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1990: I guerrieri del Bronx (1982)
Falls short on all levels.
For a start, I've seen this movie have about a 100 titles so I'm just gonna call it Bronx Warriors or BW.
BW is another, ohhh that movie did well so let's rip it off. BW is The Warriors meets Escape from New York, just a very poor attempt.
Fred Williamson is the standout in this shambles but even he can't save it. A straight rip off of Isaac Hayes character The Duke from Esacle from New York, so close in fact it's laughable. I'm positive that even some of the dialogue is the same!
The action sequences were obviously filmed in slow motion then the editor forgot the speed them up in post. I've never seen fighting in a movie so slow and bad.
The dubbing is on another level, it makes 70's Kung Fu movies look good.
I was actually surprised at some of the filming locations, some beautiful shots.
What's even more surprising is that they managed to get a sequel out of this tripe.
If you have to, watch it once and once only.
Please Sir! (1971)
A wonderful 70's movie
I've seen this movie many times, actually far too many times and it's always does one thing after all those views and that is leaves a massive smile of my face.
It's just a beautiful, wonderful movie. There's obviously plenty of "it was like that & okay to say that" stuff at the time moments in the movie but if you look past that you'll find a diamond.
John Alderton is wonderful as the innocent bumbling do gooder Mr Hedges and gives a wonderful performance. Derek Guyler as the grumpy janitor steals the show though.
The soundtrack is great, from the opening sequence to Cilla Black's beautiful song closing out the movie you'll be grinning from ear to ear.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
A poor conclusion to the Nolan trilogy
This isn't a good movie. The 9 & 10 ratings are insane.
The first half of the movie is asthmatic three legged tortoise slow, even boring. I love the look of Bane but I still can't believe that they settled on that voice.
The voice, the pace and all the little bugs are what ruin this movie. It's just full of too many bugs.
The fact that not ONE person even mentions that coincidence between Bruce Wayne & Batman just suddenly reappearing after 8 years. The Police being trapped underground for Months and not one officer appearing with long hair, any facial hair or dirty clothes, not one beard !!!
Bruce Wayne's back problem being fixed with a rope, I sure hope that's put into medical practice.
There's so many more things but all this stuff adds up and really kills the flow of the movie.
Also, I really wanna know, even though the pitch blew up, did the touchdown actually count?
Blue Beetle (2023)
Mexican Ant-Man
Ant-Man was a decent Marvel movie. Nothing special, good cast and just a fun enjoyable family romp. Well Blue Beetle tried to copy it exactly and failed miserably.
Imagine going into a toy store and seeing a really nice beautiful Ant-Man figure. Nice points of articulation, lovely packaging, a stunner. You then go home and need to stop off for gas and you'll pull into the station and you see a terrible knock off figure of Ant-Man called "Bug Dude" this is Blue Beetle. It's an absolute travesty that this movie even made it to the big screen.
The script. That must have been written by a six year old is laughable, the CGI was obviously made by a ZX Spectrum Sinclair 128k and those are the best qualities.
Don't watch it. Its awful.
2 Broke Girls (2011)
Started off okay then really fell apart
The first couple of season of this U. S sitcom started off okay. The usual banter and frolics between the two main characters (Max Black & Caroline Channing) was pretty standard and what you'd expect in twenty two minute show. The two actors work great together as down on their luck waitress but that's about it. Unfortunately really predictable story lines and unbelievably terrible dialogue really lets them down. By the fourth and fifth seasons you'll be watching this whilst doing things around the house and by the final season you be watching it whilst out the room. It falls apart quicker than a house of feathers in a hurricane.
Jennifer Coolidge is a great supporting character but even her matieral starts to wear pretty thin by the end.
Watch the first two seasons only, avoid the rest.
Vampire's Kiss (1988)
It's not a 10 but it's certainly not a 1
So, this film falls victim to the terribly flawed ratings system (which I'm to blame too)
Movies nowadays when rated are either given a 1 or a 10. The middle ground seems to have disappeared. I've seen reviews absolutely slaughtering this then on the other hand reviews that praise it like it's the second coming of Christ.
So, for me it's ... just okay.
Cage is brilliant, I can easily see why he rates this as one of his best performances. His character is crazy, eccentric, wacky, sad, lonely and obviously suffering with terrible mental health issues, very much like Patrick Bateman (American Psycho) or Arthur Fleck (The Joker) but that's its. The movie really doesn't go anywhere. He spends 30 mins running around the city moaning " I'm a vampire " in a really weird accent. The supporting cast are non existent really. For me this movie is all the right ingredients but put together terribly.
Cobweb (2023)
It was okay
The tile of my review says it all really, it was okay. It started off very well, nice direction and quite creeepy at some points but the 3rd act is where this movie really fell apart.
Antony Starr is brilliant and really sinister as the father of the household but even he can't save this.
I really think it just tried to be too clever, modern horror movies try to be too twisty turner with a new surprising plot twist around ever corner when it's not necessary. Not everything has to be a simple slasher but a more simplistic formula could have save this.
On that note it certainly doesn't deserve its low scores or mega high one for that fact, it's an okay once watch but really won't get any repeat viewings.
The Poison Rose (2019)
Good cast, very poor movie.
This movie is a perfect example of how not to use a great cast. The story moves at a one legged asthmatic tortoise pace and you'll lose interest pretty quick.
John Travolta deliveries a very uninspiring performance with perhaps one of the worse voiceovers in movie history. Morgan Freeman does the best he can with the terrible dialogue but even he can't save this one. I still can figure out what accent Brendan Fraser was going for.
It's the typical drunk guy that won't give up who knows a guy that were friends from way back and he's now a bad guy and I'm warning you stay away but don't bother going to the cops because I own them movie.
Avoid.
Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
Heart breaking
A gut wrenching and heart breaking story. A truly brilliant depiction that shows a broken marriage and two parents struggling with love, work and parenthood. Hoffman and Streep are both magnificent but for me Justin Henry steals the show.
Arachnophobia (1990)
Creepy
Another classic from my childhood that didn't help my spider fear. This movie gets the balance just right and anyone with a fear will hate/love this. It loses its way towards the end but it still holds up.
Halloween Kills (2021)
Brutally fun
Halloween Kills is a great edition to the franchise. It's silly, over the top, brutal, sadistic but a very fun watch. This and the last movie may play havoc with the timeline but once you get your head round that just sit back and enjoy.
I found it great to see many old faces return to this, just a sucker for nostalgia I guess. Did you spot them all ?
Mortal Kombat (2021)
The best Mortal Kombat movie
This is by far the best version. It's not up against much but this version is very entertaining. It has more than a few nods to the MK fans, plenty of characters, plenty of blood and is just a fun watch.
Purple Rain (1984)
Simply stunning soundtrack
I'm not here to mention the very questionable acting, about 90% of the cast weren't actors so take it or leave but the rest of the movie is gorgeous. Brilliantly shot and stonking soundtrack and it's just full of wonderful 80's nostalgia.
L.A. Confidential (1997)
Wonderful
An exquisite piece of film making. A wonderful cast and brilliant direction makes crime thriller fly by. Lies, murder, corruption run like a river in this movie. Definitely check it out.
Innerspace (1987)
An absolute 80's gem
A simply wonderful family 80's classic. Meg Ryan is stunning. Dennis Quaid has a brilliant Han Solo arrogance to him and Martin Short is wonderfully silly. Definitely watch it.
Y: The Last Man (2021)
Another great comic book adaptation ruined.
This show should be used in film making schools in years to come - how to take brilliant source material and completely ruin it. This is a very poor show. Avoid it.
Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
An 80's gem
Just a wonderful movie. Made when the word Nerd was an insult and not cool.
This movie pretty much has everything and definitely falls into the category of this movie would never be made today.
Last Moment of Clarity (2020)
It was ... just average
I didn't love it but I didn't hate. A perfect example of its okay.
I thought it to long to set it up and not enough time spent on the finale.
Decide for yourself.
Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)
What Rock Hudson said about 2001: A Space Odyssey
I've absolutely no idea what went on. It's Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome meets The Wizard of Oz with other crazy stuff !!
Blood Red Sky (2021)
Not very good
Another movie where the annoying kid ruins everything. A vampire movie with over the top emotions and it just doesn't work. For every good moment in the movie there were 5 bad. Too long, too stupid with too many kids in it.
The New Mutants (2020)
Meh!
Below average. A 90 minute movie that feels like 4 hours. Bad writing, bad direction, unlikeable characters and just a complete and utter waste of time. Avoid.
Fear Street: 1994 (2021)
Quick review
Scream meets a slightly bloody episode of Scooby Doo, with a Guardians of the Galaxy style soundtrack as every scene in a movie now for some reason must have a new song playing.
The Head Hunter (2018)
Quick review
Hardly any dialogue, hardly any characters. Brilliant cinematography. Certainly worth a look.
F9 (2021)
Enough. Red light. Stop
Just utter garbage. To say this movie was written and made by a 12 year old is an insult to a 12 year old. This franchise needs to end now.
Jurassic Park III (2001)
Quick review
Not the best movie. Spent pretty much most of it saying " stop shouting "