Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Eddie Bracken: Woodrow Truesmith

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : It's an honor to meet you, kid. What's your name?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith. Go ahead and laugh.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : That ain't anything to laugh at to anyone who knows anything.

• Bugsy : [Woodrow has a nightmare about battle and falls out of bed. Bugsy comes into Woodrow's bedroom]  What's the matter?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Oh, I don't know. I guess I had a nightmare.

  Bugsy : You're lucky.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Huh?

  Bugsy : You're lucky you don't have them all the time... like some guys.

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : I guess you never got to know your father very well, eh?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Well, not exactly... as he fell the day I was born.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : That's right. It's hard to realize. He was a fine looking fellow. He didn't look anything like you at all.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [after hearing that the town wants to build a statue of him]  What do I do now?

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Well, you just let it blow over.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Did you ever see a statue blow over?

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : I tell you it'll all blow over. Everything is perfect - except for a couple of details.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : They hang people for a couple of details!

• Judge Dennis : [notices that Woodrow is in civilian clothes]  Where are the medals?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Oh, oh, the medals. Well, I just wore those to get off the train. I suppose I shouldn't have.

  Doc Bissell : What do you mean you shouldn't have? If all good men wore medals it wouldn't be so hard to tell the good from the bad.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [to the crowd, trying to decline being nominated for mayor]  I've known all of you all my life. I've mowed your lawns. I delivered milk for your babies. I even know the dogs and cats.

  Judge Dennis : [aside to Doc Bissell & Rev. Upperman]  That milk and baby part is remarkable.

  Rev. Upperman : After that, he could be president!

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [eating pancakes for breakfast with the six Marines; Libby enters]  Good morning, Libby. Won't you join us in a stack of collision mats - as they say in the good old Marine Corps. - and a cup of jamoke?

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : [to Woodrow]  Give me six of them tickets, will ya? We still got a little work to do in our own line. So long, kid.

  Mrs. Truesmith : [hugs Bugsy]  Goodbye, dear.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Will you come back?

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Well, we always come back before. So long, everybody... see youse in church!

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : I knew the Marines could do almost anything, but I never knew they could do anything like this.

  Bugsy : You got no idea!

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [referring to the band]  Why don't they play something gay?

  [meaning happy] 

  Bartender : Why don't you acquire a gay viewpoint. It's all mental - every bit of it. Smile and the world smiles with you. Frown and you frown alone.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : I'd just as soon be alone if it's the same to you.

  Bartender : Gratitude.

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : Look, I didn't get you in this.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Oh, yes you did. I was gonna hide in the...

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : A Marine never hides. That's what Semper Fidelis means: it means "face the music".

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Well, it does not. It happens to mean "always faithful".

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : That's right. Faithful to your mother.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : It doesn't mean faithful to your mother at all. it means faithful to the Marines.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [telling the crowd the truth about his discharge]  If I could reach as high as my father's shoestrings... my whole life would be justified - and I would stand here before you proudly... instead of as the thief and the coward that I am.

• Mrs. Truesmith : Why can't you wear your uniform for a little while?

  Libby's Aunt : You look so nice in it.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : I just got through explaining it's against regulations.

  Mrs. Truesmith : Well, I think that's perfectly ridiculous.

  Libby : So do I.

  Mrs. Truesmith : Your grandfather wore his Civil War uniform the rest of his life.

  Libby's Aunt : Kept having new ones made.

  Mrs. Truesmith : Said it helped remind people that brother fought brother.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [looking at Sgt. Heppelfinger]  Well his case was different!

• Libby : Do you remember when we used to come here in the cool of the evening?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Naturally.

  Libby : I thought maybe you'd forgotten - so much can happen in a year.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : So much can happen in a day!

  Libby : I suppose so. Were you surprised when they nominated you for mayor?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Surprised is not the word for it.

• Train Ticket Clerk : [after Woodrow buys tickets to leave]  Where are you going? Thought you was running for mayor.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : I changed my mind.

  Train Ticket Clerk : That's very unusual.

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Well, this is an unusual case

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Anyway, I was kind of born to be a Marine. My father was killed in Belleau Wood the day I was born.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Belleau Wood?

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Almost the same hour. All I ever thought about was being a Marine. I took exercises. I never drank or smoked. I studied all about them. I can tell you every battle the Marines were in from 1775 down to now. New Providence, Fort Nassau, the second Battle of Trenton, the Bonhomme Richard and the Serapis... "I have not yet begun to fight. " Tripoli in 1805, Nuku Hiva in 1812, the Battle of Hatchee-Lustee River in 1837, Veracruz in '46, Chapultepec, the halls of Montezuma, Panama in '85, Guantnamo Bay in '98, then the Philippines, the Boxer Rebellion in China, Nicaragua, Coyotepe Hill, Fort Riviere and Haiti. Then Chteau-Thierry, Belleau Wood, the charge at Soissons, Saint-Mihiel, and now Wake Island, Guam, Bataan, Corregidor, Guadalcanal. They bled and died. They gave me a big send-off when I left home. Band was playing, everybody hollering, the dogs barking, my mother crying. Everybody wondering if I'd come home a general or just a sergeant like my father. Well, it's one thing to come home with things like that on your chest, and another thing to go home with hay fever and a medical discharge.

• Woodrow Truesmith : Would you quit telling lies and getting me in deeper and deeper so there'll never be a way out?

  Sgt. Heffelfinger : Let 'em enjoy it. They're eating it up.

  Bugsy : Can I tell 'em about me and Smitty at Tulagi?

  Sgt. Heffelfinger : Sure, only you gotta be Smitty, and he's gotta be you, and you both gotta come out alive!

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : This is Bugsy Walewski.

  Bugsy : Can I borrow 50 cents?

  Sgt. Heppelfinger , Cpl. Candida : [indignant]  Listen here, the guy's bought you a...

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : Go ahead.

  Bugsy : You ought to be ashamed of yourself! He ought to be ashamed of himself. Treating his mother that way.

  [walks away steaming] 

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : He never had any mother. He's from a home.

  Cpl. Candida : He's a little screwy too.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : He's alright, he just got a little shot up, nothing serious.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : [confessing his early discharge from the Marines]  It was hay fever. Chronic hay fever.

  Pfc. Juke Gillette : Gee, that's the worst kind too.

  Pfc. Bill Swenson : Well, better luck next time!

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Did you try any other branches of the service, like the Army or the Navy? They'll take anything.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : You'd better save your hoorays for somebody else, for somebody who deserves them, like Doc Bissell here, who's tried for so long to serve you, only you didn't know a good man when you saw one, so you always elected a phony instead...

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : Oh, I am, am I? Well, let me tell you something, young man! You'll find out!

  Mrs. Noble : Everett, you're making a spectacle of yourself!

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : [brushing off Mrs. Noble]  Will you kindly!

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : ...until a still bigger phony came along, then you naturally wanted him. This should have been the happiest day of my life. It could have been. Instead, it's the bitterest. It says in the Bible, "my cup runneth over". Well, my cup runneth over... with gall. This is the last act. The farce is over. The lying is finished, and the coward is at least cured of his fear.

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : I was born in this town. My father was born here. Most of this town is on my grandfather's homestead. My grandfather was an honorable man; so was my father. I've sold papers on the street to most of you who are here this morning. I've know you all my life. Your affection means a great deal to me, and now that I've lost the chance forever, I want you all to know how much it would have meant to me to be the mayor, or the city clerk, or the assistant city clerk or the dog catcher of this town, which was my grandfather's farm. By the same token I would gladly have given my life to have received just one of the ribbons you have seen on these brave mens' chests. If I could reach as high as my father's shoestrings my whole life would be justified and I would stand here before you proudly, instead of as the thief and coward that I am. I said a coward because I postponed until now what I should have told you a year ago, when I was discharged from the Marine Corps for medical unfitness. A coward because I didn't want my mother to know. Well, it wasn't to save her, it was to save *me*. A thief because I stole your admiration, I stole the ribbons I wore, I stole this nomination.