Watched in 2019
Just a random list of stuff I watched this year
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- DirectorRob ZombieStarsSheri Moon ZombieBill MoseleySid HaigAfter barely surviving prison, the demented Firefly clan go on the run, unleashing a whole new wave of murder, madness and mayhem.OHMC 2019
The three remaining members of the Firefly clan are taken to intensive care immediately following their shoot out with police. Miraculously, all survive to face trial and become media sensations.
This is a fitting end to Captain Spaulding and Sid Haig. The movie picks up right where Devil's Rejects left off with Captain Spaulding, Otis, and Baby being carted off to the hospital, recovery, and then bits of the trial. Richard Brake joins as the third titular member and gets the ball rolling.
It's ok. The first movie was the best for kills and thrills, but it's mellowed out over time. Maybe I've become more desensitized to violence and nudity since the first one or maybe, by the third, Rob Zombie just doesn't have anything really twisted left in him. It's a decent slasher and it's always great seeing characters I've enjoyed in the past, but Zombie should probably move on. There's too much in the way of repeating the formula from the second movie to let this one stand on its own.
(Sorry, T!) - DirectorCasey WalkerStarsKristopher TurnerYan-Kay Crystal LoweShawn RobertsInfected by a virus, a mild mannered HR manager attempts to fulfill his overwhelming desire for brains, all while trying to keep it together so as not to incur the wrath of his bridezilla-to-be.Zombie comedy about a mishap involving a soon-to-be groom and an aggressive zombie mosquito. Gross and over the top, it still had enough to make it a decent, if mostly forgettable, movie.
- DirectorMatthew KohnenStarsMatthew DavisJulianna RobinsonMichael Grant TerryTurning the zombie film on its head, this film is an oddball comedy from the perspective of the brain munching monsters themselves.OHMC 2019
After some military grade experimental zombie juice gets mixed in with the soft serve, four friends join up with a black ops super soldier to survive when everyone else seems to have been affected by an infection that speeds up movement and speech.
It's cheesy and dumb at times, but I enjoyed it for the most part. I like the use of black and white versus color to show perspective. Its run time is definitely padded as more could've been done, but it's ok. It's a mediocre comedy with zombies as the main premise. - DirectorCharles LamontStarsBud AbbottLou CostelloMarie WindsorTwo bumbling Americans stumble on the discovery of a lifetime when their search for a mummy leads them to a sacred medallion that holds the key to buried treasure.
- DirectorLee GardnerStarsRyan TemplemanHeather MurdockAriana EscalanteUnable to have kids, Nick an ex-con and Maryann a hard core christian, resort to the extreme to become parents. They kidnap a woman going in for an abortion and force her to have her baby for them.The leads are cute, but the low budget ultimately really hurts the movie.
- DirectorAbel FerraraStarsLili TaylorChristopher WalkenAnnabella SciorraA New York philosophy grad student turns into a vampire after getting bitten by one, and then tries to come to terms with her new lifestyle and frequent craving for human blood.Raiders of the Podcast episode 124 & OHMC 2019
- DirectorBart LaytonStarsSpencer ReinhardWarren LipkaEric BorsukFour young men mistake their lives for a movie and attempt one of the most audacious heists in U.S. history.
- DirectorSonny LagunaTommy WiklundStarsHanna OldenburgRalf BeckThorbjörn AnderssonEmma is kidnapped and imprisoned by a trio of psychopaths.We Are Monsters is a ho hum rape revenge movie where a business woman is kidnapped and delivered to two men who brutalize her.
Well, they kind of brutalize her. They show a woman who actually has been brutalized and she's killed right off so we know our protagonist isn't making it out alive unless she shows some tenacity. About 95% of the movie is the main baddie running errands and watching tv in a bar or talking to his wife on the phone. The rest is our protagonist looking mildly uncomfortable after being violated and yelling at the main baddie as he mumbles backstory and flavor text at her. The revenge is fairly decent once she stops hacking off limbs and decides to reinforce the name ball-peen hammer...
The camera work is crap and I can't tell if they're trying to add tension by inducing nausea through a constantly swaying frame or if they're just amateurs without a tripod. Watch the remake of I Spit On Your Grave (the first, not the second or third) if you want something in genre that's similar but better. - DirectorLuc BessonStarsSasha LussHelen MirrenLuke EvansBeneath Anna Poliatova's striking beauty lies a secret that will unleash her indelible strength and skill to become one of the world's most feared government assassins.
- DirectorJohn McPhailStarsElla HuntMalcolm CummingSarah SwireA zombie apocalypse threatens the sleepy town of Little Haven - at Christmas - forcing Anna and her friends to fight, slash and sing their way to survival, facing the undead in a desperate race to reach their loved ones. But they soon discover that no one is safe in this new world, and with civilization falling apart around them, the only people they can truly rely on are each other.
- DirectorWill GluckStarsQuvenzhané WallisCameron DiazJamie FoxxA foster kid who lives with her mean foster mom sees her life change when business tycoon and New York City mayoral candidate Will Stacks makes a thinly-veiled campaign move and takes her in.
- DirectorAlex GarlandStarsNatalie PortmanJennifer Jason LeighTessa ThompsonA biologist signs up for a dangerous, secret expedition into a mysterious zone where the laws of nature don't apply.
- DirectorChristian GrilloStarsD.C. DouglasCarmela HayslettTammy JeanAdrian, a serial killer with O.C.D. fights for his place in the media while two nomadic lovers are getting the credit for his murders. Meanwhile, the world as they know it is about to come to an end.
- DirectorGareth EvansStarsDan StevensRichard ElfynPaul HigginsIn 1905, a drifter on a dangerous mission to rescue his kidnapped sister tangles with a sinister religious cult on an isolated island.
- DirectorTom BotchiiStarsChase WilliamsonJerry G. AngeloLauren Ashley CarterA comic book obsessed serial killer teaches his son how to get away with a series of brutal murders until the boy befriends a mysterious man who threatens to expose everything.OHMC 2019
A serial killer, obsessed with finding the purity of a hero, leads his son down the path of a killer until a nearby straight edge punk neighbor befriends the son and threatens to undo all his teachings.
It has the bones of a really good horror movie, but just never pushes itself to get there. The opposing characters, Artik and Holten, the serial killer and the punk respectively, spout a lot of navel gazing philosophy and there's the eventual showdown, but it's all surface when it feels like it's supposed to be deep.
I'm about to spoil the movie. So, y'know, warning...
Artik philosophizes to Boy Adam, his son and apprentice killer. Artik kills someone and then taunts them for being dead. Fliny, the mother character, flirts with Artik, whines about going away, rages at Boy Adam, and barely feeds a bevy of dirty barn boy farmhands. Boy Adam spends nights being talked at by Artik and his days being talked at by Holten who catches him tagging Artik's name everywhere because that's a thing he does for some reason. Holten naturally worries about the kid, but, given real evidence of child abuse and neglect, takes that evidence to a nonsense spouting Al-Anon leader, Kar, who, for no explained reason, takes it right back to Fliny and Artik. This creates a situation that obviously exposes and endangers Boy Adam and sets up Holten and Artik's showdown.
That's it. That's the movie. I'm sure anyone who's seen any sort of movie can predict what happens before credits roll. It starts out with so much potential, but fizzles when absolutely nothing happens. - DirectorTakashi MiikeStarsShôta SometaniNijirô MurakamiRyunosuke KamikiA group of high school students are forced to play a game of death without knowing who, why or how.I need part 2 like woah. Japanese school kids are once again murdered in various, gory ways, but the killers are weird game puppet things? The leads are boring, but there are a couple characters that are fun.
- DirectorJohn MurlowskiStarsJoel CourtneyCalum WorthyAndi MatichakThree friends making a web series about their town discover that their neighbors are being killed and replaced by creatures who are perfect copies of their victims.OHMC 2019
- CreatorRobia RashidStarsJennifer Jason LeighKeir GilchristBrigette Lundy-PaineSam, an 18-year-old on the autism spectrum, decides it's time to find a girlfriend, which sets Sam's mom on her own life-changing path as her son seeks more independence.season 3
- DirectorAnthony RussoJoe RussoStarsRobert Downey Jr.Chris EvansMark RuffaloAfter the devastating events of Avengers: Infinity War (2018), the universe is in ruins. With the help of remaining allies, the Avengers assemble once more in order to reverse Thanos' actions and restore balance to the universe.
- DirectorJohnny KevorkianStarsSam GittinsNeerja NaikAbigail CruttendenA family's Christmas takes a strange turn when they awake to find themselves trapped inside and begin receiving mysterious instructions through the television.I also watched Await Further Instructions. I told James it was going to suck if it turned out to be aliens about 10 minutes in when stuff starts happening. It was aliens. I had higher hopes when the mom mentioned her full name and their surname turns out to be Milgram as in the Stanley Milgram experiments where people were told to press a button that delivered an ever increasing voltage of shocks to a person they could see in another room - it was to see how far people would obey an order that hurt someone else even when they could see it hurting that other person (the "shocked" person was an actor, but the people pressing the button ended up for real traumatised over it). I was really hoping this would turn out to be something smart and maybe even a little original and creative after that reference, but nope, we get spooky tv blob aliens pretending to be gods or something.
- DirectorNicholas WoodsStarsHattie SmithZac TitusNicole DambroAt the risk of her group's safety, a young woman travels into a National Forest where her sister has become trapped in a multi-dimensional world of monsters.Ergh, jump scene after jump scene. Girl goes into foreign forest with some friends and her brother to look for her wayward sister. She's aware that they're in a spooky dimensional sort of place and doesn't tell anyone until it's too late.
- DirectorEliasStarsNicholas WilderTristan RiskDee WallaceA man haunted by the mysterious death of his 4-year-old sister brings her back to life thirty years later as an adult woman, with dire consequences.What. The. Hell. Why did this dude have such a hardon for his little sister?? And why would her death affect him like that if she died as a young child and he was maybe 3 or 4?? This is weird and nonsensical.
- DirectorBrian A. MillerStarsRyan GuzmanSylvester StalloneMeadow WilliamsThe lone surviving thief of a violent bank robbery is sprung from a high security facility and administered an experimental drug.
- DirectorDean DevlinStarsDavid TennantRobert SheehanKerry CondonA pair of burglars stumble upon a woman being held captive in a home they intended to rob.Bad Samaritan is about a whiny photographer who valets for an Italian restaurant in order to sneak into the car owners' homes and pull petty robberies. Unfortunately, when visiting the home of a jerk Maserati owner, he comes face to face with a kidnapped woman.
I love David Tennant. I loved him when he was the Doctor and I love him as a goofball local in feel good romantic comedies, and I even love him as the abusive stalker ex in Secret Smile. I do not like him as an American trust fund serial killer. I don't know why, if they already had one guy with an accent, why they couldn't let Tennant speak with his regular accent.
The movie adds absolutely nothing to the genre and really is almost by the numbers. There really isn't any tension whatsoever and everything flows super predictably. - DirectorGreg McLeanStarsJohn Gallagher Jr.Tony GoldwynAdria ArjonaIn a twisted social experiment, eighty Americans are locked in their high-rise corporate office in Bogotá, Colombia, and ordered by an unknown voice coming from the company's intercom system to participate in a deadly game of kill or be killed.
- DirectorChris PeckoverStarsOlivia DeJongeLevi MillerEd OxenbouldOn a quiet suburban street, a babysitter must defend a twelve-year-old boy from intruders, only to discover it's far from a normal home invasion.
- DirectorMike BinderStarsBill BurrBill Burr unloads on outrage culture, male feminism, cultural appropriation, robot sex and more in a blistering stand-up special shot in London.
- DirectorSusanne BierStarsSandra BullockTrevante RhodesJohn MalkovichFive years after an ominous unseen presence drives most of society to suicide, a mother and her two children make a desperate bid to reach safety.I have so many issues with this movie, not the least of which is how many times those kids should have died.
- DirectorOz PerkinsStarsEmma RobertsKiernan ShipkaLucy BoyntonTwo girls must battle a mysterious evil force when they get left behind at their boarding school over winter break.OHMC 2019
Winter break sees two girls, Katherine and Rose, stuck in the school dorm of their Catholic school together with a couple of nuns. Rose occupies her time with a personal crisis while Katherine's behavior becomes increasingly disconcerting.
Holy shit. Thanks to a delightfully oppressive soundtrack that plays throughout, there's a tension that never lets up. Something bad is going to happen and we know it from the very first scene. I will be the first to admit that I didn't even notice Joan and Kat are played by different people - the hair style changes, but they look so similar that I thought it was the same girl. Holy shit. Everything is dark and washed out gray and that can be attributed to it being winter, but the bleak chill of the outside scene worms its way into the dorms where not even the girls' rooms feel comforting. Very well done, great cast, fantastic story, oppressive soundtrack - I'm very impressed and it ties for top movie of the challenge for me at this point. - DirectorOwen EgertonStarsRobbie KayJacob BatalonSeychelle GabrielFans flock to a festival celebrating the most iconic horror movies, only to discover that the charismatic showman behind the event has a diabolical agenda.Blood Fest is a festival celebrating all things horror movie related. An entire fairground is sectioned off by different subgenres - cannibal hillbillies, zombies, slashers, clowns, creepy dolls and torture porn (think the Saw series), and creepy Asian ghosts. When the con promoters start killing crowds for real, a group of horror fans band together to make it through the themed areas to safety and freedom.
The lead actor's head is weirdly flat. I wouldn't normally care, but it makes his entire face very off-putting and there are far too many closeups with him. There are some funny bits and it's always fun to see a send up of the genre as a whole, but (spoiler) the reveal and the subsequent change in the dad's personality doesn't really make sense or why he'd train the daughter to kill, but not the son. So it definitely doesn't hold up under scrutiny, but it's a fun on the surface film. - DirectorMarijan VajdaStarsWerner PochathEllen UmlaufBirgit ZamuloA deaf and dumb accountant suffers from a psychic trauma in his childhood. He is collecting puppets and mutilates female bodies in the mortuary. After his secret love died by an accident he starts to kill.A real child was groped in this. It doesn't get any better from there.
Raiders of the Podcast episode 101 - DirectorStewart SparkeStarsLyndsey CraineMichaela LongdenLizzie Aaryn-StantonSophie's 18th birthday becomes a bloodbath when monsters descend upon her house and start to devour the party guests. Sophie and her friends must rally together to send their party crashers back to hell.Fun and entertaining with some really decent makeup fx, but not worth a repeat view due to some of the acting and an overall weak storyline.
- DirectorGilbert AdlerStarsDennis MillerErika EleniakAngie EverhartThe Crypt Keeper returns to tell the story of a funeral parlor that moonlights as a vampire bordello.Raiders of the Podcast episode 124 & OHMC 2019
- CreatorEric KripkeStarsKarl UrbanJack QuaidAntony StarrA group of vigilantes set out to take down corrupt superheroes who abuse their superpowers.
- DirectorMitzi PeironeStarsMadeline BrewerKurt AffairImogen WaterhouseTwo wanted women decide to rob their wealthy psychotic friend who lives in the fantasy world they created as children; to take the money they have to take part in a deadly perverse game of make believe.
- DirectorDavid YaroveskyStarsElizabeth BanksDavid DenmanJackson A. DunnWhat if a child from another world crash-landed on Earth, but instead of becoming a hero to mankind, he proved to be something far more sinister?OHMC 2019
Found as a baby after he crashed to Earth, a young boy grows up on a farm in a small town with the parents who adopt him. On his 12th birthday, things start to change as he feels his true nature and power calling to him.
There are a couple scenes of fantastic gore effects, but the overall story is fairly predictable. Despite being predictable, it's still really entertaining. There aren't a lot of horror movies I can watch with the Hub as it's his least favorite genre, but he enjoys the superhero genre and I can usually trick him into a horror movie if it feels more like an action movie. Brightburn works to that purpose which probably is one of the reasons it worked so well with audiences.
It's not the greatest movie ever, but we enjoyed it for what it was and the car scene is going to give the Hub nightmares so yay! - DirectorPeter StrayStarsRobert PughHannah DanielSophie MelvilleThe first wave of an alien invasion coincides with a New Years Eve party in a Welsh valley.Low budget and "to be continued"?! No thanks.
- DirectorColin TrevorrowStarsNaomi WattsJaeden MartellJacob TremblayWith instructions from her genius son's carefully crafted notebook, a single mother sets out to rescue a young girl from the hands of her abusive stepfather.
- DirectorJames BusheStarsDarren Sean EnrightRichard Lee O'DonnellZara PhythianA group of carpet fitters are sent on a job to an old Country house in the middle of nowhere. However they soon discover it's a trap set up by the savage, cannibalistic family, The Hannings. The carpet fitters are forced to fight for their lives or risk ending up being the evenings dinner. Unfortunately they are not quite your typical heroes!Great if not for the ending.
- DirectorAnna BodenRyan FleckStarsBrie LarsonSamuel L. JacksonBen MendelsohnCarol Danvers becomes one of the universe's most powerful heroes when Earth is caught in the middle of a galactic war between two alien races.
- DirectorLars KlevbergStarsTim MathesonBen DaonZahra AndersonA mother gives her 13-year-old son a toy doll for his birthday, unaware of its more sinister nature.OHMC 2019
Angered with his working conditions, a sweatshop toy maker programs a Buddi doll to be a crazy ass ex-girlfriend model with a cling factor of 9000 before he offs himself (as you do). First family dumps the doll as defective and too cool for school mom takes it home to her lonely boy who promptly teaches it to murder!
From the same people who brought us the remake of IT, comes yet another remake no one asked for. However, unlike nearly every other reviewer who didn't get a paycheck or a blowie for their review, I actually kind of liked it. Take away the name and the uncanny valley hideous design, the movie has its comedic moments and there are times when you genuinely feel bad for the murderous moppet. There are continuity issues here and there, but it's a pretty solid cheesy horror movie.
It's good we don't fully trust AI yet. Anything that has that much control over our lives is not to be trusted. Now, you'll have to forgive me, I think I hear children in my yard...
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Image may contain: text - DirectorTony RandelStarsKaren BlackPeter DeLuiseAmi DolenzA schoolteacher teams up with with a priest to stop a town being overrun by vampires.Raiders of the Podcast episode 124 & OHMC 2019
- DirectorXavier GensStarsRay StevensonDavid OakesAura GarridoA young man arrives at a remote island to take a post of weather observer only to find himself defending the watchtower from deadly creatures which live in the island shores.Loved the story and the makeup effects!
- CreatorDan HarmonStarsJoel McHaleDanny PudiDonald GloverA suspended lawyer is forced to enroll in a community college with an eccentric staff and student body.
- DirectorAlexandre AjaStarsKaya ScodelarioBarry PepperMorfydd ClarkA young woman, while attempting to save her father during a category 5 hurricane, finds herself trapped in a flooding house and must fight for her life against alligators.A hurricane in Florida compels the estranged daughter of a handyman to come looking for him while everyone else evacuates. When she finds her injured father underneathe the foundation of the home she grew up in, he's injured and being stalked by a huge alligator.
I hate characters who exhibit zero survival instinct. In order to accept this movie, you need to accept that we live in a world where monstrous dinosaur sized alligators exist and do not completely devastate the ecology of whatever area they normally chill in when it's not torrential downpour or that there's a crazy ton of wildlife down in Florida to support these behemoths.
We also have to accept that kicky, stabby, girl can not only out-swim an alligator (alligators:11mph versus the fastest female swimmer on record hit ~3.5mph), but that she's far tastier than a yippy dog. Nevermind that she previously lost a swim competition right before driving two hours and also has an injured leg.
So daughter shows up and finds injured dad in the crawlspace under the house. She's got his entire tool belt at her disposal, the foundation is brick and has a design that features large gaps, and she can see light between the wooden floorboards above them. Instead of working the mortar out between the bricks or prying the floorboards up, she decides to play peekaboo with the bitey evolutionary throwbacks and isn't always successful in dodging them. As soon as they make it into the house, I figured they'd go to the roof for rescue - makes sense, right? Nope! Even after the streets flood and she watches a hoard of gators attack and eat five people, she still doesn't consider swimming through gator infested waters to be that bad an idea when they eventually get free. Dear ol dad tells her she's faster than they are and off she goes!
There should be laws against encouraging your children in their suicidal endeavors.
I was pretty sure this movie was going to end with both characters dead and, after all the stupid crap they get away with throughout the entire movie, I feel they earned that ending. But that's far too much to ask for and we get the ridiculous happy ending and I got schnookered into watching Alligator MEG. - DirectorDavid FreyneStarsElliot PageSam KeeleyTom Vaughan-LawlorA disease that turns people into zombies has been cured. Society discriminates against the once-infected zombies, as do their own families, which causes social issues to arise. This leads to militant government interference.Decent after zombie apocalypse movie. Very akin to the BBC series "In The Flesh"
- DirectorTony JopiaStarsCaroline MunroDani ThompsonGary MartinWhen hostile aliens crash land on local farmland the villagers at the summer ball get suspicious when young women start going missing. The villagers soon band together around our hero Melchoir to fend off the invaders and bring back peace to the sleepy English countryside.Killer alien bunnies. Bad CGI. Gratuitous nudity. Ending sets up for a sequel.
- DirectorJustin P. LangeKlemens HufnaglStarsNadia AlexanderToby NicholsKarl MarkovicsAn undead teenage girl befriends a blind boy that she meets in a forest she haunts and hunts in. Both have been victims of unimaginable abuse, and each finds solace in the other. There may be a chance of light at the end of their tunnel, but it will come with a body count.Loved this movie right up to the end
- DirectorNikolaj ArcelStarsIdris ElbaMatthew McConaugheyTom TaylorA boy haunted by visions of a dark tower from a parallel reality teams up with the tower's disillusioned guardian to stop an evil warlock known as the Man in Black who plans to use the boy to destroy the tower and open the gates of Hell.OHMC 2019
After his dad dies fighting a fire, Jake begins having terrible nightmares of people who wear faces and the Man in Black. When he dreams of the Gunslinger and a house he thinks is local, he earns the attention of the Man in Black's minions who want his brain to help take down the Dark Tower which is the only thing standing between good and evil.
Last night was a movie night with the Hub which means movies had to fill a couple requirements to be watched - low on the horror schlock, big budget, big names, with action sequences. The Dark Tower fills all of that with a bonus of being pretty predictable. I'm not a fan of Steven King, but I've read a few of his books and I've watched a lot of movies based on his books. I'm sure I only caught maybe 10% of the easter eggs available for fans. Unfortunately, this feels like more of a kid fantasy movie than it does a horror film. It's an okay story overall and the Idris Elba's Gunslinger parts are honestly the most entertaining, being second only to Matthew McConaughey's Man in Black scenes.
I didn't hate it. I didn't love it. It was....ok. Mediocre big box office fare with a few good scenes. I wish I could say more as this is the movie I was at least awake through. I just know I'm not really going to remember this movie after this review and that seems wrong for a movie with the sort of budget this had. The scene designs aren't interesting despite plentiful opportunities. The characters, outside of Idris and Matthew, are boring and surface. Even the monsters and bad guys are nondescript and cheap looking. Where did all the money go?? - DirectorJoshua LeonardStarsMarisa TomeiCharlie PlummerTimothy OlyphantIn the aftermath of tragedy, a woman and her teenage son must forge into uncharted territory in order to move on with their lives.Olyphant is a DILF.
- DirectorWilliam KaufmanStarsJohnny StrongLance HenriksenLouis MandylorA vengeful drifter takes up with a group of survivors in an abandoned police station during an apocalypse overrun by blood-hungry creatures.Utterly forgettable. Amazingly hard to kill guy hunts vampire zombie infected whatever things while having flashbacks to his pregnant wife who was infected by an Alpha. Guy saves one woman out of a group of five survivors from a raiding gang and then they drive back to a prison stronghold which turns out to not be as strong as they would have hoped. He gets a lot of people killed. Like - a LOT. And he's still the hero for some reason?
- DirectorStan LathanStarsDave ChappelleDave Chappelle takes on gun culture, the opioid crisis, and the tidal wave of celebrity scandals in a defiant stand-up special filmed in Atlanta.
- DirectorBill WattersonStarsMeera Rohit KumbhaniNick ThuneAdam BuschDave, an artist who has yet to complete anything significant in his career, builds a fort in his living room out of pure frustration, only to wind up trapped by the fantastical pitfalls, booby traps, and critters of his own creation.Cut the last 10 minutes and it's a perfect movie.
- DirectorTom EdmundsStarsTom WilkinsonAneurin BarnardMarion BaileyAfter his ninth unsuccessful attempt on his own life, a young man outsources his suicide to an ageing assassin. "If you're serious about ending it, you need professional help"Cute try hard. The assassin is more likable than the target.
- DirectorJim JarmuschStarsBill MurrayAdam DriverTilda SwintonThe peaceful town of Centerville finds itself battling a zombie horde as the dead start rising from their graves.Deadpan meta humor and zombies gently tossed with enough references to make any horror movie nerd cream. It was decent and the cast is great.
- DirectorDavid LeitchStarsRyan ReynoldsJosh BrolinMorena BaccarinFoul-mouthed mutant mercenary Wade Wilson (a.k.a. Deadpool) assembles a team of fellow mutant rogues to protect a young boy with abilities from the brutal, time-traveling cyborg Cable.
- DirectorTony WestStarsChris GeereTina IvlevDavid NewmanAfter a team of reality TV ghost hunters experience true paranormal activity, they must figure out a way to escape with their lives intact.OHMC 2019
With their schlocky ghost hunter show about to be cancelled, a reality tv crew heads to Mexico at the behest of their new producer. A house with a sordid past awaits them and their ability to oust the spirits within.
This is another movie I'm going to end up forgetting. The cast is great, the story's simple and fun, but nothing really stands out. I really thought there was going to be more to this than what I got.
I think part of my issue is that none of the characters are anything beyond their trope. They literally are just "main character", "main character's morally conflicted fiancee", "main character's over eager brother", "foil for main character's over eager brother" who is also, coincidentally, "one note joke played over and over", "hot angry goth girl" who is also "foil for morally conflicted fiancee". Even the ghosts are pretty standard surface level tropes. There's one moment where the lead reveals a bit of backstory, but it's quickly swept aside and has absolutely no effect on anyone. It's ok for a movie you can turn your brain off to as it doesn't really rock the horror genre boat, but that also means it won't be anyone's Challenge favorite. - DirectorAlex Craig MannStarsJacob ZacharAlexa NikolasChrista B. AllenA group of oddball high school students find themselves trapped in detention with their classmates having turned into a horde of Zombies.Breakfast Club but with zombies. That's not a compliment.
- DirectorMark McQueenStarsDanny DyerCraig FairbrassMyAnna BuringLondon based N-gen tests a performance booster on 30000. A month later, agile zombies plague London, spreading the disease with a bite. One man has 54 hours to find the cure/immune woman.Danny Dyer zombie movie. Um, heck yeah. But, honestly, no.... no... so very much, no. Parts of it are fun.
- DirectorGeorge A. RomeroStarsMichelle MorganJoshua CloseShawn RobertsA group of young film students run into real-life zombies while filming a horror movie of their own.Every time I remember how awful this movie is, I want to rate it lower. Te acting is first year high school theater level, the camera work is gimmicky shaky cam, and the makeup is amateur hour. What was Romero thinking??
- DirectorBenjamin ArfmannStarsKent OsborneDylan SprouseRae GrayA straight-edged teacher finds trouble when an honors student is willing to do anything to get an A.Teacher abuses power. Psycho threatens his family to get the fair grade. People die needlessly. Psycho still fails English. Painfully boring and predictable.
- DirectorShawn BurkettStarsBrandy MasonScott GillespieBrittany BlantonA group of friends are going on a camping trip to celebrate graduating college. But once they enter the woods, the group are attacked by a creature.All the tropes, none of the fun.
- CreatorJasmine J JohnsonStarsJohn SalandriaAcacia MarquezJacob NicholsA collection of very short horror films.The one segment about the little girl was good. The rest were ok with the exception of the no-story visceral body horror visual short which was junk.
- DirectorTony GiglioStarsAmy MansonDominic MafhamLuke Allen-GaleA group of UAC Marines respond to a distress call from a top secret scientific base on Phobos, a moon around Mars, only to discover it's been overrun by demons who seek to create Hell on Earth.
- DirectorTim BurtonStarsColin FarrellMichael KeatonDanny DeVitoA young elephant, whose oversized ears enable him to fly, helps save a struggling circus, but when the circus plans a new venture, Dumbo and his friends discover dark secrets beneath its shiny veneer.I've never been so bored by a Burton film.
- DirectorJason FlemyngStarsFreema AgyemanAdrian BowerRoman ClarkFacing difficult times and with their glory days long gone, the eight undisputed British vampire overlords gather up for their semi-centennial meeting. However, before the break of dawn, there will be blood. And corpses. Lots of them.
- DirectorPeter HyamsStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerGabriel ByrneRobin TunneyAt the end of the century, Satan visits New York in search of a bride. It's up to an ex-cop who now runs an elite security outfit to stop him.OHMC 2019
As New Year's Eve 1999 approaches, a private security guard haunted by his own past has to locate and protect a girl chosen at birth to bear the Antichrist.
This was another movie with the Hub night and I realized I've never seen this as I frequently confuse it with Total Recall for some reason. Arnie has some really crazy good lines. "You're a choir boy compared to me!" says the suicidal man boohooing over his dead wife and daughter to Satan after he's literally just pissed gasoline and lit it on fire. The ending is silly and it was fun to see the same exact effect for Satan in the church as in Spiderman Far From Home for the elementals. Sweet!
Gabriel Byrne can impregnate me with the Antichrist whenever he so chooses. He is straight sex as Satan and Robin Tunney just needs to chill because she's obviously still being messed with by crazy Nancy with all her weird hallucinations. Overall, I liked it, but there's unlikely to ever be a repeat viewing. - DirectorAntoine FuquaStarsDenzel WashingtonPedro PascalAshton SandersRobert McCall serves an unflinching justice for the exploited and oppressed, but how far will he go when that is someone he loves?
- DirectorPaul Urkijo AlijoStarsKandido UrangaUma BracagliaEneko SagardoyA quiet village is thrown into turmoil upon disturbing a reclusive and feared blacksmith rumored to be in league with the devil.OHMC 2019
A small postwar village gets a visit from a government agent who leads them to believe the terrifying blacksmith on the outskirts of town hides a great deal of gold within his smithy. At the same time, a couple bullies tear the head off a doll belonging to the town's whipping girl orphan so she sneaks in to retrieve it and finds more than she bargained for.
Honestly, I don't even really like giving that much of a synopsis. It's a gorgeous movie with a fantastic story. My synopsis barely touches the opening scenes, but no one should let anyone ruin this for them any further. It's a perfect movie with a stunning setting, deeply relatable characters, and a rich mythology. The makeup effects are awesome and I really hope the company that did them gets to do a lot more. Stop what you're doing and go watch this movie now. - DirectorAdam LevinsStarsCraig ConwayJames CosmoBob DuffA woman returns home to her estranged family after a near-fatal accident, but begins to suspect something is not right.OHMC 2019
After a bad accident leaves her unsteady on her feet and with her memory, January returns home with her boyfriend Callum in tow. Red flags start popping up all over the place when she still cannot remember the family who welcomes her back so warmly.
I called the twist as soon after the boyfriend exeunt. It's not a new story at all and it plods along even after the reveal. The characters are fun and mostly believable and the small bit of backstory needed to pull it all together with a bow is presented very nicely. The set design is gorgeous and the costuming is very well done. It's a lovely bit of cinema with a well traveled idea. - DirectorTerry MilesStarsTiera SkovbyeKirsten ZienDarren MannTwo young women terrorized by a group of small town psychos seek revenge on their tormentors.Even Lambs Have Teeth - a decent little rape/revenge that's described as "Kill Bill-esque". I guess it was ok - no heavy cursing, no nudity, no graphic or even overt violence. In other words, without all the insinuated violence and brutality, this is just basically a movie about two girls screaming a lot followed by them smirking a lot.
- DirectorJim HoskingStarsMatt BerryAubrey PlazaZach CherryLulu Danger's unsatisfying marriage takes a turn for the worst when a mysterious man from her past comes to town to perform an event called "An Evening With Beverly Luff Linn; For One Magical Night Only."It's like the writers really wanted to meet Aubrey Plaza and made a movie especially for her brand of awkward. Parts are amusing, but the majority of it is just a waste of time.
- DirectorFred Olen RayStarsDavid CarradineArte JohnsonDick MillerBurt has a cleaning company and hires four women to clean an isolated house. They find an old book, a dagger and a soul shred and when one of them, Megan, reads an incantation, she unleashes an evil beast in our world.
- DirectorVito DinatoloStarsScott BaxterChad BishopJamie BernadetteA war vet returns home, but a mysterious epidemic breaks out and infects his friends... The nightmare has just begun.OHMC 2019
- DirectorTodd Strauss-SchulsonStarsTaissa FarmigaMalin AkermanAdam DevineA young woman grieving the loss of her mother, a famous scream queen from the 1980s, finds herself pulled into the world of her mom's most famous movie. Reunited, the women must fight off the film's maniacal killer.
- DirectorDaniel Gray LonginoStarsDavid HarbourKate BerlantAlex Ozerov-MeyerDavid Harbour delves into the enigmatic history of his legendary acting family, as he examines his father's legacy and role in a made-for-TV play.
- DirectorJames S. 'Jamie' BrownStarsBrittany Anne WoodfordJenny CurtisKanin GuntzelmanA violent breakup leaves one man dead and a group of friends dispatched into the desert to dispose of the evidence. Friendships are tested as the group push the boundaries of what can be done in the name of being there for a friend.OHMC 2019
- DirectorPaul BunnellStarsWill KeenanCreed BrattonDe Anna Joy BrooksTHE GHASTLY LOVE OF JOHNNY X is a quirky adventure that defies categorization. It combines elements of science-fiction, film noir, teen angst and even musical comedy to create an entertainment unlike any other.Raiders of the Podcast episode 101
- DirectorRupert SandersStarsScarlett JohanssonPilou AsbækTakeshi KitanoIn the near future, Major Mira Killian is the first of her kind: A human saved from a terrible crash, who is cyber-enhanced to be a perfect soldier devoted to stopping the world's most dangerous criminals.
- DirectorDavid LoweryStarsCasey AffleckRooney MaraMcColm Cephas Jr.In this singular exploration of legacy, love, loss, and the enormity of existence, a recently deceased, white-sheeted ghost returns to his suburban home to try to reconnect with his bereft wife.A Ghost Story starts with a couple in their home. Nothing happens except mood music and a bit of a jump when something falls on the piano. Then the guy dies and she emotionally shuts down. He returns to the house as a sheet wearing ghost who watches her and experiences time in clips. She moves on and moves out and he's a bit of a ghost dick to the Spanish family who moves in and then moves out. Longest talking bit of the movie is some drunk guy expounding on his nihilistic view of humanity and the ultimate fate of culture. Party over, the house is destroyed. A series of business buildings are built and business is conducted. Time suddenly rolls backward and he's a sheet ghost sitting amongst a family of settlers in a field. Now he's standing in an empty house. He watches his living self and wife buy the house, live in the house, fight in the house, and jump awake at the sound of him smacking the piano. Now he watches his sheet ghost self watching his wife. He goes back to picking at the wall and finds something and then disappears as a light refraction. The end.
I'm either not smart enough to enjoy this film or it was pointless and not really entertaining. I want there to be more than the nihilistic surface message, but I just don't think there is. - CreatorDavid ShoreStarsFreddie HighmoreRichard SchiffHill HarperShaun Murphy, a young surgeon with autism and Savant syndrome, is recruited into the surgical unit of a prestigious hospital.
- DirectorMarco DutraJuliana RojasStarsIsabél ZuaaMarjorie EstianoMiguel LoboClara, a lonely nurse from the outskirts of São Paulo, is hired by mysterious and wealthy Ana as the nanny for her unborn child. The two women develop a strong bond, but a fateful night changes their plans.OHMC 2019
Pregnant rich girl Ana hires Clara to be her nanny and ends up needing her to do most everything for her. As her due date nears, Clara finds Ana sleepwalking and behaving peculiarly.
This is going to be my favorite of this challenge. This is the one I tell people to watch. This is my diamond mined from shit mountain.
The first thirty minutes are slow and awkward, but then there's a spicy little sex scene and things start getting a little crazy. There are actually two parts to this and that's all I'm going to say because anything else would spoil it.
Once the surface introduction is over (slow first 30min), the tone changes a little and the characters become way more complex and interesting. The script moves quickly and is very solid. The eventual CGI is a little off putting, but the makeup effects are really good. - CreatorMichael SchurStarsKristen BellWilliam Jackson HarperJameela JamilFour people and their otherworldly frienemy struggle in the afterlife to define what it means to be good.season 4
- DirectorJeremy SaulnierStarsAnton YelchinImogen PootsAlia ShawkatA punk rock band is forced to fight for survival after witnessing a murder at a neo-Nazi skinhead bar.
- DirectorYarrow CheneyScott MosierStarsBenedict CumberbatchCameron SeelyRashida JonesA grumpy Grinch plots to ruin Christmas for the village of Whoville.
- DirectorJared CohnStarsSara Malakul LaneRichard GriecoDemetrius StearMembers of the all-girl punk rock band "Kill, Pussy, Kill!" must fight for their lives and attempt to outwit an unknown assailant after finding themselves trapped in a madman's maze.OHMC 2019
An all-girl punk girl band called Kill Pussy Kill finds themselves getting detoured while on their way to their next gig. When they wake up from being gassed, they immediately find themselves in a room with a voice on a loudspeaker who informs them that they will have to survive three rooms before they are allowed to go free.
Cute girls in danger! Fun times! The movie is almost a direct rip off from Saw with a scarred bad guy with a traumatic backstory and friends forced to kill each other to survive. The acting is over the top and the setting is pretty nondescript dirty basement. Despite having some pretty interesting names on this (Dave Mustaine plays the voice of the Mastermind and Richard Grieco is Dale), there's not a ton of new or original material here. The soundtrack and costuming are honestly the best things about it. - CreatorGrant MorrisonBrian TaylorStarsChristopher MeloniRitchie CosterLili MirojnickAn injured hitman befriends his kidnapped daughter's imaginary friend; a perky blue flying unicorn.
- DirectorChristopher LandonStarsJessica RotheIsrael BroussardRuby ModineA college student must relive the day of her murder over and over again, in a loop that will end only when she discovers her killer's identity.
- DirectorChristopher LandonStarsJessica RotheIsrael BroussardPhi VuTree Gelbman discovers that dying over and over was surprisingly easier than the dangers that lie ahead.
- DirectorElle CallahanStarsIsaac JayJay LeeAshleigh MorghanA group of college students on a weekend getaway accidentally summon a supernatural entity intent on using them for its deadly ritual.OHMC 2019
On a break from school, Evan meets up with seven friends while he's supposed to be spending the weekend with his older brother, Peyton. As they tell scary stories around the campfire, Evan unwittingly summons a supernatural entity.
One of the reviews I read after watching this said it's "about an hour long setup for ten minutes of payoff". I don't mind slow burns as long as there's something clever or original about them. I don't even mind low budget slow burns as long as the story is good and the characters are well done. I can forgive quite a bit, but I can't forgive taking an interesting idea and doing absolutely nothing with it in the end.
There are some neat moments and it seems like it's really going somewhere when the panic starts to set in and then the writers make half the group leave for some ridiculous nonsense reason that just wouldn't happen after they spent the previous night freaking out.
I understand that low budget limits special effects, but they should've hosted a few more bake sales or something and make the last 30 minutes into a gore fest to distract from the weak ending.
If I were to rewrite this movie, I would write the brothers with a stronger bond instead of being estranged. Instead of sending half the group away in order to stick with the arbitrary rule of five, I'd have the monster show up and start wreaking havoc a lot sooner with people having "accidents" and ramp the deja vu up with each character experiencing it and letting them influence each other's panic. Finally, after the five die in increasingly violent ways - even if done off camera, you can still pull the From Dusk Till Dawn trick and just flash the scene. The final four are left, traumatized but happy because they know they're safe since the creature already has its five victims. Wind down with the four sitting exhausted in the living room, evidence of the last 12hrs of chaos all around them, each with the look of someone who's broken and about to cry. It's over. And then the brother shows up and crosses the barrier to walk up to the door. Just as he's about to knock, Evan pops up beside him. Cut to inside with the real Evan who hears his brother say his name as they all realize they are now five and the creature has started again. - DirectorBrett HaleyStarsNick OffermanKiersey ClemonsBlythe DannerA father and daughter form an unlikely songwriting duo in the summer before she leaves for college.
- DirectorGregory PlotkinStarsCynthea MercadoStephen ConroyAmy ForsythA masked serial killer turns a horror-themed amusement park into his own personal playground, terrorizing a group of friends while the rest of the patrons believe that it is all part of the show.Formulaic and boring story about a final girl and her clueless friends who get stalked by a killer in a haunted house amusement park. The characters are mostly likable so it's not incredibly painful to watch if you don't mind knowing exactly what's going to happen next.
- DirectorRod BlackhurstStarsLucy WaltersGina PiersantiAdam David ThompsonA young woman struggles to survive on her own in the wake of a mysterious epidemic that has killed much of society, and forced her deep into the unforgiving wilderness.I keep forgetting I've seen this movie. It's an ok zombie movie where you don't really like the living characters.
- DirectorAri AsterStarsToni ColletteMilly ShapiroGabriel ByrneA grieving family is haunted by tragic and disturbing occurrences.
- CreatorLuke PearsonStephanie SimpsonKurt MuellerStarsBella RamseyAmeerah FalzonOliver NelsonA fearless blue-haired girl named Hilda leaves the forest to go to town and find new friends, great adventures, magic and mysterious creatures who might be dangerous.
- DirectorJesse Thomas CookMatt WieleStarsLisa SolbergTony BurgessBarry MoreTHE HOARD is a comedy/horror mockumentary that chronicles the unravelling of a production team who are attempting to produce the ultimate reality TV show pilot 'Extremely Haunted Hoarders'.OHMC 2019
A reality tv crew descends upon a small town, determined to help a man clean up his three properties before they're condemned by the local government. They also believe there's a paranormal element to his hoarding and have tied it in with their program.
I hate this. It's filmed like a reality television show, but every character is pretty awful. It takes forever for it to stop showcasing stupidity and to get to anything I'd consider horror and even those parts are ridiculous and pointless. In the end, there's zombies and demonic possessions and a junk explosion effect. It's neither funny nor scary - it's more boring than anything else. No stars. - DirectorLee CroninStarsSeána KerslakeJames Quinn MarkeyKati OutinenA single mother living in the Irish countryside with her son begins to suspect he may not be her son at all, and fears his increasingly disturbing behavior is linked to a mysterious sinkhole in the forest behind their house.OHMC 2019
- DirectorEtan CohenStarsWill FerrellJohn C. ReillyRalph FiennesA humorous take on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's classic mysteries featuring Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson.Fell asleep three times trying to watch it before I finally forced myself to watch it piecemeal. It's awful and not in a good way. I usually like this team up, but it's insufferable.
- DirectorDrew PearceStarsJodie FosterSofia BoutellaDave BautistaSet in riot-torn, near-future Los Angeles, 'Hotel Artemis' follows the Nurse, who runs a secret, members-only emergency room for criminals.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsMatt DillonBruno GanzUma ThurmanIn five episodes, failed architect and vicious sociopath Jack recounts his elaborately orchestrated murders -- each, as he views them, a towering work of art that defines his life's work as a serial killer in the Pacific Northwest.