- I can't believe they have you working Thanksgiving. I can't believe you're shopping! Why do you think I'm here? It's because of you! I have to stand here for 15 hours so you can yell at me instead of your family. I work retail. I don't even remember what Thanksgiving is!
- 'You just lost a customer'. You think I own this business? You think I own IKEA? I'm a part time employee half way through a two week notice. I don't give a (expletive).
- 'Can you just check in the back?' Can you just accept we don't have it? The back ain't some magical place. What do you think is back there? Santa's workshop? The only thing back there is a clipboard with our schedules and some brownies Darcy brought in!
- 'The website says it was in stock!' And what do your eyes say? Sometimes it's wrong. The website also has pictures of employees smiling. You see that? Go yell at your computer instead of me, it'll get you the same result: nothing.
- 'It didn't scan? It must be free'. And you must be out of your mind! You think you're the first person to say that. You're not even the first one today. Don't worry about the scan, I'll type in the product code and charge you double. I swear I fake laugh at this job so much I forget how my real one sounds.
- 'You should open up more registers.' And who's gonna work them? You think I'm the only one ringing you up because I called dibs? You want me to clone myself? Or are you saying you want to apply? You see we're short-handed. Where's your résumé?
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