Squareheads of the Round Table (1948)

Shemp Howard: Shemp

Photos 

Quotes 

• Larry : Cedric, old boy, don't let it get you down.

  Shemp : No. Just one fftt, and it's all over.

  Cedric the Blacksmith : Thanks. You're brave men. It will be an honor to go to the block with you.

  Moe , Larry , Shemp : [modestly]  Oh...

  [flinching] 

  Shemp : What?

  Moe : You mean they're gonna give us the works, too?

  Cedric the Blacksmith : Didn't you know?

  Moe , Larry , Shemp : No!

  Cedric the Blacksmith : We all die together.

  Moe : Oh, no. I gotta get myself a cheap lawyer.

  Shemp : And I just bought two new hats.

  Larry : I can't die. I haven't seen "The Jolson Story".

• Guard #2 : The king commands your presence.

  Shemp : We ain't got any presents. The stores were all closed.

• Soldier : Which one of you is Cedric the blacksmith?

  Moe : Not me. We're three troubadours on the way to the court of King Arthur.

  Soldier : Troubadours?

  Shemp : Yeah, sing and dancing, like this. A one, a two, a three.

  Shemp , Moe , Larry : [singing]  So, we stuck our little tootsies in the water/And we ducked under the waves, we dip, ha ha.

  Soldier : [slapping them]  If you're troubadours, why the armor?

  Shemp : Well, listen, sarge, did you ever see a troubadour get hit in the kisser with a nice, ripe tomato? Look, you see a tomato coming...

  [shutting the mask of his helmet] 

  Shemp : ...wham! You close the door.

  [opening it again] 

  Shemp : When the critics are all through, then you open it up again.

  Moe : And the way we sing, sometimes they throw rocks.

  Soldier : I can believe that.

• Moe : One for all.

  Shemp : And every man for himself.

• Shemp : Wait a minute! Wait a minute! How do I know the dame won't scream her head off when she sees me?

  Moe : I wouldn't blame her.

• Soldier : If you see Cedric the smith, report the news to the Black Prince and you'll be well-rewarded. He's sworn to have Cedric's head.

  Larry : What does he want Cedric's head for? Ain't he got one of his own?

  Shemp : You dope. Two heads are better than one.

  Larry : Two heads are better!

  [they laugh; Moe joins them sarcastically, then slaps them] 

  Moe : [doing the "beheading" gesture]  You idiots. They're gonna give him a haircut down to here.

  Larry : I'd hate to be in his shoes.

  Shemp : I'd hate to be in his collar.

  Moe : I'd hate to be him.

• Shemp : [watching the executioner sharpen his ax]  It's sharp medicine, but it's a sure cure for all diseases.

  Moe : Maybe so, but I'll take penicillin.

• King Arthur : My daughter marry a smith?

  Shemp : Take it easy, King. Millions of women marry Smiths every year.

• Moe : You know that Black Prince character, the guy that tried to kill our pal Cedric?

  Shemp , Larry : Yes.

  Moe : Well, he's gonna kill the king.

  Shemp , Larry : No!

  Moe : Yes. But we'll spoil his little racket.

  Shemp , Larry : How?

  Moe : I don't know.

• Shemp : [seeing two knocked-out guards]  Looks like dirty work.

  Moe : Poor Larry. He got two of them before they got him.

  Shemp : Maybe they gave him the big haircut already. You know...

  [he pantomimes a beheading] 

  Moe : If we could only bring him back, I'd never hit him again.

  Larry : [coming out of his hiding spot]  No kidding?

  Moe : [flinching, he immediately slaps him]  Get out of...

• King Arthur : Your names, sirs?

  Moe : The three restless knights.

  Shemp : Our days ain't too hot, either.