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Reviews
Vampires Suck (2010)
Could have been potential cult classic like, "Scary Movie"
Really captures the aesthetic, production design and acting of the Twilight and New Moon, but unfortunately is let down by some really lame jokes. Perhaps, a few more smarter jokes poking fun at the tropes of twilight instead of stuffed rabid squirrels and silly slapstick humour.
It's not necessarily a good movie, but it's dumb fun and I could see it being more well-received in the near future, now that Twilight mania has settled down.
After (2019)
Shameless 50 Shades and She's All That rip off
It's that bad. Cliché after cliché. Nothing interesting happens.
If you've seen either of these movies, you've seen this before.
Countdown (2019)
The Worst Horror Film of 2019.
A shameless rip off of Final Destination + The Ring without any of the suspense or filmmaking that made those movies good.
Cheap jumps, laughable character motivations, bad writing and a shoe-horned message for the #MeToo era.
If you want a GOOD 2019 horror movie watch Midsommar (more arthouse) or IT: Chapter 2 (more mainstream), DO NOT WATCH COUNTDOWN. This movie will ironically make you wish the app was real. Cause it makes you want to die.
Bloody Murder (2000)
Earnest well-intended Friday the 13th/Scream homage. That's about it.
Bloody Murder (originally Scream Bloody Murder) is an early 2000's slasher film in similar vein to Scream, Urban Legend and I Know What You did Last Summer nixed with classic 80's tropes for good measure. The comic relief character was good. The rest of the actors were bad to forgettable. I wish the cinematography was better. Most of it takes place during the over-exposed day. It felt very point and shoot.
The script was fine. Serviceable but could have been elevated with better directing and cinematography. It's a shame!
The Cat in the Hat (2003)
A Misunderstood Surrealist Gem
It's a meme. It's so good. It's a silly sketchy comedy movie. I mean, this movie unironically has Smash Mouth in it. And Paris Hilton. And Miss Qwan.
Ouija House (2018)
A horror movie for people who dispise horror movies.
The Plancette points to NO!
Ouija House! It's low budget, stilted and cheap. Made for under $1,000,000, it somehow manages to look on par with a cheap HD porno at times using lazy flat framing, no colour-grading or depth and a sincere lack of character development. There's 0 suspense, laughable teelgraphed "jumpscares", and it all comes actors as hilarious instead of horrifying. Despite B-List stars like Dee Wallace (who is utterly wasted in her 3 scenes), Tara Reid (wasted, in two ways) and Misha Barton who disappears for 35% of the film despite being a supporting lead. They all ham up their performances for a pay check. The only actor who I thought did a serviceable job was the Black Best Friend. The script actually had mythology with its backstory that ultimately became muddled and messy, just like Ouija House.
The Final Wish (2018)
A Mediocre Horror Movie With Few Good Elements
For an indie director working on a small budget, the film is well-shot cinematography wise, using neon colours mixed with teal and orange, creating an inhertently bigger budgeted cinematic tone and experience. However, the characters and their development along with the actual scares in the movie tend to fall flat. The scares are flat and predictable, but that I blame to scare execution. The movie takes 40 minutes to get going, making it feel like a chore, but afterwards the pacing picks up and the movie begins a breakneck pace, providing a few fun twists along the way. I think the lead girl who is dating the Sheriff is a beyond poor actress. Overall, the script, directing and acting are uneven, but show promise and potential. The scares are cheap predictable jumps you've seen before with a few creepy, cinematic and serviceably acted scenes.