Hollywood Party (1934)

Clarence Wilson: Scientific Pedant

Photos 

Quotes 

• Scientific Pedant : No no no, Professor, your dissertation refutes every scientific theory.

  Scientific Pedant : But Doctor, please reflect on the profounder aspects of the matter and consider the vital points of my thesis.

  Scientific Pedant : But gentlemen, your theories are distinctly contradictory.

  Autograph Seeker (Larry) : Are you guys actors or hillbillies?

  Autograph Seeker (Moe) : Come out from under the spinach Gable, we know you.

  Scientific Pedant : [Moe pulls the professor's beard]  Yow-ow-ow!

  Scientific Pedant : Out of the way, morons. We are of the scientific world, not of Thespis.

  [leaves] 

  Scientific Pedant : Look, look, this proves my point: a perfect specimen of the Neanderthal man.

  Scientific Pedant : [points at Curly]  What, that? Oh no, look at the measurements.

  [examines Curly's head] 

  Scientific Pedant : Look at that, look at that. Why, that's the androgynous type. I can prove it. The androgynous cranium is always hollow, now just listen.

  [hits Curly on the head with the cane with a hollow "thud"] 

  Scientific Pedant : No, no, no, no, Professor, you're wrong.

  [examines Curly's head] 

  Scientific Pedant : That is the skull of the anthropedal.

  Scientific Pedant : No, that's more like the skull of the anthropedia.

  [examines Moe] 

  Scientific Pedant : Listen.

  [hits Moe's head with his cane, with a "bonk", turns to Larry] 

  Scientific Pedant : Ah, the obvious Neanderthal type, now.

  [hits Larry's head with his cane, making a "click"] 

  Scientific Pedant : Now just note the difference: Neanderthal,

  [hits Larry] 

  Scientific Pedant : anthropedial,

  [hits Moe] 

  Scientific Pedant : androgynous.

  [hits Curly] 

  Scientific Pedant : Well, there you are.

  Reporter : Hey fellas, seen any prominent people? There's a lot of prominent people here.

  Autograph Seeker (Larry) : Yeah: neanderthal!

  [hits reporter with cane, making a "ding" sound] 

  Reporter : Who?

  Autograph Seeker (Moe) : Andro-phobia.

  [takes cane, hits reporter] 

  Reporter : What?

  Autograph Seeker (Curly) : Androgenes.

  [takes cane, hits reporter] 

  Reporter : What, are you kidding?

  [gives Moe, Larry and Curly a sweeping slap with xylophone sound effects] 

  Reporter : Hold it!

  [takes a picture of Moe, Larry and Curly] 

  Reporter : Okay.

  [goes to the door, turns away after seeing the butler] 

  Reporter : Heh-heh, I'll skip this joint.

• Scientific Pedant : What about Mendelism?

  Scientific Pedant : But from the Neanderthal man to the Cardiff giants, it has been an absolute theory!

  Scientific Pedant : You are speaking pragmatically.

  Scientific Pedant : Peripetatically.

  Scientific Pedant : In spite of all that, you still insist that Huxley's theory is authentic?

  Scientific Pedant : Most emphatically, I do.

  Durante : [Jimmy rises from his chair]  I differ.

  Durante : [background music starts to play]  Doing some research work for the Smithsonian Institute, I was called in consultation by Professor Ebbleworth, that eminent philantherist who had heard what I did for Einstein and his relatives. Professor Ebbleworth says "Jimmy, I need you. I want to consult with you about a subject which has baffled all the scientists of the world: namely reincarnation." Not the carnation I'm wearing so jauntily in my buttonhole, no. Not the carnation of a king, but reincarnation, a ponderous question.

  [chuckles] 

  Durante : Professor Ebbleworth and me, being the only two guys who knows the lowdown - What is reincarnation, you mugs? You earthworms, you incompoops, you chuckleheads? Last night, with my head on my lacy pillow, I was a man dreaming I was a butterfly, sipping the sap from flower to flower, just like a little butterfly. I had butterfly worries, butterfly desires, just a man dreaming I was a butterfly. How do I know now that I'm not a butterfly, dreaming that I'm a man? Wait, I can see myself now:

  Durante : [sings]  I go way back to Adam, Adam and his madam, Boys, I was Adam!