The Worst Films I've Seen
I've seen a lot of bad films, some of which are actually enjoyable (I have a blog titled Michael Doherty's Good Things About Bad Movies, where I review many of them). This list includes the worst films I've sat through, some of them having absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Some of these, like the 2013 Romeo And Juliet, serious angered me. There are films on this list that I would like to cause physical harm to (were that possible). Others are just bad. They're not in any particular order.
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- DirectorLarry ClarkStarsAndrew KeeganTara SubkoffRichard HillmanTeens encounter people, who, after being used as guinea pigs for the experimental testing of a virus can live forever in a post apocalyptic world.
- DirectorAnthony Michael HallStarsAnthony Michael HallBobbie PhillipsLeslie DanonAspiring rock star works in an eraser factory and falls for the owner's daughter. To win her, he bets her father he can earn $100k in six months.I posted a Good Things About Bad Movies review of this one.
- DirectorJoe BlackStarsKen ShamrockMike BrownJess Weber"The Bunker," is a fictional war torn valor story of heroism, set in the uncharted lands of "The Ho Bo Woods" in southern Vietnam 1965. Following a bogus ghost hunt for a missing special forces unit led by a man they call Ranger. Pvt. Johannes Schenke (Han), an engineer, attempts to save an alleged NVA (North Vietnamese Army) operative, a Vietnamese girl named Kim-Ly, along with his fellow comrades who have been captured by Ranger and his renegade special forces squad while operating out of an abandoned NVA bunker.
- DirectorRichard C. BennettRalph SenenskyStarsBarbara EdenRonny CoxNanette FabrayA carefree single mother challenges the local PTA after they threaten to expel her daughter from school, due to her lifestyle.Good song, terrible film.
- DirectorJohn BerryStarsTony CurtisJackie Earle HaleyTomisaburô WakayamaA small-time hustler takes the pint-sized baseball team to Japan for a match against the country's best Little League baseball team, sparking off a series of adventures and mishaps.
- DirectorSam QualianaStarsSam QualianaMichael O'HearKathy Murphy12 years ago during a scientific expedition 3 animal biologists stumbled upon a great discovery that ended in tragedy. Whatever killed them has awoken and now the legend of the Ancient Snow Beast could prove to be more than just a legend.
- DirectorKim BassStarsGary BuseyDavid KeithLorenzo LamasSometimes what happens at Spring Break doesn't stay at Spring Break... it follows you home.
- DirectorKen KwapisMarisa SilverStarsKevin BaconElizabeth PerkinsNathan LaneTV viewers love seeing the two reporters with opposing views on the show "He Said, She Said". Womanizer Dan and Lorie fall for each other. Love?
- DirectorPhilippe MoraStarsChristopher LeeAnnie McEnroeReb BrownA man discovers that his sister was a werewolf, and helps an investigator track down a gang of the monsters through the United States and eastern Europe.
- DirectorJohn HoughStarsBette DavisChristopher LeeKim RichardsTia and Tony visit Los Angeles, but he's quickly kidnapped by an evil scientist, leaving her to desperately search for him.
- DirectorHarold BeckerStarsJohn TravoltaNick LorenMatt O'LearyWhen Danny witnesses his stepfather Rick murder a man, Danny's father Frank has to protect his son from the greatest danger.
- DirectorJohn R. LeonettiStarsEric LivelyErica DuranceDustin MilliganNick Larson discovers a supernatural way to alter his life and travel back in time to key moments in his life by looking at photographs.
- DirectorRobert TownsendStarsHalle BerryNatalie Desselle ReidMartin LandauTwo tacky homegirls move to L.A. to become dancers; instead they scam a dying millionaire but eventually become B*A*P*S (Black American Princesses).I saw this film by mistake. I can't remember what film my girlfriend and I had intended to see, but we must have gone into the wrong theatre or something. Ugh. Halle Berry is one of the worst actors ever. (And yes, Monsters Ball is on this list too.)
- DirectorAdam MarcusStarsJohn D. LeMayKari KeeganKane HodderSerial killer Jason Voorhees' supernatural origins are revealed.I posted a Good Things About Bad Movies review of this one.
- DirectorJaume BalagueróStarsAnna PaquinLena OlinIain GlenA teenage girl moves into a remote country house with her family, only to discover that their gloomy new home has a horrifying past that threatens to destroy the family.Nice shots of the hallway. Too bad none of it means anything. My brother still mentions this film to me. We're both still angry that we wasted a couple of hours in the theatre more than a decade ago watching this dreadful mess.
- DirectorJennifer LynchStarsJulian SandsSherilyn FennBill PaxtonA surgeon becomes obsessed with the seductive woman he once was in an affair with. Refusing to accept that she has moved on, he amputates her limbs and holds her captive in his mansion.This movie angered me because it could have been good. If only it had done everything differently.
- DirectorRob HeddenStarsJensen DaggettKane HodderTodd CaldecottJason Voorhees is accidentally awakened from his watery grave and ends up stalking a ship full of graduating high-school students headed to Manhattan, New York.This one doesn't make a lick of sense, but I had a good time tearing it apart in my Good Things About Bad Movies review.
- DirectorRod AmateauStarsAnthony NewleyMackenzie AstinPhil FondacaroDodger must confront the struggles of life as he is visited by the Garbage Pail Kids and intimidated by some older bullies.
- DirectorJane AndersonStarsJulianne MooreWoody HarrelsonLaura DernIn order to support her ten children, Evelyn Ryan enters a commercial jingle-writing contest.This film baffled me by just how bad it was. I love Julianne Moore, but she's been in a couple of real stinkers (this and Nine Months).
- DirectorTony ScottStarsKeira KnightleyMickey RourkeEdgar RamírezA recounting of Domino Harvey's life story. The daughter of actor Laurence Harvey turned away from her career as a Ford model to become a bounty hunter.Every single frame of this film is awful. I had nothing good to say in my Good Things About Bad Movies review of this one.
- DirectorChris KochStarsJason LeeJulia StilesSelma BlairA soon-to-be husband wakes up on the morning after his bachelor party in bed with another woman.
- DirectorAlan ParkerStarsMadonnaJonathan PryceAntonio BanderasThe hit musical based on the life of Eva Perón (Evita Duarte), a B-picture Argentinian actress who eventually became the wife of Argentinian president Juan Domingo Perón, and the most beloved and hated woman in Argentina.One of the most painful movie-going experiences of my life. It's one two-and-a-half-hour song. And it's not a very good song.
- DirectorDan AykroydStarsChevy ChaseDan AykroydJohn CandyA businessman and his friends are captured by a sadistic judge and his equally odd family in a bizarre mansion in the backwoods.Some talented people, but the result is a complete turd.
- DirectorJeannot SzwarcStarsHelen SlaterFaye DunawayPeter O'TooleAfter losing a powerful orb, Kara Zor-El, Superman's cousin, comes to Earth to retrieve it and instead finds herself up against a wicked witch.
- DirectorChris ColumbusStarsHugh GrantJulianne MooreTom ArnoldWhen he finds out his longtime girlfriend is pregnant, a commitment-phobe realizes he might have to change his lifestyle for better or much, much worse.Great cast, but one of the worst films of all time. Unbearable.
- DirectorPaul NicholasStarsKirsten DunstJames CaanVincent KartheiserKirsten Dunst plays a young woman (Lidda), who is searching for her father (James Caan). She finds herself at odds with her boyfriend who wants nothing but a carefree lifestyle.I went to a cast-and-crew screening of this film, and was able to hold my laughter inside until the end, when it just burst out. I didn't feel the least bit bad. They should have felt bad for wasting my time.
- DirectorJohnny MartinStarsJackie DebatinEric EtebariJonathon KleinA co-ed group of Special Forces agents search the wilderness for a predator type creature that has been on a killing spree.
- DirectorFabrice LambotStarsJames HoranLance HenriksenErin BrownWith the help of local pimps head by Chance, a corrupt cop will have to face his own demons to put an end to a series of brutal rapes and murders of the most weirdest kind, but in the end may not be human.Lance Henriksen, why? Why? Why? Why? And again, Why?
- DirectorRobert DornhelmStarsSela WardElizabeth PeñaRheagan WallaceBased on the real story of Clara Harris, the Houston, Texas dentist who made headlines in July 2002 when she killed her adulterous husband by repeatedly running over him with her car.
- DirectorJim WynorskiStarsDylan WalshIce-TErika EleniakThis is the story of a modern day pirate mad man and his crew of 8, searching for fortune on a cruise ship but a small group of passengers fight back.Ice-T can't act. At all. I mean, at all. Why does anyone put him in anything?
- DirectorCarlo CarleiStarsHailee SteinfeldDouglas BoothDamian LewisRomeo and Juliet secretly wed despite the sworn contempt their families hold for each other. It is not long, however, before a chain of fateful events changes the lives of both families forever.Shakespeare is one of my passions. I've seen hundreds of film adaptations of his plays, and this one is far and away the worst. No one involved in this film had any understanding of the play. I hope I get the chance to make Julian Fellowes answer for his screenplay.
- DirectorJared HessStarsJon HederEfren RamirezJon GriesA listless and alienated teenager decides to help his new friend win the class presidency in their small western high school, while he must deal with his bizarre family life back home.It shocks me that people like this film. This is one that has absolutely nothing good about it. That it has a relatively high rating seems evidence that the general population is made up of imbeciles.
- DirectorTony MandileStarsJulia CornishElizabeth VanceMariana MatthewsA group of people fight for their small town after vampires take over the world.Oh boy.
- DirectorSylvester StalloneStarsSylvester StalloneJason StathamJet LiA CIA operative hires a team of mercenaries to eliminate a Latin dictator and a renegade CIA agent.A few talented people, a few talentless people, but an absolutely awful film. I hated every second of it.
- DirectorRobert ZemeckisStarsTom HanksHelen HuntPaul SanchezA FedEx executive undergoes a physical and emotional transformation after crash landing on a deserted island.I hate Tom Hanks. And Cast Away is the most self-indulgent tripe he's done yet.
- DirectorPhyllida LloydStarsMeryl StreepPierce BrosnanAmanda SeyfriedThe story of a bride-to-be trying to find her real father told using hit songs by the popular 1970s group ABBA.It was fascinating to watch Meryl Streep suck. I'd never seen her suck before. This is probably the stupidest film I've ever seen.
- DirectorSofia CoppolaStarsKirsten DunstJason SchwartzmanRip TornThe retelling of France's iconic but ill-fated queen, Marie Antoinette. From her betrothal and marriage to Louis XVI at 14 to her reign as queen at 19 and to the end of her reign as queen, and ultimately the fall of Versailles.
- DirectorChris WeitzStarsKristen StewartRobert PattinsonTaylor LautnerAfter Edward leaves because of an incident involving Bella, Jacob Black becomes her best friend. But what Bella doesn't realize is that Jacob also has a secret that will change their lives suddenly.Everyone knows this is terrible, but I still had fun writing my Good Things About Bad Movies review of it.
- DirectorDaniel MyrickEduardo SánchezStarsHeather DonahueMichael C. WilliamsJoshua LeonardThree film students vanish after traveling into a Maryland forest to film a documentary on the local Blair Witch legend, leaving only their footage behind.There is nothing to this film. Nothing. And their whole marketing scheme that everyone thinks was brilliant was just a rip-off of that for Cannibal Holocaust.
- DirectorMark Steven JohnsonStarsNicolas CageEva MendesSam ElliottWhen motorcycle rider Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the Devil to save his father's life, he is transformed into the Ghost Rider, the Devil's own bounty hunter, and is sent to hunt down sinners.
- DirectorPaul VerhoevenStarsElizabeth BerkleyKyle MacLachlanGina GershonA mysterious young drifter who calls herself Nomi Malone hitches a ride to Las Vegas, Nevada, and begins working as a strip club dancer, and sets about clawing her way to the top of the Vegas showgirls.
- DirectorClark JohnsonStarsSamuel L. JacksonColin FarrellMichelle RodriguezAn imprisoned drug kingpin offers a huge cash reward to anyone that can break him out of police custody, and only the L.A.P.D.'s Special Weapons and Tactics team can prevent it.
- DirectorMcGStarsDrew BarrymoreLucy LiuCameron DiazThe Angels investigate a series of murders which occur after the theft of a witness protection profile database.In a better world, someone who calls himself McG wouldn't be allowed to make films.
- DirectorJay RoachStarsSteve CarellPaul RuddStephanie SzostakAfter he finds out that his work superiors host a dinner celebrating the idiocy of their special guests, a rising executive questions the merits of his invitation just as he befriends a man who would be the perfect guest.Steve Carrell seems like a funny guy. So why are all of his films (with the exception of Little Miss Sunshine) terrible?
- DirectorPaul WeitzStarsChris MassogliaJohn C. ReillySalma HayekTeenager Darren Shan meets a mysterious man at a freak show who turns out to be a vampire. After a series of events, Darren must leave his normal life and go on the road with the Cirque du Freak, becoming a creature of the night.
- DirectorDavid CronenbergStarsJames SpaderHolly HunterElias KoteasAfter getting into a serious car accident, a TV director discovers an underground sub-culture of scarred, omnisexual car-crash victims who use car accidents and the raw sexual energy they produce to try to rejuvenate his sex life with his wife.
- DirectorOliver StoneStarsAl PacinoDennis QuaidCameron DiazA behind-the-scenes look at the life-and-death struggles of modern-day gladiators and those who lead them.
- DirectorBill CondonStarsBeyoncéJamie FoxxEddie MurphyA trio of black female soul singers cross over to the pop charts in the early 1960s, facing their own personal struggles along the way.
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsJosh HartnettAaron EckhartScarlett JohanssonTwo policemen see their personal and professional lives fall apart in the wake of the "Black Dahlia" Elizabeth Short murder investigation.Brian De Palma should never be allowed anywhere near a camera.
- DirectorPeter HedgesStarsSteve CarellJuliette BinocheDane CookA widower finds out the woman he fell in love with is his brother's girlfriend.Steve Carrell seems like a funny guy. So why are all of his films (with the exception of Little Miss Sunshine) terrible?
- DirectorKevin SmithStarsBruce WillisTracy MorganJuan Carlos HernándezJimmy's rare baseball card is robbed. Since it's his only hope to pay for his daughter's upcoming wedding, he recruits his cop partner Paul to track down the robber, a memorabilia-obsessed gangster.This is when Kevin Smith died for me.
- DirectorMarc ForsterStarsBilly Bob ThorntonHalle BerryTaylor SimpsonAfter a family tragedy, a racist prison guard re-examines his attitudes while falling in love with the African-American wife of the last prisoner he executed.Halle Berry can't act. Nothing in this film is the least bit believable. Why do people like this one?
- DirectorMichael LehmannStarsDiane KeatonMandy MooreGabriel MachtA meddling mother tries to set her daughter up with the right man so her kid won't follow in her footsteps.Remember when Diane Keaton used to do good films? Think back at least three decades.
- DirectorDeland NuseUlli LommelStarsKelly GalindoSuzanna LoveOmar KaczmarczykPoor Annie every time she falls asleep, her dreams are haunted by visions of a faceless man committing unspeakable crimes. Just like a kid afraid of the dark, the Boogeyman has made her afraid to close her eyes. Annie soon realizes her hideous dreams are predictions. If she can harness this terrifying power, perhaps she can prevent the bloody slaughter she forsees, and track down the Boogeyman before his body count climbs any higher. Their actions are very brave, but are Annie and her friends the hunters... or the hunted?If I were forced to choose the worst film I've ever seen, this would be it. It's hardly a film at all.
- DirectorJ.R. BookwalterStarsAriauna AlbrightElizabeth HobgoodNicholas LanierWhen an old house in a small town is razed to make way for a shopping mall, the crew unearths four unmarked graves. A professor from a nearby university is asked to find out who the bodies are, but when she and her students arrive in town and begin to ask questions, they discover that no one wants to talk to them or help them in any way.You know a film is going to be awful when the filmmakers can't even spell the first word of the title correctly. Witch-ouse? Or is it Wit-chouse?
- DirectorRuss BarnesStarsPat AsantiLeah Ann CevoliAngelo Di Mascio Jr.Homicide cop Ray Maldonado has found a third dead hooker in as many days. The realization that he's got a serial killer on his hands hits him. Wanting to stop the string of murders, Maldonado turns to the obvious suspect: Street preacher Jimmy Christmas. Searching for redemption from his past life of crime, Christmas wants the hookers he protects off the streets. But his prayers aren't enough. To hide the darkness of his past. Protect his girls. Fend off the anger of mysterious pimp Anthony and Anthony's lawyer Phillip. Jimmy knows. There will be Hell to pay if he cannot stop the disappearances of Anthony's money-making machines. It could mean his life. Caught in an impossible love with Jimmy, Violet, Anthony's favorite girl, refuses to stop walking the streets unless its on her terms. That means stealing for herself the money Jimmy collects from the other girls. But... Someone has his eyes on Violet. That someone wants Violet dead to satisfy the voices in his head.
- DirectorSung-Po LiuStarsAlex FongYukari ÔshimaAlexander Rei LoTwo young women caught in a power struggle among a trio of mobsters must struggle to survive in a world run by vice and corruption.
- DirectorFerdinando BaldiStarsTony AnthonyAna ObregónGene QuintanoA group of adventurers are gathered together to retrieve some mystical gems which are in the possession of a deadly cult.Wow. Stunningly bad. No script, dull actors, the worst special effects of all time. And why did the camera man never check the gate or clean the lens? Geez.
- DirectorSteven VasquezStarsBrandon RifeAddison GrahamEdward GutierrezThis four story anthology offers a voyeuristic window into the lives of ten gay youths. Follow as they enter a world of the odd, the erotic and the supernatural.It's just this side of porn, but the performances and music aren't quite as good as those found in porn.