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2000AD , Starlord and Tornado devotee.
Love the good old days 1970/80's where all the best television came from Space 1999, UFO, Blakes 7 and all the best movies...ahhh those were the golden days of innovative moviemaking.
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Reviews
Omerta 6/12 (2021)
Complete Nonsense
I usually like most of what comes out of the Norsk/Swede/Finsk movie scene but this was a complete disappointment, almost like it was made in the 1980's for viewers with a limited threshold for entertainment as it seems most of the reviews over a 5 are all one review shills once again
This movie has really bad acting from the main female lead; where do they dig these so called actors from? Presumably following the Hollywood tickbox agenda once again methinks; even the recent Black Crab movie beats this one and it was a bit of a stinker too, even though the fantastic Noomi Rapace headlined it but at least she can act, so it was not a total loss but this one will just waste an hour and a half of your time it was so bland and formulaic with some truly dreadfully bad fight scenes.
Add to this some really boring action scenes and a completely unfathomable ending just makes this movie a complete waste of time!
The Changeling (1980)
Still a good ghost movie after all these years
I am a big fan of 70's horror and this is one I must admit I have never seen, so settled down last night with great anticipation and I was not disappointed.
It may very well disappoint the usual crash, bang, wallop CGI generetion as can be seen in some of the 2k reviews on here but judging it on its artistic merits and effectiveness as a ghost story, it does evoke a very spooky atmosphere perfectly and keeps the viewer interested, which so many recent ghost story movies fail abjectly to attain.
Great acting from the cast along with some simple but effective special effects goes to prove you do not need masses of CGI to evoke a good ghost story.
Well above average with a good 7 hatchets out 10 on this old masterpiece!
Memory (2022)
Actually not as bad as the usual 1 star reviews make out
Well after reading some of the bad reviews I had thought this was going to be another re-tread of Liam's last 5 disasters but this one is actually a fair bit better than most of his latest z-list efforts.
Good cast throughout, basic story, although Liam does look a bit past his best in this movie although he does have alzheimers in the movie; so perhaps it was just the makeup and it rattles along at a decent pace with some interesting moments to raise it above the usual average 5 stars so I am giving this one a fair above average 6 stars out of 10 this time round but as a big Liam fan he really does need to select better scripts otherwise he may well go down the Bruce Willis / Nicolas Cage / Ron Perlman route of great actors appearing in sub standard tosh!
The Aviary (2022)
Complete Waste Of Digital Film
Two clueless women go for walkabout in the desert with no water, no supplies and no common sense.
Nothing happens of any interest, zero scares, zero thrills, zero plot, woeful script written on the back of a pack of Marlboros!!!
The End!
Last Seen Alive (2022)
Basic but effective thriller
Ok so this is obviously a total ripoff of the superlative film The Vanishing (1993) with Kiefer Sutherland and Sandra Bullock which is one of my all time favourite thrillers so this is obviously never going to compete.
The story is very basic and I was hoping for a true to life ending but no they had to go and give us the usual Hollywood ending instead of brutal reality.
The film is mainly carried on the shoulders of Gerard Butler and the excellent Russell Hornsby as without them it would have just fallen into the category of a Lifetime Wet Sunday afternoon movie. Even so it is as basic as a plot can get but with good acting and some decent direction it lifts it above your usual mundane thriller so gets an above average 6/10.
Shut In (2022)
Low budget and rather tedious
Ok so how do you make an entire film out of a woman stuck in a cupboard and the answer is with difficulty.
Although the acting is decent, the story is a bit contrived and not that interesting with few real standout moments it gets a very average 5/10 this time round!
Chaos Walking (2021)
Quite enjoyable agro-scifi flick
I have seen all the negative reviews on this one but I think it is a bit unfair as the special effects were quite good as was the acting and basic storyline.
It is a simple storyline and does feel a tad basic but I have not seen the idea of thoughts being visual and aural in a movie before which is an ingenious and novel touch so overall it is an above average and always fair 6/10 from me this time!
Eternals (2021)
Atrocious wooden acting of the bottom of the barrel standard
Richard Madden has to be the worst actor I have seen this year and as a fellow Scot perhaps I should be more patriotic but I just cannot as he is quite literally cringeworthy to watch and he is certainly no Gerard Butler in the persona stakes either, stir in the usual annoying multi-w0ke ingredients+1, add another crash, bang, monsters wallop nil storyline, throw in Angelina Jolie for some poster cred and what do we have?
Another big dog doo to add to the every growing pile of bore that is the modern Hollywood movie these days! Is this really the standard that the younger generation are willing to accept? Mindless nonsense film after Marvel film, it is beyond me to be quite frank!
Ku bei (2021)
Hardcore Splatter-gore - Not For The Squeamish
Wow, the first 30 minutes of this film are a pure masterclass in high stakes zombie/crazies style gore with one of the most realistic falls from a tall building/splat to the pavement scenes I have ever seen, closely followed by a "Meet Joe Black" car vs body scissor-gore moment but the standout scene is the subway train melee with more blood and gore than I think I have ever seen in a film.
Unfortunately the film loses its way as soon as the two protagonists reach the hospital and from there on in it descends into a miasma of chop, slash and random blood spatter, mixed with some truly gruesome and to many people, highly offensive rape scenes, which spoiled what was an excellent start to a new zombie-crazies style pandemic end of world scenario which I am a big fan of.
Undoubtedly the Asians are now the master of the Zombie end of days genre, with the West losing its way with TWD and just about any other new zombie-pandemic rubbish they come out with and this film, even though it lost its direction half way through, still beats most of the Hollywood nonsense into a cocked hat, so I am giving this one a very fair above average 6 hatchets out of 10 on this one!
Pahanhautoja (2022)
Weird, odd, bizarre but ultimately boring
I love the Nordiv movie scene and this was looking good from the start with some good puppet animatronics and acting replete with the usual oddball Nordic liberal family values which is often found in Finnish and Swedish dramas but it all went nowhere in the end and soon became tedious and repetitive.
Yes some of it was disgusting, yes there were some deaths but not really much horror and crucially, it was not really very scary and soon became a bit of a body horror bore. Not really much of a horror movie but perhaps this is the Finnish version of horror and maybe they find it very frightening but it seems to me it was just made for shock value and by someone who has some arty pretentions but the premise of the Cuckoo in the nest plotline really fell pretty flat, pretty quickly and in the end lost a star for every 10 of the last dreary, turgid 50 minutes!
Clean (2021)
Cleanest I've Been
I like Adrian, he is a top quality actor and pulls this off rather well but unfortunately it is a bit of a clone of just about every other assassin turned good guy movie.
A lot of reviewers have complained about the build up but i do like slow builds but it could do with 20 mins chopped off the first hour and 20 mins of extra action added to the final 40 mins which roars with no compromise sledgehammer and wrench head splitting retribution!
Unfortunately they once again chose to go down the woke route with the white saviour complex which I would imagine must annoy black folks quite a lot as it is extremely patronising because lets be honest it never happens and just fulfils the now tedious box picking remit even though it is a fictional movie!
Great performance from Brodie, good music, well crafted dark and gloom laden Detroit style atmosphere, sprinkled liberally with lethal and brutal action and a great performance as always from Mykelti Williamson who proves there are top quality black actors in Hollywood that do not need a reference from Denzel Washington.
Overall not a bad little movie and an above average 6/10 from me on this one!
Breath (2022)
Breath a sigh of relief when it is over
I do not usually pay attention to the 1 and 2 star reviews on IMDB as they are usually from people who rate a movie either a 1 or a 10 if they like or dislike but in this case they are spot on.
You can usually tell how bad a movie is going to be from the first 5-15 mins and within that time we have shaky camerawork that looks like it has been filmed on a Go-pro or I-phone; perhaps it was and the editing is atrocious as if it was being made by a film student, then again perhaps it was?
Then we have the directors obsession with long quadcopter shots of lava rocks for no apparent reason other than to play with his new DJI.
Add to this an utterly banal and unbelievable story with some shockingly bad scenes such as the girl swimming up through the cave when it is obvious it is filmed in front of a fish tank, it just looks so bad, cheap and nasty. Nothing happens in the movie and the dialogue is so atrocious I started to want to fast forward, which is something I rarely ever do.
The only reason I am giving this a 2 is for the music which was ok and James Cosmo who was obviously dropped into this snore-fest for movie poster cred but if you want to watch something more interesting I would suggest popping down to B&Q and spending your Netflix on a tin of Dulux and doing some DIY and watch it dry!
Blacklight (2022)
Treadmill Thriller
Whilst I never vote with the 1 and 2 star reviews unless it really is the worst movie you have ever seen which a 1 star should really mean, I must admit this is a poor attempt at a movie and Liam does seem to be going down the Bruce Willis route to pay the bills! Quite sad as he is still a good actor unlike Bruce, so the question is , why does he waste his time on sub standard tosharoonis like this?
To be fair, some of the action is not bad for the budget but it is few and far between and I think they should use a stuntman for the running sequence as Liam looked puffed out after a hundred yards so perhaps past his prime now. The acting is reasonable for the budget and the pacing is ok but the story is just so generically bland as well as the usual annoying woke element stirred in to the pot and what about that ending? It was all over in 5 minutes as though they ran out of money.
Budget of 43 million wow I wonder where that went and only 19 million recovered , that says it all i think!
Was going to give it 5 stars but the ending killed it for me!
Black Site (2022)
Low reviews a bit unfair
A 1 star review means it is the worst movie you have ever seen and there are plenty of those to choose from but not this, so i wish reviewers would learn to review properly on here its almost as bad as the 10 star shills.
The main female character is a bit miscast to be fair but most of the action and acting is about on par with the budget.
It is not as bad as people are making out, if you like your action movies and don't mind the budget it should suffice for an average nights viewing; yes it is not going to be London Has Fallen or another blockbuster but nor does it pretend to be and should be reviewed as such.
It is not mind blowing or with massive amounts of CGI but has some decent kills and fight scenes; i particularly liked the death by oven door scene and Jason Clarke does pull off a rather menacing and deadly bad guy. It is just a shame they cast Michelle Monaghan, although she does look good for a 50 year old, she just cannot do the hard nut female lead, we needed a Ripley or Vasquez to really lift this action thriller above the mediocre!
Escape the Field (2022)
Escape From Silly Town
Started off really well with a lot of interesting ideas and thought it was going to rival and beat the recent Stephen King Corn movie adaption but it seems the writer just copied the Stephen King movie and lost his way.
I do like Theo Rossi but some really hammy acting from Shane West with his pseudo-hard man stare and the terrible acting from Jordan Clair Robbins had me wincing at the end and it is the usually woke casting letting it down too which did not help!
The whole thing unravelled so quickly as did the tension and horror that the ending did not resolve anything and you are left with more queStions than answers - silly silly silly!
Problem as with most low budgeters these days is they start off well then just go straight down the toilet and this is one of them and what was it with the mid credits end scene? It is as if it now has become a staple just to stick one in but in this case just for the sake of it.
Sorry folks but this one is a Turkey and it is not even Christmas yet!
Troppo (2022)
Utter Masterclass In Acting
I was just perusing the thriller section when I came across this unheard of and non advertised thriller series and I am so glad I took the chance.
Thomas Jane is one of my favourite actors and he never seems to put a foot wrong, he is one of those actors who can just walk into a room and command attention like the old actors of yesteryear like Yul Brynner or Charles Bronsons used to and he does not disappoint in this even though I did not recognise him at first with his grey beard and gruff appearance.
Thomas Jane even produced this and it shows as it is just superb from beginning to the head spinning ending but the standout is the utterly incredible performance from Nicole Chamoun who could face Ripley and certainly beat Vasquez in the tough female hombre category as she just sizzles on screen and her emotional performance is second to none! In fact I cannot fault any actor in this as each one has been perfectly cast and rarely does this all come together in one ensemble piece!
Set in good old Aussie-land it has the mystical atmosphere that only Aussie can evoke which all adds to the drama and with some really decent writing, camerawork and set pieces it all comes together perfectly with the final episode not being a let down for once but going out with a bang and a crack on the jaw for the viewer which will leave you reeling in excitement!
The story itself is not in the Saw or Se7en category as it is a basic murder mystery whodunnit but if this is your bag then it will be right up your street as I did not see the denouement coming which is a welcome change these days amongst all the Bruce Willis tosh and Marvel CGI nonsense-fest out there so if you are willing to give this a chance I am sure you will not be disappointed.
I would advise that you do not box set binge this one as you may overdose on entertainment!
Fear the Walking Dead: Follow Me (2022)
Going the same way as TWD
Dreadful, dull writing with horrible pretentions at being deep and meaningful.
Silly science on nuclear contamination!
Killing off another potentially strong character?
Dear me, I was hoping the series had taken a new, interesting turn but no, gone the way of TWD - go woke, go broke with endless character studies and meaningless conversations about contemplating thy navel!
Svart krabba (2022)
Ok action movie but needs a proper framework to build upon
Somewhat nebulous plot and continuity which spoils an otherwise decent Swedish action flick.
Decent CGI with the usual top performance from Noomi but if you are watching the English dubbed version you will find a lot of the dialogue hard to hear or maybe I just need an ear trumpet?
Decent evening's watch if you are an action fan and need something to watch but it will not set your sense alight!
Sadly even the inclusion of the always on form Noomi cannot save this from an average 5 stars out of 10.
Reroute (2022)
Violent and extreme but tedious watch
This film started off well, like a lot of road kill movies do but soon degenerated into extreme misogyny and violence with some really poor acting and tedious overly long scenes.
Ok so it is a horror movie and we should be expecting violence and horror but the story itself could have been made in a 30 min short as it is just too long for its own good and soon becomes repetitive and perhaps it is the culture of the Philippines but it comes across as overly misogynistic and brutal for the sake of it and quite unpleasant which I am reliably informed by my Filipino female friends is actually quite an accurate portrayal of women's lives in the Philippines.
If you are female I would especially avoid watching this as it is neither entertaining or interesting and could put you off a holiday there for life.
La abuela (2021)
Another retread
This is just another clone of Skeleton Key (2005) with nothing new to add to the pot with cover art which promises so much more than the film actually delivers.
It does have a well crafted and sinister atmosphere but needed more explanation and fleshed out because, as it stands, it is pretty boring for the most part.
They could have explained that perhaps the grandmothers were a coven of witches and they were killing parents over the centuries and abducting their children to bring up and use as vessels for their witchcraft but none of this was explained which is a shame as the whole movie is hollow without any further character development, plot etc
In the end it really has nothing new to add to the genre.
Lacklustre below average 4 hatchets on the horror scale for me on this one!
Bull Shark (2022)
Bull Sh**
From acting of the xylemic variety, suboptimal sfx (not even Asylum level of film making) to the rickety camerawork, woeful script and shark aka a cardboard fin on a lollipop stick; much like the one the schoolkids used in Jaws II - perhaps the director was adding it as a homage to the original? Hmmm perhaps not, as his shark science was also totally inaccurate so I doubt he even watched Richard Dreyfuss in the original and that for me is unforgiveable as so much of the movie was a total carbon copy of Jaws right down to the rifle and bomb at the end; who knows but maybe it was a parody? Sadly the wobbly cardboard shark fin was not even meritorious of a giggle, just base derision with a soupçon of utter incredulity.
This one is a real cinematic stinkeroo, the kind of film you start to peruse the advancing timeline every few minutes and praying for it to move more rapidly - Never a good sign in my book!
The girl in the blue swimsuit with the terrible fake blood dribbling from her mouth at the beginning did have a nice gluteus maximus it has to be said but sadly even that is not enough to merit an extra star.
Just another shark dud movie to join the many others in Davy Jones' locker.
Jolt (2021)
Another downhill ride...Except For Kate's New Plastic Surgery!
Starts off rather well but as with most movies these days it runs out of ideas before the third half is over and becomes another action-thriller clone with an ending we all saw coming a mile off at the screening.
I must say though, Kate Beckinsale's recent plastic surgery has taken about 10 years off her as does the blonde hair, unusual as most end up with the Beast Of Wildenstein look but no so Kate, it has actually made her look like a clone of Charlize Theron and was quite hard to stop watching, certainly more interesting than the movie itself sadly.
Bit of an average action thriller with a smidgin' of comedy thrown in for good measure but alas, as with most of Kate's endeavours since Underworld they have all sunk without trace.
The incredibly annoying music in this almost merits removal of another star but being fair as I always am I will give this a very average 5 stars out of 10.
Extraction (2020)
Top Shelf Action
Easily meets the Jason Bourne level of fight choreograph - some of it is stunning.
Nice story and copious amount of action, blood and guts replete with some extremely good camerawork.
If its action you are after then look no further - top drawer entertainment!
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Ghostbusters : Lite Edition
Well this one was a bit of fun, very enjoyable but sadly it lacks creativity as they merely ported all the original ghosts from the original movie and did not create anything new and moved the location away from the city to save money on effects and used kids to save on actors pay so it does come across as a somewhat cheap-out version of the original.
Having said that, it is a family film and is a bit of fun and a fair few giggles were had by all but nothing much else to differentiate it from all the myriad other copies, clones, retreads, remakes of true original classics, so it gets an honest and above average 6/10 - Almost gets an extra star for the Sigourney Weaver easter egg at the end!
Pulled to Hell (2019)
Nasty business all round!
Quite a nasty little one this, with elements of Hostel combined with a completely nonsensical story and acting of the worst variety but to be fair some of the makeup effects and gore were quite disturbing; sometimes in a comical way.
What I want to know is how did they persuade "briefcase" ie Will from the In-betweeners and the Danny Trejo clone to appear in this? And the Pamela Anderson clone's acting was stupendous...In a bad way!
Blimey 'eck i have no idea how Toochukwu T. C. Anyachonkeya ever got a job in acting as ... well he cant act at all - Should maybe change his name to Jim and go back to male modelling; what is it with these so called models who think they can act...they can't.
Then we have the ludicrous music and sound whereupon I was having to turn the volume up and down every 10 mins to compensate for the crazy sound mixing, quite apart from the fact that the sound mixing is so bad you cannot make out what the dreadful actors are saying half the time, it was not a good night for my volume finger.
This is quite an example of how not to make ANY kind of movie with bad shaky camerawork, woefully inadequate script, dreadful sound mixing, bottom of the barrel actors who should be ashamed of themselves.
The gore and perversion of it all may appeal to some of the gore-hounds out there especially if you like cannabalism and torture porn mixed with a soupçon of Hostel gristle but for me it was just too much to handle and my volume finger has a blister on it so that almost loses another star. Combine that all with the old low budget horror gizmo of filming in the dark so you can barely makeout what it going on to disguise the poor effects and there you have it - a big crap in a bucket of a horror movie!
2 very small hatchets on the horror scale for me this time!