George White's Scandals (1945)

Jack Haley: Jack Evans

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Evans : You objected to Sadie and Janie and Mazie and Daisy and Helen and Louellyn. I'm running out of dames and names.

• Joan Mason : What is it about me you don't like? And try not to make it personal.

  Clarabelle Evans : I think you're an utter monstrosity.

  Jack Evans : Now just a minute, this utter monstrosity happens to be the woman I love.

  Joan Mason : Oh, darling!

• Jack Evans : Say, she's got it good.

  Joan Mason : And that ain't bad.

• Jack Evans : A woman's happiness isn't complete without a mate. You remember about Noah's ark. Everything was two-by-two. Every animal had a mate. The lion, the tiger, the zebra. Even a pig has a mate. Why shouldn't you?

  Clarabelle Evans : Rubbish!

• Joan Mason : You brought the sweetness out in me and the ugly duckling became a golden goose.

  Jack Evans : My little goose.

• Joan Mason : [singing]  I have such dreams, Just as soon as I start nappin', The grandest things begin to happen, I dream I am in London in some lonely foggy place, And suddenly I hear a voice, "I'm blacker than the ice!" Before I know it there I am in Cary Grant's embrace, But, I wake up in the morning - and it's you

  Jack Evans : Say, you are not the only one the dream man takes on trips, I have some dreams at night myself that certainly are pips, So many times I'm being thrilled by Ginger Rogers' lips, But I wake in the morning - and it's you...

• Jack Evans : [singing]  Gee, maybe you will dream of me and I might dream of you

  Joan Mason : That's just what I'm afraid of, We'll have nightmares if we do, But, I know that when I wake up, Van Johnson will not be, Having breakfast with me

  Jack Evans : And lying were you are, Won't be Hedy Lamarr

  Joan Mason : It won't be Victor Mature

  Jack Evans : It won't be Dorothy Lamour

  Joan Mason : It won't be Clark Gable

  Jack Evans : It won't be Betty Grable

  Joan Mason : It won't be Ray Milland

  Gene Krupa : How would you like Gene Krupa's Band?

  Joan Mason , Jack Evans : But, when I wake up in the morning, It'll be you!

• Jack Evans : Say, don't you know there's a law against walking around the streets dressed like that? If McGrath ever sees you, he'll bawl the daylights out of you.

  Jill Martin : I certainly hope so.

• Jack Evans : You've thought of me as stupid, weak-kneed, spineless, insipid, a coward.

  Joan Mason : Well?

  Jack Evans : Well, I'm not a coward.

• Jack Evans : Believe me, if Clarabelle were your sister and you were my man, I'd be more tolerant.

  Joan Mason : And if I were your man, I'm not so sure I'd go around with a girl who was so weak-willed. It doesn't make sense, but, it has a good moral.

  Jack Evans : But, honey...

  Joan Mason : Don't honey, *but* me.

• Jack Evans : Joan, you've got to listen to me. We can't go on like this. I can't eat. I can't sleep. Wherever I go, I see your face. It's horrible! I mean, the way I suffer.

  Joan Mason : "My heart is ice and no fine word shall melt it." Robert Browning - or, was it Dick Tracy?

• Joan Mason : [in a Scandals sketch]  My lover.

  Jack Evans : My darling.

  [knock at the door] 

  Joan Mason : My husband!

• Jack Evans : [in a Scandals sketch]  Now, give me the name of the state where this gentleman was born.

  Joan Mason : Uh?

  Jack Evans : If the state was a woman, her husband's name would be Mr. Ippi.

  Joan Mason : How long were they married?

  Jack Evans : If Mr. Ippi had a son, his name would be Master Ippi. If he had a daughter, her name would be Miss Ippi.

  Joan Mason : What's his wife's first name?

  Jack Evans : Come, come, Princess. Times up. I guess the Princess misses the point.

  Joan Mason : Mississippi!