mpv2010 Reviews

The Girl with All the Gifts (2016)

Not bad....for a Zombie film.

[6/10 · 9 August 2017]

If like me you're completely bored with Zombie and Super-Hero films....Bravo! Nevertheless, I stumbled across The Girl with All the Gifts thinking it was a supernatural piece as I'd never heard of the film.

With a budget of just £4m, it's a decent picture. The acting is first rate and the sets are very believable. The Product Placement advertising is a little obvious and the whining music jarred my ear from time to time, but this is still worth watching. Some scenes are refreshingly new and intriguing ...Glenn (Fatal Attraction) Close is in it, so too the rising star Gemma Arterton.

My main gripe was the final scene, I simply found it ridi..... well, see for yourself! Not too gory and not over long at 90mins.

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet: Quo Vadis, Pet (1986) Season 2, Episode 13

The End?

[10/10 · 31 August 2014]

Quo Vadis, brought the curtain down on the second series of 'Pet' and it was fitting the makers left a tribute and dedication to the recently departed Gary Holton aka: Wayne/London by his friend and colleague Tim Healy (Dennis).

I'm not going to chronologically regurgitate was happens in this episode because I'm sure at least 90% of you reading this will already know and the other 10% will enjoy finding out for yourselves. That being said the episode's three remaining threads: Ally's getaway, Barry's impending nuptials & Vicky's domestic abuse are all nicely trimmed. There's even a nice twist to Oz's new found wealth......but that's really a sideline.

All in all the series was a triumph, Brits abroad, in the sun, making a bit of cash and loving it. Watch out for the beautiful Vicky's workout costume and Barry's complete cop-out over whom of the lads should be his Best Man....enjoy it.

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Go on, have a good laugh watching this.

[1/10 · 13 April 2012]

This is MCA Universal Home Video's official film account for JAWS 4: The Revenge:

Once again the peace of Amity and the lives of the Brody family are shattered by a bloodthirsty shark in this suspense-packed sequel to the original classic chiller. Lorraine Gary reprises her role as the now widowed Ellen Brody who finds herself reliving the horrors of the past when a mammoth shark kills her son. Grief-stricken, she travels to the Bahamas to be with her other son, a marine biologist (Lance Guest), and his family. There she meets and falls for a carefree airplane pilot (Michael Caine). But just as she is putting her life back together, the nightmare of the past returns when her granddaughter is attacked by an all-too-familiar Great White. Determined to end the terror once and for all, Ellen sets out for a showdown to the death. The action and tension build rapidly to a shattering climax in this, the most incredible Jaws adventure of them all. And this time, it's personal!

NO IT'S NOT, IT'S RIDICULOUS!

This film is a must see for all the wrong reasons. It's one of those films that's so bad it's actually brilliant. Don't confuse it with such abysmal films like Independence Day, Armageddon or the truly obscene 2012, these pictures are just big-budget garbage that trivialises the subtext. No, what I'm talking about is a film that's has noticeably lost its way during filming. Whether it's down to costs, script changes, actor hitches or good old fashioned executive interference, a film that's so fragmented the bloody thing should've been abandoned.

A good comparison I suppose is David Fincher's Alien 3; it's believed that three endings were filmed (I've even read many more scenes were filmed post-production) coupled with endless script changes, actors walking away due to other commitments and many production fines meant that filming became a nightmare.

In Jaws IV something similar has clearly happened; what you see is a plot of such ludicrous incredulity that you cannot believe your eyes. Ignore MCA Universal Home Video's official film account because in one sentence the story goes something like this: The great white stalks Chief Brody's widow to the Caribbean for a final showdown. Thereby inferring that sharks have scruples, can reason, have the ability to track humans on-land and can hold a grudge; I mean, I knew they were intelligent but c'mon?!!

Okay, let's start with the main protagonist THE SHARK: it's still a cheap prosthetic and in some clips the unobservant amongst you can see the vehicle driving the contraption; the observant should just be laughing and shaking your head. I don't think this 'glaring error' is meant to be included in the final cut, but whatever the reason for its inclusion, the Director didn't feel the need to 'fuzz-it' out. Perhaps he was contemplating suicide at this point! (Later edits have masked the mechanics, so try and get hold of an old VHS/DVD of the original release and laugh out loud)

ELLEN BRODY (played by Lorraine Gary): As wooden as a work-mate and as 'hammy' as Derek Jacobi in everything he's ever done! This was Gary's final acting role; I wonder, was she pushed or did she jump?

HOAGIE NEWCOMBE (played by Michael Caine): I just don't know what to say; he dances in one scene, brilliantly awful (oxymoron for you) as ever!

I'm going to sign-off now, but listen-out for Mario Van Peebles' (Jake) dreadful West Indian accent!

The film doubled its money, so who am I to judge?

Box Office (Source: IMDb) Budget: $23,000,000 (estimated) Opening Weekend: $7,154,890 (USA) (19 July 1987) Gross: $51,881,013 (Worldwide)

Other rubbish, but unintentionally funny films are: Shocker, Judge Dredd, Speed, Highlander, Backdraft, Rambo: First Blood Pt 2, War of the Worlds (2005), Total Recall, Contact, The Abyss, Dracula (1992), The Time Machine (1960)...the 2002 version was 'rubbish' only, The Black Hole...oh my Lord they're endless.

Capricorn One (1977)

Brilliant concept but a bit of a mess.

[5/10 · 2 March 2012]

I really believe this film had tremendous potential, but sadly, like so many big blockbusters the script just wasn't there. I first saw Capricorn One about fifteen years ago and I remember enjoying the film, but having watched it again today (2nd March 2012) I was a little disappointed, to be honest.

The first 30 minutes are fascinating and gripping, as financial constraints compel the US government to fake the first manned Mars mission. As the huge cover-up develops the crew are swiftly removed from the rocket and whisked-off to an abandoned military base to learn their fate.

That's all I'm going to say about the plot, as I honestly think the film is unquestionably worth a look.

Gripes: 1. the word 'jump' in the film is completely unnecessary and crude; for those of you who were born post 1980 it means to have a 'quick-s**g'. Elliot Gould and Karen Black are the two protagonists and they're hardly pleasing on the eye. 2. The very unrealistic car scenes when Caulfield (Gould) finds his brakes have been tampered with. The speed he's travelling the car would've rolled over and off the road several times before the scene eventually climaxes (you'll see what I mean when you watch it). 3. A bi-plane seeing-off two modern armed helicopters – only in the movies. 4. Sam Waterson's awful attempts to lighten the mood. 5. O. J. Simpson is in it, although he doesn't say much!

There's many more but I'll leave it there.

Positives: 1. The concept of the conspiracy – truly engaging. 2. James Brolin, in my opinion a very under-rated actor and he should've become a household name to all, not just a few. 3. Hal Holbrook (Deep throat – All The President's Men) as always, delightfully sinister. 4. Telly Savalas' brilliant 10 minute cameo stole the show if you ask me, some great lines here. 5. David Huddleston playing Congressman Peaker, excellent and amusing.

Rumours of a big-budget remake of Capricorn One have been circulating for well over a decade; the scope is certainly there, but as yet a decent screenplay has failed to emerge. Thanks for reading.

Seven Wonders of the Industrial World (2003)

Engaging, informative and groundbreaking

[9/10 · 10 February 2012]

This is the very moving story of the people behind some of the most groundbreaking constructions of the industrial world.

The music: Trailblazing by Steven Jablonsky it's on YouTube.

If you're interested in industrial history and curious to how some of the early structures were ever built, then this is for you.

The seven are: Brunel's Great Eastern Ship The Panama Canal The Hoover Dam The Brooklyn Bridge The Bell Rock Lighthouse London Sewer System The Trans-Continental Railway Each of the seven is played out as a sort of docu-drama. The acting is first rate and the attention to detail is faultless. The narration is by Robert Lindsay (GBH, My Family and Citizen Smith) and his timbre is spot-on.

Of the seven episodes (all of which are great) the one I enjoyed most was the London Sewer System and Joseph Bazalgette's solution. The shear pigheadedness of the Water Board is astonishing; but here the episode played a great debt of homage to Dr Jon Snow. The physician who identified that the terrifying cholera outbreaks were being spread by the water and not miasma (toxic air) as what the government officials' had been spouting.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

A defecation on the originals!

[1/10 · 31 October 2011]

I really wanted this film to be as good as the originals, yet somehow I knew deep-down it would be a massive disappointment.

Pinpointing exactly what went wrong is difficult to describe. Was it due to the fact that Indy and his original audience are a little older and wiser? Or was it due to the atrocious screenplay? Either way, what was served-up was simply pitiful.

In one sentence, this is a film that encourages its viewers' to walk out of the cinema after thirty minutes.

A disgrace to its elders that's not only far-fetched, but quite simply absurd.

Anybody with a modicum of sanity should find something healthier to do; like the shopping or walking the dog.

Miranda (2009–2015)

A shocker!

[2/10 · 22 October 2011]

One for the ladies.

If you're a bloke AVOID AVOID AVOID!

Neither clever or original! Poorly acted, with the cast appearing to amuse themselves a lot of the time.

Question: Guess where it's set? Answer: In a joke shop! This is the level of comedic writing in this sit-com.

I haven't give this 1 out of 10 because that honour goes to MY FAMILY!

The ugly duckling and the smitten debonair bloke is simply wearing very thin! Remember the very unrealistic ending of The Vicar of Dibley? People who find Miranda funny are easily pleased, the BBC has lost the plot with its comedy output.

The Middle (2009–2018)

One Heck of a show; definitely not your average comedy.

[6/10 · 2 September 2011]

The best thing about this new series is that it doesn't take itself at all seriously. There are no hidden agendas and there's very little sentimentality; which is quite refreshing to see in an American sit-com as all too often the viewer is comforted with the nicer side of life! Patricia Heaton (Frankie Heck) may be reprising the role of an unappreciated wife, but this time she's different, she's let off the leash and has real bite. She also narrates the show which is a kinda cool. Frankie's husband is Mike Heck (Neil Flynn) a Quarry Manager that's a little too laid-back for Frankie liking, but the pair gel very well and they do seem to still love each other after having three kids. The eldest is Axl, a typical teenager who wants to be a rock star or playboy to the stars. Of course he's completely deluded and isn't exactly a grade-A student, but what he does have going for him is his sporting prowess. He appears to be in all the sports teams. He's also very loyal to his family, but it's very subtle; you have to watch to see what I mean. Sue Heck is the nearest thing to Meg Griffin in real TV. Continually in a state neurotic insecurity and anonymity; Sue repeatedly fails to make any impact regarding after school activities – she literally tries-out for everything! Yet, she struggles on with incredible tenacity, a quality that's quite inspiring to see. Unlike Meg, Sue is pretty, slim and glasses free; but at 14, she still wears braces. Everyone (including her tutors) can never seem to remember her name or face, this only exacerbates her self-consciousness and anxiety. Look out for how delighted she is to make the school cross-country team (albeit contrived). The final component of the Heck family is Brick, a 9 year old loner with a reading fixation. Brick doesn't suffer fools lightly, he's very selective about to whom he speaks and he comes across as an evil genius in the making. Brick is very forgetful and shows little interest in anything other than his books. Nevertheless he's an interesting character and not cutesy which is always good! For me though Sue (Eden Sher) is the real gem in this new sit-com; she's very amusing, stupid and naive, yet her never say die attitude is heart-warming and a delight to see. I hope The Middle goes for a few more seasons, just to see how Sue gets on!