- People say "history was written by the winners." No, it wasn't. It was written by the bullies.
- People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same. We've obviously made some changes. When we started, it was all about food, clothing and shelter. Now we watch Top Chef (2006), Project Runway (2004), and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (2003).
- on keeping up with as many as ten Twitter posts a day] It's a sickness, like an addiction. I have all these regulars who follow me, and they're trying to outdo each other with creative ways to tell me they hate my guts and wish I would get hit by a truck or die in a fire. You find out that all these other people are pretty funny but not as funny as they think sometimes.
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