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Rope (1948)
10/10
As chilling as a proper martini...
12 November 1999
...and twice as evil.

The attentive viewer of Rope can come away with many valuable party lessons. For instance, you should serve a dinner party out of the dining room, not the parlor. You should promptly introduce new guests and offer them a drink. Dead school chums are best kept out of sight under the serving table, et cetera.

It's even still considered fashionable (see the 1948 edition of Heloise) to invite the parents of the freshly murdered over to feast off the cabinet that houses the corpse.

But, under NO circumstances whatsoever can you invite Jimmy Stewart and expect him to not get wise to your murderous shenanigans. He is simply too much THE MAN. Consider the case of Hitchcock's masterful "Rope". Watching Stewart pick apart the sinister "experiment" that poor Brandon and unfortunate Philip stage is, quite simply, one of the coolest cinematic experiences a person could hope for. As a party guest attending a murder deliciously disguised as a dinner party, his performance is awe-striking. His Rupert Cadell suspects the party treachery like a raptor spotting the squirming mouse from a mile away. With the exactness of a latter-day Sherlock Holmes, he wears down the false party faces of his former students and learns that they've taken a harmless academic notion he expressed in the past to a horrific extreme.

In a great scene, Rupert delicately balances a plate of hors d'oeuvres on his lap while expounding on his theory of "artful murder." He suggests that murder should be applied as a kind of social science by the privileged and intellectual few. He describes how the turn of a knife or a well-placed bullet can dispense with the offending waiter or doorman, so that the civilized people can step over the bodies and be on their rightful way. Now, make no mistake, Rupert is a gentleman-- even if he does revel in gently shocking stuffy society types with his ink-black sense of humor. But it is an extension of his rapier wit, no more. Brandon, on the other hand, is unable to accept Rupert's ruse as anything but philosophical fact. Esteeming the old housemaster as he does, he nurtures Rupert's black kernel of humor until it grows into a towering superman complex, and with the help of Philip, serves up its' ghastly fruit at a dinner that would make Greek tragedy proud. As the cocktails flow, so do the suspicions of the partygoers rise. Philip begins to sweat guilt at Rupert's prying questions, and sickly suave Brandon tries to hold the caper together with diversions and a Cheshire grin. That is, until even his wicked conviction becomes unraveled like so much... (see title).

Film students! Do you find that your curricular dining table lacks this Hitchcock chef d'oeuvre? Proceed then to bind and gag your questionable instructor until he includes Rope in your intellectual fondue-pot. If there is a movie whose mechanics and thematic subtleties are enriched through thoughtful discussion and careful viewing, it is this Hitchcockian masterpiece.
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Stage Fright (1950)
8/10
Remember! The Curtain is there for your safety.
16 October 1999
What a great flick. At times ill-paced, but the performances more than make up for it. What's not to love? Doe-eyed Jane Wyman shifts effortlessly between the roles of aspiring dramatist to lovestruck protectress of Richard Todd to infiltrating false maid of Marlene Dietrich. Managing also to string along Michael Wilding, as the ubercool Inspector "Ordinary" Smith, she might sound like some cold calculating wench who uses up people like Marlene goes through hats. But that wouldn't be strictly accurate. Her Eve Gill is sweet and naive, but her gentler qualities are tempered with a genuine acting talent that allows her to juggle identities with the slyness of a fox-chameleon hybrid. The scene at the garden party when she switches from Dietrich's cockney maid to Smith's innocent date with every turn is delightful.

It is the masterful presence of the great Alastair Sim, however, that makes Stage Fright one of Hitchock's most enjoyable to watch. Few actors have his ability of making the most average of dialouges sound like a powerful oration, and as Eve's doting father, he makes the movie. His Commodore Gill is always at the ready to harbor a fugitive, clip off a snappy witicism, or scrounge blackmail money for his beloved daughter. He is equally at home playing comic relief as he is to serving as the plot glue that makes Eve's capers possible. But live with his wife? Thank you, no! He is content to live on his boat. Whether he is staging an amusing diversion to aid Eve, dispensing sage bits of fatherly advice, or merely strolling out in public, the man bleeds coolness with every move.

Some can argue that Stage Fright gives but an average treatment to the usual whodunnit murder-suspense formula that Hitchcock (and countless others) have used. This is perhaps true. But compared to the whole lot of crappy facsimile suspense films made since 1950, Stage Fright is quicker to entertain than most.

Be sure to check it out if you want to see Hitch cast his own daughter Patricia in the supporting role of "Chubby Banister." Is that some kind of sick joke or was that name flattering in the fifties?

P.S.-- I can't watch Marlene Dietrich anymore and not be reminded of Madeline Kahn's Teutonic Titwillow. Is there some free therapy I can get for this?
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Marathon Man (1976)
One of my favorite WWII movies...
8 September 1999
..."But Marathon Man takes place in present day 1970's New York (the persecutional IMDb comment reader might be heard to say), so this is a war movie as you are handsome and well-written, you dunderpated ignoramus!"

While the latter may be true, this is VERY much a movie about WWII, if for nothing else, the chilling Nazi evil of Olivier's infamous Dr. Szell. More precisely, how this evil remains as lustrous as Sir Laurence's bald head even after the post-war inquests of the world have rendered the wartime Nazi might totally impotent. Szell is a solitary appendage severed long ago from the terror of the Third Reich, now aged and a fugitive from every decent government in the world. Though he appears enfeebled and gray, the blood of wolves still flows behind his steely eyes, and Oliver's mastery of the art allows Szell to be the most striking character in this fine film.

That is not to say that the supporting roles are not fleshed out by superb actors. Dustin Hoffman, Roy Scheider, and William Devane can make crap until they're dead, stand on their performances in this movie alone, and be redeemed eternally for all I'm concerned. But it is the emergence of Szell from hiding that sets into action the course of all other characters. Szell comes to New York to claim a demigod's ransom of concentration camp-pirated diamonds so that he may afford to disappear, without impunity, from the face of the Allied world forever. Scheider is the kickass secret agent who intends to stop him, but not before his grad student little brother becomes the unwitting center of a murderous effort to determine whether or not It Is Safe. Little bro Hoffman lives only to finish his thesis, and one day run in an actual marathon, and plays a great reluctant hero. To say that Roy Scheider kicks ass in this movie is a ferocious understatement. The scene where he contends with the assassin is bloody awesome.

But much credit for that scene and the many well-crafted others must go to John Schlesinger. The feel of dread that he builds to in the movie, especially in the dentistry scene, is top-notch. He is able to depict all the wrath and animosity of a world war 30 years past in simple confrontations like a car chase, and a visit by Szell to a jeweler's district.

If you are curious to see what the final battle of WWII would look like quietly played out in the streets of New York, you must see this movie.
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Deep Rising (1998)
Lovecraftian monsters + Famke = Mmmm...tasty!
16 August 1999
The fact that it doesn't take itself seriously once is its' saving grace. With full-on suspension of disbelief engaged, it is a good monster comfort movie on a dark wet boat. Stephen Sommers is on his way to becoming a master of the popcorn movie. What is a popcorn movie? It's a movie that has enough cheap but effective scares in it to spook your date out from under the blanket, sending popcorn everywhere and then you get to spank her for making a mess. Spot on, Mr. Sommers! When we want character development, we'll go see Merchant/Ivory. In between I'll take Kevin J. O'Connor playing comic relief to the one-line stylings of Treat Williams and B. Fraser. Author! Author!
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Yellowbeard (1983)
10/10
The pinnacle of Western man's comedic achievements
8 July 1999
Granted, if you are not a fan of any of the comedy troupes whose alumni show up in this wonderful film, its' brand of humor might be a bit tangy for your palette. It is highly accessible to anyone who appreciates wit that is perhaps a little drier, a little more morbid than the usual Joe, but if "Tootsie" is your idea of funny in the eighties, you might not bother renting this pirate gem (even though it has its' share of men in drag, and you probably couldn't find it anyway.) From Brooks, to Python, to Peter Cook, to Cheech & Chong, almost every comedic style worth its' salt has got a toe in this film. The well-written script allows for all these styles not to butt heads but to harmonize in a way that is bawdy and brutish, very politically incorrect, and so darkly on the mark. "Yellowbeard" brutalizes the pirate movie genre wonderfully--nothing is sacred. Alcoholic nobles, meglomaniacal Spanish priests, the loopholes of pirate maritime etiquette, "press gangs" as a means of inexpensive ocean travel, and how nothing empties a surly bar quicker than a little Plague. Screw the Pirates of Penzance--this movie has got all the costumed swashbuckling pleasure you would need, with James Mason as a violent prostitute-indulging captain and Graham Chapman in a filthy blonde beard bellowing about rape and killing plants. Many of the best spoken jokes are shrouded in thick English dialects, so repeated viewings are recommended in order to suck all the delightful marrow out of this skull and crossbone flick. Ten stars out of ten. Movies this wildly creative and irreverent simply don't get made anymore. If you find a copy of this movie, hoard it! And to the scurvy dogs who refuse to re-release this on video, doing so will save ye a walk down the plank. Arr....
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