"Midsommar" move over, your short stay as just about the worst movie I've ever seen in my 63 years has come to an end - and we have a new winner, "Lamb"! I fear I now must swear off Scandinavian "horror" films, perhaps for good (yes, I know Iceland isn't technically in what is considered Scandinavia, but you get my drift...). Apart from that, words pretty much fail me on this one. At your own risk, is all I can say. You've been warned ..
Reviews
5 Reviews
The Chase
(1966)
Painful - just ....excruciating - but should be seen!
26 June 2018
You must see this just to see how such talented people, from the A-list all-star cast, both veterans and newcomers, a solid director and reputable writers can turn out such a mind-bogglingly God-awful mess. it just defies description so I won't bother with the plot, but if you're curious to see one of those things that sounds great and on paper and then ends, at which you point say to anyone watching "What the hell was THAT? Was it me, or ....?" No, it wasn't just me. Wowee!
Cynthia
(1947)
Repellent, reactionary, rubbish
6 April 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Frothy? I guess in as much as horse manure fresh from the blender could be deemed to be so – but I should think 'leaden' would better describe this truly horrible offering from MGM in 1947. The only thing 'light' about it was the flimsy, two dimensional portrayal by George Murphy of Cynthia's father, a cardboard cut out of a character who seemed to be in danger of accidentally being trodden underfoot throughout the movie. The rest of the cast including Mary Astor, S.Z. Sakall and a very young Elizabeth Taylor gamely attempt to breathe life into this decidedly un-leavened and moribund piece of movie-making, but a script of almost mind boggling awfulness resists any effort to bring it to life. Perhaps it was simply a product of the early cold war period? Conformity and settling for second best are celebrated and the only message seems to be that it's OK to be average and ordinary and to sacrifice the dreams of youth as long as you're married, own your own home and hold down a job you hate.
Perhaps the most stomach churning scene occurs near the film's conclusion when Cynthia's mentor the Viennese music professor played by S.Z. Sakall tells her parents that in essence they are wrong to have hankered to leave their hometown and that everything here in Napoleon (including the coffee, mind you) is better than it was in his native city. I don't know which god-forsaken outer suburb of Vienna he'd been living in – but if he really believes this Midwestern hell hole in any way rivals one of the world's richest cultural capitals, I'd say he should have stayed in Vienna and presented himself to Sigmund Freud for emergency analysis.
As for poor Cynthia - she shows promise at the story's beginning – she reads and enjoys Shakespeare, she sings, she has spirit. She doesn't appear to fully embrace the 'school spirit' that renders her schoolmates into unpleasant, robotic, unquestioning and school-song- singing yahoos. But that's gradually all crushed out of her and she seems to fully embrace the same inertia at the movie's conclusion that stultifies her parents. "I'm going Steady!" She crows triumphantly at the film's conclusion. Yeah Cindy, honey. And I'm going straight to the bathroom to throw up.
Perhaps the most stomach churning scene occurs near the film's conclusion when Cynthia's mentor the Viennese music professor played by S.Z. Sakall tells her parents that in essence they are wrong to have hankered to leave their hometown and that everything here in Napoleon (including the coffee, mind you) is better than it was in his native city. I don't know which god-forsaken outer suburb of Vienna he'd been living in – but if he really believes this Midwestern hell hole in any way rivals one of the world's richest cultural capitals, I'd say he should have stayed in Vienna and presented himself to Sigmund Freud for emergency analysis.
As for poor Cynthia - she shows promise at the story's beginning – she reads and enjoys Shakespeare, she sings, she has spirit. She doesn't appear to fully embrace the 'school spirit' that renders her schoolmates into unpleasant, robotic, unquestioning and school-song- singing yahoos. But that's gradually all crushed out of her and she seems to fully embrace the same inertia at the movie's conclusion that stultifies her parents. "I'm going Steady!" She crows triumphantly at the film's conclusion. Yeah Cindy, honey. And I'm going straight to the bathroom to throw up.
American Beauty
(1999)
Crap
14 April 2008
Smug, pretentious, overblown garbage, in the guise of 'sticking it to' bourgeois American values. This is a film that purports to satirize middle-American, superficial lifestyles and values. And it's perfectly calibrated for those very people it means to target to see it, then leave their shopping mall multiplex and marvel "Ooohh, wasn't that smart and edgy and stylishly unusual? What a bold film, ooohhh." You wanna' see a movie that REALLY does that, AND has the courage of its convictions? It's called "Happiness." Even "Ordinary People" did it better -- just straight, without all the "look at me, look at my cleverness!" flourishes and self-indulgences (director and screenwriter both).
Dynasty
(1981–1989)
Probably my favorite show, I have 'em all on tape
31 August 2004
A few thoughts to add on this classic series: I was hooked from the very first episode, when Blake was driving his limo across the estate and Fallon raced him on her horse and got thrown. She got dirty and wet, so she put on Blake's sport coat when he stopped to help her. Then she got back on the horse and rode it to the stable, presumably WEARING NOTHING BUT THE COAT!!! Daddy's girl indeed, clearly this was like nothing that had ever aired before! The elaborate, preposterous plot twists, like Adam's using poison paint on Jeff's wall, were all part of the fun. The Moldavian massacre was brilliant -- practically Shakesperean as the camera pulled back to show a heap of bodies, worthy of Hamlet or MacBeth. There were however some major miscalculations, such as Emma Samms' replacing the brilliantly snippy Pamela Sue Martin. The less said about her the better. Than there was the plot twist (Steven's disappearance) that had Fallon become buddies with Krystal. "OH Krystal!" she wailed as they embraced. This was a really, really bad turn. The tension between those two had been one of the few things that made Krystal even moderately interesting. And it made Fallon seem dull once she teamed up with Krystal. Yecchh. Then there was Blake's evolution from a heavy into a wooden, semi-decent dullard. This, as I understand, was at John Forsythe's behest, as he didn't want to play such a heavy. MISTAKE! Bringing in new characters wasn't always so awful, I don't think. Adam became one of the show's most fun, interesting villains. Often, the show's silliest bits were its best: Paul Burke, as Cong. McVane, dressed in full drag (with wig and gown) so that he'd be mistaken for Alexis if anyone spied him tossing tennis pro Mark off the balcony -- how can you not love that? And perhaps my favorite all time moment, which I still show at parties: Claudia (poor dear..) cornered on the roof with Fallon's baby (or so we thought). When she lurches away, the baby , in a long shot, flies out of the bunting , through the air, and the camera changes angle to just below the edge of the roof, looking UP, and you see the 'baby' , in SLO MO, yet, sailing through the air, down towards the camera! WOW!!!! (No dead baby jokes here, it turned out to be a doll. Claudia really was whacked at the time...) Sigh. I miss it all , even with the tapes. The latter years weren't worth much, but those first five seasons or so were unmatched. I disagree wholeheartedly that it was only good for a year or 2 before going down the tubes.
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