The Worst Films of 2017

Seeps the body in boredom, renders the soul empty, and leave the mind numb - that's Hungarian movie On Body and Soul for you in a nutshell. Honestly, what's all the fuss about?

0.5/5 stars

By virtue of all the randomness and incoherence of he plot and slipshod scripting, you’re just too distracted and unbothered to pay attention to a few good action scenes that pop up now and then, and when the audience stops bothering about the action in a Jackie Chan movie, it’s time for the makers to realize that they've messed up big time. Considering how randomly characters appear and disappear and how randomly the narrative keeps changing, perhaps, this should have been christened Kung Fu Random instead of Kung Fu Yoga. There’s a scene in the film, where a lion in the backseat of Chan’s car (What’s a lion doing in the backseat of a car while it’s chasing another car? Well, like most things in the film, we couldn’t figure that out, and we’re suspecting the makers didn’t either.) regurgitates from the bumpy ride it experiences. That about sums up the entire experience of sitting through Kung Fu Yoga.

1/5 stars

Barring a bit of tension and a handful of interesting twists at the beginning of the second half, Bank Chor fails to elicit even a modicum of thrills or laughs. These crooks are neither cool nor funny, and you just know a film has fallen away when Baba Sehgal’s cameo is the funniest thing in it.

1.1/5 stars

Touted to be a cool spy thriller that deals with global terrorism and shot on international standards, Vivegam fails to either engage you as a thriller, make a statement on terrorism, or measure up to any internationally famous spy thriller out there. The twists and turns are so predictable that they can be seen form miles away, and therein lies one of the film’s major drawbacks as it’s nigh impossible to engage an audience in espionage activities when there’s precious little of actual espionage stuff. Director Siva, instead, chooses to focus entirely on Ajith’s swag, mass appeal, and stylish dialogue delivery in every shot, which should please his diehard fans, but begs the question why an international espionage backdrop was needed if the intention all along was to primarily focus on the leading man’s massy image?

What Siva also forgets is that mass and dialogues are only enjoyable when they’re smartly interspersed in an engaging narrative, and where the hero’s heroism is offset by a formidable villain. Unfortunately, Vivegam neither has a single supporting character of any note nor a foe that seems a worthy adversary to our hero – Vivek Oberoi, despite his best efforts, is reduced to a mere gimmick. Also, the film is riddled with irrational loopholes that can’t be overlooked in the guise of crowd-pleasing moments.

All this would have still been passable had Siva and editor Ruben at least tried to connect the dots in the narrative. The editing is completely haphazard, which makes the scenes extremely disjointed and difficult to piece together. Characters literally spring out of nowhere and scenes shift locations without second warning. Even the much-hyped action prior to the film’s release is nothing more than an amateurish attempt at CGI trickery.

Chances are that even Thala Ajith’s most-hardcore fans may disappointed from this one.

1.2/5 stars

The likelihood of Bluebeard inducing you into a deeply soporific state is only matched by its predilection to throw up umpteen dream sequences, which will have you scratching your head and wondering why Director Soo-youn Lee chose to indulge in arbitrarily unhinged dream scenes that meander longer for no concrete reason and have little bearing on the final outcome of the plot.

1.3/5 stars

Sarkar 3 is a veritable hodgepodge of confused cuts, gangster clichés, and cardboard characters, which is as stark and sad as anything you’ll get to see in its showcase of how a once-mighty Director has stumbled to abysmal lows, almost to the point of caricaturing his own erstwhile great efforts. Sorry, RGV, but this Sarkar is totally bekar, and it’s certainly not how we would want to remember a once-great filmmaker like you. Full points for the unintentional, rib-tickling, comedy that the film turns into, but is that really how you want your work to be identified as moving forward?

1.3/5 stars

Haseena Parkar is not a crime film; neither is it a serious drama; nor an emotional tale; and certainly not a melancholic account of some of the darkest periods in Mumbai’s history, orchestrated from the shadows by one hellishly powerful lady. Instead, it’s such an absurd retelling of its titular character’s journey that it ends up being a cross between an unintentionally comical film, a superficial love story, and a down-market reality show, which, when combined together, have the malignant might to give you ulcers the size of potatoes. In fact, you get the impression halfway through the film that the only way it could have turned out to be this bad and factually distorted is if the entire team made it while being incredibly high, or if a certain supremo of a certain ‘D-gang’ got his henchmen to hold the cast and crew at gunpoint while they shot the film. It’s high time Bollywood filmmakers stopped expecting us to understand the hardships and sympathize with people who’ve been responsible for unspeakable acts. It’s also about time that they started taking their audience seriously and give us better films on a more consistent basis.

1.4/5 stars

How do you take a successful love story made in another language and remake it in such a slipshod manner, when you had no other task than to replicate it scene by scene? Well, that perplexing query can only be answered by Director Shaad Ali. Surprisingly, even Shraddha Kapoor and Aditya Roy Kapur's find it nigh impossible to recreate their sizzling chemistry from Aashiqui 2, with their scenes coming across as utterly bland and uninspiring. Plus, the prudence over remaking a romantic film that focused on live-in relationships and love vs. career also needs to be pondered over. After all, what's novel for a section of the audience in one part of the country needn't hold the same freshness for others, what with India being so diverse and all.

1.4/5 stars

1.4/5 stars

Too infantile to be considered even remotely entertaining, regardless if you put all logic to rest or ignore the tardy direction and innumerably plot contrivances.

1.4/5 stars

The greatest crime Kenneth Branagh commits in Murder On The Orient Express is to haphazardly misuse an A-list cast straight out of the top drawer. But that's only the tip of the iceberg that crashes down on this trainwreck (pun intended) of a movie that serves as a lesson in how to be of complete disservice to one-of-the-greatest murder mystery novels by one-of-the-best writers of all time (hope you don't see this monstrosity from the afterlife, Agatha Christie).

Admittedly, even Sidney Lumet didn't adapt the novel perfectly in his 1974 film, and perhaps no one ever will, but at least he didn't blunder by focusing all his energies on Hercules Poirot, and neglecting the other ace performers he had. Plus, unlike Branagh's version, the older film really put the mystery into the murder while this new abomination snuffs all interest out of that mystery. Also, what was the point of remaking a well-known movie, adapted from a beloved book, if you had absolutely nothing new to offer, leave alone fumble in making a half-decent film from the stellar resources on hand. Murder on the Orient Express is unequivocally one-of-the-biggest disappointments of the year.

1.5/5 stars

When a film is as manipulative, agenda-driven, and borderline misleading as What the Health is, it ceases to be a motion picture of any credibility, let alone a documentary that's worth your time.

1.5/5 stars

Completely over-the-top and not in a gleefully insane way but in a preposterously ludicrous way. Such an eclectic mix of top-notch international stars deserved a better showcase of their talents than xXx: Return of Xander Cage, Deepika Padukone required an exponentially better introduction to Hollywood than this, and Vin Diesel certainly needs to start delivering at least half-decent action fare outside of the Fast and Furious franchise. A directionless hotchpotch of action movie that'll no doubt spell the death knell of this franchise.

1.6/5 stars

Certainly not a horror movie by any stretch of the imagination or degree of leniency, but definitely a slow-burning drama, albeit not one that's even remotely interesting to make you drop your psychological pace and stretch your patience to keep abreast with the film's bleak narrative. The paranoid self-discovery and grim undertones of It Comes at Night are neither complex nor foreboding enough to either raise doubts about our underlying mistrust for each other or question what sinister entities are perennially alluded to exist around the corner.

1.7/5 stars

A film that's as bad and directionless in its trajectory as it's confusing and immature in what it tries to say. Even another bravura performance from the perennially impressive Kangana Ranaut cannot save Simran from falling completely flat.

1.8/5 stars

While Firangi's Director Rajiev Dhingra, who has so far dabbled strictly in Punjabi cinema, steers clear of the misogynist lines and sexist remarks of Kapil’s debut film, he does commit a grave blunder by forgetting to utilize the one tool that appeals to Kapil Sharma’s fans (and he’s got millions of them) as well as mildly amuses the non-believers – his comic talent. Barring a few scenes that would appeal to comedian’s hardcore fan base, and a bit of subtle humor that would be refreshing to neutral viewers, Kapil has been horrible miscast and his true talents, criminally underutilized. At the end, Firangi has way little in terms of actual entertainment and serves as a reminder that comedians should never deviate too far from their routine course. Even the production values are downright tacky.

1.8/5 stars

With Mother, Director Darren Aronofsky once again delves into his self-proclaimed wild imagination, which is nothing more than another feeble attempt at him trying to act too smart for his own good by indulging in a canvas splattered with hokum drivel passing off for so-called allegories. It's a deliberately misleading film, with not much in the way of a big reveal or actual reward at the end. Proceed with utmost caution before wasting two previous hours on this self-indulgent rubbish.

1.8/5 stars

Noor’s faulty script and faultier direction do severe injustice to Sonakshi Sinha's earnest performance and the film's topical points. The music and editing, too, are a complete let down, as is the lighting in certain portions. The film appears torn between telling a relevant story and appearing all chill while doing it, which is the root of all its troubles. If you highlight topics relevant to Indian society, then you need to narrate them in a manner that reaches out to a large audience, or else what’s the point of the intention? All in all, this is one lost, convoluted miss that drowns in its own needless attempts at being all hip and cool.

1.9/5 stars

Let’s get one thing right off the bat straight away – Tubelight is an extremely slow film, prone to induce boredom at several junctures through its runtime. Salman’s intermittent crybaby outbursts and the incessant preaching about faith and Gandhian ideologies by Om Puri grow excruciatingly painful to the point where you begin feeling asphyxiated by all the tears and lectures that go hand-in-hand. The amount of times Om Puri quotes Gandhi’s philosophies would make the Mahatma himself blush, and by the time both he and Salman finish throwing the word ‘yakeen’ around at anyone who cares, or doesn’t care to hear them; you’ll be convinced that Tubelight should have been actually named ‘Yakeen’. It’s a tragedy that this had to be Om Puri saab’s swansong on celluloid.

To be fair, the film does chug along decently in the first half. But the slow pace keeps holding it back even when Salman tries his level best to make you smile, cry, and connect with his emotions. It’s to this wonderful superstar’s credit that he barely manages to keep the film afloat even when it threatens to keep sinking in the first half itself. You’ll actually guffaw at his childlike spontaneity in a few places, marvel at his natural ability to appear innocent, and try to cajole yourself into half liking the film just for his sake.

However, come the second half, and even he can’t do much to save this tubelight from fusing out. Kabir’s direction gets so off kilter that you begin wondering if he has even directed the film. The proceedings come to a crawl at certain parts in the second half, and you may even find yourself fighting back a few yawns. Not only that, but there are also several continuity issues and factual fallacies. Could this actually be the man who gave us the masterpiece, Bajrangi Bhaijaan, just two years ago?

If it wasn’t for the endearing opening moments and Salman’s earnestness, Tubelight would have turned out to be an unbearable film. As is, it’s way below average, with not a single whistle-worthy moment to appeal to his diehard fans, and neither something interesting for neutral moviegoers who’ve grown accustomed to a different brand of cinema since his last two releases. Tubelight will leave you feeling vapid regardless which camp you fall into, and you’ll be saddened by how far off the Salman-Kabir Khan combo has fallen.

1.9/5 stars

A terribly amateurish mystery for an ineptly amateurish detective (no fault of Lori Loughlin), made by a team of seemingly bumbling amateurs. Forget TV movies, there are student films out there that are vastly more suspenseful, thrilling, and atmospherically mysterious than this luridly lazy adaptation from one of a perfectly serviceable series of mystery novels. After a viewing of Murder Most Medieval, you'd feel apprehensive to even venture near the rest of Hallmark's made-for-TV movies of the Garage Sale Mysteries.

1.9/5 stars

An extremely naive, hackneyed view of a very serious issue presented in an obnoxiously haphazard, inexplicably unreasonable, and, at times, annoyingly regressive manner.

1.9/5 stars

When one of Bollywood’s best thrillers is remade, there’s bound to be excess scrutiny to not only live up to expectations, but also work upon the original in such a way that the new film carries its own signature. Well, Ittefaq does tick most of the boxes in its first half and you get the feeling that Bollywood may have delivered a good murder mystery after some time. Alas, all those boxed get un-ticked in the second half, leaving you absolutely disappointed and even bewildered at the liberties and lapses of logic taken in the makers' zeal to reveal something earth-shattering. This one goes from carving its own niche to building its own pyre in a matter of two halves.

1.9/5 stars