Love on a Bet (1936)

Wendy Barrie: Paula Gilbert

Photos 

Quotes 

• Paula Gilbert : A pair of silk socks, a silk hat, and nothing between. That's a short and accurate description of Jackson Wallace.

  Aunt Charlotte : A pair of social registrites

  [sic] 

  Aunt Charlotte : , old man starvation, and nothing between. That's a short and accurate description of us.

• Jackson Wallace : [Michael in his BVDs pops into a gazebo where Wallace and Paula are sitting]  Whh... what do you mean by... by strutting in here with no clothes on?

  Michael MacCreigh : Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know the affair was formal. I distinctly remember the invitation saying "Don't dress."

  Jackson Wallace : [Paula tries to confront Michael]  No, Paula.

  Paula Gilbert : Oh, that's alright. I've seen the subway ads.

• Aunt Charlotte : Don't worry. We nearly had him proposing once, we'll do it again.

  Paula Gilbert : We? That's an idea. Why don't you get married and have the 12 children?

  Aunt Charlotte : You know, I've often thought of it. But no one else has.

• Paula Gilbert : Haven't I seen you someplace before?

  Michael MacCreigh : Well, that depends on the places you've been before. I'm always hanging out in Sloppy Mike's on 37th Street in New York. Ever been there?

  Aunt Charlotte : According to the last milepost, you're just 324 miles from Filthy Mike's.

  Michael MacCreigh : Sloppy, ma'am. Sloppy.

  Aunt Charlotte : Don't tell me. I've been there and it's filthy.

• Aunt Charlotte : That's a pretty long hike for a wounded veteran.

  Michael MacCreigh : Oh, yes ma'am. I'm not the man I used to be.

  Paula Gilbert : Where were you wounded?

  Michael MacCreigh : I'm told it was at Château-Thierry, though it's all very hazy to me. But you can understand why.

  Aunt Charlotte : Yes, of course.

  Paula Gilbert : Why?

  Michael MacCreigh : Well, you see. There was a low fog and we couldn't see a thing.

• Paula Gilbert : What branch of the service were you in?

  Michael MacCreigh : Secret Service.

  Paula Gilbert : Weren't you rather young to be in the war?

  Michael MacCreigh : Eight years old. But that's what made me so valuable. Now, who would think that an eight-year-old kid was a spy?

  Paula Gilbert : For one, I wouldn't.

• Paula Gilbert : I could swear he's that Central Park lunatic. Looks like him only he's dressed differently.

  Aunt Charlotte : You might ask to have a peek at him in his undies.

  Paula Gilbert : Looks like the kind who wouldn't mind.

  Aunt Charlotte : The next time a man in his BVDs busts in on you, get his fingerprints.

• Paula Gilbert : You're the Central Park lunatic.

  Michael MacCreigh : Oh, what do you mean?

  Paula Gilbert : You are the lunatic.

  Michael MacCreigh : [Waving his hand]  That wasn't me. I don't like parks.

  Paula Gilbert : But I know you are.

  Michael MacCreigh : Who, me?

  Paula Gilbert : Yes, you. And if you want to get to Los Angeles, why don't you try that Columbus Avenue trolley that you were waiting for?

• Aunt Charlotte : You know, he's mad, but in a pleasant sort of way.

  Paula Gilbert : Aunt Charlotte, you're not falling for him?

  Aunt Charlotte : My dear, a woman my age doesn't fall, she collapses... in a pleasant sort of way.

• Aunt Charlotte : I wonder if they have a better sort of bread line for our class of people.

  Paula Gilbert : All right, I'll marry him

  [Jack Wallace] 

  Paula Gilbert : and make you the happiest woman in the world.

  Aunt Charlotte : It's the only sensible thing to do.

  Paula Gilbert : Well, why mince words? It's a cheap, despicable thing to do. Conniving to get a man to propose to me.

• Michael MacCreigh : If you'd let me, I'd try to give you a rough idea of what I'm like.

  Paula Gilbert : That's what I'm afraid of.

  Michael MacCreigh : All right. I don't have to throw myself away on you. I have a sixth sense that always tells me when I'm not wanted.

• Paula Gilbert : [Michael starts roasting a marshmallow in the fireplace]  Must you do that? I despise the odor of toasted marshmallow.

  Michael MacCreigh : Ah, that's probably because in your youth you were exposed to improperly toasted marshmallows. There's quite a group of you. The psychological term is... heh, if you'll excuse me, "marshmallum dislikum."

  Paula Gilbert : [Finally smiles and begins to warm to Michael]  Isn't there any hope for us?

  Michael MacCreigh : [Eating his first toasted marshmallow]  Fortunately, yes. The cure isn't far off. It involves a gradual breaking down of the marshmallow resistance. But it must be done carefully, scientifically, by trained expert toasters. You see, there are varying degrees of marshmallow toasters. I myself am a 32nd degree toaster.

  Paula Gilbert : I congratulate you.

• Aunt Charlotte : All men are beasts, only some are more or less house-broken.

  Paula Gilbert : Well, next time, we'll ask for his pedigree.

• Michael MacCreigh : Now, will you marry me?

  Paula Gilbert : No!

  Michael MacCreigh : I'm a pauper and I haven't got a cent.

  Paula Gilbert : No.

  [Less firmly] 

  Michael MacCreigh : I'll probably never amount to anything.

  Paula Gilbert : Nnn... no.

  [Not convincingly] 

  Michael MacCreigh : Well, you'll probably have to take in washing.

  Paula Gilbert : Why didn't you say so in the first place?

  [She smiles and they embrace] 

• Jackson Wallace : But, you can't stay here with no clothes on! It's - it's against the law!

  Michael MacCreigh : Ah, I see with whom I have to deal: a conservative!

  Jackson Wallace : Get out!

  Michael MacCreigh : A narrow-minded, bigoted, reactionary.

  Paula Gilbert : Get out!

  Michael MacCreigh : Now, lets not get into a rut. He said that.

  Paula Gilbert : Get out this minute!

• Michael MacCreigh : Well, I guess its the climate out here. Yeah, that's what it is, its the climate. Get a whiff of that air!

  Paula Gilbert : When you've stopped breathing, get on your way.

• Paula Gilbert : There must be some kind of law that could be passed against you.

  Michael MacCreigh : Oh, I suggest writing to your Congressman.

• Michael MacCreigh : Here, you try.

  Paula Gilbert : Oh, I've never really done this before. A hot dog or two, but, never a marshmallow.

  Michael MacCreigh : Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. Just keep your head down, your eye on the marshmallow and follow through. There. Now, taste it.

  Paula Gilbert : Mmmm. It's good!

• Aunt Charlotte : I'm glad if I'm intruding.

  Paula Gilbert : Oh, I came down for an extra blanket. I was cold.

  Aunt Charlotte : I noticed you managed to warm up.

  Michael MacCreigh : Well, won't you come down to the fire.

  Aunt Charlotte : No, thank you. I've played with fire once. Come along, Paula. It will make a dandy bedtime story.

• Michael MacCreigh : Remember me?

  Paula Gilbert : Oh, it's not really you!

  Michael MacCreigh : No. I exchanged places with the tailor's dummy. You'll find me back there in the window.

  Paula Gilbert : I'm afraid I haven't got time to go back. I'll have to be satisfied with the dummy. How on earth did you get those clothes?

• Paula Gilbert : It's our last dance together.

  Michael MacCreigh : What do you mean?

  Paula Gilbert : I think I'm sailing to China.

  Michael MacCreigh : China? Missionary work?

  Paula Gilbert : In a way, yes.

• Michael MacCreigh : I love everything about you. I love the way you smile. The way you frown. I love the way you talk and the way you won't talk - like that morning in the Plaza Ritz. Would you mind very much - if I kissed you?

  Paula Gilbert : I'd mind very much if you didn't.

• Aunt Charlotte : Paula! Oh, fancy leaving me here alone. I wake up and I find myself in the middle of a jungle. Oh, now, don't look at me way, darling. It is a jungle. Look! There's a buffalo.

  Paula Gilbert : Darling, that's a cow.

  Aunt Charlotte : It's a buffalo!

  Michael MacCreigh : If its a buffalo, it got up on the wrong side of the nickel.

• Paula Gilbert : Michael, you're behaving like a perfect fool.

  Michael MacCreigh : I have up until now. But, I'm learning things. Too bad I have to leave you in the morning. Another few days with you and I'd of had a liberal education.

• Paula Gilbert : I am getting married. Purely for money! For lots of money! What do you think of that?

  Michael MacCreigh : I think you're a smart girl.

• Paula Gilbert : If I were a man, I'd do something!

  Michael MacCreigh : If you were a man, you'd marry a rich girl for her money.

• Michael MacCreigh : I'm not quite sure what I want in any girl.

  Paula Gilbert : I've made up my mind the type of man I want.

  Michael MacCreigh : Yes, I know. You told me once. Filthy rich. Commutes to China.

  Paula Gilbert : Oh, that, that was last year's model. I've decided on a new one: the nitwit, outdoor type, the kind that wanders around Central Park in his BVDs and isn't above hitchhiking his way across the country.

• Michael MacCreigh : I'll get cleaned up and meet you in the lobby of the Regent in a half an hour.

  Paula Gilbert : Bye.

  Michael MacCreigh : Oh! You forgot something.

  [kisses Paula on the cheek] 

  Michael MacCreigh : Don't speak to any strange Indians.

• Michael MacCreigh : I can always earn enough to keep my self respect.

  Paula Gilbert : Self respect! Well, that's funny, you talk about self respect. Where was your precious self respect when you made love to me to win a miserable wager?

• [last lines] 

  Michael MacCreigh : Do you know what Butch MacCreigh does to double-crossers?

  Paula Gilbert : I imagine he kisses them. Aren't you gonna kiss me?

  Michael MacCreigh : Say please.

  Paula Gilbert : Please. - Please, please, please.

• Michael MacCreigh : If you'd let me, I'd try to give you a rough idea of what I'm like.

  Paula Gilbert : That's what I'm afraid of.

• Michael MacCreigh : Come on over and warm yourself. You said you were freezing to death.

  Paula Gilbert : I wonder if that wouldn't be more pleasant than being with you.