Merry Wives of Reno (1934)

Hugh Herbert: Colonel Fitch

Quotes 

• Colonel Fitch : Don't forget - any time after half past eight. Now, don't be late.

  Lois : If you pardon the question, late to what?

  Colonel Fitch : Party! Mrs. Fitch and I are giving a party.

  Madge : Oh, is your wife entertaining?

  Colonel Fitch : Well, not very; but, I'm used to it now.

• Madge : [Madge and Lois get in bed together]  What was that?

  Lois : I don't know.

  Madge : Aw! There's somebody in this bed!

  Colonel Fitch : [pulls down the covers, sees Madge and Lois laying beside him]  Shall I - sleep in the middle?

• Colonel Fitch : Sorry to keep you waiting but my wife was taking a bath.

• Colonel Fitch : I'm off duty at six every night and available as an escort anytime after that. I play the piano, croon, dance well, know all the roadhouses around here and have both a tuxedo and a tail coat. I'll be back.

  [exits] 

  Telephone Operator II : [to Madge]  He must be quite a handy man around here.

• Colonel Fitch : Did you knock?

  Bunny : So! This is why you moved out of our apartment, huh! So you could have pajama parties with women at three o'clock in the morning.

  Colonel Fitch : Well, my watch was stopped and I didn't know what time it was.

  Frank : Where's my wife?

  Tom : Where's my wife?

  Colonel Fitch : Oh, have you mislaid your wives?

• Bunny : You old reprobate! I'm going to tell you exactly what I think of you.

  Colonel Fitch : Oh, don't bother. I already know.

  Bunny : There's no excuse for this, you know. You're old enough to know better. I'm not only ashamed of you, I'm disappointed and disgusted. One woman isn't enough for you - you have to have two! Well, you flatter yourself! If those women knew you as well as I did, they wouldn't be wasting their time here.

  Colonel Fitch : Well, I do much better with strangers.