Meet the Baron (1933)

Jimmy Durante: Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Humiliatin', that's what it is. Under a bed and no husband in sight!

• Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : [to Baron Munchausen]  We were looking for fruits and nuts.

  The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : And then we found you!

• Janitor : [the 3 Stooges march in with pitchers of water]  Who ordered the ice water?

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : I did!

  Janitor : Alright, let him have it.

  [they toss the water on him] 

• The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Did I have dinner tonight?

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : What a question, did you have dinner tonight? You ate 12 courses, not counting the cutlery!

• [first lines] 

  Baron Munchausen : Uhh...

  Julius : Was you there?

  Baron Munchausen : No, I wasn't there.

  Julius : So I did it!

  Baron Munchausen : Shut up!

  Julius : By jove, I remember it like it was yesterday.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Maybe it was yesterday.

  Julius : No, let me zee, it was nineteen-hundred-zixteen. He was right up there...

  Baron Munchausen : Hear anything, Julius?

  Julius : No, Baron Munchhausen.

  Baron Munchausen : You, McGoo? Smell any lions?

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : No, Baron.

  Julius : And if Joe don't smell no lions, there ain't no lions.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : I'd be very much obliged if you kept my nose out of your affairs.

• Baron Munchausen : Julius! Julius! Where is that fool?

  Baron Munchausen : [the Baron looks up and sees Julius has climbed a tree]  Come down here!

  Julius : I'm comin'.

  Baron Munchausen : Watch yourself now.

  Julius : Don't worry, Baron, I'm all right.

  Baron Munchausen : I don't care about you, it's the water! We've only enough to last us 'til we hit the river! Careful!

  Baron Munchausen : [Julius accidentally lets a canteen drop to the ground]  Ohh! You imbecile! You moron! Do you realize that this is all the water we have left? Enough to last us for just one day? We'll never get out of this alive!

  Julius : But Baron, please...

  Baron Munchausen : After trying for 10 years to get back to civilization, I had to find you two! How'd you ever get here in the first place?

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : We tried to tell you, but you was always engrossed in matters petite! Julius here wss a pants presser on the boat.

  Julius : Yeah, please, "vallet"!

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : So you was a wallet; I was a mess boy, and nobody made a prettier mess on that boat than I did!

  Julius : The captain beat us up, so one day, we made up our minds to skip the skipper.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : And we swam to shore! Well, a man has gotta eat, so we started around looking for fruits and nuts.

  Julius : And we found you.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : The rest is history!

  Baron Munchausen : Give me that water, I'll take care of it! There isn't a chance in a million of our ever reaching the river!

• Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : [during the Baron's homecoming parade]  What a reception!

  Julius : [worriedly posing as the Baron]  A suspicious occasion.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : [Joe says 'pomeranian' as a blunder for 'pandemonium']  Why, 'pomeranian' is breaking loose! And what's your reaction? Negative!

  Julius : Joe, I don't like this! Maybe it's better I go back to pants pressing!

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Why, you vulgarian, we're all set! Tomorrow, you're going to broadcast, and then you lecture at Cuddle College.

  Julius : And it's all the Baron's fault - he left us in the jungle to rat.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Rat?

  Julius : No, rot, but don't worry.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : This is no time for remiscing, distribute your bows!

  [Julius / "The Baron" and Joe stand up and bow to the crowd] 

  Julius : [a man in the crowd throws a book at "The Baron"]  Big simp! "Bows", he said, not books!

• The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Joe, look!

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : [Joe looks up and sees the back of a cleaning lady in the window]  What? The face is familiar, but I can't place the - I got it, the hippopotamus!

  The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : [Joe and the Baron laugh, until the Baron recognizes the woman]  My Aunt Sophie! If she sees me, we're sunk!

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : [Joe tosses the Baron under a pile of confetti, so that his head is buried like an ostrich; Aunt Sophie doesn't see Joe or the Baron]  What a family resemblance! It's uncanny!

• Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : [Charley enters Studio A]  Uh, let me perooze that contract. I got to perooze it.

  General Broadcasting Representative : Hello, Charley.

  'Charley' : Yes, Mr. Burns.

  General Broadcasting Representative : Baron, allow me to present our star announcer, Mr. Charles Montague.

  'Charley' : Baron, this is indeed an honor.

  The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Charley, I assure you, the feeling is monotonous.

• Head Janitor : [inside Baron Munchausen's suite]  Gentlemen, where do you want me to put the bags?

  The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Er, put them... put them under the bed.

  Head Janitor : Boys, put them under the...

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Wait a minute! Baron, I smell treachery!

  [turns to the head janitor] 

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Or is that you?

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : You want the bags where you can see them, Baron.

  The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Sure, I want the bags... I want them under my eyes.

  Moe : [looks at the Baron's face]  But you already got bags under your eyes.

  Head Janitor : [pushes Moe down among the baggage]  What's the matter with you? Talking that way to the Baron!

  The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Please, my bags!

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Ignore it, Baron!

  The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : I'm insulted!

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : The Baron demands an apology!

  Head Janitor : Hey, hatchet-head, did you hear that? The Baron demands an apology!

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Baron!

  Head Janitor : Apologize to the Baron!

  Moe : Well, if I said anything to hurt the Baron's feelings, I thank you.

  The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : It's apologized!

• Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Julius, are you goin' daffy?

• Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : The Baron is to receive $2,000 for 2,000 words. That's $4 a word; regardless of size, shape, or color. Off-color words costs extra. But, not one word more!

• Dean Primrose : All you have to do my dear Mr. McGoo is have the Baron show his credentials.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Credentials! Did Columbus have to show his credentials when he landed on Plymouth Rock and says, "Lafayette, we are here?" Did Washington have to show his credentials at Valley Frog, when he put them Union soldiers back to work? Well, what's good enough for them fellas is good enough for me and vice-a-versa!

• Julius : It only goes to show, we should have been honest.

  Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : I resent that! We may have been slightly indiscreet, perhaps a bit deceptive. I may even go as far as to say: crooked. But, always honest - as the day is long!