- Margaret Drew: [to Mahoney] Why do I pay you $10,000 a year? I ought to send you back to the police force.
- Vivian Drew: I had a flat tire.
- Margaret Drew: You've got a flat head.
- Mrs. Drew: That's not true, Margaret. None of the Drews were flat-headed, except Uncle Ellereth.
- Margaret Drew: What do I have to do - allow this Michael Holmes to beat my brains out with a baseball bat before the legal department can sue him for libel?
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: [after Johnny Johnson lets him out of the back of his truck] Pineapples to barbed wire - don't you guys ever haul mattresses?
- Johnny Johnson: We don't haul passengers either if we want to hold our jobs.
- Johnny Johnson: [after backing up his truck to aid a damsel in distress, at Mike's urging] Anything I can do for you, sister?
- Spotter: You've already done it, brother. No. 458, Route 92.
- Johnny Johnson: A spotter. There goes my wife's new shoes.
- Spotter: [to Michael] All right, mister. Just throw your weight out of that truck. We're not in competition with the taxi cab.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Oh, wait a minute. It wasn't his fault. I'm a stowaway. He didn't know I was in the truck.
- Spotter: Oh, left your truck unlocked.
- Johnny Johnson: Mike, will ya keep quiet.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Keep quiet? That's the trouble with the bunch of you. Why don't you speak up - shout till somebody hears you?
- Spotter: Planning against the good of the company. You better get started before this chump lands you on relief.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Look, can't we settle this amicably?
- Spotter: Offering a bribe.
- Johnny Johnson: Good-bye.
- [he drives off in his truck]
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: [to the spotter who has gotten into her car] Why does an attractive girl like you have to do this kind of work?
- Spotter: Why grandma, what big teeth you've got.
- [and she drives off]
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: You go ahead. I'm gonna bring you back M. J. Drew's scalp to hang on your radiator cap. If the old witch isn't bald.
- Margaret Drew: When did you see this person last?
- Vivian Drew: Oh, I haven't seen him for a long time
- Margaret Drew: When?
- Vivian Drew: Last night.
- Margaret Drew: Well?
- Vivian Drew: We parked my car on Riverside Drive and talked.
- Mrs. Drew: What did you talk about, dear?
- Margaret Drew: How to live on a grease monkey's pay, wasn't it?
- Margaret Drew: The institution of Marriage is no different from any other step you may take. Never take a step unless it's a successful step upward. Intelligent people don't marry for better or worse. They marry for better and better.
- Mrs. Drew: It's a family characteristic. All the Drew women had it. I know when I first met your father, my knees...
- Margaret Drew: Mother, you know you've always suffered with your liver. Vivian, when you and Stephen return from your honeymoon, I'll have Dr. Cassell look at your liver.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: [as he's being hauled away, yells so the wedding guests can hear him] Why don't you tell the groom's family you've got an insane uncle, bla-bla-bla-bla. They've got a right to know there's insanity in the family.
- Margaret Drew: [to the wedding guests below] Somebody left the radio on.
- Crane: The Truck Drivers' Annual Dance. They sent a committee, hoping you would attend. You see, they've never met the head of the firm.
- Margaret Drew: I pay their wages; they don't have to know me socially.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: You don't know it, but you're beginning to be just like your boss. Pretty soon, you'll begin to enjoy it.
- Johnny Johnson: Yeah, I guess you're right.
- Marsh: The laws of libel are not very definite.
- Margaret Drew: Not definite?
- [Reading a transcript, "From the Driver's Seat," by Michael Holmes]
- Margaret Drew: The daughter is a chip off the old block - if you can chip granite.
- Margaret Drew: Crane, how long have you been personnel manager of the Drew Transportation Company?
- Crane: 13 years, M.J. - three with you and 10 years before that with your father, rest his soul.
- Margaret Drew: Did you rise when he entered?
- Crane: No, M.J. Oh, I'm sorry, M.J., I forgot it.
- Margaret Drew: Hereafter confine your sitting up exercises to your home.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Please, please. I'm not a businessman. I'm an artist - a writer. A creator of moods. I can't just plunge into things like, like you captains of industry.
- Mrs. Drew: I've waited a long time for you to become a woman. I knew when you did, you'd be terribly hurt. But I'm glad. Glad it's over a man like Michael Holmes. I remember when you said to Vivian, 'Marriage is just like any other step - not for better or worse, but for better and better.' Now you're in love with a pauper and rogue and you can't get him - not for better or worse. And what's more, the money went to Stephen.
- Margaret Drew: What?
- Mrs. Drew: To open his mill - providing Stephen would employ the men you discharged -- Michael's friends. You see, your sister's husband hasn't a dime.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Are you sure when Margaret was born they didn't make a mistake at the hospital and give you the wrong brat?
- Mrs. Drew: Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, isn't that... .
- [turning to Stephen]
- Mrs. Drew: Stephen, do you think they could have? Well, I wonder.
- Margaret Drew: I wanna know what was the idea telling those people downstairs I was your girlfriend?
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Well, would you want me to tell 'em that you came here on business?
- Margaret Drew: Dr. Cassell, when you examined me 10 days ago, my liver was bad, wasn't it?
- Dr. Cassell: No. Perfectly healthy, normal liver.
- Margaret Drew: Are you sure?
- Dr. Cassell: Of course I'm sure.
- Margaret Drew: Well, something could have happened to it in the last few days, couldn't it?
- Dr. Cassell: Hardly.
- Margaret Drew: Are you... are you quite sure?
- Dr. Cassell: I'm quite sure, my dear.
- Margaret Drew: Well, I'm not, and I insist you examine me again.
- Mrs. Drew: Go ask him, dear.
- Margaret Drew: What if he won't answer?
- Mrs. Drew: You're a woman now, and a woman gets an answer whenever she sets her mind to it.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: I do hope this isn't putting you to too much trouble, old boy.
- Johnny Johnson: Well, it is, but what can I do about it?
- Dr. Cassell: [after suggesting that she was in love] Your symptoms are classic. Hearing music, sounds, seeing things, why a high school student in elementary biology could diagnose your case.
- Margaret Drew: Why, that's nonsense. And I'll prove it to you.
- Margaret Drew: Well, I've been able to run the business to everybody's satisfaction up to now.
- Mrs. Drew: I don't know how capable you are, Margaret. After all, a woman who loves a man and can't show...
- Margaret Drew: Mother!
- [back to her board of directors discussion]
- Margaret Drew: Now about that Drew bill line, in order to keep things straight I think...
- Mrs. Drew: And furthermore, he's not a blackmailer, I happen to know.
- Margaret Drew: Mother, I can't prevent you as a stockholder form being here, but I can certainly insist that you confine yourself to the business of the day.
- Mrs. Drew: Margaret, you can't hide behind the Drew Trust.
- [Margaret again talks to the board, mostly unintelligible, while Mrs. Drew talks clearly above her dialog]
- Mrs. Drew: I know I'm silly and stupid, but I know when a woman's heart is broken. It's Michael...
- Margaret Drew: [Jumping up from her chair] I will not have his name mentioned in tis house.
- Mrs. Drew: It's being mentioned every time your heart beats. Can't you hear it, Margaret? It's saying, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. Isn't it?
- [Margaret walks out of the room followed by her mother]
- Margaret Drew: But, how did you know all this?
- Mrs. Drew: I was the go-between.
- Margaret Drew: But didn't they know that I had reinstated the men? Didn't they know they were discharged against my wishes? Didn't they know I was giving Johnny a raise? Didn't they?
- Dr. Cassell: Perhaps you experienced some sort of emotional shock
- Margaret Drew: Nonsense! I never experience emotional shocks.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: [watching Johnny and Margaret in the dance contest] Getting kinda rough.
- Susie Johnson: But can she take it!
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Aw, c'mon, everybody likes hotdogs - even the queen of England. But she took time off from the business of being the queen to be a woman.
- Margaret Drew: Give me that hotdog.
- Margaret Drew: [hugging her mom] Oh, you said you were silly and stupid. But you're as wise as the age... . I'm the dope.
- Mrs. Drew: [calling after her, as Margaret hurries out] I always agree with the president of the firm.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Tell me the worst. How did I get here?
- Nolan - the Drew's Butler: I put you to bed last night, sir.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: And what happened to Miss Drew?
- Nolan - the Drew's Butler: She took one of the guest bedrooms, sir.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: [gets out of bed and looks at the huge garment he's dressed in] Well, where'd you dig up the sleeping bag?
- Nolan - the Drew's Butler: My pajamas are a bit small, sir, so I borrowed that from the cook.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: [spreading out the huge garment] She must belong to a parachute battalion.
- Johnny Johnson: Hey, Mike, Mike, here's your ball of fire. Don't leave her lying around loose like this. The place is full of mooches.
- Margaret Drew: What's being married like?
- Secretary: Well, I never stopped to think about it.
- Margaret Drew: Ah, why not?
- Secretary: Well, after a while, you even stop feeling there was a time when you weren't married.
- Margaret Drew: Don't you ever get bored?
- Secretary: Yes. And how, yes. Some mornings I come in here very grateful for my job. But then, around 5 o'clock - oh, I don't watch the clock, but you... you know it's 5 o'clock because you start feeling as if... that... something's missing. You get lonely. I guess that's what it is. Lonesomeness. And you start counting the minutes till you meet him where you always do - front of the subway entrance.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: You'd better go to bed, Margaret.
- Margaret Drew: The name is Maggie.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: It's been a full day, Maggie.
- Margaret Drew: My name is Baby.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: No. Please go to bed, Baby, please!
- Margaret Drew: Oh, Mike, I can't just plunge into sleep. I'm a creature of moods.
- Margaret Drew: Marsh, clear the way for me.
- Marsh: It's gonna take a little time.
- Margaret Drew: Are you a man or aren't you?
- Marsh: Well, my birth certificate says male - I hope I won't have reason to regret it.
- Margaret Drew: Intelligent people don't marry for better or worse. They marry for better and better.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: M.J. Drew, humph! She's getting to be too big for her britches.
- Johnny Johnson: That's a nice way to talk about a lady.
- Michael 'Mike' Holmes: Lady? Oh, that's not a lady, that's a heel.