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Reviews
The Assassins (2024)
Fair review from an Iranian
First of all, I would like to thank the Egyptian crew who made this series. This should indeed have been made by Iranians, but our government is too busy with its corruption that Iran's history has the least importance, so we should be grateful that this series was made.
It is crucial to address the false claims made by some Iranians regarding this series. They argue that Hasan Sabbah is portrayed as an Arab, but it is clear that the actors identify themselves as Persians. It is essential to understand that during the time Iran was ruled by Arab rulers, people had converted to Islam, and most spoke Arabic as well as Parsi language. Hence, it is evident that the show accurately depicts the historical context of the period. Furthermore, the claim that Sabbah was against Islam is entirely baseless as he was a devout Muslim himself. Those who make such unfounded assertions should watch the series with an open mind and refrain from spreading misinformation.
It's important to remember that Khayyam's religious beliefs have been a subject of debate, but some have claimed that he was not a Muslim, he was though maybe not a practicing one and in one of the episodes, Sabbah himself stated that Khayyam will always live with doubt, just as he did, and challenged God and his justice in his poems.
Having watched the four episodes myself, I can confidently say that they haven't shown anything that insults us Iranians or our history..
As an Iranian, it's time to face the reality that our culture is not what it used to be 2500 years ago. We have been under Islamic rule for centuries now, and it has transformed us to be like any other Middle Eastern country. While we may not speak Arabic, the similarities are far more than the differences. It's time to accept this fact, if you don't like it, then change yourself first.
Yijae, Got Jookseummida (2023)
One of the best series ever!
I was sceptical at first, as i had always watched American series's, i thought let's just watch one episode ,and i was sure i wouldn't like it and would just leave it after 10-15 minutes, however i got hooked from the first minutes and binge watched all 8 episodes.
The story was so genuine and fresh unlike Netflix and its repetitive, doll plots. It goes so smoothly that you won't get bored and fast forward. The story is not watered down unnecessarily just to have more episodes.
Acting was superb, special effects was great. I can't put my finger on a single negative point.
I enjoyed every minute of it. I hope there will be a second series as good as the first.
Monarch: Legacy of Monsters (2023)
Wrong name!
Why does this series have the word monster in its title?
The answer would be : because it has monsters in it.
On the contrary, there are no monsters! Like many other failed series , we have whole episodes of some dull characters running around, doing nothing!
Where are the freaking monsters? Where is the thrill? It's so slow and boring, i get many things done without giving it much attention, yet i know what happened without really watching 😄
CGI was ok during the 10 minutes of monster time in a 400 minutes time span.
I really hope it gets canceled as soon as possible, before the Godzilla franchise is diminished.
Please do not make series for ideas that can be wrapped up in a 120 minute movie.
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes (2023)
Painfully boring and unnecessary long!
How can a movie from a great franchise like hunger games be this bad!!
I mean they could just copy paste the previous ones and make a better movie than this trash.
1- acting was so bad, i felt nauseous watching them. The worst was zegler and the rest would follow her on the list
2- hunger games used to be fought in visually pleasing environments, this one was in a dark theatre?? I mean how lazy they were that couldn't come up with a better location.
3- lighting was so bad, i thought i was watching Batman2022, i had to put the brightness on max just to see their shadows moving around
4- characters development sucked big time, didn't feel a thing for anyone of them
5- too slow, too dull , too directionless, too pointless
I could name at least 10 more negative points but i feel this movie doesn't deserve more of my time.
Do not watch it if you respect yourself.
Rumble Through the Dark (2023)
A beautiful cliche!
I knew this movies wasn't going to be some memorable movie from the get go, however, the more i watched the more i enjoyed only because of Eckhart's acting.
The plot is simple! There's no explanation of how aaron has turned out this way. No complexity.
The daughter role is bland, how they meet is so bad written. Nothing special here! Only Aaron's acting! How he walks, talks, sheds tear.. i could feel his mental and physical pain. The way he stumbled, the weakness in his muscles. Never looked at him this way, as a good actor.
A great forgettable movie! This is how i would review this movie without spoilers.
The Witcher (2019)
This is not the Witcher!
I really don't know what to call this series anymore! It's like the writers purposefully trying to write the witcher character out of their script!
I only gave 6 because i love henry cavil as the main character and for the games i played as a kid.
But the series su*cks! I want to watch the witcher not yenifer or whatever the .ell is her name! Or the stupid teenager white haired doll! The games were about killing monsters, making potions, scary locations... this one is about empowering female teenagers?? Wasn't the witcher enough to carry the series?
I am not watching this anymore, 2 episodes of the 3rd series and i was done!
House of the Dragon (2022)
Mediocre, nothing special
My whole review is based on the comparison between GOT and the prequel, as this series is not a standalone production, whatever we see is compared in our heads automatically.
GOT had a great plot, too many angles and complexity, it had the power struggle, the crazy rulers , mysterious white-walkers, the wall and people beyond it... the progressive development in each character's behaviours and roles was just spectacular.
Unfortunately this one lacks all the above, it's just a simple story telling of a boring tale. No complexity, no depth of character, no villain, no supernatural enemy, nothing to keep the audience waiting for the next episode.
I play game on my phone when i watch it, because it's not engaging enough to keep me entertained.
It's almost the end of first season and nothing special has happened yet. Maybe the original text which the series is based on doesn't really have anything special to offer, I haven't read it so I can't judge, but what i have watched, isn't worthy enough to carry the title.
Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)
I'm fully satisfied!
I'm writing this just after watching this beautiful movie, a rare gem! Not because it's an oscar winner or anything! But because it's enjoyable and keeps you watching till the end. I have been struggling watching movies or series without going through my phone, but this one, I completely forgot i even had a phone!
I loved every minutes of it. A simple story, just said beautifully! It's like when two people say the same joke but only one of them is funny. Idris alba was a great choice to play the role. Similar stories were told many times , but this one caught my eyes! Wish they made a trilogy of this franchise.
Resurrection (2022)
Nonsense
It starts very well, promising, specially for the fact that i had seen the trailer and thought this would be a great psycho thriller. However, the ending was so disappointing! No specific ending was offered to the audience. An open ending , not one of those open endings that are thrilling and mysterious but a boring one that turns the movie into a waste of audiences time.
I really don't understand how someone had invested money in this. Complete garbage.
Moon Knight (2022)
Fun! It proved an important point
I like it as it's about another culture and new face heroes that are not connected to America or Europe. What caught my eyes was the point that since this series is about Egyptian gods, the actors and actresses should also be Egyptian or at least look like them, which they do!
If it was up to the recent inclusive Hollywood policies , the male actor should have been blonde and the girl Japanese! But that would be wrong! See how it's pleasant when things are in their own places! Please do the same with other series and movies! We don't want a black king Arthur or middle eastern Thor! It's just stupid that way!
All cultures are beautiful and their myths and heroes shouldn't be turned around to please the inclusive culture. Just let them be in their own place !
The Batman (2022)
Why ruin Batman?? Why??
It's very hard to write a review for this crap masterpiece , don't even know where to start, I just watched like 1 hour of it and switched it off!!
The most annoying point was Pattinson! A batman weighing around 70 Kg , how ridiculous is that? Batman is not superman with super human abilities, it's a man wearing a suit with gadgets , how can someone that thin even move wearing the suit and fight multiple opponents ?
His pale face with the eye make up made It worse.
Then the scenes , all dark and gloomy to the point where i had to brighten the screen to be able to see who's who! Then comes The story that was too boring! So Boring that I was checking my Instagram most of the time. I can't write about the ending as I couldn't endure the torture of watching it to the end. Batman is finished unless they change the actor and the rest of issues.
Outlander (2014)
Was once the most favourite
It was one of the greatest series before they move to America and season 5. Then it's all down hill! The story line becomes so slow and eventless.
No interesting main plot and not even good subplots.
No major battle scenes anymore, no action, no romance, no intense moments!
Every episode is summarised in Claire and Jamie having sexy 2-3 times , each scene taking 2-3 minutes, then some pillow talk then some routine events.
All those things that made this series great are now gone! There's nothing left to explore! In the past seasons we saw the witch hunts, Jacobites, English Scottish conflicts, all the historical events of those eras , but in the US all we see are some fields and cows , farming... not much going on!
They could at least take them to the frontiers of wild west to show make it a bit more thrilling. Anyways I think this series is dead now.
Scream (2022)
How in the ... this crap got 6.8?
Thought the age of these movies was over! The funny version (scary movie) was more fun than this!
Brain dead zombie victims moving around getting sliced like cheese cakes.
I'm writing this while still watching this cringy crap. Sheriff calls for help and they get there when? It's a small city! No traffic! A hospital totally empty? No doctors no nurses no other patients... it's getting stupider each minute i keep watching it. A police that can't even shoot straight. The boy laying on the ground not helping the police guy... then he goes back to shoot him in the head? I'm throwing up in my mouth watching this. Wish the producers go bankrupt not to make such films anymore.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Excruciatingly long and boring
Omg the movie dragged ,dragged and dragged i just had to skip forward to get to the end as quick as possible. Lame teenage movie , not funny no interesting action scene, slow like a turtle shot in its foot, i guess it's more suitable for 6-7 year olds.
I really don't understand the high rating.
There's kind of a temple in the mountain and no one knows about it. A mummy ?
A know it all kid? He can figure out all the puzzles and gadgets and all the unnatural stuff.
A pointless relationship between The older brother and the cop's daughter. Another nerd there (podcast) just to help fill the 2 hour of boringness.
Funny thing is that in movies like this the adults are stupid and dumb but a bunch of kids save the day ... don't watch this pile of c..p!
Shingeki no Kyojin (2013)
It could be a lot better!
I loved the whole idea of titans and such, the first episodes of first season were great! All the horror and brutality.
But then the anime routines kicked in, characters talking to themselves for 2-3 minutes, talking to each other for 3-4 minutes talking about pointless stuff...
Then comes the most irritating of all! Characters shouting at each other to say a sentence that doesn't even require shouting! Cryings and shouting and pointless laughs. I really don't understand all the shouting! Like literally the guy wakes up and talks about normal stuff and the other character just says things in an angry manner and voice whereas there was no reason for him to be angry. Unreal unnecessary ridiculous Face expressions.
Episodes drag and drag and drag without anything special happening...
Reminds me of that old footballers anime, the guy spent two episodes in the air just to shoot the ball.
All in all if this was done by Americans i think they could deliver much much better series. A great plot was wasted just like that.
SEAL Team: Head On (2021)
Stereotyping nationalities and miss info
Based on Typical Western news channels , all nations that don't follow The US are considered to be bad , and killing their nationals is ok and in order to dehumanising them, they add a scene where a girl is being abused to make killing them without trial ok.
I don't day these nations are great, but it's none of US business to go and interfere.
Ok now they add a couple of Iranians to make it even better to kill them off.weak warfare! Assassinating people on their own soil, this is called terrorism, and seeing such stuff in series is normalising such immoral acts.
At least bother and google Iranian male names on the internet or even easier ask Parisa Fakhry (Ray Perry's wife) your Iranian actress of the series! Zaid is an Arabic name that you never hear in Iran!
Dune (2021)
Mehh...
It was an unnecessary remake in my humble opinion, not even a good one! Visually it surpassed the predecessor but that's just it!
Now let's just focus on this one objectively
1- this is happening way into the future and people are fighting with swords?? This is ridiculous.
2- their shields are just stupid, they just protect them from slash hits? Wouldn't they be better off with chainmail? Same level of protection!
3- again all the technology and they don't have any kind of monitoring equipment in the rooms, corridors and hallways?
4-again useless shields , this time the spaceship shields , what's their point if they can't even protect them from bombs?
5- all the technology and the still suites uses sweat to replenish the water loss? Can't it just make water from o2 and H in the air ?
6- they need still suits to walk in the desert yet they wear no glasses? If it's that hot, then eyes , the most vulnerable part of their head, don't need protection?
7- all the technology, and the swords are made of alloy and worm's teeth? No laser Saber??
8- inside of thopters look less advanced than black hawks made in 1972
9- the Chinese doctor easily disrupted the whole base , single handedly??
10- all the technology and the king uses his ring as stamp?
11- very long , boring dreams
12- insensitive face of this kid the duke's son is irritating
13- is he supposed to be warrior ? Yet his body and muscle are like he's never even lifted a sword! The guy us just too skinny for roles like this! A warrior and someone who trains a lot , should pack some muscle
All in all, i was bored the whole time and didn't really enjoyed it. And there are many more holes in this movie.
Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (2021)
Helps you fall asleep
It was so boring! So boring that i played 3 rounds of COD battle royale in between! Checked my Instagram constantly and posted some stories, yet i still knew what would happen at the end.
Unnecessary addition to the franchise. Not even fun as an action movie, all action scenes were B rated! Stupid and bland.
Heroes fighting guns with swords , giant stupid cgi snakes , fires coming out of ground..
I yawned so much my jaws ache!
Gave it 1 star just because I couldn't give a 0.
Castlevania (2017)
Expected more!
The first episodes start slow yet i like the Dracula character so i kept watching, then came the one year wait for revenge, where he summons demons(in last seasons demons are summoned in a jiffy but Dracula had to wait for 1 year? )
I really expected him to personally carry out the revenge , at least he should have killed the bishop himself.
Then came the second season and Dracula is killed , from there i just fast forwarded each episode because there was nothing good left. Boring dialogues between characters. Repetitive fight scenes where sypha and belmont kill all types of creatures with no difficulties, it was like the time i played pc games with cheat mode on! There's no fun in it!!! Belmont even kill death with a small dagger , how stupid is that?? Sypha is just ridiculous! She throws fire and ice and flies around better than vampires! Vampire are supposed to be stronger than humans, but here they are chopped like butter , they are not fast! And they die easily.
I just had to watch it as I wanted to see what was going to happen. But it sucked big time after season 2, don't get why people voted it 8 and above.
Pretty much forgettable.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Been waiting for such movie for decades
It was as good as it could be! Since i first watched starship troopers i have been waiting for a movie that could replace it and this was it! I enjoyed every second of it.
The plot is old and been used for decades! Aliens invasion! And i had watched them all! But most weren't entertaining and thrilling enough, lame endings, stupid aliens , invisible aliens and so on.. but this one mixes time travel with Prometheus and starship troopers and brings it to another level. Although there are stupid parts in the story but it doesn't drop the ball.
I'm gonna watch it again and again as i did with starship troopers.
The Brave (2017)
don't believe what they show you!
i was enjoying the series till i got to episode 9! it's full of stupid mistakes which could be avoided by a simple google search!or even watching a couple of YouTube clips
1-capital of Iran is Tehran what they show is Isfahan! 2- the airport they show is like an airport in an underdeveloped country 3- Khomeini's's portrait hasn't been used since his death 28 years ago! since then you can only see khamenei's portrait ! 4- no one asks about your religion in the airport! you either have a visa or not ,no one asks questions specially religious ones 5- American citizens are not allowed to travel alone,they should be accompanied by a tour leader. 6- most names are Arabic, scripts are Arabic and the Farsi spoken is mostly incorrect. 7- how often do you see your army in the street? never? the same goes for revolutionary guards! only police is responsible to uphold the law 8- the revolutionary guard's logo is incorrect. 9- we don't have crescent and star signs in Iran! you can only find this in Pakistan and Arab countries 10- hotel is written هتل in Farsi not هوتل (face palm) 11- most women wear abaya! dear retard director that's again an Arabic type of hijab!!!! the hijab in Iran is very loose they wear a scarf and wear lots of make up! this tight version can only be found in gulf countries 12- the room service guy is wearing Arabic traditional dress 13- Iran has never done suicide attacks! shiias never do it! the list can go on for 30 points at least! i don't know why producers and director don't spend some time to do research before making an episode ,it's either done intentionally which is a pathetic attempt to defame Iranians or not which is an insult to Persians and they should apologize for making this crappy inaccurate image .what you tried to show is actually Saudi Arabia but it's US ally and untouchable!
The Walking Dead (2010)
really?? negan gone this easy?
so we have been watching negan and how powerful he is and all him being the smart one and beating rick, but all of a sudden he lost in 10 min? what happened ? i mean he had a big army with all the weapons but rick killed them all at their front door? with shooting some rounds through the glasses ? we don't even see them returning fire! the group that went out were killed only by one explosion ??? no fight nothing??!! is the director too cheap not to make a good fight scene after all the build up of negan's power in 2 seasons ? or them so lazy because they know whatever crap they make people will still watch so they don't bother! not even a single person from rick side is shot in the fight, you don't see anyone from negan's team fighting, you don't see any of them being killed, nothing! even after the zombies come there's no human for them to kill! the communication center only had 2 guards???? it's time to stop watching this cheesy series!
The Mist (2017)
what did i just watch??
i cant stress enough how painful watching this series is! i mean the movie was kind of a low budget B rated type ,it didn't get much attention, then someone decides to make a series regardless of this problem. the movie's special effects were so bad but the series managed to top that after 10 years!!! the mist looks like a cheap filter out of Instagram ! it was so cheap and low quality that i couldn't even get past the third episode! i forwarded the whole 3 episodes and watched them in 15 min! still it felt like 3 hours! cant imagine how someone can make such a pile of crap! i can make a better one with my iphone camera! please do not waste your time on this ,watching a 20 year old documentary about lions's mating season is much more fun!
Ouija: Origin of Evil (2016)
Horror? More like sleeping pill!
Once again i watched a movie based on IMDb ratings and once again i'm totally disappointed! How many movies are you going to make based on the same story lines? We all know that home is considered safe so 99% of horror movies happen in the house! But it's become so stale for at least a decade now! It's time to make the scale bigger! One should feel unsafe at work,in the car, a mall! Directors should go big! Like a neighborhood being haunted ! Or a city ! Even a country! So the audience feel the chill! Because now everyone feels it only happened to one family one house, one city... but when it's an epidemic it gives it a more sense of helplessness! Make the horror movies something bigger than a family's problem! Moreover, when it's the kids that are affected, it's not really scary it's more of a kids movie not for adults! There was no story development, no character build! Even the demon himself is not described well!! Movie explains all of it in 10-13 minutes and then some stupid supposedly horror scenes (which At that point i was yawning) and done! Movie ended !
Tyrant (2014)
This series is pro-ISIS!
I don't exactly know why!?! But in the new season of this series which used to be good, they are portraying ISIS( caliphate) as somehow a moderate group of rebels! Since when women are allowed to go out without full hijab (abaya and burqa) !?!? There are Shariia patrol all the time to catch and punish the slightest of deviation! A guy wearing jeans and sun glasses was reading newspaper in caliphate territory in a cafe!?! The leader (which would be al-baghdadi) is a very gentle man that has a very romantic relationship with his wife! (And only one wife!! Since when?? ) He plays with kids like some good daddy!! A woman says she even liked her jihadi forced husband! How gentle he was!! Really!?? Why don't you ask yazidi women about their experience!!! There's no showing of killing people by them! And somehow the government is the only villain!! I guess the board of writers and directors are recruiting agents of ISIS! I strongly condemn this series! Complete disappointment! you are disrespecting all of those who have been killed,raped, tortured and displaced by this series