3 other movies on the same disc.
1/10
A campish hoot in the spirit of QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE
kurtwil16 January 2009
Warning: Spoilers
This whacky sword and sandal epic from Italy makes the rounds in low-budget DVD collections (all from the same battered video dub of a 16mm print - Mill Creek's version has color correction). The plot's been described elsewhere, but for this viewer the flick's over-the-top acting and absurd music offered campish fun with a fast pace and some clever if dated takeoffs. Rod Taylor detested this movie, but his acting's fun, slap-stick-ish and done with style. Some plot elements are bizarre (one character using a complex apparatus to light a fire by activating it with a burning torch!!) but work if you remember film's for comedy and don't go into deep analysis mode. Some outdoor shots and dances in this film appear in other Italian Sword and Sandal movies (or possibly it was the other way around). Those wanting politically correct films should put this one back on the shelf and look elsewhere! Otherwise, ignore the politically incorrectness and have fun!
The Amazons have a queen, and they are served by queens as well!
mark.waltz10 July 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Who better to play servants to women than a group of the gayest men outside of the Village People? I couldn't contain my laughter upon this discovery, as these mincing servants are so busy cooking and cleaning all day that they could not possibly know what an Amazon soldier must do all day. One of the cook's delight is more than obvious when he discovers a muscular Greek soldier trying to steal his homemade buns. The Greeks are fooled into visiting the island of the Amazons where they are drugged out sentenced to become slaves, with obvious chores when one of the soldier's biological clock starts ticking. The buxom, scantily clad soldiers even put on a show with 60's style beatnik music, then lust over the men on the slave block, even though they obviously abhor the entire male sex. This is the story of the rivalry of two women fighting over who kill be the next Amazon Queen.
This utilizes a hysterical turn of events, with the very misandrist women just as sexist as the men, and it's obvious that this is simply a taming of the shews parody where the men become determined to show these women that the Gods created them simply to be wives. Deliberate comedy comes through the dubbing which gives the captured men various American dialects. This is gladiator movie light, with the women simply hiding a soft, stereotypical femininity behind their alleged distaste for all men. It's almost a slam against severe levels of feminism, yet fair to the feelings of these women who want to be something more than some man's plaything. Rod Taylor takes on the lead role, yet is lost among the hard torsos of the actors with gladiator experience.
This utilizes a hysterical turn of events, with the very misandrist women just as sexist as the men, and it's obvious that this is simply a taming of the shews parody where the men become determined to show these women that the Gods created them simply to be wives. Deliberate comedy comes through the dubbing which gives the captured men various American dialects. This is gladiator movie light, with the women simply hiding a soft, stereotypical femininity behind their alleged distaste for all men. It's almost a slam against severe levels of feminism, yet fair to the feelings of these women who want to be something more than some man's plaything. Rod Taylor takes on the lead role, yet is lost among the hard torsos of the actors with gladiator experience.
Written by Julie Burchill
Bezenby2 April 2017
I've seen some bad Italian films in my time but this one sure was painful. Y'see, this is a parody of Hercules films, but as those film are so campy and cheesy in the first place, it's pretty hard to make fun of them, so what we get here is a mixture of the usual Italian slapstick mixed with a war of the sexes type film. It's enough to make your eyes bleed.
Muscle bound, Glacchus and his friend Paris are tricked into travelling to an island, are then drugged and find themselves prisoners of a bunch of Amazonian Warrior Women - and it's pretty hard for them to comprehend that the woman are in charge to! Plenty of 'but you're a girl!' dialogue follows.
These girls may be tough, but they have needs to and the two main candidates to be next Queen are getting a bit itchy in the presence of our males, which is going to complicate things. The Queen herself (dubbed to sound like Elizabeth II for some reason!) is wondering why she's remained a virgin all her life and wants someone to describe what the 'flavour of a kiss' is. Also the Amazons have men working woman jobs (doing the washing, sewing, cooking) which somehow makes them act extremely camp.
I hope that gives you an idea of what to expect from this one. I know we're talking about a different culture and a different time but the Italians were still making films like this about fifteen years later. I asked my wife if the old slapstick humour was still around today in Italian film and she shrugged her shoulders and said 'probably' in a disinterested fashion. So that's that.
Only notable for a very early appearance from Mariangela Giordano (from Zombie Dead and Satan's Baby Doll) and the only time I laughed was when a tiny Greek guy grabbed two women and said in a very deep black man's voice "Y'all is my woman now".
Muscle bound, Glacchus and his friend Paris are tricked into travelling to an island, are then drugged and find themselves prisoners of a bunch of Amazonian Warrior Women - and it's pretty hard for them to comprehend that the woman are in charge to! Plenty of 'but you're a girl!' dialogue follows.
These girls may be tough, but they have needs to and the two main candidates to be next Queen are getting a bit itchy in the presence of our males, which is going to complicate things. The Queen herself (dubbed to sound like Elizabeth II for some reason!) is wondering why she's remained a virgin all her life and wants someone to describe what the 'flavour of a kiss' is. Also the Amazons have men working woman jobs (doing the washing, sewing, cooking) which somehow makes them act extremely camp.
I hope that gives you an idea of what to expect from this one. I know we're talking about a different culture and a different time but the Italians were still making films like this about fifteen years later. I asked my wife if the old slapstick humour was still around today in Italian film and she shrugged her shoulders and said 'probably' in a disinterested fashion. So that's that.
Only notable for a very early appearance from Mariangela Giordano (from Zombie Dead and Satan's Baby Doll) and the only time I laughed was when a tiny Greek guy grabbed two women and said in a very deep black man's voice "Y'all is my woman now".
The action's not exciting, the humor's not funny, and the "gay" jokes are bloody repulsive.
soulexpress29 August 2017
Warning: Spoilers
With a score that alternates between big band swing, boogie-woogie piano, Las Vegas-styled burlesque, and whimsical numbers a la "The Little Rascals," this is a film that does not take itself seriously. In fact, it is rife with humor—unfunny humor, alas. The screenplay is credited to seven writers, which never portends good things.
COLOSSUS & THE AMAZON QUEEN follows Glaucus (Ed Fury), the strongest man in Greece (Suck it, Hercules!), and his sidekick Pirro (Rod Taylor), a fast-talking con man, as they take jobs aboard a cargo ship. When they arrive at their island destination, the men are drugged and abducted by Amazon warriors, who take them first as lovers, then as slaves. When Glaucus falls for Antiope (Dorian Gray, sans portrait), the Amazon Queen-in-Waiting, this angers her rival Melitta (Daniela Rocca), who plots her revenge.
The movie's failed attempts at humor revolve mainly around slapstick that makes the Three Stooges look like Woody Allen. Pirro's manipulations are supposed to make us laugh at the gullibility of his dupes, but instead made me want to punch Pirro in the face. There's an Egyptian inventor named Sopho (Ignazio Leone) who is determined to free Glaucus and Pirro from their captivity. Using one of his inventions, the boomerang, Sopho accidentally whacks Glaucus in the head, knocking him unconscious while the muscleman single- handedly fights a platoon of Amazons. (Funny, huh?) Finally, we get light-in-the-sandals male slaves who are so accustomed to their captivity, they exchange recipes and complain about not getting their laundry "sparkly" enough. It's the kind of gay stereotype that went out of style in the '70s and today is just cringeworthy.
OK, so the comedy falls on its face. Surely the action scenes make up for it? Uh, no. The action sequences are as contrived and unexciting as the humor is unfunny. Meanwhile, the Amazon warriors wear black spandex-type uniforms that look seriously out of place in the ancient world. Not to mention that the reigning queen, Regina, has lipstick on. In one scene, a skirt-wearing Amazon inadvertently provides a glimpse of her 20th-century panties.
Do I even have to tell you the dubbing job sucks? They didn't even get Rod Taylor to dub his own damned character into English!
The Italian "sword and sandals" films that thrived in the early '60s always veered perilously close to farce. It was redundant to make a movie poking fun at the genre. COLOSSUS & THE AMAZON QUEEN tries too hard to be funny and exciting; it ends up being neither.
COLOSSUS & THE AMAZON QUEEN follows Glaucus (Ed Fury), the strongest man in Greece (Suck it, Hercules!), and his sidekick Pirro (Rod Taylor), a fast-talking con man, as they take jobs aboard a cargo ship. When they arrive at their island destination, the men are drugged and abducted by Amazon warriors, who take them first as lovers, then as slaves. When Glaucus falls for Antiope (Dorian Gray, sans portrait), the Amazon Queen-in-Waiting, this angers her rival Melitta (Daniela Rocca), who plots her revenge.
The movie's failed attempts at humor revolve mainly around slapstick that makes the Three Stooges look like Woody Allen. Pirro's manipulations are supposed to make us laugh at the gullibility of his dupes, but instead made me want to punch Pirro in the face. There's an Egyptian inventor named Sopho (Ignazio Leone) who is determined to free Glaucus and Pirro from their captivity. Using one of his inventions, the boomerang, Sopho accidentally whacks Glaucus in the head, knocking him unconscious while the muscleman single- handedly fights a platoon of Amazons. (Funny, huh?) Finally, we get light-in-the-sandals male slaves who are so accustomed to their captivity, they exchange recipes and complain about not getting their laundry "sparkly" enough. It's the kind of gay stereotype that went out of style in the '70s and today is just cringeworthy.
OK, so the comedy falls on its face. Surely the action scenes make up for it? Uh, no. The action sequences are as contrived and unexciting as the humor is unfunny. Meanwhile, the Amazon warriors wear black spandex-type uniforms that look seriously out of place in the ancient world. Not to mention that the reigning queen, Regina, has lipstick on. In one scene, a skirt-wearing Amazon inadvertently provides a glimpse of her 20th-century panties.
Do I even have to tell you the dubbing job sucks? They didn't even get Rod Taylor to dub his own damned character into English!
The Italian "sword and sandals" films that thrived in the early '60s always veered perilously close to farce. It was redundant to make a movie poking fun at the genre. COLOSSUS & THE AMAZON QUEEN tries too hard to be funny and exciting; it ends up being neither.
A colossal failure of a film
Leofwine_draca21 April 2016
COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN is one of those painful Italian attempts at comedy, made during a time when Bob Hope/Bing Crosby films were the height of fashion, slapstick was considered the pinnacle of humour and sexism was...well, everywhere. While I really wanted to like this movie, I couldn't, and one of the reasons was the absolutely awful American dubbing that makes the whole film irritating (at one point, one of the men refers to the fact that he's a Greek before speaking in a Southern drawl!). It doesn't help that this film has no plot after the first fifteen minutes. A bunch of guys are taken to a remote island where they become the slaves of a female warrior society. Some escape and recaptured, others are put to work mining. There's time for romance, a few fights and lots of the so-called 'comedy'. If seeing somebody trip over on their face is your idea of a belly-laugh then by all means check this out.
I half-wondered whether they'd dubbed a serious film into a comedy but the silly acting from the entire cast rules this out. Aside from Rod Taylor and Ed Fury, the two leads, the male cast members are frankly embarrassing. Fury, known for his appearance in the Ursus films, is a stereotypical muscleman, a nice-but-dim hulk who picks up pillars and does strongman stuff every now and then. Taylor supplies more of the comic relief, but this is a huge comedown from the guy who was so great in THE TIME MACHINE. The female cast, aside from Gianna Maria Canale and Dorian Gray, aren't great actresses but they're certainly easy on the eye, so if watching plenty of beautiful women in skin-tight costumes sounds good, then go for it. One thing that made me sad was the realisation that by Hollywood standards of today, all these women would be classed as 'fat' because of their curves. Bring back the old days! I'll admit that the film held my attention initially; the direction isn't as bad as some I've seen. There are some good ingredients in the plot, like the bear fight scene (watch the huge, hulking chained bear transform into a skinny buy in a bear suit!), but other moments, like the pirates vaulting over the castle walls, are ludicrous. The film is also packed with historical inaccuracies; watch as the women joust together (a medieval sport!). All said and done, COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN is definitely a 'bad' film, there's no denying it. Only suckers for cheesy B-movie will get a kick out of the antics on display here.
I half-wondered whether they'd dubbed a serious film into a comedy but the silly acting from the entire cast rules this out. Aside from Rod Taylor and Ed Fury, the two leads, the male cast members are frankly embarrassing. Fury, known for his appearance in the Ursus films, is a stereotypical muscleman, a nice-but-dim hulk who picks up pillars and does strongman stuff every now and then. Taylor supplies more of the comic relief, but this is a huge comedown from the guy who was so great in THE TIME MACHINE. The female cast, aside from Gianna Maria Canale and Dorian Gray, aren't great actresses but they're certainly easy on the eye, so if watching plenty of beautiful women in skin-tight costumes sounds good, then go for it. One thing that made me sad was the realisation that by Hollywood standards of today, all these women would be classed as 'fat' because of their curves. Bring back the old days! I'll admit that the film held my attention initially; the direction isn't as bad as some I've seen. There are some good ingredients in the plot, like the bear fight scene (watch the huge, hulking chained bear transform into a skinny buy in a bear suit!), but other moments, like the pirates vaulting over the castle walls, are ludicrous. The film is also packed with historical inaccuracies; watch as the women joust together (a medieval sport!). All said and done, COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN is definitely a 'bad' film, there's no denying it. Only suckers for cheesy B-movie will get a kick out of the antics on display here.
A Howling Skelton in Rod's Closet
BruceCorneil10 March 2024
Just as his burgeoning Hollywood career was shifting up into high gear, Australia's Rod Taylor took a brief and utterly bizarre sidetrack when he went to Italy to shoot a sword and sandal (or, as it could be more accurately described, a "sword and shambles") debacle titled Colossus and the Amazon Queen (1960). It was probably the weirdest and most incongruous entry into Taylor's long and extremely varied CV; a film so unlike any other that he ever made (thank goodness). Indeed, he later tried to avoid even discussing it when the subject arose - a situation that anyone could understand after they had seen it.
To start with, there is no "Colossus" anywhere in the picture, not even a passing reference to such a character. "Our Rod" (as he was fondly referred to in his homeland) co-stars opposite muscle man Ed Fury as the duo play a couple of gladiators (Pirro and Glauco respectively) who are captured by Amazon women. They quickly fall in love (with the Amazons that is.... not with each other... although..) and save the girls from some evil pirates (as distinct from the usual variety of good, well-meaning pirates).
Dubbed into English (even the obviously English - speaking stars were dubbed !), it's a genre-crossing, gender - bending, role- reversing hodgepodge of the most head - spinning type. Apparently intended to be some sort of action/ thriller/ comedy, it features a partly boogie-woogie soundtrack, a modern jazz ballet , an orgy scene and a Western style cavalry charge at the climax (complete with covered wagons). The Amazons have gay male servants who spend much of their time tut-tutting about the mess that their female superiors make around the villa and even Taylor and Fury have some fun with a few fruity bits along the way. Presumably, it was supposed to be a send up of.....something.... But, unfortunately, most of it is about as funny as a serious outbreak of cholera. However, it does seem that Rod was there to provide the comic relief. Not that it was a big job given the fact that it's frequently near - impossible to tell where the laughs are meant to end and the drama begins. But it's only Taylor's knack for visual comedy and his priceless double takes that make the whole thing even remotely watchable. The two stars couldn't speak a word of Italian and none of the girls spoke English. Years later he explained his reason for taking the job to a magazine writer ..." I was having an affair with Anita Ekberg at the time and it gave me an excuse to get a free airline ticket to go over to Italy to see her ".
To start with, there is no "Colossus" anywhere in the picture, not even a passing reference to such a character. "Our Rod" (as he was fondly referred to in his homeland) co-stars opposite muscle man Ed Fury as the duo play a couple of gladiators (Pirro and Glauco respectively) who are captured by Amazon women. They quickly fall in love (with the Amazons that is.... not with each other... although..) and save the girls from some evil pirates (as distinct from the usual variety of good, well-meaning pirates).
Dubbed into English (even the obviously English - speaking stars were dubbed !), it's a genre-crossing, gender - bending, role- reversing hodgepodge of the most head - spinning type. Apparently intended to be some sort of action/ thriller/ comedy, it features a partly boogie-woogie soundtrack, a modern jazz ballet , an orgy scene and a Western style cavalry charge at the climax (complete with covered wagons). The Amazons have gay male servants who spend much of their time tut-tutting about the mess that their female superiors make around the villa and even Taylor and Fury have some fun with a few fruity bits along the way. Presumably, it was supposed to be a send up of.....something.... But, unfortunately, most of it is about as funny as a serious outbreak of cholera. However, it does seem that Rod was there to provide the comic relief. Not that it was a big job given the fact that it's frequently near - impossible to tell where the laughs are meant to end and the drama begins. But it's only Taylor's knack for visual comedy and his priceless double takes that make the whole thing even remotely watchable. The two stars couldn't speak a word of Italian and none of the girls spoke English. Years later he explained his reason for taking the job to a magazine writer ..." I was having an affair with Anita Ekberg at the time and it gave me an excuse to get a free airline ticket to go over to Italy to see her ".
Rod Taylor!
BandSAboutMovies4 November 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Vittorio Sala made the Eurospy film Spy in Your Eye as well as Beach Casanova, Bang You're Dead and Diamonds Are a Man's Best Friend. He made this along with the traditional large army of writers, which included Ennio De Concini, Fulvio Fo, Augusto Frassinetti, Giorgio Mordini, Vittorio Nino Novarese and an actual Oscar winner in Ennio de Concini, who won the "Best Original Screenplay" for Divorce Italian Style.
Rod Taylor is Pirro, who has been captured by a tribe of Amazon women along with Glauco (Ed Fury) who is the Colossus of the title. Yes, the hero of The Time Machine in a peplum.
The Amazons are played by Dorian Gray, Gianna Maria Canale, Giorgia Moll and Daniela Rocca. Taylor claims to have rewritten the script and compared this being rereleased on home video to someone founding out he was in porn.
Rod Taylor is Pirro, who has been captured by a tribe of Amazon women along with Glauco (Ed Fury) who is the Colossus of the title. Yes, the hero of The Time Machine in a peplum.
The Amazons are played by Dorian Gray, Gianna Maria Canale, Giorgia Moll and Daniela Rocca. Taylor claims to have rewritten the script and compared this being rereleased on home video to someone founding out he was in porn.
dynamo Rod Taylor in a witty satire
Cristi_Ciopron30 June 2016
Warning: Spoilers
A comedy with Rod Taylor, Ed Fury, Gianna Maria Canale and Daniela Rocca, it's slapstick delivered in an inspired style, lighthearted, witty and good-_natured; though the English title markets this as a Colossus movie, it ain't that. The witty script, the Aussie lead, the modern score give it its flavor, and complement the director's obvious craftsmanship.
Rod Taylor was a remarkable comedy player, and here seems to enjoy very much his role, and is deliciously at ease. Ignazio Leone has a supporting part as the funny Egyptian who once appears rolled in a carpet Ed Fury resembles more Dudikoff than Eastwood. Here, Fury struggles with a chained bear, which somehow forebodes his future trilogy.
Gianna Maria Canale had indeed a queenly beauty. Marilù Tolo has a bit part, and the feminine cast is an almanac of '60s starlets. The amazons are worshipers of Tanith.
The movie is actually better plotted than one with Ursus, way more carefully plotted; there's also a subplot with pirates. You will see that the interplay of the genders isn't absurd, and the amazons behave often simply like the girls. The idea of women's dominions, of the matriarchy existed before in the cinema.
I recognized the waterfall from a couple of kindred movies I have seen these days, one with St Constantine, the other with Ursus. Also, the tournament seems to have suited a somewhat zany idea of Antiquity ; this is the 2nd movie with tournaments from Antiquity that I see this summer, after the one with Ursus, where they put warriors from Antiquity to meet in tournaments.
Rod Taylor was a remarkable comedy player, and here seems to enjoy very much his role, and is deliciously at ease. Ignazio Leone has a supporting part as the funny Egyptian who once appears rolled in a carpet Ed Fury resembles more Dudikoff than Eastwood. Here, Fury struggles with a chained bear, which somehow forebodes his future trilogy.
Gianna Maria Canale had indeed a queenly beauty. Marilù Tolo has a bit part, and the feminine cast is an almanac of '60s starlets. The amazons are worshipers of Tanith.
The movie is actually better plotted than one with Ursus, way more carefully plotted; there's also a subplot with pirates. You will see that the interplay of the genders isn't absurd, and the amazons behave often simply like the girls. The idea of women's dominions, of the matriarchy existed before in the cinema.
I recognized the waterfall from a couple of kindred movies I have seen these days, one with St Constantine, the other with Ursus. Also, the tournament seems to have suited a somewhat zany idea of Antiquity ; this is the 2nd movie with tournaments from Antiquity that I see this summer, after the one with Ursus, where they put warriors from Antiquity to meet in tournaments.
Swords Sandals and Jazz
T-2730 November 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I rate this movie as pretty good. The action part of the plot was not bad for such fare - after all sword and sandal epics were not known for top notch plots or dialog, but the attempt at humor were simply stupid. It would have been a much better movie without them. The budget obviously left no room for retakes; I noticed three goofs: A trumpeter at the very beginning dropped his trumpet then picked it up; the queen once had to lower her head to stifle a giggle and the high priestess tripped over something.
The attack of the horse mounted freed male slaves on the Amazon city reminded me a lot of the Indian attacks on wagon trains in old television and movie westerns
I found the use of the beatnik style jazz sound track in this ancient Greece set movie kind of interesting. So was the extended avant garde dance sequence in the middle. Very "Bohemian". So bad it is good you might say.
The attack of the horse mounted freed male slaves on the Amazon city reminded me a lot of the Indian attacks on wagon trains in old television and movie westerns
I found the use of the beatnik style jazz sound track in this ancient Greece set movie kind of interesting. So was the extended avant garde dance sequence in the middle. Very "Bohemian". So bad it is good you might say.
Self-spoofing peplum is entertaining and different
fwmurnau20 August 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Many of the Italian peplum (sword & sandal) movies from the period 1959- 1965 are unintentionally funny, but this one is made as a spoof. It's not great but it's different enough to make it pretty entertaining.
Unlike most pepla, this one focuses more on cheescake than beefcake. Colossus, the Hercules character, is played by a slim Ed Fury who looks like he hasn't been to the gym in a while. He's no more built than the other men in the film, and his role is surprisingly small.
Most of the story concerns his comrade, a wily mercenary played by a very hammy Rod Taylor (the leading man of Hitchcock's THE BIRDS) who enjoys being captured by a tribe of gorgeous Amazons.
The Amazons turn their captives into male housewives, cooking, sewing, and doing housework for the women. There is much role-reversal comedy where the men act and speak like put-upon wives -- some of this is actually funny. There are a number of bizarre touches like a talking parrot, never explained, that sometimes comments on the action, and an insane musical score made up of 1960s lounge-type jazz and hackneyed "funny movie" music of the kind used in bad TV sitcoms during the sixties.
This movie has mercifully little of the elements that make so many pepla boring: (a) endless battle scenes of soldiers, horses, and plebeians rushing back and forth, where you don't know or care who's fighting who, and (b) long dialog scenes about court intrigue that are as convoluted as they are irrelevant.
Peplum fans should definitely check this out for its peculiar differences from the run-of-the-mill muscle man flicks. It should also appeal to those who feel there's too much male flesh on display in most pepla and not enough female. This movie is all about hot Amazon babes in revealing outfits, led by their gorgeous, sultry queen (who resembles a young Joan Collins). Absurd scenes like a girl fight sequence are included just to up the cheesecake factor.
Not great, but for the most part good fun.
Unlike most pepla, this one focuses more on cheescake than beefcake. Colossus, the Hercules character, is played by a slim Ed Fury who looks like he hasn't been to the gym in a while. He's no more built than the other men in the film, and his role is surprisingly small.
Most of the story concerns his comrade, a wily mercenary played by a very hammy Rod Taylor (the leading man of Hitchcock's THE BIRDS) who enjoys being captured by a tribe of gorgeous Amazons.
The Amazons turn their captives into male housewives, cooking, sewing, and doing housework for the women. There is much role-reversal comedy where the men act and speak like put-upon wives -- some of this is actually funny. There are a number of bizarre touches like a talking parrot, never explained, that sometimes comments on the action, and an insane musical score made up of 1960s lounge-type jazz and hackneyed "funny movie" music of the kind used in bad TV sitcoms during the sixties.
This movie has mercifully little of the elements that make so many pepla boring: (a) endless battle scenes of soldiers, horses, and plebeians rushing back and forth, where you don't know or care who's fighting who, and (b) long dialog scenes about court intrigue that are as convoluted as they are irrelevant.
Peplum fans should definitely check this out for its peculiar differences from the run-of-the-mill muscle man flicks. It should also appeal to those who feel there's too much male flesh on display in most pepla and not enough female. This movie is all about hot Amazon babes in revealing outfits, led by their gorgeous, sultry queen (who resembles a young Joan Collins). Absurd scenes like a girl fight sequence are included just to up the cheesecake factor.
Not great, but for the most part good fun.
Only For Those With a Funny Bone
topeka_brooks3 March 2017
Warning: Spoilers
While choosing slave boys, two women approach a runt...
"I am the god's gift to the women of southern Greece. Let's be off my babies. Y'all is my women now ..."
If that line doesn't tickle your funny bone ... Colossus will not reach you.
Melitta (Daniela Rocca) picks Rod Taylor (Pirro) last. And our heroes are left hot, horny, and hopelessly humorous.
Come on, if you like schlock, this flick will put a smile on your face and it might even make you laugh.
"I am the god's gift to the women of southern Greece. Let's be off my babies. Y'all is my women now ..."
If that line doesn't tickle your funny bone ... Colossus will not reach you.
Melitta (Daniela Rocca) picks Rod Taylor (Pirro) last. And our heroes are left hot, horny, and hopelessly humorous.
Come on, if you like schlock, this flick will put a smile on your face and it might even make you laugh.
Movie: RULEZ!!
Steve_Nyland12 August 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is cool! It's kind of dumb but it is really cool. Like, there are these dudes, and they are like, Gladiators & stuff?? And they go on a boat somewhere, I don't know where, and it like, crashes & stuff. The guys all find themselves stranded on this island, you know, and it's like BABE CITY!!
There are only hot Italian B-actresses on the whole island, and they all dress like the sluts in CALIGULA only nobody gets cut in half or has Macolm McDowall put his ring where the sun don't shine on them. I like all female society movies, especially when they are populated by creamy, olive skinned, sharp nosed and firm bosomed Italian actresses who's voices are dubbed into English. So I consider myself lucky: I hope someday you get to find a movie that looks like it was pretty much made with you in mind.
So like, these Gladiator dudes are kind of funny. They have all these heroic missions and are all like, former soldiers or something who treat each other like they are closer than brothers. And they all dress like Freddy Mercury from that Queen tour after NEWS OF THE WORLD, which was such a cool album. But what I mean is that, like, they all run around in tights and leather tunics, have big spears and big muscles and always look sweaty or oiled, yet not one of them is gay. Not even by a long shot. The movie is even kind of a silly comedy at times with wacky noise effects and a talking parrot, but there isn't any of the stuff that Oliver Stone found so necessary. And everywhere you look, BABES!!
And what babes they are. Jessica Simpson and Scarlett Johanssen and Natalie Portman are like, twits from the underclass study hall compared to the graceful, full figured 1960 era knockouts populating this very sexist and male oriented entertainment. The women throw themselves at these guys, sometimes quite literally, and since there are only about eight of them and a whole island full of these women I would expect that we'd see a working example of that male to female ratio thing that Peter Sellers talked about in DR. STRANGELOVE about needing women with exceedingly attractive characteristics, which sort of makes sense if you hope to re-populate the world with the President and maybe the guys who run Haliburton. Maybe this is where they got their inspiration for Strangelove's speech. Because with an estimated female to male ratio of about 35 to 1 -- and all of them hot -- these Gladiators had better not be gay, or else there are going to be a lot of unhappy faces in the morning.
Look for this movie on a 50 Movie/12 DVD box set from Treeline Films called SCI FI CLASSICS: It's a mucky fullframe English print that looks like someone used it to hang their laundry on before the video transfer was done, but it beats the hell out of anything that's been released this year in the theaters so far, and there are what, 48 more to go??
7/10
There are only hot Italian B-actresses on the whole island, and they all dress like the sluts in CALIGULA only nobody gets cut in half or has Macolm McDowall put his ring where the sun don't shine on them. I like all female society movies, especially when they are populated by creamy, olive skinned, sharp nosed and firm bosomed Italian actresses who's voices are dubbed into English. So I consider myself lucky: I hope someday you get to find a movie that looks like it was pretty much made with you in mind.
So like, these Gladiator dudes are kind of funny. They have all these heroic missions and are all like, former soldiers or something who treat each other like they are closer than brothers. And they all dress like Freddy Mercury from that Queen tour after NEWS OF THE WORLD, which was such a cool album. But what I mean is that, like, they all run around in tights and leather tunics, have big spears and big muscles and always look sweaty or oiled, yet not one of them is gay. Not even by a long shot. The movie is even kind of a silly comedy at times with wacky noise effects and a talking parrot, but there isn't any of the stuff that Oliver Stone found so necessary. And everywhere you look, BABES!!
And what babes they are. Jessica Simpson and Scarlett Johanssen and Natalie Portman are like, twits from the underclass study hall compared to the graceful, full figured 1960 era knockouts populating this very sexist and male oriented entertainment. The women throw themselves at these guys, sometimes quite literally, and since there are only about eight of them and a whole island full of these women I would expect that we'd see a working example of that male to female ratio thing that Peter Sellers talked about in DR. STRANGELOVE about needing women with exceedingly attractive characteristics, which sort of makes sense if you hope to re-populate the world with the President and maybe the guys who run Haliburton. Maybe this is where they got their inspiration for Strangelove's speech. Because with an estimated female to male ratio of about 35 to 1 -- and all of them hot -- these Gladiators had better not be gay, or else there are going to be a lot of unhappy faces in the morning.
Look for this movie on a 50 Movie/12 DVD box set from Treeline Films called SCI FI CLASSICS: It's a mucky fullframe English print that looks like someone used it to hang their laundry on before the video transfer was done, but it beats the hell out of anything that's been released this year in the theaters so far, and there are what, 48 more to go??
7/10
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