furnacefuneral Reviews

Alien Moon (2019 Video)

For what it is, it's good viewing.

[8/10 · 18 January 2024]

So lotsve people in here are obviously getting super-upset that everything they were taught about the moon in elementary school is being challenged by this documentary, with legitimate questions about specific anomalies and abnormalities in, around, and on our moon. I think it's adorable how offended people here are getting about this topic. Yes there is a lot of speculation revolving around (pun intended. Get it? Revolving around? Heh heh) myths of certain cultures, gods, aliens, etc. But imo that adds to the mystique of the moon to me. I've got a degree in anthropology from the University of Washington and am genuinely obsessed with mythology of different culture, so this never bugged me about the documentary. The film itself had a great pace, great production, cinematography, cgi, and a very chill ambient soundtrack. The narrator is very monotone but whatever. I really enjoyed this film.

Man vs Bigfoot (2021)

Stumbled upon it channel surfing tonight

[9/10 · 25 April 2023]

Not sure why this has a 3.8 average here on IMDb considering a majority of these user reviews vary from 6 to 10 but whatever. Anyways. Born and raised in the pacific Northwest i'll admit I'm a little bias when it comes to anything bigfoot related. I'm not a squatcher nor do I howl and smack trees with baseball bats when when I go camping (which is very often, every season, spring, summer, fall, and winter) but I do believe in sasquatch. But when it comes to good movies I'm definstely not biased. If something is bad, I'll turn it off, theres nothing I hate more than wasting my time. So I flipped to this movie from the beginning, and it seemed decent so I kept watching, and 2 hours later it's over. Watched it all the way though which for me is VERY rare for me when it comes to these movies made on a 30 dollar budget. I was quite pleased. The story was good, the script was good, the acting was surprisingly good, the pace and editing were good, and the score/music were AMAZING Very dark, creepy, atmospheric. And it got me interested in the qua blah blah blah (cant remember how to spell it) national forest in Arkansas where this movie takes place. Seems like a really spooky national forest. I actually loved this movie and would probably put it in the top 3 of the bigfoot genre films.

Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva (2023)

Mind blowingly creepy

[10/10 · 13 April 2023]

I didnt know this was even a "found footage" (fictional) movie. I legit thought it was an actual documentary. I wasn't familiar with the first movie, I was just scrolling through the tubi app and thought I'd watch this. The ENTIRE film had me 100 percent convinced I was watching something real. I havent been this scared in about 10 years since the original found footage movies paranormal activity and Blair witch project prior to that. Paranormal activity mastered the jump scares and Blair witch mastered the creepy factor. Before streaming, you actually had to go to theaters and experience things you cant see or hear on your tv...and experience it with an actual theater full of people! Despite watching this during a sunny day off here in seattle albeit with the blinds shut, this movie just scared me so bad. And I'm a 38 year old combat veteran who grew up in the 90s watching some of the goriest and scariest movies ever made so it takes a lot to actually have a movie get under my skin like this did.

John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)

Hands down the best action movie franchise ever.

[10/10 · 23 March 2023]

Indiana jones, terminator, predator, Jurassic park, the matrix, Jason bourne, etc. All amazing franchises but all share a common trait of having a bad or forgettable movie or 2 at some point. This is why john wick is the best action action movie franchise of all time; The movies just keep getting better and better. In john wick 4, when the action starts in Osaka Japan, it never let's up despite it's almost 3 hour running time. What I really enjoyed the most about JW4 is the cast of characters. Great villains and allies really keep this movie interesting as john trots the globe for 3 hours. The sound engineering, editing, direction, cinematography are excellent as always. The color schemes throughout this franchise (more john wick 2, 3 and especially 4) are such a treat for the eyeballs. Best action franchise EVER. And the shotgun fight in Paris with the "dragons breath" is the best action sequence I've probably ever seen in my life.

All Quiet on the Western Front (2022)

Finally a movie I'm glad is 2+ hours

[9/10 · 19 November 2022]

After 15 years of 2+ hour marvel-movie brain cell killers I leave the theater feeling like a vegetated dolt. Finally a movie I'm glad I spent over two hours watching. I felt like I learned something. Despite the brutality of world war 1, I felt a hopefulness and new understanding of how amazing it is to be alive today in the modern world. Saving private Ryan is my favorite movie of all time, at about 13 years of age when it came out, it instilled a sense of patriotism and nationalism in me which won us world war 2, and in return made me want to join the army like my grandpa and great grandpa did. And this movie is up there, but instead when get a tale from a germans perspective. It's not bad to feel a sense of empathy for the germans of world war 1. For some reason its taboo to feel sadness for germans because of the events of ww2, but ww1 is crucial to understanding why ww2 happened in the first place. I feel a ton of people are ignorant to history. And we need to understand world history as to not repeat the same mistakes. The visuals in this film are striking, the sound/score is visceral, the direction is amazing, never a moment that doesn't feel forced just to make a movie longer or bloated, the acting was great.

Copshop (2021)

Very much enjoyed

[8/10 · 4 November 2022]

I'm going to make a statement a little outside the box on this as well as other movies that just allow me to escape for a few hours. Theres movies and shows that I still manage to waste my time on playing around with my phone and the movies become background noise for instance Beast, also streaming on peacock with copshop, another action movie. Beast I was straight bored to death, stopped it and switched to copshop. A movie like this where I'm tuned in and actually present instead of playing on my phone. Sure its not perfect and the writing gets silly at some moments. But the value of it being what it is, and how it does it for 2 hours, and the fact I didnt look at my phone once because I was enjoying it. Makes it a very good movie for me.

Beast (I) (2022)

If you want a terrifying lion movie go watch ghost in the darkness

[1/10 · 4 November 2022]

This movie was sooooo bad. I'll give this a 2 instead of a 1 because the cgi was good and I like the actor that plays uncle Martin. The guy from elysium and district 9. This movie was god awful though I had to stop watching it after 45 minutes. It was so bad I actually stopped watching it AFTER the action started because of the movie-killing stereotypical kuncklehead decision making by characters. I knew in my heart when the girl ran out of the car, it was going to be an infuriating waste of time. Annoying child actors who indeed cant act. The sound editing is garbage, the music was so distracting and annoying, Idris Elba seemed disinterested. Just a lot of tacky and bad writing. Please people dont waste your time.

Missing Link (2019)

Amazing stop motion animation

[9/10 · 3 November 2022]

A sasquatch without a name and a desperate philanthropist help eachother reach their seperate objectives. Sasquatch wants to move from the pacific northwest to Shangri-la in the himalayas to meet the yetis basically is the story. This movie is so well done. This is my favorite stop animation since boxtrolls. This movie moves with a brisk pace from start to finish. The voice acting is terrific, the details are great. It's a very light hearted movie with a lot of great moments. I would watch this again with my toddler or a 38 year old homie, its plenty for everybody especially if you're into stop action animation, bigfoot, or the mythology of shangri la. Definately a 9 outta 10 for me I loved it.

Ghoul (2018)

Not a Bollywood fan, never even heard of this before watching it. An honest review.

[10/10 · 20 October 2022]

Not a Bollywood fan, never even heard of this before watching it. So this is a 200% unbiased review.

I would honestly give this miniseries a 7/10 or a C+. It was good, but not something I would consider watching again. It's not something I would bring up with small talk at the bar with my friends like I have with other netflix originals we can chit chat about for like 5 minutes. BUT I DID LIKE THIS A LOT.

Anyways. Sure its political, but I didnt take it as a huge undertone that was more important than it being more horror and suspense. The politics are just part of the story, the show itself is horror, not political. I'm not sure why people are review bombing this for being something that it's not imo.

I enjoyed the series, I enjoyed the story, I enjoyed its creature fx, I liked the set pieces. The dampness, the mold, the blood on the cell floor, the music, the lighting, the editing. Everything had me pretty much on binge mode of what amounts to a 2 hour movie.

P.s; you can totally skip episode 1, save yourself 40 minutes, and still understand what's going on.

The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022– )

So far it's a 5.

[5/10 · 3 September 2022]

First of all theres a lotve good things to like about it. Pretty cool set pieces, nice cinematography, good green screen CGI, gets right to the point about sauron being out there somewhere doing his nefarious goings on. BUT...

theres a lotve things not to love. Like; questionable script, boring character arcs, very questionable acting. In my opinion a total fail so far in casting. The thing lord of the rings movies did so perfectly was the impeccable cast. I literally cared about everyone in the movies. Theres literally not one character I even care about in Rings of Power. And theres really not a lot revolving around any rings at all the ENTIRE TITLE OF THE SHOW theres nothing happening!!! Its sadly just a lot of elf drama. The elves aren't even cool, they all look like 16 year old nerds.

To sum it up, this just feels like fanboy nonsense written by a roomful of dorky teenagers. I'm hoping the show gets way better, but not counting on it.

Uncharted (2022)

Nathan drake was poorly miscast and mark Wahlberg sucked.

[1/10 · 10 August 2022]

And antonio banderas was just a fart in the wind. I cant believe he wasted his time on this. The movie was less than mildly entertaining, and way too mundane for an uncharted adaptation. Set pieces were tiny and cramped, unlike the games where the scenery was absolutely tremendous open worlds of jungles, deserts, and the snowy peaks of Tibet...this movie spent way over half it's time in either some-city U. S. A. Or the damp sewers under Barcelona. This ircked me super hard this movie wasted so much time with boring sets and cinematography. Bad music, bad action choreography, bad acting, bad writing. A very cheap movie. Overall just a REALLY bad experience as an uncharted/nathan drake fan.

The Guest (I) (2014)

if you appreciate the niche genre you'll love this

[9/10 · 29 July 2022]

I love hidden gem thriller B-movies like Cellular with jason statham and kim basinger, Vacancy with kate beckinsale, Paparazzi with Cole hauser, etc. Its a very niche genre and when made correctly these movies are perfect. This movie was made extremely well and I am so glad to have stumbled upon it with my showtime subscription.

The Terminal List (2022– )

Chris pratt redefining his career as a great and serious actor

[9/10 · 17 July 2022]

Yeah we love him in guardians of the galaxy and his comedy, we appreciate how he changed his body which takes dedication. I feel like we can all agree he was pretty bad in the last amazon movie he was in whatever it was called, where he looked bored and uninterested. It was hard to watch. Hes been decent in the Jurassic park universe so far, but nothing special. But THIS, this series is amazing. The scene where he gets his mental health evaluation from the m.d. Who says "no alcohol" near the beginning of episode one, and the next scene hes at the bar.....the look in his eyes just bleeds of sorrow and shock. I've actually never seen an actor do eyes like that before. Chris pratt is absolutely amazing in this series. And it's nice to see Taylor k back on screen again it's been a few years. Really excellent show based off a novel.

Ms. Marvel (2022)

Just being honest; this was a blown opportunity

[3/10 · 30 June 2022]

I liked kamala in the avengers game. I liked ms marvel in the comics. This show completely dropped the ball. As a life long community member of redmond washington which has always had a huge Indian population, I respect the culture and like it. But this show is WAY too woke, and WAY too borning. If disney/marvel would spend more passion in actual story, character building, and writing, rather than an obsession with wokeism....imagine how great everything would be. Instead, they are collapsing under their own ideology rather than rising up with great characters and story. So freaking sad.

The Northman (2022)

Epic AF

[10/10 · 4 May 2022]

DUDE when he barks back at the dog and it pees itself . Skarsgard needs to win or at least be nominated for his work in this movie. I'm not going to ruin anything just watch it and be amazed.

Moon Knight (2022)

Episode one; random, bizarre, awkward, amazing.

[10/10 · 30 March 2022]

This feels like walking into a conversation at a party kinda awkward, but after an hour and a nice buzz you're all of a sudden best friends with your new company. Oscar absolutely slays in this so far. I can't wait to see the beast unleashed like in daredevil and punisher. The best episode of literally anything I have seen in years. Lovin' it.

Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021–2022)

Originality ftw

[10/10 · 28 February 2022]

I cannot get enough of this show. So freaking unique, I had to binge it all after watching the first episode. Once you get through the first 20 minutes, the concept comes together. The plot gets going at episode 2. Just watch for yourself. I personally LOVED this.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

Itchy. TASTY.

[8/10 · 18 February 2022]

I thought this was an amazing resident evil movie. More true to the original game, and pretty much better than all the mila jovovich horse manure movies combined. The score/music was SO resident evil. Reminded me exactly of the games. The vibe of racoon city itself was amazing. Reminded me exactly of aberdeen WA. I loved the cast, the acting was awesome, I loved the 90s throwback with the palm pilot and Nokia cell phone. Some of the zombies themselves like the ones at the RCPD gate and the one in the rcpd jail cell were probably the best re-imagining of zombies I've seen since 28 days later. Never a dull moment. And it was super funny at times. No way in heck this deserves less than a 7. It's the RE movie I've been waiting for.

The Woman in the House (2022)

Absolutely ludicrous and thats the point

[10/10 · 30 January 2022]

I think people are totally misunderstanding this show. This show is so over the top, cheesy, crazy, and made to be so bad it's good. Unlike a lot of movies and shows that are accidentally so bad they're good. I was thoughouly entertained and laughing out loud at some times. This is basically veronica Mars on mushrooms and steroids.

The Last Duel (2021)

Criminally under rated

[9/10 · 30 December 2021]

This is definately Ridley Scott's best work since 2005 kingdom of heaven. Hes had some misses in my opinion like the new alien movies as well as period piece exodus. But this movie well made up for it. I actually LOVED this movie. Didnt have those epic army battles you see in gladiator or kingdom, but had an absolutely epic battle at the end between two rivals that even surpassed the one at the end of gladiator. I didnt cry like I did watching gladiator but that movie sets "thee" standard for period pieces. Loved the 3 chapters of "truth" this film revolved around. Loved all the character development. It's a slow burn but the payoff at the end will make it all worth while.

Licorice Pizza (2021)

A perfect date movie

[8/10 · 27 December 2021]

If you're a single dude I can see this getting less than an 8. I was wanting to see spiderman so I wanted to hate this movie! But my date loved the heck out of it, and I thought it was very well written, humorous, and charming. I didnt LOVE it but it actually exceeded my expectations. I would honestly watch it again to be honest.

Training Day (2001)

Anything less than a 9 is a disservice to movies

[10/10 · 17 December 2021]

Aside from the amazing story and script, the real life lessons of karma is the true stand out. After seeing ethan Hawkes character be psychologically and morally tortured for an hour, seeing ethan Hawke pushing a figurative lawn mower over Denzel at the end is one of the most satisfying moments in movie history.

The Trip (2021)

...you shot my anus

[10/10 · 28 October 2021]

This movie is hilarious. Weird, funny, dramatic, original, and at times REALLY messed up. Norway knows how to make great movies so add this one to the list. Enjoyable throughout.

Black Widow (2021)

Couldnt make it through

[3/10 · 9 October 2021]

Thor 2 was bad, iron man 3 was worse, black panther was a garage fire, but black widow might take the cake as the most bloated, incoherent disney movie of them all. 2 hours of dumb film. Bored to death and had to throw in the white towel after 45 minutes.

Love and Monsters (2020)

An adventure movie with a lot of heart

[9/10 · 6 October 2021]

9 out of 10. Despite the ultra bloated genre of apocalypse and monsters on earth, this movie sets itself way apart from the rest. With excellent writing, invested acting, and spectacular CGI effects, this film sets the standard for adventure fantantasy/scifi movies. I found myself laughing a ton, and as a 37 year old man, I even cried...ONCE. When "boy" comes to save the day I just about jumped up and cheered. I cant wait for a 2nd movie. Not even sure why this sat in my queue for so long i shouldve watched this movie months ago.