I Married a Woman (1958)

George Gobel: Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : All right. I'll tell ya'. This morning, right after breakfast, I flew to Mexico and had a mad, gay whirl with a lady bullfighter. I gave her my old fraternity pin and she gave me the ears to her bull. Now, let's have dinner and get to that ballgame!

• Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : Of course, if a burglar should break in while you're gone...

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Oh, no...

  Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : ...it would be quite a shock.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Well, he'll get over it.

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Whatever she does, I don't mind; because, she is beautiful. Nobody will ever make another one like her.

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : By the time I arrived at the advertising agency where I work, I'd forgotten all about Janice. It was a pleasure to see the smiling faces of my colleagues. It was even a pleasure to see my secretary. Miss Anderson may not be a very good typist; but, she is untidy.

• Miss Anderson : I've mentioned this to you before, Mr. Briggs; but, somehow or another you always misconstrue what I do. Ever since I took this job, you've misconstrued everything I do.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Look, Miss Construe, eh, Miss Anderson, will you please...

• [first lines] 

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : This story could happen anywhere at anytime; but, only if you married a woman. And I married a *woman*.

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Any messages for me?

  Miss Anderson : Mr. Sutton's been calling you for the last half hour. But, I covered for ya. I told him you overslept.

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : That was Janice's mother's idea, naming an all white dog: Blackie. It's made him quite neurotic.

• Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : Janice, when I was first married to your father, you remember him, why, we were always out somewhere. It was hardly a night, but, why, he didn't take some business client out to wine him and dine him. And I always went along to help him entertain. If I do say so myself, I made your father what he is today.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : May he Rest In Peace.

• Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : I heard it was a wonderful picture.

  Janice Blake Briggs : It was just beautiful. And it certainly should be a lesson to some husbands who aren't as attentive to their wives as they used to be. When I think of the fun we used to have before we were married. We went out every night.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : That's right. Every night in the world. I never could get her to stay home and neck.

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Honey, you've got to remember, I'm just little bitty ol' Marshall Briggs, not great big ol' John Wayne.

  Janice Blake Briggs : [dreamily]  John Wayne!

• Janice Blake Briggs : Mother, no one is talking about your taking a trip.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : I'm taking a trip - to the delicatessen.

  Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : Oh, it's all right. It doesn't matter. I don't have to go anywhere. Soon I'll be going on that last great Cook's tour of them all. Upstairs.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : I heard they did the cooking - downstairs.

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Let's remember, that little albino fox is all mine. I know her. I met her in England during the war.

  Bob Sanders : You spent the entire war in Fort Sill, Oklahoma.

• Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : It would be good for me to go to some nice, dry, warm climate. Where I could lie in the sun and get rid of all my aches and pains. If I had my way, I'd just *lie* in the sun all day and night.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Yeah, the sun is very good at nights, I hear.

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : You amaze me. You - she amazes me. See, when I think that my wife sees John Wayne make a few passes at his wife; who, incidentally, isn't really his wife either, but, somebody else's wife, you can bet me; and then my wife thinks that I ought to treat my wife the way, eh, eh, what was the question again?

• Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : How could I go to a baseball game? I've nothing to wear.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : It's not formal, mother.

  Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : The few things I have are in tatters.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Mother, you know very well that if you want a new dress, all you have to do is charge it to my account.

  Mrs. Blake - Janice's Mother : Oh, no, no. It doesn't matter. I don't need anything. Soon, I'll be going to that last great dressmaker of them all. Upstairs.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Are you prepared to meet your dressmaker?

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : When John Wayne does it, it's all right?

  Janice Blake Briggs : John Wayne happens to be the demonstrative type.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Demonstrative?

  Janice Blake Briggs : John Wayne is demonstrative! You, demonstrative? You're not demonstrative. You've never been demonstrative!

• Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Mr. Sutton?

  Frederick W. Sutton : Mickey, I was just wondering, what is the speed of a freely falling body? Say, a body falling from the 28th floor.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : What?

  Frederick W. Sutton : And I wonder, does a man lose consciousness before he splatters on the sidewalk below? Say a man about my height and weight.

• Frederick W. Sutton : We're in terrible trouble.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : We're in no trouble. He's in trouble.

  Frederick W. Sutton : We're all in trouble.

• Miss Anderson : Now, just a minute, Mr. Briggs. What brought on this tirade?

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Miss Anderson, did you hear me?

  Miss Anderson : Yes, I heard you and you've been trirading against me long enough. When things go wrong with me, I don't tirade against you.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : Miss Anderson, what do you want?

  Miss Anderson : Before this tiradation started, I was only trying to say that Mr. Sutton hasn't come in yet.

• Frederick W. Sutton : This is Mr. Girard, he's a lawyer.

  Marshall 'Mickey' Briggs : How do you do? This is Mr. Sanders, he's a louse.