The Women (1939)
Joan Crawford: Crystal Allen
Photos
Quotes
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Crystal Allen : There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel. So long, ladies!
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Crystal Allen : I'm having him dine at my place. It's about time he found out I was a home girl.
Pat : A home girl? Get her! Why don't you borrow the quintuplets for the evening?
Crystal Allen : Because I'm all the baby he wants, pet.
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Sylvia Fowler : [Holding up a bottle of Summer Rain perfume] A friend of ours, Mrs. Stephen Haines, simply dotes on this.
Crystal Allen : Really!
Sylvia Fowler : Her husband picked it out for her. Perhaps you sold it to him. Stephen Haines, the engineer?
Crystal Allen : Oh, I'm afraid I don't remember. You see, we have so many men come in here.
Sylvia Fowler : Awfully good-looking. Tall, fair, distinguished. I'm sure you wouldn't overlook him.
Crystal Allen : I'm sorry, but when one's mind is on one's own business...
Sylvia Fowler : Of course. And, as you say, you have so many men.
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Mary Haines : May I suggest, if you're dressing to please Stephen, not that one. He doesn't like such obvious effects.
Crystal Allen : Thanks for the tip. But when anything I wear doesn't please Stephen, I take it off.
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Crystal Allen : It will be out tomorrow, Mrs. Prowler.
Sylvia Fowler : [Turns around and gives her the evils] FOWLER!
Crystal Allen : [Smiling sarcastically] Oh I'm so sorry...
[corrects herself]
Crystal Allen : Mrs. Fowler.
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Sylvia Fowler : Is that anyway to talk to me, after all I've done for you?
Crystal Allen : Aw, done what?
Sylvia Fowler : You didn't know a soul when you married Steven. After all, it wasn't easy to put you over.
Crystal Allen : And who said you put me over?
Sylvia Fowler : I've gotten you into some of our very best homes.
Crystal Allen : [in a Ritzy tone] Yes, for some of their very best insults!
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Crystal Allen : If you throw a lambchop into a hot oven, what's gonna keep it from gettin' done?
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Crystal Allen : [answering phone] Hello? Oh, hello, Stephen.
[surprised]
Crystal Allen : What? Well uh... Don't worry, my sweet, I... Of course, I don't mind your breaking our engagement! Well, that is, I mind, of course, but it's such good discipline for my selfishness about you.
Pat : Holy mackerel, what a line!
Crystal Allen : [to Pat] Shut up, will ya?
Crystal Allen : [to Stephen] Well, I, uh... I was going to surprise you tonight, darling, and... and cook dinner myself in my little apartment.
[laughs]
Crystal Allen : Why, of course I can cook!
Pat : She thinks because Lulu's dark, he wont be able to see her!
Crystal Allen : [to Pat] Shhh!
Crystal Allen : [to Stephen] Oh, well, you don't know half my accomplishments...
Pat : I'll say he doesn't!
Crystal Allen : [to Pat] Will you get out of here?
Crystal Allen : [to Stephen] Oh... Oh, well, that's all right, Stephen; I'll save you a piece of the cake... with a candle on it. Ah, well, I didn't want to tell you before, Stephen, because I was afraid you might do something extravagant! Oh, it is dear of you to want to be with me on my birthday, but... I won't be lonely. No, honestly, I won't. And uh... if this weather lets up, my neuralgia will be better...
[shaky voiced]
Crystal Allen : then maybe I can... Oh no! It's nothing. It's just nerves. I had a rather gloomy letter from home today. My little sister, she's not very well...
Pat : What's wrong with her? She got a hangover?
Crystal Allen : [ignoring Pat] But she'll be all right. Yes, I... I'm holding the thought. Oh, no, Stephen! I couldn't think of your disarranging your evening! I'll have another birthday next year!
Pat : You'll have another one next week!
Crystal Allen : [to Pat] Look, so help me, I'm gonna slug you!
Crystal Allen : [to Stephen] Oh, Stephen, if you could drop by for just a few moments and have a glass of sherry to my health. Oh, Stephen... Oh, I do need you so... Yes, dear... Yes, darling, I'll meet you on our corner in five minutes!
[sends kisses into the phone]
Crystal Allen : Goodbye!
[hangs up]
Crystal Allen : [to Pat] Say, can you beat him? He almost stood me up for his wife!
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Crystal Allen : Say, listen, I've worked too hard to land this meal ticket to make any false moves now.
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Crystal Allen : [In tub] Holy mackerel!
[Sarcastically]
Crystal Allen : What a cheerful evening! Oh, I'm so bored!
[Throws sponge and almost hits maid]
Helen, : [Surprised] Monsieur says that it doesn't improve madame's nerves to stay so long in ze water.
Crystal Allen : What'd he mean by that? A crack?
Helen, : Oh... No he did not say is zat way madame.
Crystal Allen : [Smirks] I thought not... I've been Mrs. Stephen Haines for 18 months now without a single squawk.
[laughs softly]
Crystal Allen : That's some sort of a record for Park Avenue!
[phone rings - says to maid]
Crystal Allen : Get out.
[Loudly and impatiently]
Crystal Allen : Get OUT! Go on! Go on!
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Crystal Allen : You noble wives and mothers bore the brains out of me. And I bet you bore your husbands, too.
Mary Haines : You are a hard one.
Crystal Allen : I can be soft on the right occasion.
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Crystal Allen : Stephen doesn't mooch around my bathroom.