- Verbena (Carmelita's Maid): A bundle from heaven done arrived.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Oh! Isn't it wonderful. A little blessed event.
- Dennis Lindsay: Uncle Matt tells me you couldn't agree on the percentage we were to receive on handling your advertising. What do you think is a fair commission?
- Lord Basil Epping: Commission? Oh, Rear Admiral! That's the rank I had in the last war.
- Dennis Lindsay: Can't we get down to business?
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, bother business! After all, business bothers me.
- George Sharpe: I suppose you'll be taking Lady Epping with you?
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, I say, would you take a ham sandwich to a banquet?
- Lord Basil Epping: Didn't you come down here to stalk the moose too?
- Dennis Lindsay: No. Oh, yes, Lord Epping! Yes, in deed; but, can't we get this business out of the way first?
- Lord Basil Epping: Right. Right. Let's dismiss it for all time. Now, don't bother me again about it, will you?
- Dennis Lindsay: Oh, please, your Lordship.
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, hang it all!
- Dennis Lindsay: If you'll just sign right here, your Lordship.
- George Sharpe: What's this? What's this? Business? I thought we were up here to go moose hunting. Aren't we?
- Lord Basil Epping: Well, certainly. Certainly. There's a sportsman for you. A man after my own heart!
- Dennis Lindsay: Yes, I see.
- George Sharpe: Why, I didn't even bring a contract up here with me. Of course, I have one waiting at the office with some nice new clauses.
- Lord Basil Epping: Yes, but, mooses don't have have clauses.
- George Sharpe: That's right! Bears's has claw-es.
- Lord Basil Epping: Yes, that's right. Bears's has claw-es.
- Verbena (Carmelita's Maid): She's been dancin' like a demon all week.
- Dennis Lindsay: All week?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Well, of course, Dennis. I wanted to show the brave soldiers a good time!
- Dennis Lindsay: Oh, please, Carmelita, think. Think of your...
- Carmelita Lindsay: Think of what, Dennis?
- Dennis Lindsay: Well, just think!
- Carmelita Lindsay: I do think and I think you're treating me like a baby.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: I want to see the blessed event.
- Carmelita Lindsay: All right, Uncle Matt. I show to you. Then we come back and make hoopie, yes?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: No.
- Carmelita Lindsay: No?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yes.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, what?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Wait a minute Verbena. You don't mean to say the baby actually snapped at you?
- Verbena (Carmelita's Maid): Yes, sah. And the mama too.
- Aunt Della Lindsay: I always new she was part animal. Come on, Matthew.
- Verbena (Carmelita's Maid): She's *all* animal.
- Miss Cummings (Sunshine Orphanage): What can I do for you?
- Carmelita Lindsay: We want a baby boy, whose only one week old, and he must be half Irish, half Mexican, and half the United States.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: A he?
- Carmelita Lindsay: We want a boy, don't we?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Not after I told them it was a she.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, I forgot! The boy must be a girl.
- Miss Cummings (Sunshine Orphanage): First, let me have some other particulars. Then, we'll discuss sex.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Huh?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Huh?
- Lady Ada Epping: Did you hear a bell?
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, hundreds of them. Yes. Big Ben. Bow Bell. Saint James.
- Lady Ada Epping: Here.
- Lord Basil Epping: They are?
- Lady Ada Epping: No.
- Lord Basil Epping: Well, why did you say they were?
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, how do you do?
- Lady Ada Epping: Shhh.
- Lord Basil Epping: What's the matter?
- Lady Ada Epping: Come along, Basil.
- Lord Basil Epping: Going bye-bye?
- Dennis Lindsay: You mean that's the blessed event?
- Verbena (Carmelita's Maid): That's it. Little Fuzzy Wuzzy.
- Miss Cummings (Sunshine Orphanage): How long have you been married?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Two years.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Seventeen years.
- Miss Cummings (Sunshine Orphanage): I mean, how long have you been married to one another?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, but we're not married to one another. He's got a wife and I've got a husband. And I want the baby, so...
- Miss Cummings (Sunshine Orphanage): Stop! I've heard enough. Please don't go into the sordid details.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Uncle Matt, you 'splain to her.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: I will sweetheart.
- Miss Cummings (Sunshine Orphanage): Sweetheart? Uncle? You ought to be ashamed. Get out!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Wait a minute.
- Miss Cummings (Sunshine Orphanage): I certainly wouldn't trust the likes of a foundling into your care.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Let me explain this. It's pretty simple.
- Miss Cummings (Sunshine Orphanage): It's people like you who are responsible for institutions like this, in the first place! Now, get out!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: [sees Lord Epping at the bar] The old boy seems to be drinking an early breakfast this morning.
- George Sharpe: Well, you can't fool all the people all the time. Can you?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, no. Just some of the time.
- Carmelita Lindsay: And there is no fool like an old fool.
- Lady Ada Epping: Are you quite sure you didn't forget something?
- Lord Basil Epping: Something?
- Lady Ada Epping: Somehow you look so - incomplete.
- Lord Basil Epping: Incomplete? Ada! Have you ever found me wanting in anything?
- Lady Ada Epping: Frankly, I have.
- Lady Ada Epping: It's time for lunch, you know, Basil.
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, hang it all. Very well, Ada. Very well. You know that solids give me indigestion.
- Lady Ada Epping: Oh, nonsense.
- Lady Ada Epping: You should be glad to join me for lunch.
- Lord Basil Epping: Lunch? Lunch. Why don't you learn to like Sherry?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: I tell you, this is the wrong color!
- Carmelita Lindsay: It makes no difference.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Why?
- Carmelita Lindsay: It will be all right when its dead!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yes, it will be all right when its - dead? What does that have to do with the color?
- Carmelita Lindsay: When it's dead, it's dyed. No?
- Lady Ada Epping: You can't go aboard the plane in those trousers!
- Lord Basil Epping: Well, I can't go aboard without them.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Yes!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: No!
- Carmelita Lindsay: Yes!
- George Sharpe: Now, you want a drink, huh?
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, yes, yes. Absolutely. Always have a few spots before lunch, you know. Never eat on an empty stomach.
- Carmelita Lindsay: Didn't they tell you I would watch after the baby in the nursery?
- Mrs. Fred Walters: The clerk didn't tell me anything about a nursery?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Shhh. I know. Since the war, everyone is so secretive.
- Carmelita Lindsay: I love little boys. Don't you?
- Mrs. Fred Walters: Oh, yes.
- Carmelita Lindsay: And big ones, too!
- George Sharpe: You certainly got rid of that cold in a hurry.
- Lord Basil Epping: Cold? What cold?
- George Sharpe: Lord Epping, just a few minutes ago, remember, you left here to see the House Physician - with a cold.
- Lord Basil Epping: Why I didn't know the House Physician had a cold.
- Lord Basil Epping: You named him after me?
- Carmelita Lindsay: Uh-huh. You are his keepsake.
- Lord Basil Epping: Yes, a little keepsake. Keep? It should be namesake, of course.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: [disguised as Lord Epping] You know, you're not only noisy, but, you're very nosy.
- Aunt Della Lindsay: Lord Epping, my husband just slammed this door at my face!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: I can't blame him for that. He must be awfully tired looking at it.
- Lady Ada Epping: Basil, don't you think you're going to sneak off before you snap me up. Oh, no. In deed, you're not.
- Lady Ada Epping: Come in here, I want you to help me.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: [disguised as Lord Epping] Help you? In there?
- Lady Ada Epping: Of course. I can't do it alone.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Can't do what alone?
- Lady Ada Epping: I want you to help me dress.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh! Dress?
- Lady Ada Epping: Yes, I want to try on the costume for the Masquerade Ball tonight. The back would be nothing but snaps. Come on in and snap me up.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: I'm very sorry, I've got something to do.
- Lady Ada Epping: Basil, I want you to help me. Basil, I'll be with you as soon as I slip off this robe.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Yes, do that. Huh?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: [disguised as Lord Epping] How do you do?
- Lord Basil Epping: Oh, how do you do? I say, you're face is familiar.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: So is yours.
- [exits]
- Lady Ada Epping: [from the other room] Basil, stop talking to yourself.
- Lord Basil Epping: Yes, yes. Frightful bad habit I've got myself into. I must watch that.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: [disguised as Lord Epping] I'll return immediately. You know, I have a few important things to do.
- Lady Ada Epping: Such as?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: And that too.
- Lady Ada Epping: What?
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Oh, I say, you're rather inquisitive, aren't you? None of your business.
- Lady Ada Epping: Oh!
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: Double O. Cheerio!
- Lady Ada Epping: Oh! Basil! Oh! Oh.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: [disguised as Lord Epping] I say. What's the matter?
- Lady Ada Epping: I'm all out of breath.
- Uncle Matt Lindsay: That isn't all you're out of.
- Lord Basil Epping: Who's that man who just left the room?
- Lady Ada Epping: Basil, you know perfectly well, there's been no one in this room except *you*.
- Lord Basil Epping: Me? Oh, of course, yes, that's who it was. Thank you, Ada. Thank you. Thank you.
- Lord Basil Epping: I've had a horrible experience. It's taken everything out of me.
- Carmelita Lindsay: You better go and get some more.
- Lord Basil Epping: That's a good idea. I have a bottle in my suite.